Miracles

This might be a long-ish post.  I will try to dial it back a bit but it's been a few days of more 'holy crap' moments than any other kind of moments...and I process a lot of 'stuff' in writing here.  Fair warning.  Read at your own risk.

On Thursday, I was in my review meeting with my boss (review was good....discussion of plans for next year also very good and more about that in a future post).  The receptionist knocked on the conference room door to say 'M., your husband's on the phone and he says it's an emergency'.  Yikes.  My first reaction was 'what has our bat-shit crazy neighbor done now?'....

The oncology nurse had phoned to say that the routine CT scan H. had on Thursday morning revealed a blood clot in his jugular vein.  It's about 6 cm. long - 2.3 inches roughly - which is huge as clots go.  The nurse asked us to come to Modesto so she could teach us how to give the injections he needs. First, we headed to our local pharmacy to pick up the medication (Lovenox) 'cuz the oncology office doesn't keep that in stock.  Then a long drive to Modesto in horrible traffic....cross off moving further south as a possible commute to my job here.

We arrived just before 6PM (bless the nurse for waiting for us) and when we walked into the infusion area, she said  'H., you are a walking time bomb'.  She proceeded to get 'very real' with him (and us).  The clot is very large and she told him 'if it breaks off, you will die in a matter of seconds....and no one will be able to help you in time to keep you alive'.  She was direct and honest and we appreciated it.  She told him 'you have so many angels watching over you, H.'.  She explained that when the radiologist phoned to let them know, she immediately took the steps to get us to the office - but then she said she saw the written report and realized how big the clot was - she said it gave her goosebumps.  It's a miracle that he's OK...and a miracle that the scan was scheduled when it was and revealed what it revealed - because she said 'or we'd be telling your parents that cancer didn't kill you but a blood clot did'.

So now, he gives himself injections in his stomach twice a day.  The syringes are pre-packaged - no vials. No drawing meds in to a syringe.  Open package, clean area on your stomach (start one inch from belly button and go out an inch each day then come back on #7 and start again), insert needle and push the plunger.  The shots are 'small' (about 3 inches) and the needle is tiny.  It's a subcutaneous injectable - so it's just under the skin.  It still hurts and it burns a lot as it's going in....but it's manageable.  And he wants to do it himself which is wonderful and freakishly scary at the same time.  He can't forget; can't skip a dose; can't be too tired to go back downstairs and do it if he forgets....but it's honestly the right thing to happen 'cuz he's 21 years old and he's got to 'own this'  himself.

He's supposed to be 'taking it easy' for the next few weeks.  No sports; no target shooting.  Basically sit on a couch, watch TV, play video games and let the meds to their job - dissolve the clot slowly and easily.

He will be on these medications for at least three months (possibly longer) so it's going to be hard to get used to.

H. was a little pissy on the way to the office - anxious about his 'schedule' - plans with friends, etc. .  But when he heard what the nurse was saying, he sort of sat back in the infusion chair and just said 'Holy shit'. I think the magnitude of the seriousness of the situation sunk in pretty quickly.  I can't imagine how scary this is for him.

We stopped at Starbucks to get frappucinos on the way home - trying desperately to return to 'normalcy', I guess...a family of three wanting something sweet (no caffeine)...for me, it ended up being dinner so I added a scoop of protein powder to mine.  Drove home kibbitzing about things - with H. talking about shows he's been watching and sharing things he's curious about.  He amazes me a lot lately - he's incredibly bright and inquisitive and loves to learn...trying to nudge him gently to 'take some online classes that interest you'?  Wish he would.

And when we got home (7:30ish) and went to the mailbox, we found notices from unemployment that they're paying his most recent claim!  The claim he filed long before we knew he was sick that EDD has delayed for months.  So yeah!.  He's solvent again for a bit.....

Coping is hard at the moment.  The 'time bomb' part is a struggle.  I hear 'thuds' in his room (just over our office) and think 'oh my God, is he OK'? ...

He will keep doing what he needs to do - and time will move incredibly slowly for the next few weeks.

Prayers and good thoughts appreciated....