Happy Annual Culling Day

We've culled eight garbage bags of stuff - and I'd say 'so far' but in deference to my husband, I am stopping.  Anything else I identify as 'good to give away' will count for our 2017 taxes.  He's been inventorying like a mad man for hours and he deserves a break.

And there's a football game on soon that he's dying to watch.  I have no idea what teams.  I never know.  But he's excited to watch and that will make for a fun day of me asking what just happened when I hear him exclaim or hear the crowd go nuts.

We have low-key plans for this evening - we carved off three rib eye steaks from the Christmas roast prior to cooking it so we have a nice dinner planned.  Might trek to the grocery store for some mushrooms to saute with the steaks...for us, not H..  He wouldn't touch a mushroom if his life depended on it.

I'm actually feeling 'off' today - would say it's sinus but not sure.  A little achy and just out of sorts. I slept like a log but woke up feeling so tired....maybe a cold brewing.  Hope not 'cuz work is in a few days -

I might need to eat protein - I've gotten out of that morning habit during the break and perhaps I need something besides a biscuit and honey.

It's cold and gray here today - not sure if we'll get rain but it's past noon and it hasn't burned off yet.

I'm not sure what 2017 will bring - like much of America, 2016 has left me reeling and feeling more than a bit wary of what our future holds.  We've elected an ass and I think we're all going to reap the consequences of that fact - I (emphasis on I) didn't elect him - but someone did.  He's unfit for office and I write those words aware they are harsh.  I realize it's the President I'm speaking of and I've had quite a few that I haven't been all that supportive of in my lifetime and never said anything even remotely that harsh about any of them.  (Maybe Bush Junior but he's stellar in comparison to now). I keep looking for 'what can be done to make this right?'.  J. says there's constitutional provisions that Congress can invoke an article that will assert he is 'unfit for office' - but that will likely never happen.  We all hoped for the Electoral College solution, too - and we know that didn't result in any change.

Still, it's a New Year - fresh beginnings.  Fresh starts.  One year closer to retirement so that's a good thing!!  I'm in the 'definitely less than 10 year' count down - and maybe even less than 5.  We'll see what happens with the stock market.

Happy New Year!

The Returns are Out

J. is trekking to Costco to take back some items we ended up not keeping.  Example:  a super cute reversible jacket for me - only $9.97 and not exactly my first color choice (light blue) - and I loved it EXCEPT no pockets.  That's a deal breaker 'cuz I need somewhere to put my freezing cold hands.  I considered keeping it 'cuz at that price, it's nice - but I know I likely will never wear it so better to let it go vs. adding something to my overflowing closets.  Yes, plural.  I have a lot of clothes.

Also an assortment of other items that either didn't fit or we decided against.  I feel bad for him standing in a likely long return line but am grateful he's going today to get stuff out of the house. And to get the credit on our account before the billing cycle closes.  As always, Christmas results in 'what the heck' bills this month.  And next.

We also have a fair amount of donation items ready to load up and give away as well.  Always feels so good to lighten up around here.

The family is back on the road from Portland and will arrive sometime this evening - hopefully, they won't be driving through a huge snow storm this time and the drive will be easier (relatively speaking).  Long car trips are always hard and I admire their tenacity to get to/from even in the face of four long days in a car.  I'd be nuts, frankly - but that's just me.  Car rides and road trips always sound fun at the planning stage but the execution of same is always just hard.  Looking forward to having them here tonight and it was so fun to message my cousin with 'see you tomorrow' yesterday afternoon.

I went to our County Office of Ed yesterday to pick up pay stubs and then went to the office for an hour or so to do a couple things that I intended to get to at home but never did.  Those two small items had me feeling overwhelmed at the thought of 'needing' to get them done so it felt great to have those feelings resolved.  Five days left of the break and I'm already dreading the return - and I'm sure many others feel the same.  This treasured annual time is always followed by the depressing dark cloud of going back in January - it's the circle of life in a district that shuts down for two weeks at Christmas.

B. is working 1/2 days this week and will have a long weekend - he's heading to Nashville for New Year's eve and I'm sure he will have a blast.

