Dad

My father-in-law died a couple weeks ago. We had a memorial service for him last weekend in Visalia, where he raised three kids. Let me tell you about Dad.

First, calling him Dad was always special to me. I was only 6 when my own dad died and my mom never remarried. I don't remember ever having anyone to call 'Dad'. So when I married, I asked my in-laws if it was OK to just call them Mom and Dad. It was. I think it bugged my mom a bit - how easy it was for me to call another woman 'Mom'. But calling my f-i-l Dad was so important to me -

Dad was a southern gentleman through and through. From Kentucky. Military man who retired as a Major and then worked for Tulare county and retired from there. His post-retirement job was caring for C., his wife. She had polio and was in a wheelchair. He attended to her every need. Devotedly and unfailingly every day for 40+ years. They were the ultimate example of 'in sickness and in health'. Caring for her was like breathing to him. It was what he did, who he was and what made him whole. When she died 5 years ago (5 months after my mom died), it left a hole in his soul that couldn't be filled - not by grandkids, or kids, or visits, or phonecalls. He missed her so much.

J. is a lot like his dad, I think. Few words. Thrifty (which is not the same as cheap). Loving and caring in a quiet, constant way. Proud. A true gentleman. J. gave a moving tribute to his dad during the service and it was so wonderful. We picture them as they are in a picture that hung on the wall by the kitchen - dancing cheek to cheek, madly in love, before Polio. So happy. A family favorite, that picture.

We miss you, Dad. Your grandsons miss you terribly - but they know you are with Mom in heaven dancing, and it helps.