Errands

It's 10:30AM and I'm already done with:

Grocery shopping
Starbucks for Gift Cards (and yes, one iced tea)
Jack in the Box for Gift Cards
Bank for cash moo la
Bakery for pie, blueberry coffee cake, cookies and bear claws.

Was up and moving before sunrise and ready to head out the door around 8:30ish or so. All but the bakery stop were done by 9:30. The bakery didn't open until 10 so I came home, J. helped unload and then I headed back to the bakery. Should have sat in the parking lot for a half hour when I got there at 9:30 because upon return, the cars were lined up and down the street. The line into the shop was out the door and looped inside. Kandie's is pretty darn popular during the holidays and today is pie pick up day. Thankfully, I hadn't ordered but couldn't resist a triple berry pie which they had made 'extra' of. Yummy. And I had to get two more bags of the fantastic Christmas cookies. I can't wait for Easter when she'll make ducks and eggs and chicks! She only opens for the holidays and her baked goods are to die for. Seriously delicious!

J. is using his 'method' and my list and wrapping like a maniac upstairs. Trying diligently to be ahead of the game before we leave for church tonight. To avoid the 1-2AM finish of previous years.

I tried to convince H. that this year, some Santa stuff would be under the tree because Santa wanted our help. He said [very seriously] 'I don't know how it's possible to have Santa stuff under the tree when he hasn't been here yet'. I said 'come on, H.'. He said 'how you and Santa work out the gift thing is between the two of you. But for me, he doesn't arrive before Christmas Eve'. 'Nuf said, I guess. He's 14 and stubborn and still wanting that magic - and I'm 47 1/2 and know exactly how he feels. So no Santa gifts under the tree until Santa's arrival sometime after we return from church, and watch the Santa Clause and have cocoa by the fire. 'Tis the tradition.

Last night, I watched Santa Clause2 on Disney and it was great. The boys weren't interested in watching it with me (party poopers) - they chose instead to watch a 'holiday version' of South Park. Eee gads. What Christmas fare is THAT? So J. watched the SC2 with me until even he'd had enough and headed upstairs for laundry folding. The best part is: I bought Santa Clause 3 at Costco and now can't wait to watch it. Silly? Yes. But cute Christmas movies are my favorite part of the year....and now there's THREE. Thankfully, we won't have to add watching all 3 of them to our traditions, or we'd have to start our Christmas Eve festivities at noon!

Heading into the kitchen to tidy up and plan lunch and dinner today. We headed to In and Out for dinner last night - all of us in the mood for a good hamburger and fries. Tonight, we'll fix something here although at the moment, I have no idea what that will be. Maybe cream of potato soup with cheese, bacon, croutons, etc.

Have a wonderful Christmas Eve!

Culling

The garage has yielded treasures. Funny how the same things you've seen time and time again somehow become treasured this time around. Including a beautiful silver box from J.'s folks. I polished it and it's just beautiful. I'm using it in the bedroom to hold 'trinkets'. There are so many other silver pieces - serving trays, tea pots, etc. I'm looking for the silver polish you can just dip things into - vs. rubbing and rubbing, ending up with black hands, an assortment of black towels and streaks on my clothes and face from the tarnish.

I've also found 20 year old tax returns (now shredded), several bins of Beanies (they just never completely go away, though it seems like I've been giving them away FOREVER - will be making a donation trip to Shepherd's Gate in Livermore on Wednesday to deliver the beanies, along with a bunch of Bionicles that H. has finally agreed to part with), lots of housewares that I had decided I didn't need but ended up bringing in the house, running them through the dishwasher and they are now safely stored in the baking cupboard under the oven. We've emptied many boxes, bins, etc. There is concrete floor showing now, which has been rare in recent months/years. Progress.

