We are officially members of SPELC in Tracy, CA. A Lutheran church - J.'s mom and dad are so happy, I'm sure. It is a welcoming place and feels like 'home'.
Our pastor made sure to tell the congregation that the first thing he said to the people attending the membership retreat was that we weren't here to follow him, our pastor. We had to be here to follow Him, our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. And that's true - that's the reason we are Christians.
I have always been 'quietly faithful' - faith-full also. But honestly, through this pastor, I am learning things about my faith that I never knew...understanding things from the Bible that I've never understood. Maybe it's just that I'm 'in a place' where I'm more open to receiving the message - but it's honestly more than that - this pastor has a way of bringing the words of the Bible to 'life'. It is very important to him that we all read the Bible and practice living our faith according to the Bible's teachings. And with his help in really 'getting' the message, it's really been a heart opening, spiritual experience. Far more so than I ever imagined. I am a Christian and always have been - but it is startling to me how my heart feels more full and serene lately. And that has to be from honestly 'getting' what Jesus did for me - for all of us. I don't think I've ever understood the sacrifice until now.
I am imperfect. I fail everyday in living according to God's plan. And I am forgiven.
I am selfish, petty, greedy. And I am forgiven.
I am not the best mother or wife or human being I could be. I am learning. And I am forgiven.
I have failed to love God with my whole heart - but I am trying. And I am forgiven. And He loves me with His whole heart - every minute of everyday - and that blessing is something that I don't think I've ever understood until recently.
Thank you, Pastor Kalvin. You are doing a great job and are honestly 'growing' THE MOST FAITHFUL (and FAITH-FULL) congregation in the entire city!
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Notebook
H. had a Valentine's day party today. Last night, he lobbied strongly for being allowed to wear sweat pants to school today since they were just going to 'lounge around' and watch movies. I said OK though I don't think sweatpants are appropriate 'school' attire for anything other than a gym class. But considering that a lot of kids at my former school wore PJ bottoms to school, sweats aren't that bad.
So I asked him how the party was and he said (pretty non-excited) 'fine'. I said 'did you see a movie'. He said, 'yes, The Notebook'. I said 'oh, I love that movie; isn't it great? did you cry? did it move you?'.
And my almost 14 year old 'all boy' said 'yeah, it moved me, to a seat in the back of the room'.
Happy Valentine's Day, everybody! Curl up with your honey and watch The Notebook!!
So I asked him how the party was and he said (pretty non-excited) 'fine'. I said 'did you see a movie'. He said, 'yes, The Notebook'. I said 'oh, I love that movie; isn't it great? did you cry? did it move you?'.
And my almost 14 year old 'all boy' said 'yeah, it moved me, to a seat in the back of the room'.
Happy Valentine's Day, everybody! Curl up with your honey and watch The Notebook!!
Monday, February 12, 2007
Follow-up
For the record - when we host a band rehearsal from 1-4 it ends AT 4. If you are the parent of a teenager attending this band rehearsal, you should be picking your son/daughter up shortly after 4. Not 5, not 'when they can'. FOUR.
I am a flexible person. But I already 'bent'/reinvented the rules to allow B. to have a band rehearsal, given that he has hours of homework to accomplish. To have a bunch of kids 'hanging out' here today was NOT the plan. Never was the plan, typically will not be the plan. We host ALL THE TIME 'cuz the other mothers 'don't like the noise'. I don't like the noise, either - and when it ends, finally, I want it to END. Not drag on with kids messing around in the garage - going in and out and in and out and tripping the garage door over and over - rehearsal is OVER. The rising panic in B.s face is evident. The rising worry in mine is evident, too. I am responsible for those kids until their parents arrive. If you can't get a ride home shortly after rehearsal ends, THEN DON'T ATTEND. If you must stay past the 'end time' - fine, but please have the courtesy to ask your parents to call me so I can know who is staying until when. That's all. Just let me know - instead of making me responsible for your kid until whenever you can get here to pick them up.
Rant done. Carry on.
I am a flexible person. But I already 'bent'/reinvented the rules to allow B. to have a band rehearsal, given that he has hours of homework to accomplish. To have a bunch of kids 'hanging out' here today was NOT the plan. Never was the plan, typically will not be the plan. We host ALL THE TIME 'cuz the other mothers 'don't like the noise'. I don't like the noise, either - and when it ends, finally, I want it to END. Not drag on with kids messing around in the garage - going in and out and in and out and tripping the garage door over and over - rehearsal is OVER. The rising panic in B.s face is evident. The rising worry in mine is evident, too. I am responsible for those kids until their parents arrive. If you can't get a ride home shortly after rehearsal ends, THEN DON'T ATTEND. If you must stay past the 'end time' - fine, but please have the courtesy to ask your parents to call me so I can know who is staying until when. That's all. Just let me know - instead of making me responsible for your kid until whenever you can get here to pick them up.
