Tension

So, my evening went something like this:

I watch TV, tidy up the kitchen, make coffee for morning, set the timer on the coffee pot, get the dogs outside and in their kennel for the night. Proceed upstairs, feed the cats, cover the bird, get ready for bed. Close the bedroom door.

The cats don't like this. They don't like that they cannot enter where I am and since there's no one else home to snuggle with, they start doing body slams against the door. I am sort of in and out of sleepiness and can't figure out if the noise is coming from inside the house or out. This startles me awake. I jump from the bed and my feet get cramps - not sure what that is about but it is becoming a recurrent event - and the toes on my right foot are so cramped, they are curling up towards the ceiling. I hobble into the bathroom - cats gleefully following - and proceed to stand, twist, bend, massage - anything I can think of to get my feet to uncramp and my toes to return to a 'normal' position. This takes 20 minutes.

I decide that it's probably a good idea to have a phone near my bed - after all, I am alone in a large house and while our neighborhood is pretty quiet, you never know. I retrieve the phone from the nightstand in the other bedroom and 'lo and behold, it's dead. Dead, dead, DEAD. Won't respond to any attempts to activate it. So there goes my 'security blanket'. I return to my bed and spend about an hour pondering 'should I lock the bedroom door, or shouldn't I. On the one hand, if I lock it, it will give me some 'time' to avoid an intruder by - hmm, by ....by jumping out the window onto the concrete below. Not that great of a plan but heck, I have no phone so if my home is invaded, jumping out the window may be my best shot. BUT then I think 'if I do lock the door, then it will be obvious to an intruder that there is someone in here...so maybe I shouldn't do that'. In the end, I fall asleep before I can decide.

I awake a few hours later hearing a sort of 'scratching' noise. I turn on the lamp and see a small, furry grey paw sliding under the door. Klink has realized that the body slams have completely pissed me off so he's now trying the more subtle approach. I open the door to go to the bathroom and he bolts in, victorious. I then have to use the 'treat' bottle (rattling it is my signal to the cats that I will give them a treat) to get him to exit the room. He obediently saunters back out - all 16 pounds of him - and his brother follows. They get a treat, I pee as quickly as possible and head back to my bed before they can follow me. I am moving gingerly because the slightest mis-step and odd flexing of my feet causes the cramps again and I don't want that again.

Unfortunately, the sound of the treat jar rattling upstairs has awakened the hounds who now fiercely protect me against intruders by barking their fool heads off. Dani sounds like she's ready to rip some one's head off. I quiet them down - 'shhh. Quiet. It's me. Go back to sleep.' and head back to bed. For the night. Finally.

It has rained all night and my planned activities of hanging around the yard with the dogs - me pulling weeds, planting, etc. while they do their laps around the perimeter of the yard - is foiled by wet, soggy weather.

I decide to be productive and pull out the kennel bedding - and find two socks, a few twigs, clumps of grass and 1/2 eaten cows hooves. Chloe is gleeful at the discovery of all the hooves and proceeds to play 'hoof hockey' - she picks up a hoof in her mouth and swings her head, tossing the hoof across the tile floor. This does not sit well with me because while I honestly didn't feel a single 'effect' of the banana daiquiri, my head does. I have a bit of a headache - probably from restless sleep - but the daiquiri could be a factor. I rarely drink and my body's reaction to alcohol is unpredictable. So who knows. In any event, the racket created by the hoof hockey is not sitting well with me.

A teeny tiny bit of sun is trying to come out. I will head upstairs to shower, dress and prepare for the day. I miss J. and the kids. The house is always so darn quiet when they aren't here. I look forward to these 'alone' times more than I can describe and yet, invariably, I end up just missing the guys like crazy. Can't wait to see them tomorrow.

Love you, J. Hurry home 'cuz me and the cats miss you.

Seizing

I went to Jackson today for a little play on the slots. Took my usual budget and returned +100 so that's a good day. Of course, there were moments when I was up more than that so I could beat myself up for not 'stopping' even more ahead. But I won't. I go up fully intending to lose what I've budgeted to lose and frequently return even and sometimes, like today, return a bit ahead. It was a beautiful drive - the wildflowers are in full bloom and the hills are still green - so pretty. And they opened up a new road that by my estimation, saved about 20 minutes of the drive so that's cool, too. Had some play time, ate lunch on my player's points and headed home.

