My Husband is My Blessing

I am an introvert.  There.  I said it.  Maybe I've said it before?  Not sure.  I'm a square peg trying hard to fit into a round hole all the time.  I have been this way all my life.  Being with people is hard for me....I mean that sincerely.  It is a constant struggle to be - a constant state of my inner core co-existing with the rest of my life - because it isn't that  introverts don't like people - we do.  We just aren't gifted at the dynamics that enter into relationships.  Or socializing.  Or small talk.

Which could make marriage virtually impossible.

Not for me, though 'cuz I married a truly wonderful person who loves me for me.  He doesn't try to change me or make issues of my need for solitude - he just accepts that it's the way I'm wired and focuses on being supportive of me.  Not trying to force me to be anything other than who and what I am.  There's no greater gift than that in a life, really - and I do realize every single day just how truly blessed I am to have found quite possibly the only person on this earth who would be OK with me being me day in and day out.

I am at Thunder Valley for one more night - arrived yesterday.  I sang Christian music at the top of my lungs the entire way here and felt 'closer' to God than I have in a long time.  Music is the key, I think.

Today is B,'s last full day here with us and I struggled a bit with not being home. But I am good at protecting my 'self' and I have to wedge in days off here and there when I can - and given that I had to drive to Sacramento to be at a workshop this morning, combined with two comped nights - I just couldn't resist.  But there's guilt about that - wedging in a couple Majah only days, being hard on myself about this 'need' for solitude.

And then B. sends me a message 'I miss you Momma'....and my heart breaks a little.

On the way back from the conference (which by the way, I texted my boss to say I might leave at the break because the info being presented isn't earth shattering and I said if I leave, I will count it as a non-work day - an unpaid day, basically - and he wrote me back and said 'count it as a day and leave whenever you want.  See you Monday'....very nice...and yes, I did leave at the break), I called J. to tell him I was feeling guilty and maybe I should pay the cancellation fee and ditch staying tonight and head home.  And he said 'he's fine, honey - he's not home, he's got plans most of the day anyway...'. So I am staying.  And trying not to beat myself up.

And I played slots immediately upon my return and won $1,000!  So yay!  I am going to be able to play more tonight AND have a couple Blue Moon drafts while doing so and then sleep like a log on the most comfortable beds in the world - and head home in the morning tomorrow to see B. and J. as they leave for the airport - and B. starts on his next great adventure at Ft. Campbell in Kentucky!

The hotel is under construction (which they do a good job of confirming at each stage of the room process) but sometimes, like right this second, it's a 'Holy Crap - I've got to get out of here'.  Which is why it's even more amazing that I won 'cuz I can play a bit more than I'd planned to this afternoon - which is fun for me.

The bank of machines I was playing on got really hot - the guy next to me was playing $5 on the 1 cent denomination - so I said 'I'm going to tell you what I've discovered about these machines - if you played the same $5.00 on the 10 cent denomination, the minor and mini jackpots are ten times what they are when it's the 1 cent denomination - so you are risking the same $ but quintupling your possible wins.  And sure enough - he hit the MAJOR shortly after switching to dimes and then I DID THE SAME THING about 10 minutes later on my machine.  Then his girlfriend sat down at the machine on the other side of me and she hit the MINOR on the 10 cent denomination and won $500!  She was ECSTATIC!

I might be a really good slot strategist.  :-)  That couple definitely thought so.  I tried betting $5 on the dimes, though and didn't win anything - but stopped and cashed out before I put too much back -

They are jack hammering on the floor above me.  I really can't quite figure out how this 'addition' is going to work -