H. has this 'thing'. He doesn't want to part with things. Even though he doesn't play with them anymore - and in some cases, like the Bionicles that are still unopened, he's never played with them - but he hasn't wanted to give them up. I tossed a Chuck E. Cheese bowl full of marbles and he teared up at the thought. Said 'you gave away a part of my childhood'. Yikes, that hurt. He's hard to figure out lately - he's at the age of wanting to be completely left to his own devices yet still gets upset that I'm parting with toys he hasn't played with for years. He shaves, for crying out loud. There's still a huge box of Pokemon cards in the garage that he will not let me give away or toss. He says he wants to sell them - but I point out they're not exactly 'in' anymore and it's unlikely he'll find anyone who wants to buy them. Still, he won't let them go. So on a shelf, they sit. Beckoning to be parted with. Guess I'll have to wait until he goes to college and finally moves into his own home someday and then I'll try to get him to take them with him after a Sunday dinner.

J. made a trip to the library and one of our local thrift shops on Friday. Still more trips to make but we are making progress. All the 'garage sale' items are quickly leaving - and I'm posting the 'like new' gas dryer on Freecycle.org and letting someone have it. Could try to sell it but want it out of the garage ASAP and giving it away will ensure that will happen quickly.

Starting tomorrow (in between last minute shopping, wrapping, grocery shopping, cooking, etc) on closets.

Had a wonderful breakfast with N. on Friday - great fun and nice to see her. Realized I haven't seen her since her wedding - and she cut off TWELVE INCHES of her long hair. Donated it to the folks who make wigs for kids going through chemotherapy. It was great catching up with her and sharing a great meal. We both tried to order oatmeal - for about 30 seconds - and then we ended up eating a full on huge breakfast. It was my lunch AND dinner, so I didn't feel too bad - and it was really good!

Hard to believe that tomorrow is Christmas Eve. The days fly by. It does feel great to be writing this on a late Sunday evening and realizing I still have TWO FULL WEEKS off. Though they will go by quickly and some days are already 'committed' with lunches, a bit of time at work and too many house projects to list. Including culling out the pantry, which is the next big project after the garage is looking better.

Merry Christmas, everyone. Remember: Jesus is the Reason for the Season. We bought a pumpkin pie for Christmas dinner dessert, though I was kind of tempted to bake Jesus a birthday cake. Maybe we'll make a cake later in the week for His continued celebration.

Ahhh

Vacation is here! Eighteen glorious days stretched before me. Not a care in the world...

Oh, that's not true. I will need to work at least a day or two during the break..partly because there are a bunch of things I'm late or behind on. And partly because I promised I would spend some of the break working on getting some organizational things shored up - files, binders, etc. So now I'm trying to decide if I will go in tomorrow and/or Friday and 'get it over with' or if I will enjoy a few days off and go back in mid-week next week for a day or two. I honestly can't decide - though I do know that I need to sleep in for a few days to get caught up on sleep. And since I've made lunch plans tomorrow, tomorrow is out. So it is likely I will go in mid to late next week and get everything done so I can then be off through the 6th.

We have no set plans. The boys want to go snowboarding again. We'd like to get into the city for one day. We plan to attend Christmas eve services and have a quiet Christmas at home. Other than that, we have no commitments, no plans.

We are starting to work on the garage tomorrow. I am determined and am biting the bullet and not 'saving' things for the garage sale we never have. J. is also home starting tomorrow and we have a lot of wrapping to do.

H. just arrived home having fallen on his skateboard and landing on his face. He had no helmet on - which is another issue entirely, since he knows he HAS TO wear a helmet - so I am thankful he did not hit his head. Judging by the cuts and bruises on his face and the fatness of his top lip, he is lucky his head was spared the trauma or we'd be on our way to the ER about now, praying it was just a concussion. He is 'fine' though swollen and angst filled. The fact he is lucky and didn't break anything - his nose or a wrist or arm - doesn't enter his mind. His only concern is 'when will my face be back to normal'? His appearance is the most important thing. The ladies, you know....

