Direction? Totally Unknown -

I sit here pondering the time I had with H. on Saturday - and fret and worry over every part of the conversation.

What if he was just trying to see how I felt?  And trying to gauge 'will they ever accept her'?  And if he thinks we won't, will he decide 'her' over 'them'?  I honestly don't think he would - he stated he's already told her that will never happen - but still.  What if?

I did my best to emphatically confirm that ultimately, we want him to be happy - so if she makes him happy, then it's all good - but when I ask if he is happy and he says 'yes', I'm just not convinced.

I can totally see him hoping I would say 'it's water under the bridge' and 'I've already moved past it all'....but I just can't bring myself to do that.

I don't ever think there will be an easy, friendly, sincere relationship with her given the things that have happened lately - as hard as I might try, I just don't see it.

All this pondering as I enter into a super busy, hard week.  Sites are back this week - another school year is starting.  Geez, the time goes by so quickly - which is a good thing....and I love that about the job most of all.  It's just so overwhelming as another year crashes over the landscape...though I know all the things that will happen in the next few weeks like the back of my hand, it still feels very overwhelming.

I feel so tired.  And I'm pretty sure it has nothing to do with sleep.