Shellfish

We are ringing in the new year with lobster, pasta, Chips Ahoy and Orange Juice.....

 My grandmother had a zillion orange trees in her backyard.  Growing up, whenever we visited her, we had fresh squeezed juice.  Just typing that makes my mouth water. One of my favorite combos was chocolate chip cookies and fresh orange juice.  I know it's weird - but it's delicious.  J. brought home the best 'store bought' juice I've ever had a couple days ago - and I managed to enjoy a glass with the mini Chips Ahoy Santa put in our stockings this year.  Santa knows what we like....

So after shopping for our dinner (the lobsters are from Costco - the pasta and sauce were pantry items though I did make the sauce 'fresh'), J. stopped at Raley's to get more OJ.  B. drank most of the first container in a day - he is an orange juice fanatic.

We don't usually have juice in the house 'cuz it's drinking a lot of calories and we prefer to eat calories.  But with Chips Ahoy, it's the best 'treat' I can imagine right now.  So J. got more cookies and more juice - for after dinner.  My grandmother used to bake the best cookies on the planet - and I can whip up a fresh batch that's pretty yummy myself - but Chips Ahoy are easy and perfect to accompany juice. 

I have a lot of things to say/share about B.'s departure and I'm sure it will all come spilling out over the next couple days. 

He leaves us tomorrow at around 1:30PM.  He has been tidying his room - and gifting me massive amounts of change for our 'fun money' account.  Today, when I saw the second big bunch of change, I started to count it out to pay him back for it - and he said 'Mom, you and Dad just gave me [insert number here] for Christmas - so I don't need you to pay me for the change.  It's OK.  I'm glad to give it to you'. 

We cleaned out his wallet today - he will take his debit card, $50 in cash and his driver's license.  That's it.  He emptied so much stuff out of his wallet that he needed to go buy a new one to prevent everything from falling out once he culled it down to what he's taking with him.  I have his Discover card, his CSAA (car assist) card, other assorted cards he wants to keep.

He's spending a lot of time snuggling the dog and even spent a little time loving on the cat - as much as said cat would allow, anyway. 

He also walks around sighing a lot.  I ask 'doing OK?' or 'you OK, B.?'.  I know it's just the realization that 'it' is finally happening.  He has enlisted and he is leaving for basic training - and that's a pretty big reality to be staring you in the face. 

Departure is imminent. 

The boys are spending the night at parties - we worry but we worry less because we know where they went and that they will stay where they are.  We don't like them driving around on New Year's Eve and we (of course) do not want them driving if they've been drinking.  So they will stay put.

J. and I are enjoying a quiet evening....and it's approaching 9PM and I am feeling sleepy.  I won't make it to midnight....but I'm sure the neighbors will wake me up at the appropriate hour.  Long enough to say 'Happy New Year' and roll over and go back to bed.

Hello, 2013!

Alone Time

After a pleasant family lunch at Red Robin and a little shopping (exchanging some jeans for H. and getting J. some new pants - the man needs new clothes badly and I am glad he bought some new slacks!) - I am home alone.  Chloe is concerned - and every little sound, she goes to the door of the office and 'stands guard'.  In full alert status, she watches and waits for anything happening. 

She may be on edge because I gathered up every single toy and all her bedding and put it all in the washer on super-duper hot, extra rinse.  The load will take awhile and the squeakers in her toys may not work too well after (and that's an ulterior motive I am happy to own) but they will be clean for at least a day.  Maybe two.  She got a few new toys for Christmas and those are not included in this load. 

J. and B. went to see "Lincoln" and H. went to hangout with friends.  I don't mind the quiet - I woke up in the middle of the night with migraine-like visual issues and the headache that I quelled this morning is building again.  I know it's 'cuz work is looming....that's what happens when you take two plus weeks off, think you will spend a couple hours a day working and 'catching up' and then don't.  

I am wearing my new Converse Lorax shoes....you can see them here:

Guess what? You can't see them 'cuz they aren't offered on the website anymore - making me even more excited that I finally bought them for myself.  They are really cute - I will try to take a pic and post it soon.

