Value

I pulled out of the Starbucks drive through with my $2 20 oz iced tea in my hand and saw a homeless person on the corner. I approached the corner and pulled as close to the curb as I could. The light was green. There were cars behind me and I couldn't pause for long. I reached into my purse and pulled out the first bill I found - a $20 I'd just withdrawn from the bank at the ATM - which I had stopped at to deposit $117 in rolled coin into our "Fun Money" account. I held it out to her and she gasped in shock. She said "God Bless You" and 'Thank you very much' as I pulled away.

I thought to myself 'when did I arrive at the place where a $20 to me is no big deal - in 'either' direction - no big deal if I have it, no big deal if I give it away'. And how is it that as a society, there are so many people who gasp at having a $20 while so many of us don't react in any way. As we drink our Starbucks and haul our loot (in my case $50 of flowers for my garden from Home Depot - paid for with a gift card I had from one of my credit card 'reward' programs which I earned how? By spending money).
I have had this feeling many times - like when I find a couple $20s in the pocket of my freshly laundered pants - and I hadn't even missed them. Never gave it a thought - 'hey, didn't I have $40 and where did it go'? I forgot all about that $$ in my pocket and wouldn't have missed it had I not found it. I never realized I'd 'lost' it. Isn't that incredible? It is to me. I wasn't raised this way. Is it just the 'times'? or do I just need to admit to myself that I am one of the 'haves'. And what can I/am I willing to do about that?

We took a 'gift assessment' test in our church retreat last week - I have the gifts of 'giving' and of 'administration'. We give freely and often and generously to a variety of charities. Our family name is inscribed on many 'bricks' at the Monterey Aquarium and Habitat for Humanity has purchased many hammers and nails and tools with our donations over the years. Giving is easy. Writing a check takes a couple minutes AND because we are able to itemize (again, a function of income - how much we can afford to mortgage), I get to write off all our donations as well. Giving is simple - giving saves us money.

I hope someone else gave that homeless lady another $20. And maybe then, with the other 'donations' she had throughout her afternoon, she will have enough to get a room at one of the very inexpensive motels around. Maybe she can afford a room at Motel 6 - which I admit I have never stayed in and would never consider staying in. I feel embarrassed about that - but it's the truth.

I think that's why my thoughts lately turn to 'simplifying'. Acknowledging that I have 'too much' while others have so little. And wanting to 'fix' that as much as I can - simplify and do with less for us so we are able to offer and do more for others. J. is 'with' me on this. The kids, less so. But all this work and stress and lovely existence has to be for something more than just 'us'. If we're going to continue to 'plug away' until the kids are out of the house, then all this effort and 'reward' has to start going for something besides just 'us'. We are already very generous to our church and to charities. But I want to be MORE generous. And I want to start finding more people like that lady - putting the cash in their hands so they can see and feel that someone does care about them.

Then, as I pull away from the curb, I'll only be thinking 'I hope they aren't going to drink that $20 later'. But if they do, I hope the buzz keeps them warmer on a cool night. Or makes sleeping on the ground or a bench slightly more comfortable.