Gone

This is my 100th post! Somewhat of a milestone, which I seem to be having many of lately.

So, I've officially 'left' my job. I drove up to the PE building to clean out my locker, and drove back down by my building and asked my cow-orker (inside joke) N. to meet me in the parking lot so I could give her my keys and my parking pass to give to my boss. No point in going back in the building. BUT N. had a 'committee' waiting for me so I got the official 'send off'. Waves, thumbs up, etc. It was sweet.

I thought I'd feel a huge sense of relief upon leaving the parking lot. To have finally DONE IT - and be officially 'gone'. But I don't. I just feel sad. Very sad. Like I left a part of my soul behind and I'll never, ever get it back.

It didn't help that my boss left the door 'open' - WIDE, HOPEFULLY, OPEN - to return there someday in the not too distant future. And I'm grateful for that - grateful that he said I'll always have a 'home' there. But I worry that having that 'possibility' in my mind, combined with missing that place and those people SO much will make me being happy at the new place impossible. I mean, I have to go there with excitement and desire to do well...and if I have the 'out', I worry that I won't be 'all there'. I have to think that through over the next few weeks. To be sure that I walk in the door ready to 'be' as successful and happy at my 'new' job as I was at my old. I don't want to NOT be successful there. But I am open to being sure that I AM really, truly HAPPY at the new place and if I'm not, then returning to my college job wouldn't be a bad thing. I left on very good terms. Got a glowing 'exit' interview/final review. Acknowledging that I am leaving for a better opportunity; that I gave plenty of notice; that my boss knew I was applying and was supportive of my pursuing the new job. It was a 'good' exit. So I can go back there if I'm not happy at the new place.

I am ready for something 'new'. And for new challenges. And new opportunities. And no commute. I am ready. I want to be at the new place. Even if my heart is missing the old place.

I am officially on vacation now for a little over a week. Can't wait for sleeping in, Christmas, time with the boys and J. and just time OFF. Let the holidays begin!