Calendars

I've printed out good old-fashioned paper calendars for me to use to keep track of the 'events' happening on the home front.  Sure, J. has things on his calendar - but I don't have access to that calendar.  I could enter things day by day on my work calendar but it really helps me to 'see' everything at a glance month-by-month.  Reminders for us all about home nurse visits; doctors appointments; chemo appointments. etc. .

H. just asked 'Mom, you go back to work tomorrow, right?'  Hence the calendars.

Spaghetti for dinner!  And - I'm trying something a little creative.  H. got a zillion Peeps in every color of the rainbow from his aunt.  I am making little mini cupcakes (yellow cake) and have dissected Peeps to put a little marshmallow surprise in each cupcake.  First, I cut off their tails and used those in the cupcakes. Then, their heads.  (I put them in the cupcake holders on top of the batter face down - so I couldn't see their little eyes staring up at me as I smothered them in another layer of batter).  Then I chopped up their bodies.  Not sure how they will turn out but we'll know shortly.  The cake batter mix doesn't have baking time for minis (why not??) so I have to guestimate the bake time.

We officially cancelled the Cancun condo rental yesterday - sort of sad but needed to be done. We're going to ask the oncologist to write a letter documenting that H. is under treatment for Hodgkin's and will be undergoing chemo and radiation for the next six to eight months and requires care.  Hoping United Airlines will refund the full price of the tickets vs. getting a credit we have to use within 12 months - 'cuz we just don't know what the future holds and I don't want to waste that kind of money.

Though we are considering a weekend in New York?  Even a weekend in Cancun?  We'll see.

After dinner will be getting clothes ready; packing lunch and snacks.

Recipe fail.  The Peeps melted - and the larger pieces (I was inconsistent in the sizing of the inserted Peeps) melted and collapsed the batter - so some of the cupcakes have crater-like holes in the middle.  Hollow with cake around them.  Hmmm.  Haven't eaten them yet but they will probably taste pretty OK.

It's a new world around here.  I feel it every minute of every day.  Everything is 'since his diagnosis'.  Or 'since his hospitalization'.  Increments of time measured from those life-changing days.

He seems completely fine.  If you see him, he is up and about and totally fine.

Only he's not.  And it's the 'not' that is mind-boggling hard to handle.  I am consumed with thoughts of all of it constantly.  I hope my compartmentalizing skills will return tomorrow so work is work and home is home.  I'm pretty good at that.  I need to be that way 'cuz work is really something most of the time and when I leave work, I want to leave it.  Same with home - more than every now, 'cuz there's sure a lot happening here that would be easy to overlap with work.

I'll figure it out.