Listen

It's a new day....still a cold and possibly wet day....but a new, fresh start. Yesterday turned out to be a pretty good day and transformed me back into my 'normal' self....so that's good. I'm sure ya'll are breathing much easier now - and so are those closest to me here.

I know exactly when the transformation happened - and exactly why it happened.....and wish I could share more about it. What I will say is this: sometimes, when you're not getting something you think you need from the person you think you need it from, it's not as simple as them agreeing. It's not as simple as a 'yes' or a 'no'. And maybe the reason they're not responding in the way you thought they would - or the way you think they should - is because they can't. Allow for the possibility that you're not the only person on the planet and other people may be dealing with 'stuff' as well. We all have stuff. And I think as needy humans, it's easy to forget that. I know it's easy for me to forget. I don't get needy often - but when I do, it's usually a doozy...and the last five days or so have been fraught with more emotions and needs and 'stuff' than I have spewed out in a long, long time. And as it usually does when you let the stuff build and build, when it spewed it really spewed.....I'm glad I'm past that and back to 'normal'. And so is the person at whom I was spewing. (No, it wasn't J. - but as always, spouses are collateral damage. Love you J. and thanks for helping me get past my 'moments' this past weekend).

Do I still have mountains of work? Yes....yes, I do. Will it get done? Yes....it always does. And most of it will be enjoyable. Most. Not all.

I'm planning to take off some time in March - just days to 'make like broccoli' [do you know what movie that's from?]. Veg myself through some days and make some progress on some 'home' projects that need to move forward. Sleep a lot. HUGE amounts of sleep. Now it's just a matter of when to wedge those days off in. But they'll happen.

The minute someone shared their 'stuff' with me yesterday - and I started to focus on helping them through it vs. spiraling into the abyss about my stuff - I was transformed. I literally felt it....

So my lesson for today is: help each other. Listen. Be present. Step outside yourself and help someone. Maybe give a homeless person a few dollars. Volunteer somewhere. Find someone who needs to talk to someone and listen.

It made all the difference for me - and my 'normal' self is thankful for that valuable lesson.

And I did restock the toilet paper in the bathrooms upstairs. That helps, too.

Cranky

Warning: Majah is cranky. Just disclosing that right up front -

I have no time for writing. No time for much of anything except work, work and more work....hopefully, there's an end in site to that shortly - but honestly, probably not. It's making me a wee bit angry at the moment - and that's unusual for me. I thrive on work. I love my job. Love, love, love it. Which is a damn good thing 'cuz it's all I do these days....

Here are other irritating things happening around here.....these are petty and stupid and I wouldn't even mention them except: I warned you! I am cranky!

:-)

I had to 'air dry' this morning because there was no toilet paper anywhere to be found. That's not a good way to start the day - especially at 4:30AM. Even worse was having to go into the frigid garage to find some....but I did. I will restock tonight - and hope I can remember that tonight. (I wrote it down so that gives me a better than 50/50 chance of remembering).

I opened a brand new bottle of sugar free vanilla syrup yesterday morning (lovingly procured by my husband who informed me that sadly, Smart and Final is closing so now we'll have to procure our coffee syrups somewhere else - meaning driving to Stockton or Manteca...) and found it more than half gone ALREADY - because the darn kids (kid - probably - just one. His name starts with a 'B') have been adding it to their soda.

And I'm even more grumpy about that because there are dozens of empty soda cans in the recycle bin - about a month ago, I stopped buying it. I told them 'drink water'. But when it's on sale for $2.50 a 12 pack, we buy it - and they drink it - like water. With $5 a bottle sugar free syrup added for 'extra flavor'.

Both kids lost their debit cards within a couple days of each other. So we've had to give H. cash, which we don't like to do. I've been monitoring their bank accounts like crazy - H.'s card was used at a Red Box (already refunded by the bank, thank goodness). Now we're waiting for replacement cards. And for the boys to get their heads together and quit being so scatter brained about stuff like this. We won't always be here to help them with this stuff.....

Alright - I'm done (for now). I have to get to work....large 'to-do' lists looming and more on the horizon.

Good thing I'm not married to my boss or he'd be getting an earful today....

(I plan to keep my job so I keep my angst to myself....)

2nd

Finally - this was drafted last weekend so think a week ago not a few days ago....

Our cupcakes came in 2nd place in the 'war'! Very exciting! I owe it all to my amazing husband who put a lot of the stuff together and baked the 'final batch' as I was attending a business meeting until 9PM on Thursday evening. THAT was a really long day - from 6AM until 9PM -

Here's a picture of our 2nd place prize winning entry:




Here's me beaming as if I'd won Publisher's Clearing House instead of a cupcake contest:

We had a very fun morning and were all on sugar highs the remainder of the day. I'm already planning for next year's entry.

