Departures

I left my family home dozens of times in my life - I traveled to Phoenix for pretty much every major holiday through most of my college years - and I never remember feeling emotional when it came time to leave and go back to 'my life'.  Not once.  I was far more likely gleeful to be back 'on my own' with no judgmental people hanging around criticizing my every move.

Ahh....memories.

B. is totally emotional when he leaves here and I am simultaneously so emotional myself - it's a hard thing, these departures.  We give each other huge hugs, big "I love you"s and he's off - and this time, we feel even more bereft 'cuz we're not sure when the next scheduled time together will be.  He's off on a bunch of trainings, etc. - and at the moment, he thinks 'late next year' may be when he's home again.  So this time next year.  An entire year.

That can't be.

Maybe we'll head to Nashville for a long weekend in late Spring - post cruise.

H. is still in bed - he actually was in bed all day yesterday - not feeling well.  Had a bad night of little sleep so slept most of the day.  I saw him briefly as I headed up to bed last night.  I hope he's feeling better.  He and his brother were planning a day of hanging out together but that didn't happen - and I think B. was pretty disappointed about that.

I'm going to get another cup of coffee, something to eat and then hop in the shower.  Need to work a longer day today.  These darn reports take so much time and I'm at the point where I feel like I'm getting closer to 'done' and then I realize there's still so much to do.  There's always so damn much to do.  

Job security!

Winding Down

It's the last evening of Thanksgiving break and the last night B. is here.  We made homemade lobster mac 'n cheese for dinner and he invited a good friend over to join us...so the house is filled with guy laughter and humor.  The dinner was delicious and I was a great hostess and allowed our guest the last slice of pumpkin pie for dessert.  The pie I'd been craving all day and skipped a glass of wine with dinner to have.

Backup plan was a small scoop of cookies 'n cream ice cream with some chocolate sauce on it.  My blood sugar will show a spike but it's the last night of the break and I wanted a little dessert.

J. will take B. to Oakland tomorrow morning and hopefully won't hit too much traffic on the way back.  I suggested we try to get B. to do AirBart but the flight is early enough, J. should be OK. Getting stuck in east bound traffic over the Altamont on the Sunday after Thanksgiving will be horrible and I sure hope he avoids it.

I worked a bit today in my office and plan to go in again tomorrow - trying to get ahead a bit.  There are only three weeks until Winter Break and it's going to absolutely fly by.  I'm so behind on so many big projects and I honestly am just shocked that it's already just a few weeks before Christmas.  I love how quickly time goes when it comes to work but geez...it's ridiculous.

Work story:  we have a new IT person.  He's young, ambitious, smart and really nice.  A little shy - not unusual for IT staff.  We were talking through some projects that are in process and he said 'I'll schedule it for Christmas break'.  And I said 'OK, but you will be here all by yourself - track your time and let me know how much you work and we'll arrange comp time'.  He said 'Comp time?  I know everyone else will be off but I'm new and don't have enough vacation to be off'.  I realized he thought he had to work those two weeks.  I was so happy to tell him 'we are closed those two weeks!  We are ALL OFF the full break - every year!'.  He was so excited!  It was so fun to totally make someone's day/week/month - he had no idea we are closed those two weeks.

I enjoyed a really quiet day at home yesterday until the guys arrived home around 9:30PM.  I felt like I did a lot of little things that needed doing and still enjoyed some down time.

I watched all four 90 minute episodes of the Gilmore Girls on Netflix and have to say I was a little disappointed.  The 'vibe' felt all wrong - Rory was all angst filled through every episode and her natural spunk and positivity were nowhere to be seen.  And after waiting YEARS for everything to be nicely packaged and wrapped up - the closure we needed after the abrupt cancellation of the show - there was some of that but it totally ended with a HUGE cliff hanger.  The only hope is that there will be additional 90 minute episodes - Netflix alludes to that by calling the 4 episodes 'Season 1' - but I sure hope we aren't going to be left hanging AGAIN.  The series abrupt end was hard to handle - but it was subtle.  They tried to cram as much as they could into the last episode.  But this cliff hanger? The last line of the 4 episodes?  There's nothing subtle about it.  I can't wait to hear what friends at work thought about the shows - we've all been waiting so long -

I honestly can't wait to crawl into my comfy, warm bed tonight and sleep a long sleep - I feel very tired.

