Different

B. returned home last week a changed young man. More independent (which didn't seem possible since he's pretty independent anyway), more confident. He had an amazing time and very much enjoyed 3 weeks of no parental authority. He returned to the 'real world' and was grounded within 24 hours of his return - for not following through on the ONE thing asked of him his first full day home - haul his suitcase upstairs and unpack. The suitcase was still in the hallway by the garage door when I returned from work the next day - and he was promptly grounded. A seemingly monumental injustice which he kept responding to with 'I just forgot'. Well, there are consequences to forgetting - as he learned.

He is setting up a page on MySpace, which I was opposed to. But then I saw it and was able to view the pages of the various friends he made on the trip - and see so many pictures of B. on those pages with these new friends - clearly attached to each other during this special three week journey, making memories they will never forget and experiencing a type of friendship that only happens when people are thrust into a completely strange environment far from home. Two girls kissing him on the cheek (one on each side) and a friend in the background giggling. A group of guys and girls trying to get the BeefEater guy to crack up. Friendship and happiness and independence written all over their faces.

B. got lost in the Louvre. He handled it well - went to the information desk and waited there until the European guide assigned to their group came and found him. He said from then on, periodically, someone in the group would say 'where's B.?' to make sure he was with them. He even captured one of those friends doing that on one of the videos he took. It was nice to feel the kids watching out for each other - and the various picutres attest to that as well.

When they all came toward the gate at the airport - a see of maroon shirts - all the parents and family waiting let out a big cheer. There were tears all around - parents tearing up with happiness and relief; friends crying over leaving their new friends. The reunion in September is highly anticipated and we are all looking forward to it.

We are happy he had the opportunity to explore a part of the world on his own. He certainly came home with a new perspective on being an American. And a new appreciation of 'home'. What that means; what it is. Including that being home involves parents and a sibling and responsibilities - being a part of a family is what being home is. I am so glad he's home. I missed him more than I can express in words - and I am so proud of him and the man he is becoming. He amazes me everyday - even when he's pissing me off.

Perspective

We enjoyed a concert at the Cedar Mountain Winery last night - Megan Slankard and her band and David Paul Newell. The music was great. The weather was horrific. It was 114 in Livermore yesterday - even hotter than in Tracy. Typically, driving over the pass leads to a 10 degree + lowering in temperature - but not yesterday. It was miserable. The air was completely still so sweating profusely did nothing to cool the body down. It was so hot. And I was so miserable. I just don't do heat well anymore....grew up in Arizona in scorching heat (my mom would always say 'yes, but it's a dry heat') but now, I just can't take it. Was headachy and tired feeling. Food didn't taste good. Good wine didn't taste good.

There was a family with two young boys. The youngest was just what I needed. He danced along to the music. Twirled in circles during the songs. He didn't care that it was 100 degrees at 6PM. He was having fun. Kids are so good at living in the moment. I needed his reminder to enjoy the moment. Any and every moment. So I tried to take my lesson from him and started focusing on the music. Enjoyed and thanked God for the few small breezes that blew sporadically. Reminded myself that last year at the same concert, we were all FREEZING - buying cup after cup of coffee and hot chocolate to try to stay warm. At the end of the concert, the little boy went up and gave Megan a great big hug. He knew he had enjoyed a great time and thanks to his reminder, so did I.

Looking forward to next year - though if it does end up being a scorching day again, I will bring wet dish towels and my spritzer fans for cooling off.

B.comes home TOMORROW. By 1AM tomorrow morning, he will be winging his way home. We'll be waiting for him at the security checkpoint tomorrow at SFO and can't WAIT to see him!!

Pampered

Today I had my first EVER facial. And it was outstanding. So much more than just a good face scrubbing. It was a neck, shoulder, feet, hands, arms, legs mini-massage AND a good face scrubbing. It was awesome. I didn't ask how much it would be - and when she was finished, I waited with trepidation for the final total. ONLY $75. A bargain, if you ask me. I threw in a generous tip and thought 'this is a splurge worth budgeting for'.

Why did I wait 46 years to discover the joy of a good facial?? I am hooked and booked another one in 7 weeks! It was worth driving from Tracy to Danville in 100+ degree heat and taking a big 3 hour chunk out of my 2nd-to-last Friday off.

B. comes home on Monday. H. came home last Sunday. School will start for them the 2nd week of August (earlier and earlier every year). B. has band camp for 3 days when he gets home -

He's having a ball and sounds so grown up on the phone. H. had a blast also at camp and can't wait to go back next year with B. (he hopes). It's been so nice that they both ask how the other is doing. B. asked repeatedly while H. was at camp 'is there a number where I could call him'? They seem to really miss each other and I think the time apart has been a good reminder that having a brother is a good thing.