Rant done. Carry on.
Cleaning
I have on my 'cleaning' clothes today - a pair of brown jeans and an LPC sweatshirt that have 'bleach' spots on them. When I wear this 'outfit', the kids know I mean serious business about tidying up. H. has been helping all morning since returning from a sleepover. B. has 'helped', also, though it's mainly working on getting his room so that the floor is visible.
I had to cancel dinner with my old boss tonight - the boys have big school projects due (as do I at work) and I decided that it would be prudent of me to stick close to home to 'supervise'. B. also has a full (garage) band practice scheduled today - and of course, put off evey lick of homework he has until the bitter end. He will be scrambling to get done tonight and will most likely be up into the wee hours of the morning. No matter how much we stay on him, lecture him, beg, plead, threaten, etc. he still consistently puts everything off until the end. Procrastination is the ONLY thing he's consistent about. Makes me crazy. But at the same time that I'm 'scolding him', I know I'm just the same way. I'm the most driven, most motivated, most focused when I HAVE TO BE - when there's no way 'out' other than to buckle down and DO what I have to do. It's a bad trait to pass on to your kids. I apparently have. I'm going to now have to work on 'accepting' that I've passed it on and live with it. B. just doesn't 'move' on things until the last minute. Yesterday, he took a NAP on the couch for almost 3 hours....I was worried he was sick but he said he was just tired. He curled up with the dogs (who were in heaven with a warm body to curl up with) and slept. Something he rarely does.
Everybody needs down time. Kids, too.
Will go mop the kitchen floor and then head upstairs to clean the bird cage, vacuum upstairs, etc. Happy President's Day! (or whatever holiday this is that is a 'day off'). Poor J. is working but he's going to try to take off next Monday with us.
I had to cancel dinner with my old boss tonight - the boys have big school projects due (as do I at work) and I decided that it would be prudent of me to stick close to home to 'supervise'. B. also has a full (garage) band practice scheduled today - and of course, put off evey lick of homework he has until the bitter end. He will be scrambling to get done tonight and will most likely be up into the wee hours of the morning. No matter how much we stay on him, lecture him, beg, plead, threaten, etc. he still consistently puts everything off until the end. Procrastination is the ONLY thing he's consistent about. Makes me crazy. But at the same time that I'm 'scolding him', I know I'm just the same way. I'm the most driven, most motivated, most focused when I HAVE TO BE - when there's no way 'out' other than to buckle down and DO what I have to do. It's a bad trait to pass on to your kids. I apparently have. I'm going to now have to work on 'accepting' that I've passed it on and live with it. B. just doesn't 'move' on things until the last minute. Yesterday, he took a NAP on the couch for almost 3 hours....I was worried he was sick but he said he was just tired. He curled up with the dogs (who were in heaven with a warm body to curl up with) and slept. Something he rarely does.
Everybody needs down time. Kids, too.
Will go mop the kitchen floor and then head upstairs to clean the bird cage, vacuum upstairs, etc. Happy President's Day! (or whatever holiday this is that is a 'day off'). Poor J. is working but he's going to try to take off next Monday with us.
Data
Is it a bad thing that I've used my debit card at Taco Bell so much that now, my Microsoft Money program is suggesting I make Taco Bell transactions recurring? Like they'll happen every week or every two weeks from now until forever? And yes, we'll be dining their tonight 'cuz J.'s on a business trip and I'm having dinner with a friend in Livermore - so I'll get the boys Taco Bell before leaving Tracy. I could have let them order Dominoe's but I'm saving that for tomorrow night 'cuz I have a school Board meeting.
Saturday, February 10, 2007
Accident
A couple weeks ago, there was a horrific accident involving 4 teenagers. Driving a BMW down a straight street, the driver lost control of the car and it started to spin. As it spun, it wrapped itself around a light post - in front of their high school - and broke in half. The front seat passenger was dead when paramedic arrived. The driver lost one leg at the scene (to get him out of the car) and lost his other leg a few days later. 2 other teens (including the sister of the deceased young man) are still in serious condition with serious injuries.
