A Forever Tragedy

A board member lost his son last weekend.  The funeral was today.  I told my boss that I wasn't planning on going (on Monday when he told me).  But all week, I wrestled back and forth in my head.  Yesterday, I emailed my boss to say 'I'm going back and forth and I think my mind is trying to tell me I should go'.  He wrote back and said 'I'm glad you're going and those tugs are usually right'.

So today, we sat in a church with so many young people saying goodbye to someone they grew up with - and all those young people's parents, many in attendance, sat there thinking 'how does this happen?  What if that were my child?'.  This young man was born the same year as B. and he went to the same high school as both B. & H. .  I felt choked up the minute we walked into the sanctuary.

Shocked doesn't begin to describe the family and friends there today.  There was no indication this young man was having any kind of issues that would lead him to make a choice that would end his life.  Just an instant...a moment....and a decision made that his family and friends will never recover from in many ways, though they'll do their best.

By all accounts, this young man dropped everything to be there for his friends and if he'd reached out that day, he would have surely found support.  But he didn't.  He didn't realize what he was thinking was about to become reality and he didn't think it would get better.  Ever.

We tell our students 'suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem'.  Moments that are devastating happen.  Sometimes everyday.  Sometimes once in a while.  We've all had moments when something felt so horrible, we can't imagine surviving another minute.  But we do.  Things get better. The pain you have on your heart right this second will feel different tomorrow.  Or maybe even in an hour.  Things get clearer after they're hazy -

But so often, a person in pain doesn't think that through and makes a decision to do something....and that is irrevocable.

The pastor talked about the parents hoping that there is a purpose out there for what happened.  My small purpose realization is that I miss having a church home and perhaps the church I attended today is a place to consider.  So one person brought closer to God than they have been in a long time - that's one purpose.  I know this family and I have no doubt they will do greater things from this tragedy. I'm sure of it - because their son is lost and they are stunned and in disbelief and I think they want to encourage people to reach out.

We see it on Facebook all the time these days - someone is always listening.  We just have to get the person in pain to pick up the phone and reach out.  Or send a message.  Or a text.  Or speak face to face.

It's been a long, hard week.   It's super hot here and we're ordering Indian takeout.  We have a Hello Fresh ready to go but it's just too darn hot to cook and it's been the longest damn week in recent memory.  So glad it's a 3-day weekend and I have no set plans.  Not a one.

God Bless the J. family - so sorry for their loss.