Things Happen Quickly

H. thought he might get a COVID test on Monday and then possibly be transported to the rehab facility on Tuesday.  We talked to him late Monday and the COVID test didn't happen so he figured he wouldn't go this week.  

When I woke up this morning - after a glorious night's sleep which I attribute to adding another comforter to my bed - I had a missed call at 3:03AM our time from a different Houston number.  Same recorded message with the zillions of disclosures about receiving a call from someone in the Harris County jail.  

He's apparently moved because when I search for him on the 'find someone in jail' link, the system shows he is no longer in jail.  

I'm trying not to worry too much.  We know he will receive minimal phone calls at the start of the program and can earn more for good behavior.  I'll be back to keeping my phone with me at all times with my debit card as well so I'll be ready if he calls.  

We had a fun day at Atlantis yesterday - not a winning day but I did have a good recovery at the end so I didn't come home broke.  Right now not coming home broke is a win.  

The weather has been much cooler the past few days and my bedroom is downright cold.  I ran the electric space heater a bit when I went into the room to get ready for bed but I really needed to turn on the central heat to get the room truly warmed up.  I'm resisting doing that - it's only September and I'm just trying to make it at least into October.  It's funny to me that the inside temperature of 74 feels freezing now when just a couple weeks ago, I'd sometimes turn the AC down to that temp just to feel cool for a little bit.  My internal thermostat is malfunctioning on a regular basis.  I am a bad gauge of comfort level. 

I got ready for bed - face washed, teeth brushed, hair combed.  Pillows arranged.  Crawled in and waited for warmth to envelop me but it didn't.  After an hour of trying to get warm, I turned on the light, went into my closet and grabbed the heavy 'winter-weight' down comforter and put it on the top of my other covers.  I figured I'd wake up roasting at some point in the night - but I never did.  I slept great.  It felt great to be warm.  Simple change made for a big difference.  The night before, I had slept so fitfully, it wasn't even sleep, really.  Awake every hour for hours.  Now I'm thinking I haven't been as warm as I need to be for good sleep.  

The cats are curled up together on the couch trying to be warm, too. 

Cleaning Before Being Cleaned

The day before our cleaning ladies are scheduled, their boss sends a text with the time they will be arriving.  

In the year we've used this service, the projected time has never been accurate.  The ladies most often arrive early - sometimes up to an hour before the previous day's text said they would arrive.

It's OK.  We are getting used to it.  Up early this morning to do the tidy up of things that need tidying before we pay them to clean our house.  Sure enough, they were 45 minutes early so the early wakening was smart.  We requested they come earlier because they were arriving between noon and one.  Wednesday is our 'Atlantis Free Play' day - my favorite day of the week.  Accompanied by J., I will enjoy a couple beers and some play.  And free food.  

This morning, as has happened a few times in the past couple weeks, four geese flew in.  They trumpet their arrival as their flight path lowers towards the golf course.  They landed much higher up the hill but finished their stay on the 12th tee right outside our gate.  They are fun to watch and Muf never let them out of her sight.  You can almost hear her thinking 'I could take them'.  Um, no.  They would fly away and if they stayed on the ground, they are aggressive.  

There was also a line of bluebirds on the fence. 

On the way to pick up J.'s birthday cake, there was a family of four deer (parents and two babies) grazing on the grass across from the bakery.  They are daily foragers.  As I walked past them with the cake, the two adults moved towards me a bit - scaring me off from the babies.  I obliged and stepped away.  I wasn't scared - they are docile and would most likely just scurry down the street - but it's a busy street and I didn't want to risk them being injured by bolting into a street.  

I love how we see so many amazing animals here.  It's just a part of everyday life.  The birds make me so happy every day - how they know our house is the place to go when they need a drink of water or a place to get clean.  

It's magical.  Nature is magical. 

Monday, Monday

Watching the Queen's funeral on TV is passing the time.  It's overcast and a bit cold here today which seems fitting.  We've had some rain and it's nice to see the yard and street a bit wet.  

The funeral procession was amazing and the church service was lovely.  There were parts of saying goodbye to the Queen that were also acknowledging Charles as King.  I've always loved the ceremony and traditions of the Royal Family - so much history unfolding.  I'm re-watching The Crown from start to finish this week, too.   