It is still fresh on everyone's mind and parents throughout town - even those with kids far from their teen years - are seizing the opportunity to talk about driving and the need for extreme care when operating a motor vehicle. All of these kids are great kids - and one of them made a horrific mistake. He is now responsible for altering his life and the lives of his two friends forever and ending someone else's. There are also rumors that the driver has attempted suicide in the hospital - he doesn't want to go on facing what happened. The whole town is in discussion about this. Coincidentally, our local paper just started accepting 'comments' the weekend of the accident and the comments are flying fast and furious. The debate will rage on and we all wonder what will happen. Will the driver be charged? Should he be or is the loss of his best friend's life and his own two legs enough of a 'punishment'?
About two weeks before this accident, B. and J. witnessed a serious accident on their way to music lessons. A motorcycle with a young man and one of H.'s classmates onboard pulled out from behind two turning cars (one of whom was B.). Unfortunately, their was a car turning left at the same time and the motorcycle and car collided. The young man was badly injured - his bone sticking a foot out of his thigh. He lost his leg later that night. His passenger - his 13 year old cousin who is in H's class - had severe lacerations but amazingly, walked away from the accident. She is fine. B. was visibly shaken and let J. drive after that. He also wondered if he was 'at fault' - was he driving too slowly and that's why the motorcyclist pulled out from behind. He wasn't - he was driving safely and was slowing down to turn right - the other driver turning left didn't see the motorcylce until it was too late. The motorcyclist had followed B. out of our neighborhood, tailgating him the entire way, obviously in a hurry and driving a bit recklessly. B. learned a valuable lesson that night - think ahead, don't assume anything and be very careful. Cars can kill people. Cars can alter people's lives FOREVER. That is now very clear to both of my kids.
When I asked B. if he thought the young driver in the fatal accident should be charged he said 'yes. He was reckless and someone died'. I said 'some people think losing his legs is punishment enough'. He said 'we send people injured while they were committing a crime to prison all the time - how is this different?'. I was surprised at his logic. As a parent, I can't imagine being faced with this scenario. Grateful my child is alive; sad for the loss being experienced by the other parents - and realizing that my child is responsible. It was an 'accident' - but it was preventable. The young man was driving more than double the posted speed limit and the speed of the car is what caused the accident. HE IS RESPONSIBLE for that, even though the event was 'an accident'.
Accidents happen - but someone is always responsible. Someone is always at fault. It's an important lesson to teach kids about driving. Accidents happen - but the are preventable. That's an important distinction to give a new driver. B. is already a very careful driver and I think the events the past few weeks will make him even more cautious.
I pray for those kids every night. It's all I can do, really. And I pray for my own.
It is still fresh on everyone's mind and parents throughout town - even those with kids far from their teen years - are seizing the opportunity to talk about driving and the need for extreme care when operating a motor vehicle. All of these kids are great kids - and one of them made a horrific mistake. He is now responsible for altering his life and the lives of his two friends forever and ending someone else's. There are also rumors that the driver has attempted suicide in the hospital - he doesn't want to go on facing what happened. The whole town is in discussion about this. Coincidentally, our local paper just started accepting 'comments' the weekend of the accident and the comments are flying fast and furious. The debate will rage on and we all wonder what will happen. Will the driver be charged? Should he be or is the loss of his best friend's life and his own two legs enough of a 'punishment'?
About two weeks before this accident, B. and J. witnessed a serious accident on their way to music lessons. A motorcycle with a young man and one of H.'s classmates onboard pulled out from behind two turning cars (one of whom was B.). Unfortunately, their was a car turning left at the same time and the motorcycle and car collided. The young man was badly injured - his bone sticking a foot out of his thigh. He lost his leg later that night. His passenger - his 13 year old cousin who is in H's class - had severe lacerations but amazingly, walked away from the accident. She is fine. B. was visibly shaken and let J. drive after that. He also wondered if he was 'at fault' - was he driving too slowly and that's why the motorcyclist pulled out from behind. He wasn't - he was driving safely and was slowing down to turn right - the other driver turning left didn't see the motorcylce until it was too late. The motorcyclist had followed B. out of our neighborhood, tailgating him the entire way, obviously in a hurry and driving a bit recklessly. B. learned a valuable lesson that night - think ahead, don't assume anything and be very careful. Cars can kill people. Cars can alter people's lives FOREVER. That is now very clear to both of my kids.
When I asked B. if he thought the young driver in the fatal accident should be charged he said 'yes. He was reckless and someone died'. I said 'some people think losing his legs is punishment enough'. He said 'we send people injured while they were committing a crime to prison all the time - how is this different?'. I was surprised at his logic. As a parent, I can't imagine being faced with this scenario. Grateful my child is alive; sad for the loss being experienced by the other parents - and realizing that my child is responsible. It was an 'accident' - but it was preventable. The young man was driving more than double the posted speed limit and the speed of the car is what caused the accident. HE IS RESPONSIBLE for that, even though the event was 'an accident'.
