Enough with the Drama

Drama-free continued until yesterday afternoon - H. called me at work to 'inquire' about going to his friends house to get a haircut. They take turns cutting each others hair - and since it saves tons of $$, I'm all for it. It seemed odd he would 'ask'. He's been able to visit friends (limited, specific friends with specific times of to/from, etc. ) and this friend is on the 'approved' list. So, he said 'well, you may not let me go when I tell you what I need to tell you'. And he proceeded to tell me 'Mom, I got pulled over today'. Long pause. I said 'for what'? 'Speeding [in a school zone]; failure to yield to a crossing guard'. 'Wow', I said. 'There's one more thing, Mom. I had my friend O. in the car with me'.

At that point, my psyche issued an 'all-stop' and I said 'we'll talk about it when I get home in about 1/2 hour'. I was in my office - my team outside in their cubicles. And the urge to scream at the top of my lungs was so strong, I had to bite my lip to keep from doing just that. As it was, my assistant came in shortly after I hung up the phone and said 'um, I thought I heard the words 'H.' and 'ticket'....so I guess it's not going to be a drama-free evening at your house tonight'. That's the understatement of the century. Never in my 3+ years of having an assistant have the words 'hold all my calls' sounded more appealing. Can I ask her to just field ALL the calls from H. until he's married and his wife is the one getting these kind of calls? 'Cuz that would be frickin' awesome!

So he was cited for all three things - and because he's under the age of 18, we have to appear in court with him. Not likely traffic school will even be an option - too many infractions. We estimate it will be somewhere inn the neighborhood of $500-$750+ to pay the fine.

H. called me back within about 5 minutes and said 'so what will my punishment be'. [Damn, I should have had my assistant take all my calls]. I said (as sweetly as I could) 'H., I've only had this information to process for about 5 minutes - I have not yet decided on the punishment, nor spoken to your dad about it. We'll talk later. B-bye'. Click.

Upon arriving home, the usual discussion ensued. 'I'm a teenager. I made a mistake. I learn by making mistakes'. I said (as I have been saying over and over and over and over until my eyes feel like they're bulging out of their sockets and my head hurts from the weight of it all) 'getting a ticket for speeding is a mistake. Getting a ticket for a rolling stop at a crosswalk with a crossing guard holding her STOP sign out while there are CHILDREN in the vicinity is maybe a mistake. But - and H., this is the thing that really, truly blows my mind - allowing a friend to ride with you when you know - absolutely, positively KNOW that is not allowed - is not a MISTAKE. It's you making a bad decision. Like you've made so many other bad decisions over the past how many months? I can't fathom it. I'm gobsmacked AGAIN.' (Gobsmacked is my new favorite exclamation word. It's the only one that feels adequate these days).

Turns out the poor kid was practically nauseous because he realized this was BIG and was sure this would be his ticket to 'the other school'. And yes, I considered it. I mean, we have said 'this is it - no more chances - no more stupid decisions'.

But part of me is ratcheting back a bit and realizing that sending him somewhere else won't solve his inability to make better decisions. Sure, he'll be in the strictest environment possible - with regular 'checks' of all sorts and requirements that will boggle his mind. But he'll still be not quite 17, making the decisions made by kids for precisely one reason: they are kids. They don't think about consequences; about cause and effect; about should I or shouldn't I. His best friend needed a ride or he would have to walk 2.3 miles home - so H. gave him a ride. And H. said 'no, sorry, but I can't' the first time the friend asked - but the 2nd time, he said he wanted to be a friend to his friend so he said yes. And of course, Murphy's Law being what it is and everything - he got caught.

I can't handle him dabbling in chemical substances he has no business dabbling in. That's a 'no'. And we've made that as clear as humanly possible. His counselor has made that as clear as humanly possible. Kids get hooked really quickly and things are just to readily available to risk 'dabbling'. But I'm not leaning towards sending him away for ticket(s). Not for that.

At least, not yet. He isn't driving for the next couple weeks - and we are strongly considering selling his car. It's expensive to have that car when it's been sitting in the garage mostly the past couple months. So I'm leaning towards advertising it for sale and see if we get any offers. If we do, then the decision's made. If we don't, we're no worse off.

Oh, and to add insult to his 'no good, horribly bad, really sucky day', his after school program finally had room for him - so he gets to go to school on T-W-Th from 3:15 to 5:15 EVERY DAY until he passes his English class that he failed last semester. And when he finishes with English, we're going to have him take his math class over, too. 'Cuz we love to torture him.

Can a mom co-exist with two teen sons in a drama free zone? Um, based on the last few months, that would be a NO. They come with drama. Times two. And I love them....

Next episode on The Musings: Teen Pregnancy - How to Torture Your Child into Abstinence.