Huge thanks to my wonderful husband for helping me - which allowed me to get a few hours sleep on Thursday night vs. being up most of the night or shortly after midnight trying to get it all done. He even made a trip to Michael's and found the PERFECT flowers to use. We're keeping the flowerbox full of flowers and putting it in front of our fireplace.....

And thanks to my sister K. for sending me a bunch of stuff to include - we were going to make Rosette cookies in butterfly shapes to the flower branches but we ran out of time - it was very sweet of her to send all of her butterfly materials from her 'divorce' party - thanks, K.

Can't wait for next year and I forsee a lot of trial cupcake batches as I explore more recipes. The boys enjoyed all the samples and two chocolate cakes made with the leftover batter.

For The Love of Chinese

After a day of running errands for me (since I was working), my hubby is on his way to pick up yummy Chinese take out. Because it's Valentine's Day, we're splurging and going to the really excellent local place - usually closed on Monday but open this special day.

He stopped by my office to drop off something he bought for me (for work) and left a bouquet of flowers in my office while I was in the restroom. He's sneaky - and I love that about him.

And as if anyone would need more proof of just how awesome a husband he is, he tuned the TV to New Moon so that I had a favorite movie playing for me when I returned home from my office.

It's been a busy three day weekend....I have a post with pictures of the Cupcake War entry for later today - having issues with getting the right picture in the right place. Soon, I promise.

I had a fun lunch yesterday catching up with a friend who found me on Facebook - we haven't seen each other for close to 20 years - it was so fun to chat and chat. We talked for 2+ hours non-stop and agreed to meet again soon. They live in Brentwood now - pretty drive to get there and discovered a new mall with a JJill, REI, DSW shoes, etc.

It's approaching 5PM and I'm so tired, I could sleep right here, right now. I will eat dinner, relax a bit, work a bit more (yes, I brought stuff home) and head to bed very early. A long, short four day week looms ahead.

Next weekend is more of the same - a 3 day weekend that will see me working most of the days. Oh well. Just that time of year....

Happy Valentine's Day to those I love - friends, family.....wishing we could spend the day together eating stuff we shouldn't eat.

Batch #2

Batch #1 tastes good - but the cupcakes fall apart. Almost impossible to ice. Didn't stop the boys from eating them - but they are not Cupcake War worthy. So now it's on to batches #2 and #3. #2 is a completely different recipe and #3 is a modification of the first with more 'moist' ingredients to hopefully hold them together more. They do taste great....but you can't enter cupcakes into a contest that have to be eaten with a fork.

It's been a somewhat lazy day which is nice. The game is on and we're whipping up some guacamole. Have ribs and potatoes for dinner later.

I didn't nap though I wanted to. Just trying to stay awake and go to bed early to get up really early....meetings most of the day means trying to get some work done in the early AM hours.

Two three day weekends are approaching! Next weekend, I'm going to lunch with a friend I haven't seen in close to 19 years - looking forward to catching up.

More cocoa and flour dust everywhere in a few minutes. I blew my nose a bit ago and thought I must surely be dying - and then I realized it's just gross from inhaling cocoa dust. Sorry - that's probably TMI - but it's amusing...at least to me.

UPDATE: Batch #2 is a success....not sure they are THE recipe for the contest, but they will do in a pinch.

I have to tell you this: these are the first 'cakes' I've ever made from scratch - and so far, for two batches (one of which just went in the trash 'cuz the kids didn't like them), I've spent close to $40 for ingredients. Massive amounts of cocoa powder, powdered sugar, regular sugar, flour, etc.....tons and tons and tons of product to make two batches of cupcakes and two small round cake layers.

Duncan Hines or Betty Crocker would be just as good for 1/10 of the price.....

We haven't done anything on the 'presentation' side of the contest - but it's only Sunday. Contest is Friday morning and I have three week nights to prep. Then on Thursday night, I have a meeting until 8PM - so I'll probably be up late baking, decorating, etc. Thankfully, J. is home Friday AM and can help me get everything to the judging area. I have no chance of winning but it is fun to try.

The kitchen is an absolute disaster. I need to start cleaning up - got the dishwasher going yet again today but there's still a lot of stuff to put away and tidy up before heading to bed.

Green Bay won so J. is happy. Guess their quarterback used to play for Cal so that's why we rooted for that team.

J. is now being 'tweeted' incessantly by a variety of talking heads. He announces 'so and so just tweeted' - and I have to keep saying to him 's/he didn't tweet YOU specifically, honey - they just tweet in general. You don't actually know them just 'cuz they're tweeting you'.

It's going to make me absolutely crazy for him to watch talk TV non-stop; listen to talk radio non-stop and now be tweeted by a talking head every few seconds. Seriously - there ought to be a limit of some kind.....