H. is......I have no idea what H. is up to.  I know he's rarely home and leaves in the middle of the night.  I'm fed up with him and taken to just trying to avoid him - seeing him makes me so angry - because I really, truly don't want him here - there, I said it.  I know that sounds harsh for a Mom to say about her son but it's how I feel.  Sometimes, I think me moving out is the better option - I'd have my own space and not be confronted daily with the fact that I'm living with someone I don't trust.

It's a crystal clear, blue sky day and the blue jays are deeply appreciating the peanuts I put out yesterday.  I've started just putting out 10-12 nuts at a time so if it rains, we don't waste too many...and if it does rain, I go out and clean out the tray right away.  I don't want them to look for food and find peanut soup.

Time to get to the chore list.  I've done a pretty decent job of getting stuff done this break and still have lots to do.  Feels good to make a point of accomplishing something every day - even if it's doing a little yard clean up every time I'm out with the dog.

Morning Christmas Eve

Started the day off with yard work...another storm accomplished ridding the maples of more leaves. Thankfully, one is now naked and the other has just a few left.  I also trimmed all the dead off the plants in the patio pots - I'm toying with the idea of somehow covering them for 'winter' but having never done that, I'm not sure what to use.  Saran Wrap?  Wax paper weighted down with stones? (We don't have any stones so that might be a problem).  I think they will be OK but if we really do have frost warnings, I will at least throw dish towels over them for the coldest nights.

Visitors safely made it to Portland and we had a fun time - we made fudge (which I've never done) and it's delicious!!  It was a fun visit and we're looking forward to having them return on their drive back home next week.

B. sent a card to all of us - and enclosed a gift card for me - thanks to him and my sweet cousin, my Starbucks card is well loaded!  His card is super sweet.  I know he'd shudder at the 'sweet' description but it is.  It really warms the heart to have someone who is kind, funny, big-hearted and missing us like crazy - as we are him.  He will be with friends this evening and I know the Mom of the family he is with put the presents we sent under their tree - 'cuz he asked me.  He said 'Jeff's mom wants to know if the presents are all wrapped'.  I'm sure he'll have a wonderful time - but we sure are missing him.

H.?  I don't know what to say about him these days.  I'm bitterly angry and beside myself with his shenanigans and feel powerless and pissed off.  I've told him he needs to leave - and I mean it.  But I realize he has nowhere to go and no money to get there or support himself.  But I'm not kidding - I'm not deviating from this plan and keep reminding both him and J. that he needs to get out.  Find a job; do whatever - but I don't want him here anymore.  I'm tired of being lied to repeatedly; tired of his stupid denials; tired of him taking advantage of our generosity and hospitality.  I'm just so damn tired.

Maybe he's in a hard place right now in his head - I've been there and I understand.  But I was also there in my early 20's and the one glaring difference?  I was still supporting myself and going to school.  So if he's having emotional health issues, he needs to get treatment and still figure out how to live a life....not here.

So it's not exactly the merriest of Christmases this year and that's OK.  There's still presents under the tree and good food to be enjoyed.  And wine.  Lots of wine.  :-)

Already approaching the 1/2 way point of the break and as always, it goes by so incredibly fast.  I have things I need to do - committed to doing - but I keep postponing.  Next week.  I will get to things next week -

Might head out this evening with travel mugs full of cocoa and look at lights.  We haven't done that in a long time and it will be fun.  I'm sure H. won't be with us 'cuz he's rarely here...and you're probably thinking 'well isn't that a good thing since you don't want him there now anyway?'.  And true - he's not here - but we often have no idea where he is or what he's doing and it's not a permanent 'not here'. He just hangs out with various people.

I'm watching baking shows!!  And planning a quick grocery run.  I've been craving Mexican Hominy like crazy and need to get supplies to make it.  And also getting the makings for Burgundy Mushrooms which simmer for 9 hours and are delicious!!

Visitors are Coming

J. fired up the piano this morning and put in the Christmas disc on 'auto play' - so we're doing chores whilst listening to uplifting music.  Chloe seems confused - is this Christmas morning?  If it is, shouldn't we all be in the living room and where are my new toys?  Excitement is in the air!

