Lazy Saturday (Not)

I've made lists of things to get done today and am determined to do so.  After a short week that felt interminably tortuous, I was productive last evening as well.  Worked on organizing my desk; got caught up on managing our finances.  Set up a Christmas budget tracking device; made lists of gifts already purchased and ideas for other things. Made to-do lists as well - which helps me gather my thoughts and focus.

The budget is different this year - usually, I just shop and when the bills arrive, I move money from savings to cover items that are 'Christmas'.  I'm sure you can see the failure in this system - shopping and then covering the expenses vs. planning what to purchase.  So I've reserved an amount in our savings account for Christmas and as the purchases are made, I shift money over to cover the bill and see what's left.  I like this purposeful approach because I am selecting gifts very carefully and thoughtfully vs. just shopping.  The under the tree effect will be much lighter this year but I have something new I'm going to try and we'll see how it goes.  Ultimately, the boys would just prefer money and I don't mind providing that.  With a few carefully selected items to unwrap, a money gift will be their main item this year.

It will be a much lesser amount than years past.  Welcome to '50% of my parents are retired', boys.

Jim is at a church worship leader training for the morning.  I'm working on my lists and will get dressed shortly.  I brought work home that I plan to do here vs. going to the office.  I need to gas up the car, get to the post office, get to the bank and a couple other quick errands.

Last night, a friend Facebook messaged me - I had messaged her some time ago and she never responded.  I felt awkward that she didn't respond - and then noticed a week or so ago that her daughter was no longer in my Facebook friends.  She'd gone 'dark' - removed her profile - or defriended me. I felt bad about that but oh well.

Her daughter was in rehab with H. way back when - and last night, she told me that her daughter relapsed (seriously) and is in a residential program again.  Day 39 sober which is awesome.  She was hanging out with some really bad guys who pulled guns on her parents when they went to look for her. And the worst part is:  she has s two year old daughter who is now being cared for by her dad and the grandparents get to see her every other weekend.

These parents are good people and have done their best to help their daughter make better choices.  She keeps failing at the daily effort required to make those improved choices and I can't imagine how hard it is on her parents.  When they visited us after H. got home from the hospital, the girl said 'if I didn't have A. (her daughter), I would probably be dead'.  And I felt certain that parenthood would be the thing that helped her finally stay sober - but it wasn't.

I was pretty sure when my friend didn't acknowledge my message weeks back that something wasn't right - and that is true.  Her parents are doing everything they can for her - but ultimately, it's all her decision.

These parents are wonderful people and we've always danced a gentle dance with them.  H. is a rehab success story, really - while their daughter has continually struggled to make good choices.  It's always hard to know what to say to support and encourage them - but I try.  It's so hard to know they are going through the rehab process again - and that their daughter is using very serious things that could kill her. Seriously - kill her.  And she can't stop.

One of my errands today is to get a card for the daughter - just a note of 'hang in there' and 'we're thinking of you' for them to take to her next time they visit.  She is the sweetest girl - really, really sweet - and I just hope this time she figures it all out.  She is likely going to lose custody of her daughter but that's a consequence of her actions - and here's hoping that doesn't open up a 'screw it, what the hell' reaction that will lead her back to more bad behaviors.

This makes me so proud of H. - that for the most part, he's stuck with it.  He drinks with his friends and I'm sure he's smoked things now and then that I'd rather he not smoke.  But even with those things, I feel pretty certain that he's nowhere near in the bad place he was 4 years ago.  He seems to have gotten that being stoned all the time isn't any way to live a life.

Though somethings I think 'dude, having cancer should really motivate you to get your shit together'...but then I chastise myself and remind myself that he's young and they feel invincible at that age.

I'm re-watching this week's Scandal and last night, after I'd watched it for the first time, J. walked in to see me with my mouth gaping open and just 'OMG' coming out of my mouth.  Stunning.

And he casually informed me that this years season of Newsroom is it's last and only six episodes. CRAP.  I just hate that it's over so quickly - three quick seasons and then BOOM - done.

Alright - non-lazy Saturday commencing!  I'm off!