They are very cute but not all that comfortable - at least not for me.  Guess I just haven't broken in new shoes in a really long time - and I don't often wear canvas sneakers.  But these are cute!  My biggest complaint is that after doing some yard work (finishing up some stuff we started before we went to lunch), my feet are so incredibly cold that I can't warm them up.  I'm thinking about taking a hot shower to get some warmth into my tootsies. 

You can see the surface of my desk more than usual and that's a nice thing.  The culling of the file drawers created spaces to put things and that's really helping. 

One of our Christmas gifts to each other is a Hamilton Beach One Scoop coffee maker.  I love the concept of this machine - it uses regular ground coffee to brew a cup of coffee one at a time.  I can make myself a hot, fresh cup when I am up at 4:30AM and then J. can make himself one later that day.  Less coffee waste and less Nespresso capsules for me - because they are only increasing in price and I can live with fewer lattes each week.  The concept is excellent and once we figured out how to raise the cup platform so the splashing stopped a bit, we like it more.  It does brew hot, fresh coffee that tastes great - so I just moved our drip coffee maker out to the garage for now.  I guess J. thought I was buying the new pot to replace my Nespresso - which should have been obviously not the case considering they had a 'special' and I ordered a bunch of capsules that are in the garage!  No, I bought it to replace the drip...and liked the idea of not buying another 'pod' system like a Keurig.  Keurig's also make great, hot fresh coffee by the cup - but those pods aren't cheap either!. 

I plan to go in to my office for a bit tomorrow - I need to get some things 'staged' for the people who return back to work on Wednesday.

At this point, I have no idea if we are going to the airport to see B. off or not on Wednesday.  I'm not sure he wants us to go - he keeps saying things like 'I may not find out where you need to be in time for you to get there'...stuff like that.  It's hard for me to imagine that there aren't plans somewhere - I mean, they are flying on commercial flights so someone had to arrange that, right?  He will be picked up around 1:30PM on Tuesday - and then we will wait for further instructions. 

I plan to definitely not work Wednesday and am still debating re: Th & Fri.  The urge to not go in is very strong - and if I get things 'staged' tomorrow - stuff to keep others busy in my absence and get some stuff organized that I could work on at home Th/Fri, I am inclined to be off. 

I have been sleeping in until 8 or later most days - so getting up at 4:30AM that first day of work is going to be so, sooooo hard.  :-(

Salvage

I know this is blurry....

We are cleaning out files like crazy...finally shredding the records on two cars we haven't owned in many, many years.

My mantra is 'behold the power of Google' - because there is so much information out there.  I Googled the VIN of my old car - the limited edition VW New Beetle that I owned in the early 2000's - and found the car was sold as 'salvage' in Missouri sometime in the summer of 2011.  A little sad to see it in a salvage sale group but things happen.  I know the young lady who's parents flew out from Oklahoma City to pick it up enjoyed driving it and I know she is OK.  I Googled her too and she's attending NYU.  Thank you, Google, for providing history.  I miss the little bug but with two then young boys it was the most impractical car purchase of my life.  I kept flowers in the vase and drove it way too fast way too many times - because that car flew and before you knew it, you were approaching speeds that no one should reach unless on a track.  It was a blast to drive it - and someday, maybe - I might own one again.  It was sporty and 'cute' and fit me...in so many ways.  It was a special car - and I still miss it.  I really do....

J. is making trips around town dropping off donations.  My culling continues and I feel ashamed at the amazing amount of crap I have acquired.  Seriously...I buy too much stuff - at least I used to.  I have a thing for finding 'the perfect pants' - and they very often are not.  Oh well.  Trying not to beat myself up about it and just cull them out and move on.  Saving them for 'when I lose [insert # here] pounds' is ridiculous and self-defeating and only makes me feel worse.  So out they go....

I talked to my boss yesterday very briefly.  I crafted an email to him about something that I thought he should know - and when the explanation exceeded three paragraphs, I sent him a text that said 'when you can, please call me'.  Which he promptly did.  Transacted what we needed to and wished each other happy new year and said our goodbyes for the last time in 2012.

B. is working on cleaning up his various areas of chaos.  It's a lot to get done and as always, he puts things off until the bitter end.  The end...of his time here...at least for now.  Do I think he will ever live here again?  No.  But who knows.