Had a message from N. at my old job this morning and tried to call her a couple times. Finally reached her this evening and we chatted and chatted. I miss her and we just pick up where we left off. Wedding plans, latest frustrations at our respective jobs, etc. I'm so blessed to know her and she's just so much fun -

So she wanted me to meet her for dinner - spur of the moment. I'm not good at 'unplanned' things - just not like me to drop everything and do something on a moment's notice. I'm in my late 40's now and I've never been that good at seizing the moment - but I did. I quickly fed the dogs, took them out, kenneled them and headed over the hill. We met at Los Vaqueros Grill in Livermore and had dinner. And banana daiquiris. Just one combined with a lot of food and chips...so no worries. The company was fun, the dinner was good (except for when I bit into a huge chunk of ginger thinking it was pineapple and almost died from the 'spice' of it). Had pulled pork tacos with pineapple chutney - delicious and the banana daiquiri was the perfect accompaniment. N. is working hard on her wedding plans and the 'big' day is only 6 months away. Time flies.

I wish I got to see her more often. She keeps me young. She's got a good head on her shoulders and a sweet heart. She's just such a good friend and I never would have imagined that we would be so close. We just love to laugh and agree that's what we miss most - neither of us is laughing at our jobs as much these days without the other. So we'll have to try to keep in touch via phone and the occasional get together so we can laugh more.

It was fun. I'm stuffed and heading to bed shortly. The dogs are missing the kids. They are mopey and whiney and not too sure why the house is so quiet. I sort of miss the kids (and J. of couse), too, but I don't mind the quiet. It's a nice change from the typical chaos.

Dream

This morning, I dreamed about the beach house. We were there visiting 'neighbors' up the hill - and I saw our 'old' cabin down the hill. It looked the same - just a small 'square' building. It seemed to be 'placed' differently in relation to the road but there were other changes - new buildings, etc. so I thought it was just the changes to the 'neighborhood'. The friends said 'it's for sale' and I tore off down the hill with J. to take a look. It was a 'strange' layout - not a lot of windows, which didn't make sense for a beach house. A bedroom on one level. A kitchen/eating area on the other and the top floor was just a big 'sitting' area - with windows. The colors were just what I would choose - bright oranges and reds, bright blues and sea colors. I love it - it seemed small but the price was right. I was so happy and so wanted it. I still wasn't sure about the 'layout' but figured we could make it work. 'There must be more outside' and I anxiously went out around the side - and there were lots of chaise lounges and chairs - perfect for the beach. And then I walked around the corner and there it was - the ocean. RIGHT THERE, lapping at the patio. I was so ecstatic and joy-filled that in my dream, I started sobbing immediately. Tears of pure joy. While in the back of my mind, I was thinking 'this house will be submerged by the first big storm' and also 'so is this global warming, too?' 'cuz the water used to be a walk away and high tides came somewhat close, but never that close. This shoreline was at the house, basically. But this was a dream and I didn't care - I was ready to buy it on the spot - even with it's lack of windows, strange layout and the water lapping at the patio. I wanted it and was ready to write the check then and there....

And then, I heard the door open and J. was coming in to wake me up - to tell me that my assistant K. had called and said it was an emergency and asked him to please have me call as soon as possible. The dream was over and reality was setting in.

I called her right back - before I'd said a word to anyone and before I'd had coffee. My voice was crackly and gruff. She called to tell me that a young man who worked with me, reported to me, actually, had been killed last night in a motorcycle/car accident. As soon as she said 'Majah, C. died last night' I said 'it was the bike, wasn't it'? And it was. C. had already been in one accident shortly before I started working there - he had been extremely lucky that time and had only fractured his wrist. This time, his luck was out and he tried to pass a car and ended up hitting a car turning left. He was barely alive when paramedics got there and was pronounced dead at the hospital a short time later. I am stunned and sad. He was a great young man and had so much potential. All of us at work 'mothered' him about the bike. Cautioned him to be careful. I had it on my 'list of things to do' to talk to him about it because kids were watching him and he often did wheelies, etc. down the street. I never talked to him about the wheelies - but I did tell him as often as I could 'be careful'. He wasn't - or he was, but just this one time, he wasn't.

I am sad for his family and for his work family. We will all miss him so much. At the same time, I'm pissed. Angry at him for being careless and for thinking he was invincible. Angry that he didn't listen to us, or his mom - that he continued to not drive carefully and cautiously. Angry at myself for not talking to him sooner - for not trying one more time to impress on him the seriousness of his actions on that bike. I don't think it would have made any difference - he was a kid and he had already had one accident - if that didn't make him slow down and be more cautious, nothing would. But I wish I had tried.

We will miss you, C. God is lucky to have you and I hope He has a lot of IT issues He needs help with. You are really good at figuring out computers and I hope you'll be doing everything you love in heaven. Even if that means doing wheelies. Just please watch out for other angels, 'kay?

