Ambassadors

Happy Monday, everyone! We've had a busy, too quickly passing weekend.

On Saturday, we attended a People to People Student Ambassador meeting in Stockton. B. and H. both received invitations to apply for the trip this coming summer - 7 countries, 24 days. The trip sounds amazing and they are both totally stoked and so want to go. We attended to get information primarily for H., since B. had his oversees trip in 2006. But of course, they both want to go. Though B. has graciously (sort of) conceded that it is H.'s 'turn' and therefore, he'll understand if he can't go.

The thing is: we can 'afford' it, technically. With 'afford' in quotes because, technically, there isn't much we can't manage if we decide to. But it is a hard thing to spend enough to buy a car on a trip that is just over 3 weeks long. This trip in particular is the 2nd most expensive trip they offer (of course it would be, since they both want to go)...it is a lot of money. Made even more challenging given B. will be looking at colleges shortly, trying to decide where he wants to go. So spending a chunk of $$ on a trip doesn't seem 'reasonable' at the moment.

Yet, like all parents, we want them to have as many 'experiences' as they can - and we know how much B. enjoyed his trip. How he came back more independent and more 'grown up'. How he realizes we're just one country, in a world of countries. It was a great learning experience for him. So we want that for H., as well. And B., again, if possible. And H. would like B. to go - which doesn't surprise me, because for all his bluff and bluster lately, H. is a homebody who prefers to be near family. Though I'm sure he'd do fine on his own, I'm sure he wants B. to go to have 'company' nearby when needed. And the thought of the two of them creating life-long memories together on the trip of a lifetime is something I'd like them both to have. Maybe this trip will improve/increase the brotherly bond, which will set them up to better survive what's to come - adulthood - and bond them for life. I'd like that.

We're not sure what we're doing yet. For now, I think we'll apply, pay the initial refundable deposit, go through the interview process (for both) and see what happens.

I find myself thinking 'well, I can work until I'm [insert number here]'. I could retire at 55....or 56....or - you get the idea. I can keep bumping out my date and 'rationalize' spending today's cash for the kids. And I can, surely, work until I'm in my sixties. Don't want to, but certainly can. And probably will, in all likelihood. 'Cuz once J. actually retires, I'm pretty darn sure that I will be paralyzed with fear at the thought of only ONE income coming into the house. And will likely work FOREVER to be absolutely, positively SURE we have enough to last for the rest of our lives. That's what I fear the most - that all these decisions we make today will result in me working forever....and I don't want that. And I realize it's not likely - I will quit, eventually.

I'm torn. I want to give them anything and everything possible. I want them to have the college experience I only dreamed about. I want them to see the world and share experiences together that they'll always have to look back on. I want the world for them...I really do.

J. and I were at Coscto on Saturday and I was eating my hot dog talking to J. about the ant infestation. I said 'they're nesting in our house and I want them OUT' and made my funny 'determined' face. J. smiled and joked with me. The lady next to us, with 4 young children said 'I hope when I'm as old as the two of you, my husband still laughs with me'. There were many things I could have said....and neither of us were sure we would have started the sentence with 'when I'm as old as the two of you'....what we should have said is: 'when you get to be our age, and you still have two teenage boys at home, you'd better keep laughing 'cuz that's the only thing that gets you through'.

Ain't that the truth!