The other surprising thing is how little $$ B. appears to be spending. He has shopped minimally (I can track his spending on the visabuxx website - so handy and also nice to feel 'connected' to him in that I know where he's been, etc.) and seems to be really selecting things that have meaning to him. I'm very surprised. H. came home with a ton of leftover $$ also. He said all the kids at camp kept saying 'your parents expect you to spend it so why don't you' and he said 'I don't see anything I really want and I'm not going to spend it just to spend it'. We're raising careful spenders, it would appear.

I've knitted 10 rows. Not that much considering, but I'm hooked on the game 'Virtual Villagers' and have passed a lot of time playing that instead of knitting.

Bye for now. More later.

Update

B. called from Detroit to say he was doing fine and wanted to call me because he wasn't sure when he'd be able to call again. He said 'hold on a minute - OK, guys, say "HI" to my Mom' and then a group of exicted kids yelled "HI". He sounded happy and excited. I asked if he'd made some friends (most of the kids on this trip are not from Tracy) and he said he had. The only person he really knows from his high school is in another leader's group - but I'm sure he's making friends. He's a social guy. He said they get dinner AND breakfast on their flight to Paris and he's glad about that. Like most teenage boys, the next meal is a big deal. We packed tons of snacks, etc. in his backpack and in his suitcase - but he really is a typical teenage boy starving 24/7.

The internet is so cool - we can 'watch' his flights and know where he is. His flight out of Detroit left an hour late - so they won't get into Paris until almost noon time tomorrow.

I've knitted one and half rows.

Gone

B. is on his way to Paris via Detroit. Departs Detroit at ~6:30PM our time for an 11:40AM arrival time in Paris (Paris time).

My confidence in his abilities to keep track of everything and manage on his own was severly challenged by the fact that he left his wallet on the backseat of the car when we dropped him at the airport curb. Thankfully, H. made a joke about 'losing your wallet' and B. said 'I have my wallet' and felt in his pocket only to realize he DIDN'T HAVE IT. We got J. on his cell phone (he was parking the car) and asked him to bring it. I'm hoping that's the ONLY time B. will have lost track of it. We can only hope.

I wasn't feeling too confident myself, since I'd left the notebook at home where I carefully took notes at the last meeting - the notebook that has the leader's cell phone #'s, etc. AND, I arrived at the airport with a soon-to-be-dead cell phone that I had luckily shut off in the car, so there was just enough 'juice' to make that ONE CRITICAL call to J. about retrieving the wallet before he joined us at the check-in.

There are 34 high school students and 3 group leaders winging their way across the pond tonight. They were an impressive group with their matching maroon shirts, khaki pants and backpacks filled to the brim with snacks, cameras, reading materials, etc. They were excited and fun-filled and oh so anxious to be done with their 'parental units' for their 3 week venture into adult-hood.

I'll keep you posted on their journey, which I hope I'll be filled in on from B. via email and an occasional phone call. I'm learning to knit while he's away - a 'joke' that is true, actually. Will help to pass the time and I hope to have a scarf or at least a cat toy done by the time he gets home in 19 days.

Tomorrow, we take H. to the airport for his 10 days at snowboard camp at Mt. Hood in Oregon.

Let the 10 days of 'no kids' commence. Fire up the hot tub, Wook.

Fuel

I am trying to learn to see food as fuel for my body. Not reward, not comfort. Fuel. Thinking that way is helping me to make healthier choices. And that's a good thing. The problem is, though, that my body wants 20 gallons of fuel everyday and only needs 15 to run efficiently. Trying to get it to 'accept' the 15 gallons is challenging at the moment - I am constantly hungry. Stomach growling, achy hungry. I'm having frequent snacks - high protein, low carb. But I'm STARVING. It's 10:30 and lunch is still an hour+ away. I've eaten my breakfast, my morning snack and I'm famished.

Hopefully, another week of this will calm down the hungry growlies. I sure hope so. I so want to head up to the cafeteria or down to Starbucks for something cake-like, carb loaded and sugar laden - and I don't WANT TO DO THAT 'CUZ MY BODY DOESN'T RUN WELL ON JUNK.

Politics

J. commented 'wow, honey, you're getting pretty political'. My one comment on which party to vote for has raised my blog to one with political currents. It's most definitely NOT a political blog...but the subject is worth discussing.