The two boys are in the middle of 'finals week' and stress abounds. But they arrive home daily and hit the books and both assure us the grades will reflect their diligence. I hope they are right. H. has been restricted since forever, it seems - and we hope to lighten up a bit if the next report card shows improvement.

May blog more, may blog less over the break. Hard to say. Have so many 'things to do' that I want to accomplish - and on the other hand, have many posts swirling around in my head...so we'll see.

I am heading upstairs shortly for a wonderful night's sleep, and a great 'sleeping in' tomorrow. Hopefully, J. will agree to be up at 7 to ensure the boys leave the house 'on time'. He probably will - he's great about that! (hint, hint).

Dan

Dan Fogelberg died this morning at ~6AM EST. I hadn't heard a thing - if news doesn't make the top three teasers on Yahoo, I won't hear about it. And sadly, I did not know he had died until J. returned from the slopes and said 'I'm sure you heard about Dan Fogelberg'.

It's probably a good thing I did not know because I would have spent the entire day immersed in his music, mourning. To say I am a fan is putting it mildly. I have never missed an opportunity to see him in concert, including going multiple times within months of each other in my college days. I also had the distinct pleasure of front row seats for a solo acoustic show at the intimate Berkeley Community Theater some time back. Amazing show. Close enough to watch all the fret work and strumming. Not too mention see his eyes. Oh, those eyes.

I discovered his music in 8th grade - the coolest history teacher at the school played his music all the time so of course, I had to take his history class. I learned to play most of his songs on the guitar and practiced his technique for hours. His songs are intricate and beautiful and hauntingly, achingly heartfelt. I have listened to his songs through falling in love, falling out of love, grieving the serious illness of loved ones, raising kids, finding myself and my voice.

He died of prostate cancer, which saddens me deeply because if caught early, it is highly curable. Probably too busy touring, too busy writing, he perhaps failed to get checked annually and the disease was advanced by the time it was discovered a few years ago. He retreated to his family and acknowledged on his website he had no intentions of touring or recording anytime soon. His voice has been silent the past few years and those who love him had already begun to feel the pain of missing him.

Tomorrow, I will take some CDs to work and listen. And probably fight tears. His music will always be a part of my soul....and in my heart. It makes me thankful for my voice and my musical gift. It makes me grateful God put people on this earth that can so brilliantly write songs that make you think and make you hurt and love and feel joy all at the same time.

Rest in peace, Dan. Thank you for all the joy you brought to my life. Thank you for saying so many things I could never find words for - until I heard it in a song - your songs. You are loved and will be missed - and your music will live on in many hearts around the world.

I've had this feeling so steady and strong
I'm feeling so holy and humble.
The next thing I know, I'm all worried and weak
I feel myself starting to crumble.
The meanings get lost and the teachings get tossed
And you don't know what you're gonna do next.
The days miss their mark and the nights get so dark.
And some kind of message comes through to you.
Some kind of message comes through...and it says to you:
Love when you can, cry when you have to.
Be who you must, that's a part of the plan.
Await your arrival with simple survival
Someday we'll all understand.
Someday we'll all understand.
Someday we'll all understand.

Part of the Plan
by Dan Fogelberg

Pragmatic

H. has been expressing to J. his thoughts on considering joining our armed forces after high school. I think he knows better than to bring this possibility up to me, lest my head spin off my neck and launch off my body at the thought.

I wish I was the kind of mom who could be happy her son wants to defend our country - but for that to be true, we'd have to be a country that only goes to war to defend ourselves. Sadly, however, this is not the case. We go to war because we can. We are at war because one person convinced an entire nation a threat existed. It did not. It does not. I can't support my son agreeing to risk his life for that. That, to me, is not worth fighting for. And I support the troops - they are doing their job - a job they signed on to do long before it was realized they'd be risking their lives to do it in a war created by a nincompoop. And that's what I'm trying to get across to H. (via J.) - this isn't a job where you go to work everyday and do something incredibly boring - like twirling a sign on a street corner full time. Serving in the military is a job where you can die. You can be sent somewhere to fight, against another nation of people who aren't sure how they ended up at war - and people will die. You might be one of them. Is that something you really want to do for a living?