Before Noon!

I'm embarrassingly proud of being showered and dressed before 11AM!  I've been pretty much 'dressing for dinner' the past few days so to be clean and clothed before lunch is a milestone.

Dog is snoozing all snuggled in her bed.  Dishwasher has been run and recycling sorted.  I'm getting ready to inventory the Goodwill items we identified yesterday - everywhere we were, we continued looking for things to pass on to someone else.

GilMORE the Merrier

Huge thanks and love to my amazing husband who forked over control of the remote control whenever asked the past week.  The Gilmore Girl marathon (SEVEN days and nights - every single episode) was loads of fun and while I missed quite a few (sleep and work related), I saw a lot and it was glorious.

In another demonstration of his perfectness, he took the boys down to Tulare for the day so I HAVE THE HOUSE TO MYSELF ALL DAY TODAY - and am enjoying the new Netflix Gilmore Girls marathon as well - four 1.5 hour episodes, each a season - catching up and giving us diehard fans a little closure (hopefully).  I never accepted the hodge podge end to the series and was so disappointed in how the show had to end key story lines abruptly - so I'm hoping to feel a little better when the last season of the mini-series ends.

I should go into work today so I can work when I'm not missing time with B. - but I remind myself that B. and H. are likely going to be doing paint ball tomorrow so...there's time for work later.

Leftovers (including pie!) and my computer - I'm a happy girl right now.

November Brings

November is always a hard month for me.

This past Monday was the 50th 'anniversary' of the day my dad died.  Anniversary sounds celebratory which is absurd.  But that milestone day was looming all month and when it arrived, I felt as expected.  That day shattered our lives and left us all shattered and broken.

Sure, we've all made it 50 years past that horrific event - and that's something to be glad for.  I've had a blessed life - but this month brings all kinds of introspection and 'what if' scenarios - and the 50th time this day has arrived certainly packed more of a punch than usual.

A friend of mine lost her sister suddenly and their entire family is coming together - tons of siblings there for each other and supporting a mom who lost her 72 year old daughter.  It made me sad to realize that there's no support like that happening in my family - ever.  But it is what it is and nothing to be done to fix it.  We're all fully ensconced in being what we are to each other - minimal though it may be.

Yesterday would have been my mom's 92nd birthday - and I miss her a lot everyday but especially on her birthday.

Life moves on - and this week, it's been all about lots of food and celebrating together.  We had our surf and turf dinner last night - it was delicious and we have plenty of lobster left to make lobster mac 'n cheese in a couple days for B.'s last dinner at home for awhile.

Today, the dishwasher has been run 4 times (so far) and we've got a feast well in process.  Dinner should be soon.

My Aunt M. is on the cover of the November AARP magazine and there's a great article about where she lives - a community where older people help raise foster kids - it's a really great place and she's an amazing woman.  I'm so excited for her - and so blessed to really know her because as great as the article about her is, there's no way they can convey her true magicness in print.  You have to really know her to know how special and gifted she is and what a blessing it is in my life to say 'I really know her!  How lucky am I?'

Another evening of too much food - and pie!!  Can't wait for pumpkin pie!

Love you, Mom & Dad - and hope you are enjoying a heavenly Thanksgiving.  Thank you for giving me a great start - and Dad, I sure wish I knew you much longer than a little more than six years.

Early...So, So Early

I stumbled downstairs at 3:30ish this morning - I'd been awake since 2 and I finally just 'gave up' and decided to come downstairs.  I noticed the calendar in the kitchen showed November and I had a moment of 'what?  November?'.