Accidents happen - but someone is always responsible. Someone is always at fault. It's an important lesson to teach kids about driving. Accidents happen - but the are preventable. That's an important distinction to give a new driver. B. is already a very careful driver and I think the events the past few weeks will make him even more cautious.
I pray for those kids every night. It's all I can do, really. And I pray for my own.
Saturday, January 27, 2007
Saturday
I am attempting to be productive - in spite of a raging headache and an increasingly sore throat. Remnants of my cold? Lingering symptoms of the sinus infection? Not sure. But have been struggling today to 'do' what I need/want to do.
I have: cleaned the guest bathroom, done a load of laundry, scoured the kitchen sinks, taken out recycling, watered all the indoor and patio plants; soaked the bonsai trees for 10 minutes. Cleaned the pantry, which resulted in my baking a double batch of brownies and making sweet & salty Chex mix. Filled 3 paper grocery bags FULL of shred - which was from cleaning out files, etc. that required shredding vs. tossing in recycling. Emptied the recycling bin in our office three times from culling out junk mail that has accumulated this week - and newspapers, kids school papers, etc. Sorted through magazines. Clipped coupons. Made shopping lists for tomorrow's after church errand marathon.
I have a pile of work I brought home that I will work on a bit tomorrow. I was at a training class (my first of my 18 months of training for CBO's through CASBO) all day Friday so I feel 'behind'. Will hopefully 'catch up' a bit tomorrow. My trainer is on vacation this coming week so I have an entire week to 'myself' and a 'to do' list a mile long. The class gave me some good 'ideas' and plans of what to tackle next, so I will have plenty to do while she's away.
B. & H. are spending the night elsewhere - so we are alone. We usually would jump at the chance to go out for sushi or Thai food but I wasn't feeling that great, so we stayed home. AND H. had his 4H cooking class today and he made an AMAZING meatloaf. When he brought it home around 4PM, I ate it - it was a small 'mini loaf' and it was FANTASTIC. Just what I was craving, though I didn't realize it until I started to eat it. So that probably contributed more to me not feeling 'hungry' for dinner more than anything. It was GREAT. Will add ground beef to my list for tomorrow so he can help me make a meatloaf later this week.
I will be seeing some of my college friends this coming week - dinners 'over the hill' in Livermore Monday and Tuesday. Can't wait to see them. Also had dinner on Thursday evening with my friend J. - great to see her, too. We met at String's in Livermore - it felt 'strange' to see her in the evenings since we usually do lunch. But it was fun and as we always do, we just pick up where we left off last time we saw each other. Told her about my job, and appreciated her reminding me that I didn't actually like my college job the first months, either. So I can't really 'judge' how I feel about my new job this early in the game. At the moment, everything is 'foreign'. And I keep finding out that I'm 'responsible' for so many bizzare things - the most recent being having to read an electric meter at one of our campuses. This meter is a 'private' meter, on one portable building that we lease out to a daycare. And the meter hasn't been read for some time so then I'll get to create the 'bill' for the power and send it to the daycare. Lovely. Add THAT to my (incredibly growing) list of things I have to do. The doing isn't 'hard' and won't be difficult - but for the moment, EVERYTHING is hard and difficult 'cuz I don't know how to do most of it. I've never read an electric meter.
The CBO training identified that I am a 'learner'. I like the process of learning. So that's a good thing 'cuz that's pretty much what I'm doing all day, everyday. For now. Someday, I'll be the expert and I'll know and the job will be 'easier' 'cuz the learning will be over. I'm looking forward to that day. I know it will come - it did at the college, eventually, even though in the beginning, I was so sure I would never get some things - like the system, the procedures, etc. But I will. The CBO class also identified me as 'strategic' - and I thought that was surprising since I don't think of myself as 'strategic' - but it defined one of the traits as 'ability to identify patterns' and I AM very good at that. I've never been sure about how to describe how I learn and what I am 'good' at - but it is really finding and identifying 'patterns' in things. And then putting those patterns together into a cohesive understanding of what to do, when to do it and why. THAT'S what I do all the time - and it makes me VERY good at managing process environments. And it makes me very good at accomplishing tasks. AND it's a skill that can't be taught - I just have this 'thing' about putting all the pieces together and 'getting' it in a big picture kind of way. I was surprised it was called 'Strategic' in the analysis we did - but relieved to have a 'description' of what I do well. I've never been sure how to describe it. Well, I have described it as 'unlayering the onion' - and that's a good description. But it's more than that - it's taking the layers of the onion and recognizing how they relate to the other 'pieces' of things that I've unearthed.
