Massively Donating

J. is making a trip to the library with a car full of books for donation.  We're working on cleaning out the playroom and I'm realizing that I offered up our vacant bedrooms not realizing just how much stuff is in them.  It feels impossible to empty these rooms but we're trying. 

R. & H. stopped by last night (and are now overdue for today's visit) and we talked through the process - realizing that on all sides, there's no way we're getting every little thing cleaned out in time for them to be here permanently starting this coming Friday night.  We'll get them in and continue working evenings and weekends to get things more settled.

We have worked super hard today and have both been lifting and hauling, making so many trips up and down the stairs.  My legs feel like Jello - in a good way.  In addition to the play room, I worked on their bathroom - cleaned out every drawer (empty) and wiped things down.  Same with the medicine chest.  I'm heading up again to give the under sink cabinets a sort and will bring down bags more to trash.  It feels super good to get things cleaned out and I keep reminding us both 'better we're doing all this work now 'cuz imagine doing it in 3-5 years when we're even older'. 

This house has 17+ years of joy in it - along with all the 'stuff' that comes with it. 

We've set up donation space in the garage and will just keep sorting and organizing.  I'm super glad J. went to the library today, though, because books take up a lot of space and don't do too well being stored in the cold garage. 

I'm secretly super glad I'm in Sacramento Thursday and Friday this week - but I do feel bad leaving J. to deal with it all.  We know R. & H. have been selling some furniture and have been packing so we're quasi hopeful it won't be too much left.  We are insisting (for what it's worth 'cuz with their laissez-faire approach to life, insisting doesn't make much difference) they plan to make trips here every night this week with 'stuff' to unload.  Better to work hard nightly than leave too much to Friday. 

H. got called into work this past Friday - which he accepted 'cuz he's new and the money is helpful.  But this coming Friday, I'm hoping he doesn't get called in so they can start early and finish before nightfall.

I'm going to set up Facebook Marketplace.  I have a friend who posts things for sale all the time on there and I'm hoping if I post it to friends or even make it 'public', things will sell quickly.  We've got extra book cases and the glass door cases my beanie collection used to be in - and we are ready to let those things go.  Maybe T. & C. can use them in their rooms here...so we'll see. 

But the microwave cart from old first apartment (yes, really) that held the TV in our bedroom for ages is going to the garage and hopefully sold on Facebook.  Though I suppose it could be painted (I'm tempted to try some chalk paint projects) and used for a storage table of some kind. 

By the end of this week, I will be parking in the driveway 'cuz the garage will be full.  The storage rental place doesn't have anything available until late next week so we'll (sadly) have to unload, reload and unload again at some point.  The kids have friends lined up - so they say - so here's hoping.  We need some strong people and trucks.  Lots of both.

I'm even more excited with my planned trip to Reno over the 10th-12th.  So far, the advance forecast shows mostly sun and while there's snow on the hills and trees enroute, it will hopefully be relatively mild on the roads.  J. procured snow cables for the Rav so I'll have them - but if they need to be put on and taken off, I'll be paying whatever the going price for that is.  I'm so excited - haven't been to Atlantis since late November and picked a great weekend to go - free play, Macy's gift card, extra comps and a slot tournament!!  I will have a super fun couple of days. 

After that trip, it's only 4 weeks until we leave for our Bahamas/Virgin Island cruise and Disneyworld.  More on that trip shortly. 

Last Weekend of Just We Two

Arrived home from the week that felt never ending shortly after 4 yesterday afternoon.  Looking forward to a nice, quiet evening with my best beloved - dinner of chicken, rice and green beans and maybe opening a bottle of wine from our order. 

Instead, I was greeted with 'kids are due here anytime'.  Really?  Hmm....that was a complete surprise.  We'd never discussed them coming over - but oh well.  Learning to roll with it is my specialty so I adjusted. 

We decided to treat for In & Out 'cuz we truly had nothing available to feed six people -

Two and half hours later (close to 7), they arrived.  I will never understand their lack of any concept of time.  The only 'save' at this point is:  in one week's time, they will be HERE all the time so that should decrease the waiting around for them time. 