There was a fatal crash at the Reno Air Races yesterday - the second to the last race of this year's event.  A lot of my anxiety about going was around a crash in 2011 that killed eleven people including ten spectators.  Sixty nine people were injured.  The organization that hosts the event made many recommended changes following that crash - but I still felt very nervous about going - so I didn't.  I told J. yesterday (when he told me about the crash) that I think I'm going to skip air races going forward.  I do have huge anxiety about them and while there is inherent risk in anything, I just can't cope with it. Tragic for the pilot who was killed and his family.  My theory is he pulled too many G's and lost consciousness because the videos just show the plane continuing to descend onto the ground.  Very sad. 

This morning, I ventured to the Walmart at the opposite end of Carson to pick up a grocery order.  I ordered a couple things that are only available at that store - only sadly one of them wasn't available.  Looks like I'll be making a trip to Target later this week to grab a couple things.  FINALLY found Comet - haven't been able to buy it since the pandemic but Walmart had it so I bought 3.  We have a lot of porcelain sinks and nothing gets sinks clean better than Comet.  

Somehow, I didn't notice that the online order cart (which I started a long time ago) included four five pound bags of flour - to go with the two five pound bags J. picked up not long ago.  I should have double checked what was in the order before I finalized it - I could have deleted the flour.  I'm pretty sure I did change the quantity to zero but I must not have saved the changes I made.  

Without keeping a sourdough starter alive, I don't know when I will use it - BUT I have been wanting to try making homemade pasta noodles so I will give that a try and see how it goes.

Today is J.'s 73rd birthday - he's playing golf.  I ordered a carrot cake which I will go pick up in about an hour.  We have a simple dinner planned and we will eat at home.  Pretty sure we've celebrated his last two birthdays at Atlantis Steak House - but we're both pretty tired of Atlantis.  We spent a lot of time there the past couple months and we're burned out.  I'm planning to head there for weekly free play twice this week but truly plan to play the free play, get food (if we want to) and head home.  I need a break.  More on that in a future post, possibly.  I have many posts drafted but...I hesitate to publish them and so they hang out in the draft box.  

J. said there was snow on the highest hills/mountains around us already so we know winter is coming.  We're a long way from needing to turn off sprinklers, etc. - it's not that cold yet.  I'm ready for cooler weather.   

Yesterday, I made shaved rib eye beef jerky for snacking - I left the meat covered on the kitchen counter.  When I headed to bed last night, Muf was not her usual self - she is usually greeting us gleefully and struts to the kitchen to 'help' get their bowls of food and water checked.  Last night, she didn't trot to us.  And then J. noticed the meat had been messed with.  Last time I made it, she was determined to get some - this time, she did it on her own.  (And it was well covered - she is just a wiley, sneaky cat).  I think she wasn't feeling too well but she's fine again today so yay!  My Walmart order had more shaved rib eye so I plan to make additional jerky this week. I'll do better at ensuring the cat doesn't get to it.  Nala has no interest, thank goodness.

Guess that's all the updates for today.  I forgot to ask J. his ETA from golf so I have no idea when to expect him but it's getting close to when I need to go pick up the cake.

Sourdough Hurdles

I successfully made one loaf of sourdough bread.  It was edible.  Not horrible.  Clearly made by a beginner.  Not as many air holes in the bread as there should have been.  It also was baked a bit too long so it had a super hard/firm crust and after eating it for a couple days, it was too hard to eat anymore.

I kept my sourdough starter alive for a couple weeks (at least.  I sort of lost track of the timeline in general).  For that process, I used more flour than I've purchased in over a year - and ended up with so much starter and discard, I felt always overwhelmed.  Made blueberry sourdough muffins that were delicious!  Also loved pikelets and sourdough pancakes.  But really, with just the two of us eating my baked goodies, we gained a couple pounds.  It just wasn't feasible for a family of two.  

I stopped feeding the starter and last night, tried to salvage some - fed what I had but it did absolutely nothing so....officially done with sourdough starter for the time being.  

There are zillions of breads I can attempt and improve my skills so I'm not sad about having the starter die.  It felt inevitable.  It was a LOT of discard and a LOT of starter for just baking a loaf of bread once every couple weeks.  