I hope the unlayering of my new job starts to make sense soon. I don't like 'not knowing'. It's stressful and not a lot of fun.
I have: cleaned the guest bathroom, done a load of laundry, scoured the kitchen sinks, taken out recycling, watered all the indoor and patio plants; soaked the bonsai trees for 10 minutes. Cleaned the pantry, which resulted in my baking a double batch of brownies and making sweet & salty Chex mix. Filled 3 paper grocery bags FULL of shred - which was from cleaning out files, etc. that required shredding vs. tossing in recycling. Emptied the recycling bin in our office three times from culling out junk mail that has accumulated this week - and newspapers, kids school papers, etc. Sorted through magazines. Clipped coupons. Made shopping lists for tomorrow's after church errand marathon.
I have a pile of work I brought home that I will work on a bit tomorrow. I was at a training class (my first of my 18 months of training for CBO's through CASBO) all day Friday so I feel 'behind'. Will hopefully 'catch up' a bit tomorrow. My trainer is on vacation this coming week so I have an entire week to 'myself' and a 'to do' list a mile long. The class gave me some good 'ideas' and plans of what to tackle next, so I will have plenty to do while she's away.
B. & H. are spending the night elsewhere - so we are alone. We usually would jump at the chance to go out for sushi or Thai food but I wasn't feeling that great, so we stayed home. AND H. had his 4H cooking class today and he made an AMAZING meatloaf. When he brought it home around 4PM, I ate it - it was a small 'mini loaf' and it was FANTASTIC. Just what I was craving, though I didn't realize it until I started to eat it. So that probably contributed more to me not feeling 'hungry' for dinner more than anything. It was GREAT. Will add ground beef to my list for tomorrow so he can help me make a meatloaf later this week.
I will be seeing some of my college friends this coming week - dinners 'over the hill' in Livermore Monday and Tuesday. Can't wait to see them. Also had dinner on Thursday evening with my friend J. - great to see her, too. We met at String's in Livermore - it felt 'strange' to see her in the evenings since we usually do lunch. But it was fun and as we always do, we just pick up where we left off last time we saw each other. Told her about my job, and appreciated her reminding me that I didn't actually like my college job the first months, either. So I can't really 'judge' how I feel about my new job this early in the game. At the moment, everything is 'foreign'. And I keep finding out that I'm 'responsible' for so many bizzare things - the most recent being having to read an electric meter at one of our campuses. This meter is a 'private' meter, on one portable building that we lease out to a daycare. And the meter hasn't been read for some time so then I'll get to create the 'bill' for the power and send it to the daycare. Lovely. Add THAT to my (incredibly growing) list of things I have to do. The doing isn't 'hard' and won't be difficult - but for the moment, EVERYTHING is hard and difficult 'cuz I don't know how to do most of it. I've never read an electric meter.
The CBO training identified that I am a 'learner'. I like the process of learning. So that's a good thing 'cuz that's pretty much what I'm doing all day, everyday. For now. Someday, I'll be the expert and I'll know and the job will be 'easier' 'cuz the learning will be over. I'm looking forward to that day. I know it will come - it did at the college, eventually, even though in the beginning, I was so sure I would never get some things - like the system, the procedures, etc. But I will. The CBO class also identified me as 'strategic' - and I thought that was surprising since I don't think of myself as 'strategic' - but it defined one of the traits as 'ability to identify patterns' and I AM very good at that. I've never been sure about how to describe how I learn and what I am 'good' at - but it is really finding and identifying 'patterns' in things. And then putting those patterns together into a cohesive understanding of what to do, when to do it and why. THAT'S what I do all the time - and it makes me VERY good at managing process environments. And it makes me very good at accomplishing tasks. AND it's a skill that can't be taught - I just have this 'thing' about putting all the pieces together and 'getting' it in a big picture kind of way. I was surprised it was called 'Strategic' in the analysis we did - but relieved to have a 'description' of what I do well. I've never been sure how to describe it. Well, I have described it as 'unlayering the onion' - and that's a good description. But it's more than that - it's taking the layers of the onion and recognizing how they relate to the other 'pieces' of things that I've unearthed.
I hope the unlayering of my new job starts to make sense soon. I don't like 'not knowing'. It's stressful and not a lot of fun.
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Tales of Helpers
Our cleaning lady D. is here today - she wears earbuds and chats on the phone while she works. She is the third cleaning 'person(s)...