It did decide one thing for me, though - we are going to 'eat/shop' separately in terms of meals.  They will have their refrigerator and we will have ours (pretty much).  They shop and plan for them and we shop and plan for us.  We don't have to wonder how many will be here and when we'll be eating 'cuz we're just going to keep scheduling and cooking for 'just the two of us'.  If/when all six of us (or four of us when the kids are with their dad), we can always decide to cook and eat together and/or eat out now and then.  But nightly?  Not happening.  The kids have a lot of activities and their schedule is totally unknown to us - and that's not including the chaos of their shared custody which is the weirdest, most convoluted 'arrangement' two divorced people could ever come up with.  But it is what it is.  And none of it is 'our' problem.

They are (supposedly) arriving back here late this afternoon to drop off some boxes of stuff and to work through some paperwork stuff related to the Mariner.  R. announced to J. last week 'by the way, I don't have car insurance at the moment'.  WTF?  Her ex had removed her from their policy - so she had to get it reinstated on her current car (the CRV that's barely running) so she could transfer the coverage over to the Mariner when she takes possession.  J. had to move all the DMV appointments he'd set up while she did that - and today, we are hopefully going to see proof of insurance and policy limits.  If she's not maintaining enough coverage to pay off the car to the lien holder (us) in the event of an accident, then we're not selling it to her.  Period. 

On a happier note, my paycheck is going to be $260 higher each month thanks to Mr. Trump.  (I refuse to call him President Trump based on his lack of any character, morals or leadership skills that warrant that designation).  I'm calling it Trump Funny Money and J. (bless his heart) agreed that I can have some of it for fun money - at least for a few months.  After that, it will either go back to the IRS ('cuz it's not like we're not going to owe for the 2018 tax year - we owe every year, without fail) or add it to our monthly savings amount and move it to our brokerage account monthly. 

I'm hoping I can use it in Reno in a couple weeks and hit a big one.  Wouldn't make me like him at all (nothing ever will) but...it would be cool. 

Chloe is snoring loudly.  J. is upstairs working on packing up and tidying B.'s room to get ready for T. to move in.  I'm heading upstairs shortly myself to start culling out the bathroom cupboards and work on emptying the playroom as much as I can. 

Big events with lots of adjustments on the horizon.  I sure hope I'm up for this.  I have no choice but to be...but....well....we'll see how it goes. 

It's beautiful here today - blue skies, crystal clear - cold.  But pretty.  Hoping to also spend some time outside tidying up - wet weather keeps us from tidying weekly so when there's blue skies, we have to make the most of the time available. 

Have a great weekend!

First Sick Day of 2018

I truly hardly ever call in sick.  Most things I can push through - but stomach stuff isn't one of them.  I spent a good part of the night in the bathroom and when I woke up this morning, I just couldn't do it.  I trekked downstairs to enter my absence, email those who need to know I'm absent, feed the dog, take the dog out (twice) and then went back to bed.  Came downstairs at 10AM and not feeling great.  Low key day close to a bathroom.

I ate super 'badly' at the Sacramento event.  Ate things that I know not to eat.  But I ate what was there to eat and I'm paying for it.  I will be significantly more careful in two weeks when I'm at the next training.  Just because food is available and free doesn't mean I need to eat more than I do on a normal day.  'Cuz my innards don't appreciate the overload and they really punish me for it.  Seriously.

My boss is in the office today which I know 'cuz he's been emailing me non-stop.  I know he's doing as much as he can non-stop on the days he's in the office because with his dad's health issues, he's out of the office a bit these days, too.  Poor guy.  I remember that feeling - so well.

This morning, our favorite winery called us to offer a sale of 20% everything and $1 shipping.  We did a review of what we wanted and ordered two cases of wine.  J. initially said 'we've got plenty' but then I reminded him that I think I will be drinking more often when we have 4 more people here daily.  A glass of wine with dinner every night is something I could get used to.  Or at least a couple times a week.  We bought some wines with R. in mind - she likes whites.  And we splurged on a couple bottles of really delicious reds. 