Keys

My relatively new laptop lost the left shift key - completely and totally lost it. Unlike a desktop keyboard, the keys on the laptop do not just 'pop in' - the thing is 'gone'. Completely and totally gone. What is showing is just metal and plastic - like a 'chip' of some kind - but it will not respond to a keystroke. The key is off and cannot be attached again - we've tried - several times.

You wouldn't think the loss of that key could be such a havoc-wreaking issue, but it is. I cannot train my right pinky to use the right shift key - after 30+ years of using the left shift key exclusively, changing to the right (even though I am right handed) is a challenge.

I learned to type on an old manual typewriter - black and heavy. I would write my grandmother in Oklahoma pretty regularly and always typed my letters. My first line was always 'How are you? I am fine. What have you been doing?' I was really fast on that sentence using two fingers.

My mom taught 'business machines' at a community college and she insisted that I learn to type 'properly'. I took typing in high school and practiced at home and eventually learned to type by touch. I remember 'grousing' about it, insisting that my two finger method was just fine and I couldn't see the value in practicing and taking classes - but she persisted so I took them. She was right. The last time I tested (when I was job hunting after leaving the corporate world), I typed 78 WPM with no errors. Not bad. I was sure grateful to my mom for making me learn to type - she must have 'seen' the future and realized that soon, we would all be using computers in everyday life and typing would become a necessity. In her day, the only folks who really learned to type by touch were those who had decided that being 'assistants' of some kind was their life goal. Now, you need typing for virtually any job in pretty much any field. So I'm grateful that I have that 'skill' and don't have to rely on two fingers to get my words to appear.

I never did learn shorthand (which she was also very proficient at) but I've never regretted it. I worked in collections for many years and have my own 'shorthand' learned from years of typing notes about conversations and agreements keeping things brief and short. Sort of like what kids use to text message these days - no vowels. Sets of letters 'defined' as a phrase. It works.

We will eventually be taking the laptop to the Geek Squad to see if they can repair it. I am adjusting but my right hand is 'cramping' and I'm convinced it's because my pinky is not used to being 'used' in this fashion and it is rebelling. The muscles that control that motion have not been used for this keystroke ever and it's going to take a lot of time and effort to retrain. So I have to get the left key fixed before I really 'switch'.

It's already going better 'cuz I've typed this entire post using the right pinky - never needed to 'contribute' another finger or method to using caps. Which is a marked improvement because most of the communications I've sent the past week have been all lower case - and I have to admit when I receive communications without caps I just think 'what is so hard about capitalizing when appropriate'. Now I know - maybe their left shift key died and they can't retrain their right pinky. It's a lot harder than you would think.

Taxi

B. drove us to Sacramento today to Arden Fair mall - a big mall worth the hour+ drive. To make it through this drive, we took the Acura, since that's the car B. is most comfortable driving. And, I took my iPod and a couple magazines to pass the time. I used my 'taxi technique' - iPod in my ears so I don't hear the conversations between J. and B. and eyes straight out the side window. I don't look forward - just out the side at the passing farms, vineyards, passing traffic, etc. B. is a good driver - he's careful, doesn't speed, uses his signal appropriately, looks over his shoulder before changing lanes. But it's not ME driving and therefore, I have 'issues' with someone else - in this case, a 16 year old - being in 'control' of the car. He does a good job, though - and I was all ready for the ride home when he decided to let J. drive so he (B.) could 'chill'. I admit I was secretly so relieved and the drive home was much, MUCH faster than the drive there - completely and totally related to my ability to just relax and enjoy the drive.

B. had a lot to 'prepare' for mentally on the drive home and I think he just needed a break. He is on his official 'first date' this evening with his friend S. J. took B. to her house to meet her parents and then he took her and her friend (visiting for the week) and B. to the movies - they were meeting another group of friends at the mall. S.' parents don't let her 'date' - but a group 'date' is OK - so that's what was arranged. B. seemed nervous about meeting her parents - he says he doesn't have good 'luck' with parents - and what he means by that is girls are always telling him they can't go out with him because their parents won't let them date. And for 16 year old girls, I think that sounds appropriate - but to a 16 year old boy, it's all about the 'parents'. I hope it goes well. J. said she seems very nice and seemed to obviously 'like' B. She seemed 'affectionate' towards him. I'm happy for him 'cuz the kid's been making himself crazy about how all of his friends have 'girlfriends' and he doesn't. So now, maybe he does. We'll see. We're entering new and uncharted waters (at least in our family) and I'm sure that like most things related to raising a teenager, we are in for some shocks, jolts, bumps, bruises and hair-pulling, gut wrenching issues. That's pretty much what everyday is lately - the joy of raising teens is in full swing here. Chaos reigns and we just try to come through each day as unscathed as possible.

