Mother's Day 2013

About a week ago, B. announced that he would not be home for Mother's Day.   A friend was turning 21 and her parents were hosting her and her friends for a weekend at the Hyatt in Tahoe.  That's a hard thing to turn down - there have been a lot of 21st birthday parties this year and this was a biggie.  B. let me know he would be out of town and asked to take me to lunch.  Meetings made lunch impossible on our available day - but yesterday, B. took me to breakfast - just the two of us.  I was in my office for meetings that started at 7AM and as soon as my 8AM meeting ended (at 8:40), I phoned B. to confirm he was up and dressed (very early for him).  He was and we met at a local eatery about 5 minutes away from my office.  Had a big breakfast - a big treat for me! - and nice conversation.


This was a nice end to a week that started on Monday with a co-worker tracking me down at the County Office to let me know that B. was in our building looking for me and had obviously been crying.  She said afterwards (she is the mom of two boys and a girl) 'when a young man has been crying and is looking for his mom, there was no way I was letting him leave until he talked to you')....so she called the county office and found someone to go into the training and get me.  I headed back to my office as quickly as possible (leaving a training that was wrapping up a little early and dragging the two people who had ridden with me back a little early, too - I think they were fine with it).  My boss had been at the county that morning and my first call after talking to B. was to contact him to see if he could bring me home - he was already close to our office back in Tracy - but he did find B. and talk to him.

The Navy texted B. that morning to call the recruiting office - and when he called, they told him that he was not going to be able enlist in the Navy.  Ever.  I'm not sure what bureaucracy created the issue but it was fact:  it was the Army or nothing, apparently.  The Navy has always been his dream - always.  He only ever considered the Army because he had a friend (now revealed as a complete and total fraud) who had (supposedly) been an Army Ranger and had 'connections'.  So instead of pursuing the Navy, B. switched to the Army - and now the Navy was out.  Something to do with the 'medical' waiver issue that prohibited him from enlisting seemingly in any other branch.

To say he was devastated was an understatement.  I'm still young enough to remember vividly the harshness of the disappointments you have in your early 20's.  He was beside himself - his whole life 'shattered'.  All his dreams 'trashed'. 

I came home and we spent a lot of time talking.  Reminding him that even though he doesn't know it yet, this happened for a reason.  And that I was absolutely positive things would work out - and the end result would be better than he imagined.  Things always happen for a reason.  B. said 'Mom, I just don't have that 'faith' part yet.  I want to.  I try to.  But I don't'.  And I said 'you won't have that now, B., because you're still really young.  Faith comes from experiencing things that remind you that there is a plan - and it's not your plan.  It's His.  And over time, you just realize that it isn't up to you - it never has been up to you - and you just accept that He is in control.  Doesn't mean you sit around and do nothing - but it means that there will be many hard things in your life - and they get easier over time because as you experience hard things and live through them and work past them, you start to feel faithful about it.  Things will work out exactly as they are intended - and no amount of upset or fear or anger or frustration will change any of how it turns out.  And when you get THAT, you start living your life in the moment and realize that we're here for reasons we have yet to know....and it gets easier.  It really does get easier.

Bless his heart.  He posted on Facebook last Monday (which I just saw today) that he had a really, really hard day and got some really bad news.  And then he said 'thanks, Mom'.  Wow.....made my heart hurt just to see that.  And also made my heart soar at the same time.  I am so glad to be the person he sought out that morning.  He didn't even call J. - just headed straight to my office.  And being a mom is my highest priority - and I sometimes forget that since they are both older and more independent (sort of). 

My boss did find him and talk to him - and said the most completely best thing:  'wow, B. - that does seem really arbitrary'.  D. (my boss) said 'that's often what is hardest for kids to deal with - that life is often unfair and seemingly arbitrary'.  It's so true.  The unfairness is hard.

So B. went back to the Army recruiting office and is pursuing enlisting as soon as possible.  I am not 'happy' about it - but I am OK.  This is his dream, after all.  And if I'm going to live as I 'preach', I have to let go and let God on this one myself.  It isn't my plan...it's His.  And I trust Him.

It was a busy week with many fun things and loads of work tossed in for variety.  My boss was publicly very kind - acknowledging me and my staff and our work on the massive system conversion all wedged in while we do our 'regular' jobs.  It was kind of him to do that - though embarrassing.  But still nice.  I don't 'need' the acknowledgement (publicly or privately) but it is very nice when it happens.

We ended the week at work with a Sweet 'n Salty event hosted by Business Services (my department).  We had all sorts of salty and sweet treats and it was fun.  Nice way to end a(nother) busy week - many more to come, as always.  God willing.

Tomorrow, J., H. and I are heading to brunch at 11AM.  It will be a quiet day and that sounds heavenly.

School is almost over for those with the summer off.  My department doesn't have that time off - we are a year-round enterprise.  And this summer, very little vacation will happen -  we'll have to catch up in the fall/winter.

And there's always Playa next summer....so glad we sent in the reservation 'cuz it is something I am clinging to with all my might.  Looking forward to that is something that propels me ever-forward.

PS - so glad Blogger fixed the posting process....my posts are drafted all over the place but entering the HTML commands for paragraphs, etc. is more than my feeble, weary brain can handle at the end of exhausting days...but now it's fixed again!  Yeah!!