Choco Heaven

The first 'test run' batch of cupcakes for our Cupcake War competition is in the oven. Based on the batter, I think they will be heaven....can't wait to frost them and surprise the boys with cupcakes for breakfast. Oh, and chocolate croissants, too! Fresh baked - from Trader Joe's frozen food department. I totally forgot to get them out of the box and put them on a cookie sheet - so they thawed and proofed in the box. Funny this morning to come downstairs and find the boxes exploded on the stove. They still baked up fine though they aren't as 'pretty' as they would have been had I remembered. Oh well. Next time. Kids will enjoy them even if they are oddly shaped.

I spent part of yesterday at Joanne Fabrics attempting to be creative. I think I've succeeded though there's still a lot to put together. I'm heading to Michael's for round two just to see what they have that Joanne's didn't. As long as my King Arthur supplies arrive tomorrow or Tuesday, I should be in good shape.

I need to whip up the frosting for the cupcakes and then get ready to head out for errands, etc.

It's a beautiful day and there's tons to do outside -

And it's Super Bowl Sunday so there's a lot of snacks to get ready.

I'll let you know what the kids think of the cupcakes. Wonder if they'll figure out the 'secret ingredient'?

Steelies

When you were in elementary school, do you remember thinking there were 'seasons' for things? I don't mean the changing of the foliage on trees or the temperature of the air. I mean seasons like: marble season; yo-yo season. In my school, these seasons would arrive each year - a span of time where the entire school became obsessed with whatever the current 'fad' was. Marbles and yo-yo's and the 'troll dolls' all bring back memories of those days designed to help us learn and fit in.

I wrote last night about the breakfast meeting I had this morning - and in that post, I used the word 'steel'. As in 'steel myself'. So I want to share a little bit of my day with you and how that word has incorporated itself into my vocabulary these days.

And how God told me he's listening.

The breakfast this morning was with a long time friend. She was one of my kids favorite teachers when they started school here in Tracy. She is a breast cancer survivor and such an amazing person. She took a leave of absence during her cancer fight and both boys were totally upset that she was 'leaving'. She returned and went on to become an administrator in our district. She's an amazing person and we've always been good friends. We don't spend a lot of time together - we're 'work' friends, I guess - but when we do spend time together, it's a fun time. We have a lot of similar things that we share and kibbutz about.

This morning was no exception and we passed the time in easy conversation.

During the conversation she shared something with me that wasn't surprising. And while during our breakfast, I moved past the sharing easily and really didn't comment much about it, it really got me thinking after the breakfast - as I headed into work at 7 (feeling late because I'm usually at my desk long before 7). There's a lot of change happening in our district these days and everyone handles change differently. And it's not been an easy place the past weeks or months - but it's all survivable.

I felt on edge emotionally as I headed into work - and I treated myself to Starbucks since I happened to be in that part of town. Two new Trenta size iced teas in hand, still marveling at how the store manager there greeted me by my first name and said 'so happy to see you - it's been too long'. How do they remember so many people.....anyway.....I realized upon arriving at work that my flood gates were wide open - so I went to a quiet, private, unoccupied room and had a little cry. Sometimes you just need to have a good cry, you know? And as I was being upset, I was scolding myself for being upset - because really, all this crap is just so stupid. Don't you sometimes want to just rap people on the head with a stick or something and say 'grow up already'? I sure do....

I composed myself and headed back to my office - and saw something silver on the ground. Round. I thought it was a smashed jingle bell or something - so I didn't pick it up....and that itself was unusual because I pick up everything whenever I'm outside. Trash, leaves - anything I see that needs to be picked up, I take it inside to the trash. Saving custodial time - so ignoring the shiny object is not usual.

The day progressed. And shortly after that point, I was walking over to my boss' office - and bent down to pick up the silver 'bell' - and realized what it was. It was a steely - a metal, heavy ball/marble - just like those from my child hood. I have no idea where you even find these things anymore - but there it was, on the walkway to my building - just waiting for someone to pick it up.

I rubbed it a couple times. Tucked it in my pocket. Proceeded to go to my boss' office and I put the steely on his desk and said 'this is my new talisman. This is going to be on my desk forever to remind me - I am steel. That's my job and that's what I am'. And then I told him how it was just on the ground by our office ramp. Of course, he knows all that has transpired and continues to play out - and he knows that it is hugely hard at times....for everyone, but in particular for me. No details on just how/why that statement is so true - but he knows. And he's been telling me to 'steel myself' since I've known him - because learning to handle angst and unkindness and even sometimes cruelty sort of comes with the job. And boy, howdy - has that been true lately for me in my job.