We decided to use some 'restoration' product on the cabinets which leads to having to do ALL the cabinets lest they be 'uneven'.  And then you step back and think 'what in the hell were we thinking' 'cuz while they look 'better', it's still a huge undertaking and Lord knows, we have plenty else to do to prep for 'guests'.  H. cleaned the cabinets awhile back and scrubbed so hard, he took the finish off.  So they honestly look pretty awful in some places and I really want to get them painted - but not yet. Someday.  I'd love a remodel but...no.  Not happening.

Thank goodness these 'guests' will take us as we are - 'cuz there will be things that need doing, the house will be presentable...and they don't judge so that's great!  I won't be frantically trying to do every little thing.  Have you seen Baseboard Buddy?  'cuz I almost bought one thinking 'that would be such a great help'.  Baseboards are the least of it.  Much like cabinets.  But oh well.  It's not noon yet so...I have plenty of time.  LOL.

We teased B. with a 'we got a new dog' text.  And then sent him a picture of our new Christmas decor. He said 'I was excited for a minute'.  No, Chloe is all the dog we can handle at the moment.  I said 'maybe we'll get a new dog once we've moved to Reno and aren't planning to travel' and J. said 'we will need a St. Bernard with a keg of brandy on it's neck in Reno'.  No.  We won't.  J.'s dachshund Schnappsie loved the snow!

Guess I'd better take my day to the next level and get dressed.  No errands (for me) to run but plenty to do.  I've wrapped a fair amount - J. said 'the most wrapping you've done in a while'.  Just decided to wrap downstairs instead of taking everything upstairs, setting up wrapping tables, etc. - and then having to haul it all back down.  Guess having a lazy 23.5 year old in the house has it's advantages 'cuz he's either never here or sleeping so little risk he will see something he shouldn't.

And he's lucky his Christmas isn't cancelled - yet.  Putting his stuff in garbage bags in his car sounds like a plan.  And I just might do it.

I need to do some more baking so our guests will have plenty of treats.  And to use up the dough so it doesn't go to waste.

Merry will arrive at some point.  She always does.  The music helps -

Christmas Galore

Thank you to my brother who sent a wine gift basket - I don't have his address so I have no way to properly thank him - I will Facebook message him but he doesn't respond to those so....it's a great gift made more so by my craving for sugar cookies.  I'm devouring the small box of cookies in the basket and am thankful I don't have to go bake some.  Plenty of dough in the fridge but I'm not in the mood for rolling, cutting, etc. - we baked quite a bit over the past few days and will bake again.  But tonight?  Not happening.

Thanks also to my sister for my favorite popcorn tin!!  LOVE caramel and cheese mixed together and we almost bought some at WalMart yesterday but am so glad we didn't.  A welcome treat!

As a gift to myself, I procured an XBox One set for a friend's son.  She is on a tight budget this holiday because she lost her ex husband and her son lost his dad and their entire savings account went to flying back to VA for his funeral.  Giving this gift is a gift I gave to myself...a reminder of how blessed we are and how grateful I am to be able to do this for a friend.  Santa delivered it to our house today and I will be taking it to them on Thursday morning.

It makes me joy-filled and I need that.  I am sad - about B. not being home.  About H. being an asshole of ginormous proportion.  It's not the merriest of Christmases this year and it's hard to pretend that it is.

I was at Target on Sunday and procured a weiner dog Christmas decor item.  He lights up and has a sweater and hat on.  J. says he's for outside but his sweater will be soaked so we're putting him in our entry way.  He was on sale for 30% off and I just couldn't resist - we've passed on him year after year but this year?  We bought it!!

I will hopefully find some merry at some point.  I'm sure I will - three generations of cousins arriving on Thursday evening and that's sure to be fun!

It's a Great Break

Can't believe two weeks have passed since my last post.  Yikes!  Time is flying by.

At work, we counted down the days until Thanksgiving break and then before we knew it, Winter Break was upon us.  Off for 17 days IN A ROW - the mind boggles.

I promised myself I would not look back on these days and think I wasted them - so for the most part, we've been keeping pretty busy.  It 'helped' that Mother Nature brought a storm that thrashed our yard so badly, it's been days of never-ending clean up.  The Japanese maples are losing their leaves and were encouraged by huge wind to do so.  They are so pretty but geez - they are a pain in the toukas to clean up every winter.

