Chaos, Acceptance & Serenity

Before I jump in to the title subject, I'll share that I already packed up some fragile knickknack  items from the living room - ready to label and put in the garage for eventually moving to a storage unit in Carson City.  I bought a box of labels - easy peel, stick on that include room names, fragile, etc. -

J. says at the rate I'm going, we won't have anything to do when we're ready to move.  We both know that's not true.

We spent time with H. today and we worked on Christmas decorations.  H. & J. got the outside taken care of.  We all sorted through stuff H. helped us bring down from the rafters and trimmed the tree.  Tossed a lot of old, worn ornaments and created a bunch of new donation boxes.  When the tree comes down in a few weeks, we're tossing it - it's been well used for years and we're looking forward to picking out a new one next year in Carson City. 

We've got the Santa Ladder up (he carries lights and climbs up and down) and the luminary globe that blows 'snow' while a train travels inside the glass round and round.  We've still got to get the Santa Ski Slope set up and the train that goes under the tree.  We're pulling out all the stops this year - the last Christmas in this house.  When we pack all the stuff up again, I'm leaning towards leaving it down and stacked in the garage - more items to move to storage before we put the house up for sale.  We've got some repairs we need to make to the ceiling above the storage shelves - water damage from a toilet overflowing.  It will need a patch of the the dry wall and a repainting.  Adding that to the list of repairs, etc. we need to do.

We were planning to lunch with H. and his sponsor C. - H. is now living with C. and his son.  H. came in to the office shortly before we were going to leave to meet C. and H. started talking about things.  Trying to 'script' what the conversation was going to be when we were lunching with C. .  He asked me not to talk about the 'New Hope' stuff.  And I knew.  I knew that the story he had crafted and told us about the incident that got him kicked out of the sober living house was bull shit.  And over the next 30 minutes, I pulled all of it out of him.  In the eyes of Narcotics Anonymous, he relapsed - made a bad choice and smoked weed one day with the guy he carpools with.  His roommates were suspicious and went to New Hope and asked for H. to be tested - and he failed.  Automatic and immediate expulsion from the sober living house.  He crafted a story to cover what he'd done - but is was far fetched from the get-go.  It was just a matter of time before it would unravel.

Or before H. unraveled.

Thankfully, he called his sponsor who immediately came to pick him up - and C. offered him a place to stay.  We are eternally grateful for that because we wouldn't have let him come here - and without C. stepping in, H. would have been homeless.  And would have quite possibly said 'F-it' and used heroin again - and (in H.'s own words) 'I would be dead.  Pretty sure that's what would have happened'.

Now, he has to fess up to all the people he lied to for a week.  And mostly he has to fess up to himself.  Accept that he immediately reverted to his 'old' behaviors - lying, making up a story.

We told him that we won't let him come here anymore if he gets here and then leaves to spend time with friends.  I said 'you spent time the Sunday before you relapsed with the same group of people you smoked with all the time - and we're not going to let you come here if you aren't planning to be here to visit with your family, spend time with your pets, do laundry and just enjoy the day.  Otherwise, you're here to give yourself access to people you know you shouldn't hang out with - and you know that'.  He agreed.

He said that C. (sponsor) said the same things - and that H. has to decide - because going back to the usual story crafting and lying is basically going to lead him down the same path - and that's a path he's determined to stay off of.

I stayed completely calm and told H. that his patterns always repeat - and it is good that he realizes that he has to fess up to the lie(s) and start over.  Yes, you have been completely clean and sober from heroin for approaching seven months - that is an awesome and amazing thing and he has every reason to continue to be proud of that.  But in the eyes of Narc Anon and your rehab program, you did relapse - and you have to own that.  Narc Anon is very strict - and any chemical is a relapse.  Period.  End of story.

I told H. that it's easy to say 'well, it's just weed'.  As a parent of someone addicted to heroin, I think 'well, geez, it's weed.  Big deal'.  BUT - I am the parent of an addict and I know how it will spiral into other things so easily, he won't even know it's happening until it's closing in on him again.  He doesn't want that - I don't want that.  J. doesn't want that.

I hope he does what he needs to do - goes to New Hope and confesses that he lied.  Acknowledge that his rehab will basically start over - not with 30 days in residential but going to meetings there as often as he can.  And sees the guys he lived with to tell them they were right to make an issue that resulted in the test.

He's working 10 hours days from now until the 20th - and as of day after tomorrow, he is a full time Wiley X employee - with benefits and everything!  On January 2nd, he is going to move to a night shift - 11:30PM - 8AM Sundays through Thursday - he'll be off on Fridays and Saturdays.  He'll get a raise (because he is officially moved to the lense room, which he loves) and a little additional bump for working the night shift.

Next on the list of things to do is try to figure out a way to get him some kind of bank account.  And work on him saving a lot - especially the overtime $ he's going to be making.

J. and I. are disappointed and hurt about him reverting to his prior behaviors - it's never fun to realize that once again, he lied.  But we're glad that he finally talked it through - realizing that trying to keep the lie going would never work.  And that the only way to make it right was to come clean.

I made sure I made the point that he didn't come in here and spill it.  It had to be pulled out of him, thing by thing.  I told him I'm glad he told me - but I don't want him to tell people 'I told my parents' because that (also) isn't exactly what happened.

Time to live true, H. - it's been a long time coming.  We love you.