Races

We spent the day in Anderson, CA yesterday at the 2nd Annual Northern California Vintage Midget races. My sister K. and her husband B. drove their motor home from Arizona for the event.

The drive up was pretty - further North on I-5 than we'd ever been. The last time we drove to Oregon (when H. was an infant and B. was 2 1/2), we lived in the Bay Area and there's a completely different freeway from Hayward that 'meets' I-5'. So this trip, from the central valley, took us straight up I-5. We learned a lot. California is a big rice producer, and north of Sacramento, we saw hundreds of rice paddies. It was incredible...made me want to learn all about the process of growing rice - why the fields are flooded. How long they stay so wet. How is the rice harvested? and cleaned? It was a neat thing to see and I had no idea our state produces so much rice!

The races were a lot of fun....brother-in-law B. drove a sprint car. We met a lot of really great people who travel all over the country to race their vintage cars. It was loads of fun - and even the long drive to/from was pleasant enough. I got a lot of reading done and made it through half of the third Twilight books, Eclipse. It was a fun visit. We left a bit earlier than we'd planned when the boys informed me the 'air-soft' war they were planning to attend on Sunday evening turned out to be scheduled for last evening - so we left around 4. Sorry for the rushed departure, K....the kids had a good time at the air soft war and were really thankful we were able to get home in time. B. doesn't get off work very often on weekends and he'd been looking forward to this for a really long time.

Today is the 9 year anniversary of my mom's death. She has been on my mind all day...and I actually dreamed about her last night. I've had this 'repeating' dream off and on for years - I'm in school, and have never attended a [insert subject here - it changes now and then in the dream] class. The semester is almost over, I'm supposed to graduate and I know that I have not attended any of this class. Not one day. The dream comes now and then, usually when I'm 'stressed' about something. And last night, I had the same dream. Only this time, I sat down with my mom and told her 'I have never attended that class. I will not pass. I will not graduate'. And she didn't get mad or angry. She just smiled and said 'I know. And it's OK.'

It would take (more) years of therapy to figure that dream out - but I think it was just a 'letting go' of a lot of stuff I've held in for nine years. I started to write a post all about the day before she died...but I decided to let it go. Nothing I write will change a single thing about the day before and day of her death...and reliving it all again will just increase the sadness I already feel every anniversary, anyway. So I'm letting it go. I miss her. She knows I miss her. That's enough. Nine years went by in the blink of an eye - and it's really confirming what I've realized recently with the death of Mr. B. - life goes on. People who love you are sad and miss you - but life goes on. Life doesn't stop. It doesn't come to a screeching halt, as your heart thinks it will. It just goes on. There's a lot of comfort in that.

Tomorrow is H.'s 16th birthday - he doesn't want a party. He doesn't want a cake. I'm baking him brownies and cookies from scratch and he's having a friend (girl) over to swim tomorrow. We may go out to dinner, we may not. He's playing it low key. We ordered him an i-Pod touch for his birthday - and I'm dying to get one for my birthday which is in a week. But we're spending a ton of money these days (B.'s graduation present needs to be purchased and then we have his school expenses to pay)....so I'm going to hold off. I think an i-Pod touch for my 50th (next year) will be a good present for that occasion. My 49th doesn't require anything special. I need nothing. I want nothing. I have everything I could possibly want or need.

We have had a Chloe-free weekend. We pick her up tomorrow. It's been very, VERY nice to have the peaceful morning quiet back....but we have missed our constant greeter, entertainer, cuddler, etc. She will come home exhausted and thinner as she always does. She loves the kennel - there were 4 little dogs there on Friday when I dropped her off - and she was so excited to see them, she could hardly wait to get to where they were. She trotted right off and went to play. I don't worry anymore when she's there - I know she's absolutely fine and having a ball. She'll have another week there in July when we're in Cancun. Even Klink has missed her - he keeps coming down here looking for her and meowing a bit plaintively trying to figure out where she's gone.

Looking forward to B.'s graduation - yes, he's graduating. The grades aren't great but they are passing...and at this point, it is what it is and there's no point in wishing it were something different. Time to move on and move forward. College will be a fresh start - and he knows that he has one semester to get it right. A "C" average or better...nothing less. Anything less will mean he's off our dime and will need to begin taking steps to become self supporting. It's a hard line to take - but I know we will take it. We would not be doing him any favors to continue to let him be un-motivated and a slug. Hard lessons ahead, I think. But oh well. No one ever said parenthood is easy....and I know that even with all the things that have happened the past few months, we still have it better than many. It could be so much worse in many ways. And I am truly thankful for that.