Yesterday, I started wrapping and organizing - we are shipping gifts and treats to B. today - and while I wrapped for him, I wrapped for everyone!  Using the higher counter in the study vs. schlepping things upstairs.  Guess that's one advantage to having adults in the house - no worry about trying to be super secret.  I've got a few more things to wrap but it's likely wrapping will be done completely by this evening.

I've baked cookies and am backing more cookies and brownies today.  I'm also attempting to make B. some sort of 'tree' - it's pathetic but it's the thought that counts.  Even the least crafty person on the planet can find things on the web and put something together.

I have a CT scan of my 'face' this afternoon - trying to figure out why my sinuses aren't draining.  At the time I made the appointment, late afternoon seemed best but now, I wish I'd scheduled it for next week.

We have cousins arriving Thursday evening for a one night stay and then stopping again on their way back from Portland next week.  I'm resisting the urge to frantically clean - but there is some tidying happening and plenty of 'stuff' being organized, put away, given away.  Mainly, I'm using the 'guests' as strong motivation to keep going - and I frequently can be heard saying 'we're not moving that to Reno so out it goes'.

I made the decision to not pursue a job outside my current district - I couldn't imagine commuting after 10 blissful years of not.  It's pretty hard to give up a 5 minute drive each way - and after traveling to Lodi last week in a bad storm, I realized 'I don't want to be driving to/from work daily in this stuff.  Ever'.

OK - I'm hopping in the shower so I can go outside and continue cleaning up.  I cleaned up the gross sludge in the bird seed trays and the blue jays have been here this morning looking for nuts.  I will put out a few and refill often vs. putting out a lot and having the next storm create seed sludge.  It's gross.  Baking, more wrapping, more tidying and eventually heading to the local hospital for the darn scan -

Winter Break 2016 is going to go down as the most productive ever - I can feel it.

OH - and I'm officially down 10 pounds as of this morning!!  Some of that is in jeopardy with Christmas treats everywhere - but for the most part, I stick with little to no sugar and eat as carefully as I can.  It's working -

Somewhat Restful Sunday

I did go to work today - but only stayed a couple of hours.  I trudged through a few things that were 'must do' and then realized 'hey, I think I can finish up tomorrow'.  No meetings on my calendar so...I think I can compile and complete what needs to be done without too many additional weekend hours.

I hate weekend hours. I really do.

I've got some baby shower gifts to get ready (for boss) and have to wrap a Christmas gift for our annual office party - which is (miraculously) this Tuesday.  It's usually the Friday before the break and we all just dread having to attend a work commitment on what should be an evening when we bolt out the door as soon as possible and start our break.  Glad it's earlier.

J. is going to trek to Costco to gas up my car - the fuel light's been on for a few days and even though I have no drives planned, better to get it filled on a quiet Sunday.

The hardest part of Winter is the absolutely freezing feet - all the time.  I'm miserable with cold feet and have no idea how to fix it.  Wait!  I just put Toe Warmers on the tops of my socks and slipped on my slippers.  And I'm going to make hot decaf tea.

Only 10 work days left until the break!!  I can do this!!

Restful Saturday

The minutes tick by and I think 'I should get to work.  I really need to go to work.  There's a lot to do at work'.

It's approaching 1PM and I am officially saying 'I'm not going to work'.

Not today.  Tomorrow, definitely and for basically a full day.

But today?  I chillax at home.  King Arthur delivered the best chocolate chip cookie mix to the house so I will make H. a batch of really delicious cookies.  Give him a treat.  Started the day with a cheery 'Good Morning, H.  What are your plans today?' to make up for reaming him yesterday.

It's just a ticket, after all.  Shit happens.  Lately, a lot happens to him but oh well.  The first accident in the series of auto mishaps has been over a year ago (though it feels like yesterday).  How do I know that?  'Cuz the annual torture of 'vehicle registration due in December' happened so...we bought J.'s new car about a year ago.  And we did that to give H. the old Camry to use.