I am enjoying Spring Break. I will go into the office for 1/2 day tomorrow to take care of a few things and be back home by lunch. Then off the remainder of the week - J. and the boys are going to Tulare to visit the cousins and I'll be piddling around home with the dogs. Might go up to Jackson for the morning on Friday.

We are expecting rain again tomorrow - ugh. It's been so pretty here the past week - the trees and flowers are in bloom, and the yard is greening up from the winter brown. Hopefully we'll just have the one day and then it will be back to lovely for the weekend.

Break

We are all on Spring Break together - something that has NEVER happened before. On my new job, I am paid for a certain number of days per year - I don't accrue vacation time. So normal 'school breaks' (except summer break - I work summer break) I am 'off'. Spring Break days are not technically days I'm expected to work - so I took it off. And then, so did Jim. And since I'm working for the kids' school district, they are off, too. So we have the entire week off. No plans - just hanging out. Tomorrow, we're going to the Arden Fair mall in Sacramento for the day - it's a huge mall and we've never been. So we're planning to go up mid-morning and shop a bit, grab some lunch and then head home. The kids need Spring clothes and I'm in the mood for a trip to Sephora for whatever strikes my fancy.

Easter was lovely. We went to church and then to brunch. Then we fixed a great dinner - ham, cheesy mashed potatoes, green bean casserole and chocolate cake for dessert. We had sparking cider and wine - and let the kids mix a bit of our Merlot with their cider. It was a festive dinner and we enjoyed the family time and the food.

The kids have been reasonably pleasant since we've been on break and we've been making progress on things around the house. Closets have been culled, floors have been mopped. The pool cover was unpacked, scrubbed and rinsed and put on the pool to trap some heat. Flowers have been planted, weeds pulled, etc. It's been lovely to sleep in every morning (though I have been still waking up at 5:30 but then remember that I don't have to get up so I roll over and go back to sleep).

I had lunch with a friend today and then came home and took a nap - the first nap I've had this weekend.

We've been working on taxes and J. decided to go to our old accountant to get some 'advice'. Turns out we will have to file an amended return for 2005 and file for an extension for 2006 - things related to Js dad's trust need to be modified. Our accountant will do it for us but he can't get it done before taxes are due so for the 2nd year in a row, we are filing for an extension. And this year, we will be getting a refund so it will delay our getting our $$ back. Oh well. Better to have it done and wrapped up correctly.

Blooms

My mom always said I had a green thumb. I don't really think it's a green thumb - it's just the desire to have pretty, blooming things around me - and the willingness to plant whatever I choose and see what happens. Many things I've planted have not done well and I just replace them with other plants. So it's not really that I have a skill to grow things. I'm just too stubborn to accept failure and willing to drive to Home Depot or OSH for 'reinforcements' as needed.

When J. and I were first dating, we took a trip to our local mall. The "event" that weekend was an African Violet show. I'd always heard they were impossibly hard to grow and had never tried them. But cuttings were only a dollar a pack so we bought a couple cuttings, one plant, some soil and an instruction booklet. Those violets were the first live thing we purchased together and agreed to be responsible for as a couple. The lady who sold us the stuff said 'follow these two simple rules and they'll do great; 1) they don't like going to bed with wet roots so don't water at night and 2) water from the bottom - always put the pot in a saucer and water the 'saucer'. The plant 'sucks up' what it needs. Those cuttings flourished. At one point, we had over a dozen violets from just those starter plants. They ended up being very 'easy' to grow - just kept them inside, watered every week, fertilized monthly and viola - beautiful violets.

I bought an orchid a few years back at Target. It was around Easter when there was an end unit display with beautiful orchids in full bloom.
I immediately pictured an orchid carefully placed in my home, looking just like the Real Simple magazine cover - and it did, for about a month. Then the blossoms died. And it never bloomed again. I received another orchid as a gift and it was blooming when I received it and then didn't bloom again. Ever.

Until this past week - and 'lo and behold - BOTH orchids are blooming - a beautiful yellow and a delicate white - both in full bloom. AT THE SAME TIME - which is all the more amazing because neither has shown any indication of blooming in over 4 years. I walk by them in the kitchen and I can't believe they are in my home. I have my own 'cover shot' in my kitchen - beautiful orchids in beautiful glass pots in bloom.

Happy Spring!!