We will be adjusting our taxes for one less dependent in 2013 - and possibly two.  H. is looking to move out by the end of February.  Wow....down two dependents at the same time.  That's going to hurt a bit.

In more ways than fiscal.

POA

Crossing things off the list of things to do - J. and B. successfully acquired a notarization for the Power of Attorney forms for B.'s investment accounts.  While B. is beginning to mention things like 'I might open an account at US Bank - I hear they have good deals for military personnel', he still wants us to be able to execute financial things on his behalf.  I reminded him that for the past few years, I have been his bookkeeper and assistant - paying his bills.  His Discover card is paid in full monthly and because of that, he is getting a gazillion applications for credit, including American Express - which I regularly shred for him without telling him about them.  He doesn't need more credit.  Especially if he's thinking of 'cutting the strings' to us and handling financial stuff on his own.  He's not great at that stuff but I realize he will never learn if he doesn't try - and it's time for him to fly.  I know.....

I'm already on all his bank accounts so we don't need POA for that - and if he decides to open a new account in Georgia, that's up to him.  

I worked in the kitchen today culling out stuff here and there while watching West Wing Season 1 episodes on the iPad while I worked.  I love that show and am enjoying re-watching and remembering such a great series.

Also worked a bit in various other rooms doing things that aren't all that visible but making some progress.  Little by little.  I found the DVD for the yoga I want to start doing - only turned out it's just the DVD's case - the disc is MIA.  I will find it later...I hope.

I had texts from a work friend and the best/funny thing was:  I had been thinking about writing her too...her boys are little and she wanted me to know she was thinking of me sending B. off soon.  And she sent a pic of her two little ones enjoying their new garbage truck toys Santa brought them - and I told her those much simpler times are the best.  It was good to reconnect.  I am scheduled off all of next week but told her I will probably work on Thursday and Friday - seems a fair trade for truly having not worked a lick in the past two weeks.  So we'll see. 

I don't feel too emotional about B. most of the time.  I am happy for him.  His excitement is building.  I gave him the toiletries we bought for him - and the combo lock he is to use to secure his 'stuff'.  We bought him a nice rolling 'pack' that fits in overhead easily to take his stuff in.  We are still unclear what will end up coming back to us - supposedly we send him with enough 'products' for a few days and then they go to the PX and stock up on their own. 

Made a coffee cake which B. said 'is the best coffee cake I've ever had'.  It was pretty good....can't take credit though 'cuz it was a Trader Joe's mix.

J. walked his furthest yet today - 3.61 miles!  He's amazing!  He also thought of a really cool Apple app and now I am begging and pleading with him to learn how to make it happen.  It would sell a gazillion copies and I could quit!  That would be lovely!  The first thing one needs to write code for apps is an Apple computer - so I told J. to go buy one pronto!  He thinks I am kidding - but I am so not!  Seriously - he has so many creative ideas - he needs to invest in learning the code to make them a reality!  (J. - I am not kidding - get us a Mac!).  We also are pretty close to deciding to get another iPad 'cuz we love it so much, we are already having 'scheduling' issues with who's using it when.  It is pretty darn cool.....  We are so spoiled...and blessed.

We turned on the heat and cocoon in the office downstairs with the door closed.  It's the room with the 'best' heat and when you close the door, it warms up quickly and stays warm.  We may end up sleeping in here in our old age - when we're too old to walk up the stairs and too cold to live in rooms that are drafty and huge.

I was up at 7:40ish this morning - 2nd morning in a row I was up 'early' (relatively speaking).  I could have easily gone back to sleep - but didn't.  Attempting to not sleep most of the morning.

J. is already putting Christmas stuff away - which will be great 'cuz I haven't been able to park in the garage since all the storage boxes came down from the rafters - and I miss parking in the garage.

New Years plans are up in the air - B. wants to have a bunch of friends over - I'm not sure about that.  I don't really want 10+ people here and many of them will end up spending the night 'cuz they can't party and drive.  So waking up to a houseful and then dealing with B. being picked up that day - I'm not sure that won't put me over the edge....

Getting close to dinner.  Leftover Christmas dinner?  Meatloaf?  Or pork chops?

That's an Order!