We made it to Atlantis this morning but the shuttle stuff felt confusing.  People griping that they were left behind yesterday.  The Amador bus was the 'primary' shuttle but then the Atlantis shuttle driver threw his shuttle into the mix as well.  As we were standing there ready to enter - only to have him say 'we're taking this shuttle - not that one' - and have 14+ people scramble to get onto the smaller shuttle, I had overwhelming anxiety about the entire thing.  Honestly, I was anxious about the event from the get go.  I have never enjoyed this one - it's (usually) hot, noisy, crowded.  Add to that today's air quality issues - unhealthy in both Reno and Carson and I really felt it today - I just couldn't do it.  J. said 'it's OK if you don't want to go'.  So I didn't.  He headed out on the shuttle and I went in to play a bit.  The play wasn't good....so I came home.  

I have weird anxiety springing up now and then and the only thing to do is to not do (when possible) the thing that's making me feel anxious.  

J. is on his way home - they stopped flying.  We were both surprised they were flying/racing at all.  He headed back on the 1PM shuttle (to the hotel).  He's using our daily food credit for stuff we can eat over the weekend and he will be home soon.  

I'm super happy to be watching the first episode of the new season of Great British Baking Show on Netflix.

Feisty Muf

Air quality here was the best it's been in a week.  Combined with lower temps, we spent a bit of time outside today.  J. set up the cat gazebo on the rock path in the sun.  The cats were waiting at the sliding door watching us - in fact, Muf planted herself by the door when J. and I headed out - guilted us in to setting up the gazebo.

Both cats settled in oh so briefly but just a few short minutes into gazebo time, Muf jumped through a gap in the zip up 'door' and managed to get out.  We weren't surprised - she did the exact same escape act last time we used the gazebo.  I stayed right with her with my hand on her as she moved to check out some plants.  J. went inside to find her halter and leash and she wore the halter begrudgingly.  Honestly, in the event of her taking off after something, the halter won't hold her - it has velcro closures and the fit is off.  If she bolted, she'd rip the velcro apart and be gone in a flash - but it felt like we had a smidge more control over her.  She tolerated it - seemingly aware that if she won't stay in the gazebo and wants a smidge more freedom to wander, she has to make this work or the answer will be 'no outside time for Muf'.  

Tomorrow, we head to Reno for the Air Races.  We're not sure how the air quality is in Reno - when we went on Wednesday, the air was pretty clear in Carson and heading north - but when we made the curve into the valley just before Reno, there was a lot of smoke.  Two wild fires and the train ties have been brutal to air quality.  Hopefully, the planes will fly and race as planned. We will catch a shuttle from Atlantis to the airport north of Reno where the races are held each year.  The shuttles to/from Atlantis run pretty frequently throughout the day so we've decided to take two cars.  I will likely return to Atlantis earlier than J. and I will play a bit before heading home.  

Saturday we'll be back at Atlantis for a free play swipe and win.  

I commented to J. 'B. arrived three weeks ago today and we've been non-stop since then'.  Seriously.  We had J.'s brother here the afternoon B. headed back to New Jersey.  J. has played a ton of golf and we've had a ton of events at Atlantis.  I'm exhausted.  I can't wait for a couple days of doing nothing.  

H. has to initiate calls to us.  We're not scheduling them much - I try to let him know days when we know we will not be available to answer a call that requires 3 minutes to accept.  Murphy's Law is in play BIG TIME.  Yesterday, I went to the garage to quickly get something and when I got back (first time all day I hadn't had my phone and debit card with me), I'd missed his call.  Today, I went to the garage to help J. unload Costco groceries - same thing!  Missed his call again.  He called back a few hours later.  It's OK.  I'm not letting it stress me out anymore.  

H. was arrested in the only clothes he had - a long sleeve t-shirt and shorts.  The rehab facility provided a list of clothing he is allowed to bring - we're just trying to figure out how to get things to him.  They paperwork we found online says families can drop items off in the first two weeks - but we're not physically there so we're not sure how that will work.  I told H. to keep asking questions when he can and we'll do our best to get an Amazon order of clothing to him as soon as we know he's heading out of his current facility to his new facility.  

Talking to him is often hard.  Not much to say.  He shares a bit about his day, I do the same.  We talk logistics of the move to rehab and then wrap it up.  Sometimes, we get the one minute warning but mostly we end the calls before the warning.  Time might provide more things to talk about - we'll see.  I'm still very guarded and he knows it.  He doesn't track much information that is centered around him - addict behavior that will be hard for him to change - we're used to that.  He doesn't remember things we've shared from the previous days or weeks - his days sort of merge and I get that.  

We're glad he was accepted into the program and we'll see.  We hope for the best while also being realistic 'cuz this will be his third residential rehab and I truly have no idea if this one will stick or not.  Not...seems the most likely.  But it's better than him being in jail for months. 