I wish we were the country that only fought for things I could support going to war for. I have a lot of sad feelings that I live in this privileged country and feel no 'warm and fuzzy' feelings toward our current leadership. I feel sorry for those men and women who fight everyday - and I don't know what we're fighting for. I'm tired of being the country that goes in trying to 'fix' every other country's issues. Why are we the ones having to 'save the world'?

The world is worth saving. When the Nazi's were in power and killing millions of innocent people, THAT I can support. But this current escapade? No. I cannot. Which doesn't mean I don't support the troops - they are doing their job. But it does mean I can shake my head emphatically at the mere mention of one of my sons entering the armed forces. NO is all I hear in my head at that thought.

There's a part of me that's proud that he thinks he might want to join. He'd be stunning in his dress uniform and I would be so proud of him. But I'm his mother and I know him well enough to know that he perceives war like a video game - the bullets and blood aren't real. And I know that if he joined and were sent to war, there would be a moment when he would realize 'I don't want to be here'. And he'd be stuck there. And I'd be stuck here, frantic with worry unlike any other worry I've ever known as a mom - and there's been plenty of worry in raising kids as any parent can attest to.

He talks about doing a lot of things I'd rather he didn't - like getting a motorcycle and a bunch of tattoos. I'd say 'ok' to all those other things to prevent him from joining the military. I'd rather him risk bodily harm on a motorcycle and never have any kind of 'regular' job (though he'd be perfect for working at Zumiez) than have him agree to go to war whenever the Commander in Chief says to go. But J., don't tell him that. Yet. But if he's about to enlist, you have my permission to authorize motorcycles, tattoos and even body piercings if it will keep him here with us. Check with me first, so I'll know you're upping the ante. But I'd support anything that will keep him a non-military man.

Play Date

J. and I are taking a day off together. No firm plans other than getting the Christmas decorations down from the garage rafters, doing a little shopping, maybe having lunch out and going with the boys after school to buy our Christmas tree. We will spray flame retardant on it and let it dry overnight and then will work on decorating tomorrow. We are a bit 'behind' on the festiveness quotient for the house. Just haven't had much free weekend time to get stuff done. But this weekend is IT. We have to get a tree and make it look like Christmas around here. We're debating about putting up the outdoor decorations - with our electric bill so high already, I hesitate to add more power drain to it. But it's Christmas and we always put up yard decorations and some lights at least around the garage doors. We'll have to do something. I don't like the house un-decorated.

[Update]....we had lunch at Costco. We purchased some clothing and toy items for the little girl I'm buying gifts for. Instead of buying gifts for each other at work, we adopt a family - we each shop for one person in the family and then donate money for groceries. My family member was a little girl so I had a lot of fun picking things out for her. A pair of jeans, a fleecy sweater and a nice jacket/vest combo. Will look for a pair of shoes at Target later this weekend. We also visited Kandi's Pastries and stocked up on the fantastic iced Christmas cookies. Got some other gift items. Have to get packages ready to mail to various family members across the country - another weekend project for the list.

J. is taking the boys snowboarding on Sunday so I'll have time to run some errands alone (to get a couple things for J. that I couldn't get when he was with me today).

I cut my hair off - not completely. But took off 3-4 inches. It's about at my shoulders now and I feel 'strange' without it. But I'm ready to shake things up a bit and shorter hair will be much easier to manage. And it's still long enough to pin up, etc. when I'm too hurried to curl it. It looks instantly thicker - which it's not. But the loss of length has added 'depth' and I like that. Though I still kind of feel shocked when I look in the mirror. In 4 weeks, I'll probably go a couple inches shorter. That'll be it for now.

I was inducted into the Tracy Tank Town Lions last night - the ceremony was nice. Good food, good people. I am honored to be a TTT Lion - and glad to feel like I finally have some 'time' in my life to participate in a community service organization.