Hard to imagine that the young man who is upstairs begrudgingly (very...oh so very) attempting to tidy his room before departing his childhood home is the same young man who in one weeks time will be entering a career where being ordered around about virtually every little thing is the norm.  And yet, he will.  I resist the urge to blast him with 'are you kidding us?  I mean really, B., AGAIN?  We're going to get pissy with you AGAIN about cleaning your room?  Remember when we came pretty close to literally kicking you out of the house for failing to keep your personal space tidy'?

And one look at my desk will answer the question re: our standards are far from high....I'm expecting of him the same thing I expect of myself:  progress, not necessarily a miracle!

I'm fine with waiting until a week from now, though, 'cuz I will happily cull it for him once he's on the road.  We're just giving him a chance to do it himself so he can make decisions about what to Goodwill vs. toss, etc..  But trust me when I say:  this time next week, that room will be looking better - one way or another.

It's post-Christmas let down - though we are dressed and moving.  Waiting for the garbage trucks to come and pick up the recycle bin 'cuz we have so much more to put in.  It's another cold and blustery day - so it's hard to keep moving when the urge to snuggle and watch TV/movies.  My sister and her hubby sent us this amazing tea set and it's full of the most creative 'blends' of teas.  They are delicious!  So the urge to sip piping hot tea that tastes like desserts is strong!

The prime rib was amazing!  The best ever...slow roasted to perfection and then seared at the end for a crispy crust.  Like a restaurant.  I followed J.'s advice and cut my planned food into 1/2 what I thought I would make - fewer leftovers.  It was a great meal and a wonderful end to a fun day.

Poor H. returned to work this morning and given his text to me at 6:30AM, he was called in early so he left even earlier than planned when he went to bed last night.  Which was very late.  Poor kid.  I don't worry about him - he gets himself up and moving and tracks his own schedule far more easily than B. did - though in B.'s defense, his schedule varied considerably while H.'s varies rarely.

OK - off to continue breaking down boxes; putting things up and away....

Christmas 2012

The leavings of a busy, hectic morning are ready to take out to recycling - if/when the rain stops.  J. is draining the pool for the 2nd day in a row 'cuz it's so, so full.  The storm has successfully blown all the leaves off the Japanese Maples, which have covered the pool and spa for the final time.   I pity our pool guy...may be giving him a tip this year 'cuz while the maples are beautiful, they are a mess in the pool when they lose their leaves.

We enjoyed Kona coffee pods as a special treat this morning - savoring great coffee with just milk and sugar.  When B. asked for an eggnog latte, I made it for him - but with 'plain' coffee.  The Kona pods are too special to muck up with a bunch of other flavors.

The roast is in the oven - slow roasting for six-ish hours before a searing hot oven will crisp the top.  Popovers, green bean casserole, au gratin potatoes, wine and cheese cake for dessert!  

B. is in heaven watching his DVD set of Band of Brothers AND The Pacific.  I was upstairs getting dressed and heard low flying aircraft...not unusual since we live close to the Tracy Airport - but then I realized it was downstairs.  Sounds like a war in the family room.  Oh well.  

Scavenger hunt was fun though the boys are getting 'lazy'....taking turns getting up and doing the hunting vs. going together.  May just have to start a new tradition of writing them a check instead....

We skipped church last night....and we are all fine with doing that.  We were just chillaxing at home and didn't feel like getting up and out at the time we would have needed to.  

I am heading out to cash in scratcher Lottery tix....hoping for a big win on the tickets I will 'buy' with our winnings.  Still playing to win a life changing amount...wouldn't that be lovely?  Not likely - but as always, it's about the dream.  

I am not focusing on this possibly being the 'last' Christmas with all of us here.  J. and I are reasonably confident that we will have empty rooms soon - and planning an art room, a sewing room and a home gym!  Not really...but maybe.  H. and his friend are moving to an apartment soon - and will take two rooms of furniture with them when they go.  

It's a Merry day....

Winter Break Observations

Random things....

• If I procrastinate long enough about getting out and running various errands, it will inevitably rain (again), thus giving me the excuse I need to not go out.
• If you purchase a skin cleaning 'gadget' and give yourself salon-quality facials every other day for a week, your skin is going to break out like crazy!  
•  Hopefully two more weeks will result in beautifully clear, rejuvenated skin.

