Homecoming Simultaneous to Departure

Had a good time playing slots a bit this morning and ended up painfully close to another major (the major jackpot trigger 'coin' dropped but not enough coins dropped to move me to the bonus round so...no major that time)...and I had to leave to see B. off.

I played next to a really nice lady and we had a lot of fun encouraging each other and rooting for each other.  She commented 'does anyone ever win the major?' and I said 'I did, twice - on that machine and the one next to it'.  And I told her about the couple I sat next to and she said 'YOU are the lady they talked about - they were playing here this morning and they got me trying dimes vs. pennies and said 'a nice lady told us about that option'....and she said the guy won $700 this morning!

We had such a nice time....I hated to leave.

In light of recent events - it was a stark contrast to yesterday.  The lady I sat next to this morning was African American and I mention that only because of the events in the news and because yesterday, I sat next to another woman with the same skin color who refused to look at me.  Wouldn't make eye contact.  Turned away when I gave her a 'yay!' when she hit a bonus round.  And I thought 'what the heck?'.  So this morning's interaction was really what it should be - our skin colors made no difference one to the other - and we just assumed the best of each other - and enjoyed being HUMAN together.  (The first lady could have just been anti-social or just not in the mood to talk - so it likely had absolutely nothing to do with our respective differences in skin color.  But I did wonder - and felt ashamed that I wondered.  These are crazy times....and black lives DO matter.  ALL lives matter.  It's sad that people have to fear having a broken tail light and being pulled over 'cuz....how crazy is that...that they have to consider those things....and I don't.  Because my skin is white and theirs isn't.)

Fear and distrust and drawing inward isn't the answer.  I don't know what the answer is but I know those things only exacerbate the situation -

I felt 'clenchy' the entire way home.  Sad that I didn't hit that major....'cuz who wouldn't?  Mostly, though, I think the 'sad' was knowing when I arrived home, B. would be leaving - and I felt choked up and clenchy the entire way home.

(Further definition:  'clenchy' is what I say about Chloe recently - she looks 'pent up; pensive....concerned.....I'm always saying 'Chloe looks clenchy this morning'....and I felt 'clenchy' with each spin of the slot this morning so now I know what I mean when I say that about her.)

I held it together until I got to the Tracy off ramp and then the water works started.  I let them go until I was within a mile of the house and then I stopped 'cuz no one deserves a crying mother.  I reminded myself that it's hardest on B., really - and I don't want him to leave thinking of his crying mom all the way 'home'.  It's different this time - sending him off on his next adventure to a new base - knowing deployment is a very real possibility.  Thinking 'not sure when we'll see him again'.....

We went to our neighbor who kindly agreed to take some pictures of the four of us - B. suggested it and I was happy he did.  Got some good ones and B. put together a nice collage on Facebook which we will print and frame.

I'm so proud of him - because he's turning into a really nice man.  We had a wonderful visit this time - everytime is awesome - but this time, I really noticed that I had two adult sons who had a great time together and we all had a nice time just being with each other.  It was a great visit.

We hope to journey to Nashville in late September or October to see him - have credits on Southwest since we cancelled our Vegas trip -

OK - I worked in the kitchen a bit - wiped counters and table, unloaded and reloaded dishwasher. Time to get a load of laundry going.  Chloe is sleeping soundly on the rug....