IOP

This past week has proven the word 'intensive' in Intensive Outpatient Therapy to be the operative theme.

Possibly the feelings felt more intense because it was my first week back at work after close to three weeks off....the stark realization that attempting to leave at 2:30 three days a week to trek to Oakland was certainly adding complexity to already intensely complex days. The workload alone does not respond well to that mid-day interruption - and my meager organizational skills get tossed out the window. By the end of the day Tuesday, I was already feeling emotionally on edge - convincing myself that I could do this while secretly feeling that this was insane and would soon render me requiring padded walls for comfort - and survival. I knew, rationally, that I was just feeling overwhelmed and overloaded from returning to work. There's a lot to 'regroup' on and refresh my memory on - and it was overwhelming. But my ability to think rationally was pretty much waning throughout the day and by the time we were en route to Oakland, I was already feeling spent.

The family therapy sessions we attend on Tuesday evenings are a lot different from the sessions we attended when H. was an inpatient. First, the size of the group is considerably larger - there are at least 13 families in this therapy group. Some families are two parents in attendance - some just one. That's at least 26 people in the room - and usually more. It's diverse - not just ethnically diverse - but diverse in every possible way. Socio-economically, geographically. It's also very diverse in terms of the respective 'client's' issues. There are kids like H. who are pretty much at the 'start' (and we hope the end) of their addictive behavior path. There are kids who have relapsed dozens upon dozens of times. Kids who have broken the law. Kids who's homes are completely and totally dysfunctional - inside and out. Parents who aren't able to communicate well with their kids - or anyone - about the issues that surround their child's addiction. It's very interesting.....and very intense. And often times, sort of disheartening.

I left our session on Tuesday feeling hopeless - again. Not because of anything in particular related specifically to H. - he seems to continue to be 'engaged' in working the program. Though his teenage-ness shows more - but for the most part, he seems to be doing well. But I felt like his relapse was inevitable - because at the core of most relapses is the kid really not seeking sobriety for himself - but to appease/comply with the desire of the adults in their life. And at some point, the parent's desires becomes something the kids just doesn't give a damn about - so they use again.

We've set up some pretty serious consequences for H. if he uses again. He knows those consequences. I'm not sure the seriousness of those decisions is what's keeping him on the straight and narrow - but they might be. And while I'd love for him to be staying on the path to not using for HIMSELF, at least as long as he lives in our home, he can use our disapproval as his primary motivation for not using. I guess that will 'work'. Though long term, he truly has to decide for himself that he doesn't want to use anymore....

At least for now, he truly is (at least in some small part) staying sober for himself -

There are so many kids in the IOP program who just use and use over and over again. And it's all I can do to not just blurt out things to the parents like 'what are you thinking? You just bought your son who relapsed THREE TIMES in the past couple weeks a brand new car? WTF? Seriously.....what are you thinking?'. But I don't. I don't know these kids or these families and every parent has to walk the road themselves and rethink (often, over and over) every single decision they've ever made in regards to raising their child....but some of the repeated 'patterns' and decisions made by these families boggles my mind....and it makes me sad. Overwhelmingly sad....

I really thought my (over) reaction to Tuesday nights session was just 'me' - feeling overwhelmed at work [already - and grappling with that 'already' component is largely what caused it to begin with - like a three week vacation's calming effect is gone in an instant and it's back to trudging through day after day after day] - until the next morning when J. said 'wow, I feel really wiped out after last night'. So at least I knew it wasn't just me noticing that this family therapy is oh-so-much harder than what we were doing during in patient - and that was no picnic, either, frankly -

Thankfully, our case manager confirmed that the sessions are 'flexible' and they are more than willing to work with us on what works best for us. They understand that the 2+ hours of travel time combined with the three hour session time multiplied by three times per week, on consecutive days is in itself a challenge for us - we travel probably the furthest of any in attendance. So we can 'adjust' as/if needed - and possibly skip some Tuesday sessions if that helps us.

It's tempting....but the entire reason we're doing this is for H. And every day we 'opt out' is a day we are opting out at time he needs with his counselor (he sees a counselor before the family therapy sessions every night we go) - so I'm not really keen on shorting him on that time.

For now, we're sticking with 'the plan' and reminding ourselves that it will be around 8-10 weeks of the 'intensive' part. It will transition to one night per week eventually - and frankly, that sounds very 'scary' from the perspective of H. having the support he needs to stay sober.

H., to his credit, though, has been attending AA meetings every night that we are not going to Oakland. I'm not sure his attendance at those meetings is motivated entirely by his desire to stay sober - more on that in another post, probably - but I'll take it. He recognizes he needs to 'work' at staying sober 7 days a week - and is doing what he needs to do towards that goal. I really do admire him for that - and it does require HIM to be motivated to do that - thus making it his effort to stay sober. We are both incredibly proud of him for that - for sticking with it and doing what he needs - when he needs it.

We have an interview for his admission to the charter high school this coming Wednesday. We are pretty hopeful that he will be accepted - and would appreciate prayers for that outcome, please. He needs that change. Desperately needs that change. Sending him back to his 'old' high school seems counter-productive to the positive changes he's made....