•  The start to waking up to a very productive day is waking up.  I sleep later and later everyday.  Time to set an alarm for 7 or 8 'cuz I've been sleeping until 9 or 10 most days.  Ridiculous!  I rationalize that I must need the sleep - but 1/2 the day is over before I'm ready to even consider beginning whatever it is I planned to do.
• I plan to be productive every single day - but then I just don't feel productive!  It's bad...but it's Winter Break and this is one of the rare breaks where I actually attempt to 'chill' more than not.  So chilling is what I am doing....
• It's cold - very cold - which makes chilling easier.
• FedEx delivered packages to us this morning - on a Sunday!  The guy told J. 'we are so behind - these are Friday packages I am delivering today'!  I think that's excellent service - paying their drivers extra to ensure deliveries as promised!  It was the case to our new iPad - which is great 'cuz I've been afraid of scratching it or something so have been very careful about using it.
• B. is officially in his 'last week'.  That was per his Facebook update early this morning.  When I added 'at home. Last week at home' as a comment, he texted me to ask me to delete the comment.  I said 'it sounded like your last week alive or something'...but I deleted it per his request.  I think it's hitting him a bit 'hard' at the moment - and I don't know what to do to help him with that.  It's exciting and scary at the same time - and I know exactly how he feels 'cuz I feel the same about all of it....
• Tomorrow is Christmas Eve!  Yikes.  I had better get upstairs to assist!

Date! and Stretching

J. and I enjoyed a 'date' today - lunch at Red Robin and then we saw "Cirque du Soleil Worlds Apart" at the theater in Manteca.  Lunch was delicious (we love that place!) and the movie was good.  It was 3-D which had me a little worried 'cuz I always end up with a headache - and yes, I did.  But it was OK.  Anyway...the movie was good...though we were both thinking it was 'new' Cirque de Soleil material and sadly, it wasn't.  It was a compilation - a montage of sorts - of all of the Vegas shows, including Ka, Love (which we've seen) and the Elvis and "O" which we haven't.  I did love (LOVE) how they were able to focus so much on the athleticism of the artists and the slow motion shots really made it an awe-inspiring movie.  It goes by so quickly when the show is live - and the movie really allowed the 'acts' to shine.  I enjoyed it - would see it again - and will probably buy it if it comes out on DVD.  It was a nice walk down memory lane of our Vegas trips and a good reminder that there are still plenty of shows left to see.  Next time we head there, we are definitely going to plan far enough in advance to get tickets to "O".  I really want to see it even more with the taste of it we saw today.

We then trekked up the 99 freeway to the County Office of Ed so I could drop off something and pick up payroll checks.  Saves my payroll person the trip there next week and puts her an hour or so 'ahead' in her day of working to get folks paid.

I stretched leftover cream of potato soup by adding sauteed leeks we got in our produce box today - delicious!  I may be the only one that thinks that - but it is creamy goodness and I could seriously eat soup every night and be perfectly happy.  The boys will have leftover chicken fried steaks from last night - if they ever eat.  They are both out and about more than they are home - which is to be expected, I guess.

B. had fun on the camping trip and arrived home Wednesday afternoon.  They survived the rain on Monday and after that, only had to deal with cold.  They fished and had fun which is what 8 'kids' (all young adults) do when they nature camp.  Especially when it's pretty wet and cold and hiking, etc. aren't all that appealing.  He seemed to have fun.

Tonight, we thought we were hosting a farewell dinner for B. - but his friends all had to work.  Another consequence of being off for three days to camp, I guess.  So we're not really sure what the farewell plans are for him but we will schedule something.  We are fine with hosting - whatever he wants to do is fine with us.

Last minute Christmas shopping, etc. will be tomorrow's plan.  And wrapping.

Crickety

With today being the first 'commitment free' day I've had this break, I decided last night to give my hip muscles a break - took a Flexeril.  Flexeril is a muscle relaxant - it gives my hips the 'loosening' they need to give me a night of pain-free sleep.  It's a blessing - but I don't take it very often because it makes me sleep forever and feel very groggy and 'out of sorts' the next day.  But on the eve of a day when the only thing I plan to do is piddle around the house, it seemed like a great idea.