Considering it's now the 17th day of November and a lot has happened since October, I shouldn't have been so stunned.  But I was.

The entire world is still reeling from the outcome of our Presidential election and even a week later, it's still hard to grasp.  Or accept.  Or fathom.

The Biden/Obama memes are hilarious and at least put a smile on many faces during a time of such...I can't even figure out the words to describe what this time is like.

We elected Donald Trump.  Yes.  Really.  As unbelievable as it is, it is true.

On a happier note, B. arrives home in a couple days for Thanksgiving week and it's going to be a wonderful week of eating too much and enjoying some family time.

I'm showering shortly 'cuz I truly wanted to be at work by 6 but didn't want my butler to get up that early so...it's going to be closer to 7 'cuz he will fix my daily rations before I head out.  Yesterday was an awful day - just so many things that happened - I'm sure that's why I didn't sleep well - but sadly, this is the 4th night out of the last 7 that have sucked on the sleep front and I'm starting to feel panicked about sleep.  Not good.

It's also cold enough to turn on the heat and that's a lovely change.  Soon, the down comforters will be required and we will begin the long snuggle into Winter.  Or as winter as it gets here.

My cousin and I enjoyed an early morning chat today and during our Facebook messaging, a Disney gif popped up into the chat box.  She said 'did you send those' and I replied 'no.  You mean you didn't send it'?  Geez....now things that you are 'chatting' about pop into your chat box uninvited.  It sort of freaked me out - especially 'cuz I had a friend tell me last week that she received a friend request from me and we were already friends.  I did all the things you're supposed to do - changed password, logged out of 'all' devices...but it worries me.

Maybe the imposter me on Facebook is having better sleep than I am.

Holy Shit

I really just want to type the f-word over and over and over....

I don't know if I should chug a beer and go to bed - see what happens in the morning?

Or stay up until we know.

I think I'll skip the beer and just go to bed - may be the last decent night's sleep I get in four years. The Dow is already crashing and who knows what tomorrow will bring -

It's not over until it's over but holy crap - this is unbelievable.  I may be living in a country that just elected a buffoon for President.

What in the fuck is happening to us, America?

(I just had to say it once).

Heaven help us all if that man is elected.

Not a Lazy Sunday

J. is heading out the door for church band...it's his thing.  I write the donation check, place it in our donation envelope and send him on his merry way.

God and I are worshiping together privately these days.  Well, I worship - He listens.  Anyway....

I am enjoying the extra hour of leisure provided by the 'fall back' of Daylight Savings time.  As usual, J. sets his clock back but I don't set mine back so I spend all night awakening and having to 'do the math' about what time is it exactly?  I will set my clock back tonight for sure so my alarm is correct.

I'm heading into work shortly - where I spent all day yesterday as well.  I have huge budget issues looming and I think (during my early morning ruminations) figured out an 'approach' that will help. Fingers crossed.  I'm supposed to be attending a conference all day tomorrow but I already told my boss 'no, not happening'.  Guess the three + days of jury duty set me back further than I anticipated - combined with more moving parts this year than ever.

Backing out the settlement our teachers didn't approve combined with more staffing changes between budget and now than ever in my tenure as C B O has resulted in some really massive budget revisions.  It truly is a lot of moving parts and I spent yesterday puzzling over them and working to unravel them - more of the same today.

My brain feels tired already.

November is officially here and we (so far) haven't turned on the heater.  I have pajama pants on but bare feet and a tank top on - I read that sitting in the cold burns calories so I'm letting my body 'work' at staying warm.  Won't be able to do that much longer, though - 'cuz it's getting cold outside for sure.

Only two weeks away from a week off for Thanksgiving - can't wait!  B. will be home, too, which makes it super special.

I do hope to be mostly off that week which is another reason I'm putting in weekend time now vs. then.  Fingers crossed.

