Post AZ

Survived the trip to Arizona and that's saying something.

The Grand Canyon was spectacular and sharing the awe with B. and J. was great.  Time with my aunt was lovely.  The cabin was beautiful, peaceful and quiet and I did a decent job disconnecting. Thunder and lightening storms nightly and on the last day we were there, it just poured buckets for a good hour.  One lightening strike so close that the thunder shook the house and was the most intense I've felt in my life.  It's a really beautiful 'camp' and it was fun to be back there.  It's changed a lot since we last visited (we think the kids were 2 and 4 when we were last there).

There was plenty of drama that left me feeling gutted and depressed.  Much I could say but won't 'cuz it won't change a thing.  At one point I thought 'OK, time for more therapy'.  Biting my tongue almost in half on a regular basis.

It is what it is - and what it is is something I have no intention of doing again anytime soon. I know that's a strong statement but it's how I feel.  Spending a ton of money to feel bad most of the weekend is not my thing.  It feels like punishment vs. down time and life is hard enough without adding 'stuff' to it that makes it harder.

We barely made our plane out of Oakland on Thursday morning - hit traffic on every freeway and then when we entered onto 880 North thinking 'only a few more exits - we will make it', we realized that a garbage truck had dropped it's load all over multiple lanes of the freeway.  If not for the amazing parking guy who followed us to our car with a minivan (so it was just us in the car and no other stops) and the curbside check in lady who said 'you guys are really late' but quickly tagged everything with 'LATE CHECK-IN' tags [bright yellow], tossed them on a rolling cart and got a guy to rush them to the plane, we wouldn't have made it.  We all had to sit in the middle seats (we were the last folks on the plane) and wasted the money we paid for 'early boarding' but we got there!  And so did our luggage!

I was nervous about the drive home but we made it in plenty of time for the board meeting I promised my boss I would be back for.  It was a long day but it was survivable and I am so happy to be home.

I have a doctor appointment tomorrow afternoon because I had a sinus-ear thing for the entire trip and I'm still not feeling great.  Not sure what my weekend holds but hoping I'm not going to be in bed 'cuz there's a ton of stuff to do.

I'm renewing my focus on 'us'.  The people in this house (and the one who doesn't live here currently but used to) who bring me constant joy.  Skipping on things that don't bring me joy.  Less computer time.  Less Facebook.  More reading.  More projects.  More gardening.  It will do my heart good to remind myself daily that the amazing people in my immediate household hold the key to my sanity and my heart and I want to focus and celebrate them and us as a family.  We aren't perfect - far from it - but we love each other and stick together like glue.  Who could ask for more than that?