We awoke to the news of a huge warehouse fire in Oakland - a rave event was happening there.  9 confirmed dead and many more missing.  All young people out for a good time.  Sort of put things in perspective.  Prayers to those awaiting news of where their loved ones are.  Sad for the community and our area.

I've done a little cyber shopping for the men in my life.  Hubby has identified two things he wants and I've given the OK to 'procure away, Sir'.  Reminding him that I would enjoy some cash for gaming - whether it's casino or Facebook - that's my Christmas wish.  B.'s main gift was purchased when he was here and will arrive this coming week.  I've also gotten a few little things and will get some 'treats' to include in the Christmas in a Box we are building for him.  H. has a list, too and there's items steadily arriving.  I have to wrap a couple family gifts and get them shipped off.  We don't do Christmas cards anymore so nothing to worry about there.

We finalized and paid for all the cruise excursions and extras - and will make the final cruise payment on the last work day before the Winter Break.  We have that long to pay so why not wait a bit?  We're both getting excited about the cruise - it's all new to us both and that will be a lot of fun to experience all these things together.  Nice excursions at our three ports of call - Mazatlan, Cabo and Puerto Vallarta.  Two full sea days before the ports and one full sea day after - I think I will love the at sea days the most for just the simple permission to veg.  On a lounge chair near a pool.  And/or in the casino.

At some point today, the men here are supposed to begin working on Christmas Decorating 2016. So far, there's no activity - but J. did purchase the 'new' light projector we are going to try - it's a trade-off to avoid having to put up the lights on the house - which is every one's least favorite job of the Christmas season.  Yard decor and the new projector and we might be able to call the outside 'done'.

Then hopefully on to the inside - soon, I hope.

It's so cold - my feet are in fleece slippers but feel like blocks of ice at the end of my legs.  Time to get moving and warm up, I suppose.

Losing My Shit

I've been watching the status of the case I almost served on the jury for - periodically checking the court website to see what's happening.  Jury trial still proceeding though according to the timeline the judge presented, it should be wrapping up and in the hands of the jury by next week at the latest.

I don't know what compelled me to do this - but I entered our last name into the database - and guess what?  There's a pending case on record for H.!  What, you ask?  Us too!  The date of 'infraction' was 11/22 and it's set for 'appearance' or 'due' on 12/20.

He swore the cop told him it was a warning - and when I said 'get your ass out to your car NOW and bring me the paperwork', he did.  No sign of it being a warning.  It's a ticket for going 75 in a 55 zone and it's a ticket.

I totally lost my cool - and I admit when it comes to parenting him lately, 'my cool' is in short supply.

I don't know what to do - I honestly don't understand what is happening with him.  Counseling?  He can go as often as he wants but doesn't make it a priority.  School?  He's going - but I am in serious doubt at this point that he's passing.  He's just a wreck.

Friend drama....that's what he always says.  He's got himself so immersed in other people's crap - he's not dealing with his own.

I am angry that he never mentioned he'd been pulled over.  As if we wouldn't figure it out?  What was he going to do when the 'bill' for the ticket arrives in the mail in a couple weeks?

I'm more sure than ever that he's going to have his license suspended.  And I'm thinking he may actually have to appear vs. pay a fine 'cuz the DMV is going to see how many points he has at this point and make him show up before the judge.

Merry Christmas.

I think I'll make paying the fine (if we can pay a fine) his Christmas present.  That's it.  A copy of the check I'll mail to pay the fine wrapped in a box.

He should pay the fine, you say?  Yes, he should....but his savings is dwindling weekly and he can't afford things like this and still finish paying for school.

And no, there's no way for him to get to school on public transit.  No way.

I came home after a long, long day of negotiations in which I realized that it's likely I will be working quite a bit over the two week break to get the negotiations stuff drafted in time for our January board meeting.  I'm not thrilled about that but it is what it is.  J. made me a beer with a shot (or two) of Fireball whiskey in it.  I drank about half, ate crap for dinner (and a great steak lovingly prepared by hubby so I had protein with the crap) and am watching The Great American Baker recorded last night.

Heading up to bed shortly.  Hoping for a night of decent sleep, no alarm clock and then heading to the office for at least part of the day both Saturday and Sunday.

Everything will work out OK - one way or another, it will work out.