I'm heading upstairs for a long winter's nap. Tree procurement and decorating will commence upon my awakening. You've been warned.

Simplification

Things are extremely complicated at the moment in my life - just in general, really. At least that's how I'm feeling. Nothing direly earth shattering. Still have my health (relatively speaking, though it's been a difficult two weeks - pain is a hard thing but it has passed. Literally and figuratively, it seems, since I feel much 'better'). Just 'stuff'. It's the holidays and work and the never ending hustle and bustle which has me putting on the brakes, trying to regroup a bit. I have been saying, for months and months 'just make it to the winter break'. And I'm on the downhill side of that goal and know it's just around the corner. I greet it with much trepidation because a) I know it will be over in the blink of an eye and b) if I don't start feeling more positive about my job when I'm back - if the 'fresh start' and 'new day dawning' doesn't help shift my mind into 'it's OK here, I'm fine', I will be in the same dark, dreary place I've been in for weeks. SO we'll see about that.

Mostly, it gets me thinking again at simplifying - as much as possible. So here is a list of things I'm working on doing to make my life easier. And I admit - my life is great...so these are just 'things' that I hope will help me - not that they will assist anyone else.

First, I'm writing letters to a bunch of magazines and cancelling our subscriptions. Example: I get Gourmet magazine, which as anyone who knows me will tell you is a joke. I ordered it after seeing one recipe in it while waiting for a Dr. appointment - and the 'teaser' offer was only $10 for a full year. What a bargain. But now, I get it every month and it's just another magazine I don't have time to read and don't plan to use any information from anytime soon. And it stares at me, piling up on my desk, and makes me feel guilty for not reading it cover to cover. Same with various financial magazines - Kiplingers, Money, Fortune, etc. I get them all, I read a lot of them - but I don't need all 3. They pretty much 'rotate' the content and one year of one of them would give me the same info. So I'll cancel two of them. I also get Working Mother, which I am, still. But my kids are older and I never found the helpful hints particularly helpful when my kids were small and that remains true today.

I will keep Vanity Fair (a monthly guilty pleasure that I would really miss), Real Simple (it isn't helping but I like reading it) and People. Sadly, I'm not really liking People these days - the stories are too short, leave so many unanswered questions - but I've read every edition of People since it first came out. It was sixty nine cents each week and I couldn't wait to take my allowance to the grocery store weekly to pick up a copy. When they offered subscriptions, I resisted - it was a lot of money to shell out all at once, when finding a dollar and some change weekly seemed do-able. But my mom bought me a subscription one year for Christmas and then made it an annual gift for me and J. (who doesn't read it - but my mom was frugal and it was a lot of $$ from her gift budget so we agreed it would count towards his gift, as well. He never minded), and I've renewed it annually since she's been gone. I don't really even like it anymore - I can read it cover to cover in only a 1/2 hour and I used to be able to read a bit every night, for the full week until another one arrived. But I keep it for sentimental value, really.

Everything else must go. I can't handle the guilt from not reading them...the guilt from all the trees being killed to print them, etc.

I also signed up for catalogchoice.org and am culling out the catalogs I receive as well. It takes some time to set up the preferences and enter the customer numbers, etc. but if it works, I should see a significant decrease in the printed materials coming through the mail. It's pretty bad when you have an entire two sided, two shelves cabinet in your office devoted to catalogs. That's a lot of paper. And keeping up with 'culling out' the older versions and replacing them with the newer 'because you never know when you're going to really need some silly thing you didn't know existed before you saw it in a catalog' takes huge amounts of time - time I don't have and time I want to use for other things. Like sleeping, for example. Or cooking. So hey, maybe I should rethink giving up my subscription to Gourmet Magazine?? I might make 'Haricots Verts with Herb Butter' (November, 2007) or 'Zhug' (December, 2007). You never know. Could happen. Maybe I should reinstate my 'Chefs' catalog, too. Just in case.