It's drizzly and cold here today -

With negotiations and a board meeting on tomorrow's calendar, I have to get there tomorrow - so I'm eating lightly today and praying things calm down.  Early to bed for me tonight and hoping for better sleep (any sleep would be better than last night) so I can awake refreshed and ready for what tomorrow brings.

Dreading the Reality

Enjoying our second-to-last leisurely, quiet Sunday morning.  Beef barley soup is simmering on the stove top.  Cookies baked for the 'grand kids' who should arrive (we hope) around 1PM.  Their appearance for dinner last night never happened and it's hard for me to understand how they are both just so abysmal at planning.  Guess baseball tryouts for T. (R.'s son) started way later than they thought and by the time they were close to coming, it was three hours past when we expected them.  We (especially me) were both fading fast so we rescheduled for them to arrive today.

Then we both tried super hard not to eat all the cookies.

I have moments when I think 'what the f*&^ have we done?'.  But in discussions with J., we both acknowledge that for this point in time, it seems the only option.  We want to set time limits on our 'support' (translation:  living here) but...we'll just have to see how it goes.  Neither of them has credit and now R. has an eviction on her 'record' so...H. will have to wait until he has a credit rating and/or six months of gainful employment to qualify for a house.

I ponder things like 'and now her son is on a baseball team' which I'm sure is not without expenses.  In most divorces, the parents would both pay 1/2 - but that doesn't happen in this divorce and it's likely R. is paying.  More outflow vs. any inflow to offset.

We hope to 'see' their budget today and mention things like 'and what about baseball'?  And C. (R.'s daughter) is in 8th grade and there's LOTS of expenses related to that milestone year.

Just because we can help doesn't mean we should.  It's hard to acknowledge - but we haven't watched her kids grow up - so while we like them and feel 'warm' towards them (they are kids, after all, so how could you not, really), we don't have feelings of super closeness or 'love' towards them.  If they were our grand kids who've we've known all their lives (and them us), it would be different.  Add to that there is no legal 'relationship' between R. & H. .  Doesn't mean there's not history but...there's no bond that makes it a pretty solid commitment.  And we're not sure there ever will be though H. says they've talked about it.

(I squash that thought like a bug in my head periodically - 'cuz until they can be self supporting, I don't think marriage is a good idea).

So even though we could offer to pitch in for 'extras' for the kids, I'm not inclined.  But maybe what they pay us to live here will be tucked away and then we could use (some of) those funds to help.  It's not like we 'need' the income their 'room and board' will provide.  It's just going into savings where all 'extra' money goes.  (I could rationalize it should be 'fun money' but J. says 'you can rationalize anything' and I'm trying to prove him wrong.  Though I have a feeling that my sanity is going to require a lot more 'jaunts' to sit in front of a slot machine and veg).

I love my job but it is very stressful and I fear coming home to a house full of people every night.  J. understand and knows that when I get home, I'm typically not chatty.  I want to sit down, eat dinner, do my 'stuff' (computer, mail, finances, etc.) and then I am frequently upstairs heading to bed within a few hours of arriving home.  I'm tired and drained most days and I really a struggling with having a lot more people around.  I hope I don't lose my &^#@ due to the chaos.

J. has created a 'theater' in our room - his new TV with it's sound bar and two comfy, cozy armchairs.  We can always escape to our 'wing' (the bedrooms being occupied are on the opposite side of the upstairs - not really a huge separation in terms of measured feet, but still, separate) and enjoy some TV and/or movies.

We are proceeding on watching Handmaid's Tale and I'm grateful to J. who watched a couple episodes when he was waiting at the car dealership this past week because he said he thought the story was providing 'content' that wasn't entirely gut-wrenching to watch.  We gave up on the series once before but we tried again and I made it through a few more - but when you feel 'dread' at the thought of watching, it's hard.  The dread is lightening and you start to 'see' the big(ger) picture of the story - it's feeling easier to watch and we're looking forward to Season 2 which starts in early April.

Time to shower and dress and continue working around the homestead.  I just spent 10 minutes scrubbing something 'solidly congealed' off one of the refrigerator shelves and there's plenty more gradoo to work on.