I'm heading to bed early 'cuz we are leaving for Reno early (for us).  Another fun-filled busy weekend is approaching.  

Life is good.  We are very blessed and I need to remind myself of that more often. 

Sad Day

Queen Elizabeth died yesterday.  She was 96.  Her death isn't a surprise - right?  She's been in declining health for some time. What an amazing human.  If you haven't watched The Crown, please do. She was an amazing monarch. 

In a moment of whimsy, I added another night's stay so I will be heading to Atlantis today for a two night stay.  J. is playing golf with his brother for the next two days.  After golf tomorrow, J. will bring his BiPAP and his travel bag to the hotel before heading to downtown Reno to have dinner at Silver Legacy.  This is a 'multi year' high school reunion for J. and B. (his brother).  J. will come back to Atlantis after their banquet dinner.  Sunday morning wakeup will be 3AM to catch the Atlantis shuttle to the Balloon Races.  

There are two fires in our area - one a wild fire and the second is a huge railway tie yard where a huge stack of railroad ties are burning.  The sky is very hazy here and we expect Reno is hazy as well.  We have our fingers crossed the balloon launch won't be cancelled due to hazy skies.  

B. is back home in New Jersey - J. took him to the Reno airport to catch his flight.  We had a great visit and it was so fun to see him.  He had a wonderful long weekend with good friends in California and has wanted to make the trip there every time he's visited - so it was great we were able to make that happen.  J. and I made do with one car for the weekend and it was pretty easy.  

My plan for September around slot play was to get back to the roots of it.  A return to the days when it would be mindless fun and enjoy the play.  With lots of friends - many I've known for years and new friends I meet every week.  September has started off well with 4 hand pays over Labor Day weekend.  Those wins have me feeling like another night of solo play will be loads of fun.  I love playing late at night but can't do that on Saturday given our early wakeup time Sunday morning....so tonight, I will be enjoying the quiet of some late play.  Will probably even take a brief nap after I've checked into the room to give myself the energy to stay up late. 

Status Pending

It is good to be 'in touch' with H. - to know he is alive.  It had been six months since last contact and it was incredibly hard to not hear from him.  If he were working full time, had a home and it was just business or even lack of effort keeping him from calling, we'd worry a lot less than the all-consuming worry we experienced with him out on the streets.  

There are a lot of things I could write about - he has had a second court appearance this past week and there are some things in the works that we have to wait and see about - but I'm not sure I will share much of that on these pages.  It's very hard to know how to express the zillion emotions we have daily and hard to know how to put into words the magnitude of the updates.  

He graduated from heroin to fentanyl and that in itself is an incredibly scary thing.  It's a miracle he is alive.  We are grateful for that miracle while simultaneously feeling unsure of being back on the roller coaster.  

He called on Tuesday and at the end of the call, as the one minute remaining was about to be declared, he inquired about when he should call again.  I outlined our schedule and thought he would call yesterday - but he didn't.  As I drifted off to sleep last night, I thought 'he'll call tomorrow'.  It's approaching 6PM and he hasn't called.  So....that weird dynamic of never knowing what to expect in terms of contact still exists.  

The call process is fraught with intricacies that make it common for the call not to connect.  There is about 2 minutes (almost 3) of disclosures, disclaimers, warnings, etc. - all requiring active responses via entering a number on the keyboard and then also entering your debit card info into the system for every call as well.  There have been times when we've done all that and then when the call is about to connect, the system says 'the caller has hung up'.  There have been other times when we are just not able to accept the call.  We can't enter details into the system when we're in our car.  Sure, we could pull over (super quickly) and grab the debit card from our wallets and hope to catch the system before it tells him we didn't answer, but sometimes, we just have to say 'no, we can't accept'.  What H. hears on his end is 'the call has been declined by the receiver'.  

We spend a lot of time reassuring all of us to not take missed calls personally.  I am going to tell H. that I'd prefer he not ask when he should call next time because then when he doesn't call, my psyche and my emotions are on red alert for days and it feels really unhealthy for me.  I'm going to tell him 'call whenever you can.  Call when you want to.  Just understand that we won't accept if we are not home - and you need to just try again until we connect'.  

I'm sure there are completely logical reasons he hasn't called.  Still, the waiting and worrying is exhausting and while I'm grateful we know where he is, it is tough to be 'back on the hook'.  

It will get easier, I hope.