I was born and raised in Arizona and for the most part, if you are born and raised in Arizona, you are a Republican. I was a Republican for most of my early voting years. I was a Republican because my parents were, and there parents before them, and so on. I didn't think about any of the issues - I just voted Republican because 'that's what I am'.

I married a Democrat and for the first few years of our marriage, our votes pretty much cancelled each others out. He would vote staunchly Democrat and I would vote staunchly Republican. I offered no rationale for my voting record besides 'I am a Republican'.

I have referred to 'finding my voice' in this blog. I was silent a lot during my childhood and even into adulthood. It is amazing to me to know myself now and realize how so incredibly different I am from where I was awhile back. I speak a lot now - meaning I say what I mean and mean what I say. Anyone who knows me now would never imagine in a zillion years that I was once so painfully shy and insecure that I was practically incapable of communication on any level. How I survived college and wound up managing people in my 20's is beyond my comprehension - but I did. And now, having found my voice, I'm frequently and often expressing my thoughts and opinions on a variety of subjects. Just ask my boss or J. or the people and friends who communicate with me daily.

So, somewhere along the way to finding my voice, I actually started thinking about the stands taken by our government. And I realized, somewhat shockingly and rather 'late' (in my opinion, now, looking back) that there isn't a single, blooming thing about me that is a Republican. I am not in any way conservative. Yes, I believe in God and have a lot of faith. But I don't think our government should enter into deciding what choices a woman has. I also believe VERY strongly that a person can and should love whomever they choose and that two people's decision to declare their love for each other and have it be a legally recognized union is something that every person should be able to do, regardless of the gender they have fallen in love with. So little by little, it became very clear to me that I AM A DEMOCRAT. I probably always have been - but expressing opinions contrary to those I was raised with was not something I was good at for a long time.

And then came George W. Bush. He is incompetent - there are stronger terms I could choose, but that sums it up. I don't think he is malicious in his decisions. He obviously believes what he believes very strongly and is in a position to act on those beliefs. Unfortunately, the rest of us have to go along for his ride, whether we want to or not. Somedays, it is all I can do to not hurl something breakable at the TV screen. Every time the man opens his mouth, I cringe. This whole war debacle is just so incredibly ridiculous. How in the world the people of America EVER believed we were doing this for any rational reason is beyond my comprehension. We shouldn't be there. We have no business being there. The 'war on terror' is a joke, people. Wake up. Yes, 9/11 was a tragedy and it is a terrible thing that there are zealots in the world that hate Americans so much, they would plan and execute such a horrible attack on a country. But our invasion of a country doesn't solve those issues. Extremists have existed throughout time and will always exist - and us invading a country and taking over just to show we can doesn't and won't stop those people from trying to hurt us.

My children and their children and quite possibly their children's children will be paying for this war. That's a long time to pay for something 'just because'. I have lost complete faith in our government. Never in my life has it been more clear to me that it IS all about the party you align yourself with. How any rational person can look at what we are doing and look at what the consequences are to what we are doing - and most importantly UNDERSTAND that the reasons given for going to war were FALSE, LIES, CRAP - and still stand behind this administration is just unfathomable to me.

Wake up, America. The only saving factor is that there is absolutely NO WAY there will be 4 more years of George W. Bush in the White House. That is something to celebrate. Now vote your conscience - not your party - understand the issues and act on them.

Home

Hawaii is a mere memory. I am entrenched in 'year-end' activities at work (our fiscal year ends June 30th) and buried. Typical June/July.

Everything about this job is a 'cycle'. One budget cycle blends into the next. The year-end activities are becoming 'routine' for me - no more fun or 'easier' than in past years but I know the drill now. It's just a matter of wedging in the time to get everything done. And trying to stomp down the frustration that grows as I wait (and wait) for other people to do what they need to do so I can do what I need to do to wrap up the year.

August will bring the 'new' school year and the blur of activities for my school (where I work) and the kids schools. The school year seems to start earlier and earlier for the boys. Summers fly by - only 10 weeks 'off' for them, which goes by so quickly.

B. leaves for Europe this Thursday and H. leaves for snowboard camp on Friday. J. and I will be enjoying TEN GLORIOUS DAYS ALONE - a small, brief glimpse into what retirement will be like. I can hardly wait. We can shop at Albertson's for groceries instead of Costco. Feeding just the two of us will be a breeze, as will laundry, keeping the house tidy, etc. We are really looking forward to the time 'alone', though neither of us is taking any time off work. But evenings and a couple kid-less weekends will be tremendously fun and rejuvenating. We can be really noisy during [you know what]. THAT will be fun!

OK, gotta run. More later. Happy 4th, everyone! God Bless America - and vote Democrat.