Positive mojo and prayers appreciated - I know in the grand scheme of all the things happening in our country right now, this is the least of it - but still, I'd appreciate positive thoughts about this going reasonably OK.  Hopefully, H.'s job will continue to be 'good' and he'll continue to like it - and even if he doesn't like it, he'll do it 'cuz he has to.  His income is 'it' for them at the moment.

And we hope to finalize the sale of the Mariner this week.  Fingers crossed.  Not an(y) influx of cash for us - but off our insurance and onto hers.  And then she can hopefully drive for Lyft again.

This Big House

is going to be more 'full' than it's been in years 2 weeks from today.  For reasons that I will (biting my tongue super hard to ensure I will) not say, the 'kids' and her kids 1/2 time are moving in with us.  It's become pretty clear over the course of the past week or so that they have been living far beyond their means and while the thought of 4 people here - 3 of whom we know only superficially at this point - has me shaking in my shoes a lot, it's the only option we can come up with.  The only other option is to just say 'go with God' and wash our hands of it all. 

But he's our son.  And he loves her and she loves him.  And while it's super messy....it is what it is. 

In my head, I think 'how about I rent an apartment for ME and just bolt?'.  Kidding.  Sort of.

We're hoping that allowing them to live here will give them a chance to save money.  And will also (and possibly most importantly) allow R. to have funds to hire an attorney and force her ex to quit jerking her around and to do the things he is legally required to do.  It's hard for her that we 'know' there are issues - she's intensely private and I get that - but the things that have happened and continue to happen are not in the best interest of the kids - and someone has to hold him accountable.  Lawyers cost money and we're hoping the reduction in expenses will provide those funds - and when all that's taken care of, then they can start saving to get an apartment or rent a house.

I vetoed us co-signing a lease for a rental house in Manteca because J. and I are both super good with money and in the absence of feeling confident they can manage, we're not signing.  I don't think either party is 'happy' about that turn of events.  But THAT is what that is - and what it is is us not being willing to be on the hook for $1500 a month to keep them in a different dwelling. 

We are (hopefully - because one of the many issues we have is continued instances of inaccurate communication that leads to a lot of confusion and hard feelings) expecting them with her kids tomorrow - pizza and sitting down and talking things out.  We still have to (also) finalize the sale of the Mariner but frankly (and I told H. this earlier this evening), I'm not sure we should be selling her a car.  I don't think she can pay for it monthly - and I'm not giving her a car.  No way. 

We'll see.  Hopefully this time tomorrow evening, I'll feel a whole lot better about things. 

I trekked to Sacramento yesterday for a two day training.  My travel partner is a Gold status member of Marriott Rewards and she reserved a room for me - and we both were upgraded to one bedroom suites!  And free made to order, served at a table by a waitress breakfast.  In a really lovely hotel.  The training was excellent.  The only hard thing was:  my boss' father had a stroke on Wednesday so he wasn't able to attend the training with us.  Praying for him and his family - very hard thing to be going through.  The waiting is just so dang hard.

J. is at a show at Gallo this evening with his friend R. .  I'm having a Blue Moon and unwinding and likely heading to bed early.  I slept like a ROCK last night but it was a short night - our class ended at 9 and I was in bed by 10 - but up early to get ready for today's all day session.  I'm ready for sleep - and most importantly, ready for a no-alarm, go back to sleep kind of morning.

Waffling

Nice to have a three day weekend just after the first week back.  It was a good week, all things considered.  I started by making a list and did a pretty good job of maintaining the list from Day 1.  Felt super productive daily which felt great.

This week will have me in the car round trip to Sacramento twice and includes an overnight stay in Sacramento as well.  I'm attending a class that is 5PM - 9PM on Thursdays and all day Fridays and (thankfully) I'm going to stay up there.  My boss is commuting but he has a one year old to help with  at home so - and/or he may stay with his brother who lives near there.  

The past few days have been reflective of the constant back and forth with H&R - who required rescuing again when their electricity was turned off.  We came up with the payment due and it was (thankfully) turned back on - but the 'stories' around why/how that shutoff happened vary and change like the wind.  I think we got a more accurate 'story' this evening when H. stopped by for (literally) 8 minutes to pickup boxes - R. had tried to charge the amount due on a credit card but it didn't go through.  