I don't know how that little steel ball ended up being on the ground. Schools these days don't seem to have 'seasons' - or maybe they do, but they're 'iPod season' or 'portable video game player [insert brand name] season'....or who knows? But marbles? No - no one plays with marbles anymore.

It's possible that little steel ball was a ball bearing of some kind....could be. I admit it. But for me, it is/was/always will be a 'steely'. A treasured round shiny object to remind me that in those moments when you find yourself feeling really alone - you aren't. You really, truly aren't.

After that, it was back to being an incredible day full of possibilities. I managed to complete the massive amount of stuff on my to do list in record time - and I managed to tidy up my desk in preparation for not being there tomorrow - which feels great 'cuz I won't feel compelled to go in really early before heading to a 9+ hour meeting that is going to fry my brain into a zillion smoking pieces. And on a Friday, no less.

Hoping for sunny, clear skies this weekend - and I won't mind the cold a bit as long as we see some sun. We'd love to head out for some geocaching this weekend and I have a million errands to run for my 'cupcake' trial runs. OH - and a huge, HUGE thanks to my sister K. who is sending me a bunch of stuff to use in my cupcake display! Even with everything she's got going on in her job, life - she arranged to send me a bunch of stuff in less than 24 hours! She's amazing. It would take me a day just to remember what items were being referenced - and then who knows how long to find them. She's the best!!

Post-Jury!

Learned a couple things today on my first ever appearance.

We were done in just under an hour - about 50 people filing into a double wide 'portable' building (a trailer). It was hot inside - and got much warmer with 50+ bodies in there. After about 15 minutes, the clerk let us know the judge was meeting with lawyers in the building next store and we could go outside for a bit. My friend and I (and another employee from our district who I had never met before - very nice) chatted and enjoyed the sunshine. We filed back in. The clerk then asked who needed an 'excuse'. That's all she said 'who needs an excuse'. One guy said 'you mean an excuse to get out of jury duty?'....no, the note for work. So she handed them out. We were starting to feel pretty hopeful that we were close to done. The judge came in and sure enough - four cases on the docket today (it's our little city court). Two made plea bargains and two were continued. So we were done! Yeah!

And here's what I learned: it was really great that I postponed from November into February - because since I actually served (physically had to appear), I am not eligible again any time in this calendar year (2011) or in 2012! SCORE! Had I gone in November, I would have been 'excused' for the remainder of 2010 (one month) and 2011. So I got an extra year of 'not eligible for service' by postponing! So it wasn't such a bad idea after all....

And the other thing I learned is: don't dread jury duty. It might be really fast. I was sort of disappointed I didn't get any reading time - it was over too quickly.

Made it back to my office in time to surprise my boss and keep the meeting we'd been trying to schedule - we were on our 4th try and still couldn't find a time the three of us who wanted to meet were available at the same time - so we got that meeting done. Home just after 5. Got dinner cooking.

I have a 5:45 breakfast meeting - more social than work though I'm sure work will enter into it. A good excuse to eat a good breakfast and steel myself for a long, long day. I am out of the office at an all day meeting on Friday - so it's only tomorrow to finish all my board prep - and there's a lot of stuff to present this month.

The only thing I know about this weekend is that it will involve two things: sleep and cupcakes. We are having a Cupcake War competition at work next Friday and I'm making some 'test' cupcakes to decide what recipe to make for the 'war'. Should be fun! And filling! Glad I have two teen boys 'cuz they will eat whatever I make - no questions asked. And H. is going to dinner with a friend and his family for the friend's 18th birthday - so maybe he can take some with him!

Jury!

You might recall that in November, I nonchalantly postponed jury service. November is a busy, busy month and it just seemed wise to move my service. Wow, that 60 day reprieve flew by unnoticed. I received a summons about a month ago and begin service TODAY - and for the first time in my entire life, I actually have to go. Physically go. Appear. Serve. Ugh.

I don't mind serving....but yee gads, this is such a hugely bad time. Oh well. I'm heading in shortly (be at my desk by 6AM) and will plow through a full day's worth of work before appearing at 1:30 as ordered. Waiting to see what happens re: tomorrow and Friday. I have meetings both those days that are 'mandatory' - but guess they won't be if I end up serving on a jury.

Thankfully, it's our local city court - and also thankfully, a fun co-worker was also summoned - so at least I'll be sitting and waiting with someone I know and enjoy spending time with. Might even be 'fun'.

I don't get a lot of time to sit and read a good book - but this afternoon might be the start of a couple days of doing just that!

The weather is beautiful, though cold - which means this weekend will be dark, cloudy and gloomy.....at least that's been the trend.

Time to head upstairs and then to my office where a massive amount of assigning and delegating things will ensue. I'll have to write down who I gave what to or I will forget all about it.