Shock

Yesterday started out OK.  I don't think I will be on vacation the week before I have auditors ever again.  Not that there are things I have to 'do' much before they arrive - but mainly 'cuz their presence requires a Herculean effort to 'jump back in' at the deep end of the pool within minutes of arriving at my desk vs. a slow, leisurely wade into the shallow end.

But the plunge happened and the day went on it's merry way.

My boss came in just after 8 - he looked pensive.  He told me that an employee lost her son in a dirt bike accident.  He said her name.  And the pieces plugged into place one at a time - sort of in slow motion - and I realized it was one of H.'s good friends.  I said 'you mean [insert his name]?'.  And he replied 'yes'.  I said 'OMG - I need to call my husband so we can talk to H.'.  My boss said 'I thought he might be a friend of your son's'.

The friend had gone out dirt bike riding on Sunday afternoon and wasn't home when he said he would be.  The details yesterday were sketchy - but then it was on the local paper's website late evening.  He'd been thrown off the bike into an irrigation canal - two feet of water.  It appears he drowned.  The area he was riding in was gated off and rescue vehicles took awhile to get there.  Locked gates have a way of stopping huge trucks - but allowing small bikes and young men to get in where they shouldn't be.

H. reacted the way H. reacts - shock.  Disbelief.  Then he shuts down and admonishes us 'I don't want to talk about it anymore'.  That never works.  Right?  I mean - you think you don't want to talk about it.  But you do - and you need to.  But he won't.  At least not to us.

He went to work at his usual time - then texted J. several times that he wanted to come home.  He said his phone was buzzing like crazy - all his friends texting back and forth about what happened.  We reminded him that today is his day off.  Not really saying 'no' - he's 20 years old and can do what he wants - but attempting to gently remind him that he's a temporary worker in a job he's had for  less than three weeks.  I think he made it through the day - his work boots are here in the study this morning and he wasn't home when I went to bed.

I'm hoping that he can use a day off to attend the services if he wants to -

The mom of the young man who died is one of the sweetest people ever.  She has welcomed H. into her home on a regular basis - and when I'd see her at work occasionally (we don't work at the same site), she would always say what a nice young man H. is - and I would always thank her for allowing him to 'chill' there on a regular basis.

Now friends all over town are devastated.  My son, and two other sons, were like the 3 Musketeers through most of grade school and into high school - and one of them is gone.  It's shocking - just so sad.

There were a lot of tears at work - the receptionist at the DO had to go home.  Another person who reports to me needed to leave for a bit to be there for her son who was devastated.  I kept asking J. 'should I come home?' - but he handled it.  As well as you can handle stuff like this. 

When the kids were younger - you look at them and think 'wonder how it will go as they grow up?'.  You realize things can happen -

You just can't really be prepared for it.  I took Chloe out this morning and looked at the moon and the stars and felt so sad for my friend who's looking at the same moon and stars - only her world just got all 'off kilter' in a way that will never be the same.  For her, the moon and stars will never feel 'right' again.  I can't wrap my head around that much grief.  I really can't.