I think they have been living well over their means for a long time.  

They think they've found a house to rent and are acknowledging that the cats are going to have to be given to friends.  I strongly urged him to have the kids start looking for friends to take them both - because we have decided we don't want them here.  I just can't handle felines.  I love them - don't get me wrong.  Love, love cats.  They are often snuggly and sweet and purring is very comforting.  They are also sneaky, love to use our wood stair posts as scratching posts and at some point, will likely decide to pee everywhere but their litter box.  I speak from experience.  So no.  We won't do cats.

H. is bringing the paperwork over tomorrow for the rental - they've submitted an application.  They need us to co-sign and I feel a lot of trepidation about that.  Signing a long-term lease is scary when we're the party that will be responsible financially - and these 'kids' don't have the best track record.  I'm going to insist that we won't co-sign until we've sat down together, pencil and paper and sketched out their monthly budget.  R. is (please, God, let this work out) starting a part time job she can do at home, assisting a long-time family friend as an admin assistant.  He owns a construction company and can use help with paperwork, scheduling, etc. .  Once the Mariner is in her name, she can start driving for Lyft again as well.  I think having two incomes is imperative to this working out 'cuz there's no way H.'s salary is going to be enough on it's own.

I wrestle with thinking the world of him for taking on 'a wife and two kids' and doing his best to support them financially - and wanting to slap some sense into him.  But people do a lot in the name of love so....I try to bite my tongue. 

I'm not good at biting my tongue - which I demonstrated earlier today on the phone with B..  He shared that 'I've given up drinking'.  He paused - probably waiting for me to cheer! - and then said 'for two months.  I'm stopping for two months'.  I said 'oh, so just for a couple months'.  I DID stop myself from saying 'so you're not really stopping so much as taking a break'.  But he was pissed that I said 'only a couple months'.  The silence told the story.  

He's bored - because he can't go to bars with friends and they do that a lot, I guess?  He said 'I know myself and if I go to a bar, I will have a drink'.  So better that he stays away.  But a four day weekend closed up in his room - even with a nice TV and plenty of video games to play - he sounded 'down'.  

I'm glad he's taking a break from drinking and I'm hoping that if/when he starts again, he'll try for more moderation.  

Chicken avocado burgers for dinner - yummy!  We're using our Hello Fresh recipes to create meals for a few weeks - we'll see how we do.  We can always start the orders back up again easily but we have plenty of food on hand and should eat what we have.  

We're approaching being just 60 days away from our Disneyworld trip which means we can start making dinner reservations and get our fast passes set up for each day.  It will be a whirlwind trip and as first timers, it feels overwhelming.  I've been to Disneyworld and Epcot but it was 21 years ago and I was only in the parks for a day...and what I remember most about that day is how much I missed my husband and my kids.  Super glad J. will be with me this time!

We've also set all of our cruise excursions and have one port where we're just going to see what we feel like doing that morning - no booked excursion.  We may get off the ship and head into the port and just explore on our own, being careful not too venture too far from the port and most definitely not getting in a vehicle for any 'excursion' that takes us away from where the ship is docked nearby. The change in itinerary necessitated by the hurricanes left us with one less sea day so I just might stay on the ship that day and just relax.  Sit on the balcony, read, nap, go to the pool or spa.  There's zillions of things to do - this ship is far larger than The Jewel we cruised on last year so there's going to be plenty to explore and do.  

I need to start getting ready for tomorrow - a super early alarm and a long drive North in what will likely be fog.  It's been overcast, cold and foggy here for a few days and looks like more of that this week.  Fingers crossed the weather lightens up by February 10th 'cuz I'm booked for two nights at The Atlantis and I really (emphasis on REALLY) want to go - 

Vino

Here's hoping that the key to a decent night's sleep before the first day of work in 19 days is a couple of glasses of really good wine consumed over a really nice dinner with our youngest son and his girlfriend.

We love them both very much -

Sleep and work beckon.  Back to 'nose to the grindstone' - but it's a job I'm good at and grateful for - and there's a lot to be said for steady, well-paid employment.

2018 is going to be a good year.