In Abstentia

The first thought I had upon awakening this morning was 'it's B.'s birthday'!  And then I remembered that he isn't here...followed quickly after with 'and I haven't heard from him in weeks and I may never hear from him again'.  I can do that to myself.....convince myself the worst possible scenario is inevitable.  As I've gotten older, I'm much better at not doing that for all of life's challenges - but my firstborn son being gone and not hearing from him has been far harder on me than I ever imagined and  that's where my head went.  I felt sad - a feeling that I'm familiar with lately.  Praying that we hear from him.  Knowing no news is good news and he's busy.  But still....what if he doesn't miss us and never calls again.  Argh!  I am my own worst enemy sometimes....


From this:

To this:

In 22 years.

(Note:  he is 22 today.  We think the picture on the merry-go-round is when he was six or seven - we aren't positive....but it's handy and a favorite that had been on a computer so long, I forgot about it.  He has always been so photogenic.  I'm biased....).  We tried to find baby pics of him and we have zillions  but they aren't scanned so this will do for now.

At lunch with friends, I got a text picture from J. that he found on the Internet.  My immediate reaction was 'oh, he doesn't look good' - but then I saw the gas mask in his hand and I knew he had just come out of the gas chamber...and compared to the soldiers who exit projectile vomiting, he looked really great!

And then J. texted me more info - his roster # - and I knew!  We got a letter!!  J. had waited to read it - but he opened it and read it to me and then of course, I read it a million times when I got home.  So relieved.

It was the letter every Mom wants to get - especially from a son who just left home - that he really, really misses us; that he has a new appreciation for home and family; that he is fine and enjoying it; it is challenging but very rewarding and he is doing well.  And would we please send family pics and include a pic of the dog?  He misses my lattes and talking to his dad (including the political stuff!).  He loves us and it's 'pretty intense' and 'made me realize how much I like having you near'.  Made my heart just ache and yet fill with pure joy at the same time.

He's growing up - into such a fine person.

Happy Birthday, B.!  We sure miss you and are so incredibly proud of you!

(PS - what the picture above doesn't show is that B. is leading the pack - he is out front and looks ready to run for miles vs. others behind him who don't.  He worked really hard training and I think it's really paying off for him now!)