I'd better get to it instead of talking about getting to it -

Jury Duty

Myself and about 90 other people dutifully filed into the courthouse yesterday morning at 9:30AM. Jury selection began a little later than 9:30 but we were trucking along throughout the day.  We ended up with 12 jurors in the box and 6 alternates - then we went on break - and upon returning, we were down 4.  Then the attorneys had their opportunity to drop whomever they wanted for whatever reason they had with no explanation - and we lost a couple more.  Alternates moved into the jury box and more alternates were chosen randomly.  A few more dropped out - questioning revealed concerns and after breaks, those folks were not there.  At the end of the day, we were short 4 and the judge decided not to do anymore selection and the day ended.

It started again this morning at 9:30 and I prayed 'please don't call my name'.  I joked to the guy sitting next to me - who was the guy I sat next to yesterday most of the day only we were on the wall side of the row which would have made it very challenging to get out to the aisle if our name had been called - 'we're on the aisle today - hope this isn't an omen'.

My name was the 2nd name called.  I felt like I was going to throw up.  The physical change I felt overwhelm me as soon as I was one of 18 instead of one of dozens was overwhelming - my heart was pounding; my palms were sweaty.  I sat through an hour and a half of being questioned by the two attorneys and the judge - and stepped gingerly out on limbs as I said many of the things I ruminated about all night - and still thought 'crap, what am I going to do about work'.

The judge called a break and a young man in the jury box asked to speak to the judge.  I started to exit - last one out the door - but I stopped myself and turned around and asked the bailiff 'may I please stay and speak to the judge'?

I told the judge that I was panicked about how to handle my job - explained that I am the only person in my district who can do what I do; huge report due to our board in December and then to our COE and the State, eventually.  Not to mention negotiations.  I told the judge that I was feeling completely panicked about work - and he acknowledged 'we need you to focus 100% on the case and it sounds like you're having a hard time doing that'.  So he asked the attorneys and one said she was fine and the other said he would defer to the court.  The judge said 'you can stand down, Ms. M.' - meaning be excused.

I walked out of the courtroom down the long hall with all the other juror eyes feeling like they were peeling off my skin - and headed downstairs to have my badge scanned as 'excused', get my parking ticket validated and headed to the garage.

On the way to the car (it's a little bit of a walk), I passed a small store and felt 'I need carbs' - so I grabbed a small bag of baked Ruffles and headed to the counter.  The guy (really nice - so welcoming) said 'that's 50 cents'.  And I took a $20 out of my wallet and said 'I'm so sorry but this is all I have' - and he said 'the chips are on me today!'.  So kind.

I drove most of the way home and stopped at the easiest drive-through Starbucks and got a huge iced tea.  I just felt overwhelmed and 'spent' so I called work and said I was going to use 4 hours jury duty and 4 hours sick time and call it a day - I just needed time to regroup.

The jury case is the death of a child by beating - and I can't tell you how many nights I've spent since October 18th (when I first appeared) ruminating about it all.  Yesterday, a part of the jury discussion included corporal punishment - spanking, specifically - and 'spanking' using objects like wooden spoons, belts or hair brushes.  Made me nauseous.

I will watch the news and keep an eye on the trial and await the verdict - and then the judge will decide sentencing -

I'm glad it's done.  I am so relieved to be trekking (trudging) back to work tomorrow.

In other news, Chloe has been deemed 'spoiled' by the vet - her blood glucose isn't tracking right - so instead of feeding her morning, mid-day and evening, we are now feeding her only morning and evening.  And I won't be feeding her as soon as I get up - I will wait to feed her just before J. comes downstairs and he will give her insulin as soon as he's up.  I can do it - I know I should do it - but honestly, adding one more thing to my list of things I trudge through 1/2 asleep seems overwhelming and especially so in that it involves sharp things and getting the right dosage into the syringe, etc. .

She is whining like a champ constantly at the moment and her dinner hour is still 1.75 hours away.