We've been working on clearing out the guest room - 'my' room - and I say 'we' because J. has been a great help!  We moved out the chair and ottoman....I always dreamed of having a chair in a bedroom - seems so civilized.  But the truth is: it's been in there since shortly after we moved here and it's rarely used.  So now it's going to be rarely used in the master bedroom which is twice the size!

There's floor space available now for yoga mats and other exercise items and I have visions of doing yoga daily.  It stretches and pulls and helps things loosen up - and it also requires more strength than you think!

Sadly, though, while my hips feel GREAT this morning, there is a definite serious 'crick' in my neck.  I'm pretty sure it happened when I feel asleep watching TV - in a strange, odd position that is most definitely not good for sleeping.  It hurts like the dickens and I can only imagine how much it would hurt if I weren't still reasonably 'groggy' and 'loose' from the Flexeril.

So no yoga today.....maybe this evening.

J. went to lunch with a friend in Livermore.  I have successfully wrapped a couple things that require wrapping without my 'elf' around.  And I've worked on breaking down shipping boxes for the recycle bin.

We got our new iPad yesterday (from the solar company!) and it's fun.  Though we don't have a case for it yet and I'm nervous it will get all scratched up so I've pretty much been letting it sit here relatively untouched.  Dying to watch a movie or West Wing on it - but have no way to prop it up that won't risk it's pristine condition.  We've ordered a case and hope it will arrive soon!  Then we can use it with wild abandon.

As far as we know, B. is still camping - the rain here on Monday has gone and while it's very cold, it's not too wet.  Here.  Have no idea how it is at Lake Amador - it may be snowing there.  I think he's coming home today?  Or maybe one more night there arriving home tomorrow?  Not sure.  We will know when he shows up.

There are emails flying back and forth about something that needs attention - work related - and it frustrates me a bit that no matter how hard I try to disconnect, there is no true disconnecting.  I know that's the type of job I have...but sometimes I wish I could truly just 'check out'.  Maybe Cancun...hopefully.

Maybe a nap will help my sore neck?

Read This

In the wake of the Sandy Hook tragedy, it's easy to talk about gun control - easy to make that the central issue that everyone's talking about and taking sides on....

But read this blog post:

http://anarchistsoccermom.blogspot.com/2012/12/thinking-unthinkable.html?m=1

This is the real issue.  And our system is failing these people over and over and over.

That, and I'm confident this mom has no guns in her home.  She has the right to have guns in her home - but she doesn't because she realizes that only makes her mentally ill son more dangerous.

Lake Camping

B. headed to Lake Amador very early this morning - he and 8 friends are camping for a few days.  It's his 'going away' party #1.  Last night, he packed up food and beer and camping gear.  A friend of his (a girl) spent the night here so she wouldn't have to drive here in the morning from her home about 40 minutes south of here.  I don't know where she slept but I'm pretty sure it was with B..  She arrived after we were in bed and left before we got up this morning so I haven't met her yet.

B. bought his own eggs for the trip - which I know 'cuz I used two of them for dinner prep.  I sort of wondered why there was a carton of a dozen eggs since we buy most of our eggs at Costco 2 dozen at a time.  I replaced the two eggs I used and he took a pound of bacon, too.  I am only too happy to pitch in for the festivities.

H. is working today.  I'm going to run some errands and stop in at my office just to update my to-do list and gather some stuff I can work on little by little at home.  I know - I shouldn't.  But if I don't update my to-do list now, when my last day of work is only a few days back, I will forget a jillion things that need attention - and I can't do that.  I have to keep stuff moving forward or I am doomed!  It will be uber-quiet and 'easy' (relatively speaking).  I need to make a trip to the pet store for provisions and Christmas gifts for the two critters.  It's tradition!

All of the kids Hallmark ornaments are strung on light strings hanging on the stair banisters.  I'm going to try to take some pics later so I can post them - they are a walk down memory lane for sure!  We used to pick out ornaments every year when the kids were younger....and J. found them and set them up.  It's fun to refresh on the kids interests in their little years - Star Wars was huge; Harry Potter, too!

I still have wrapping to do and need to get the 'master list' ready so my trusty assistant can get wrapping started.  And I need to get the scavenger hunt clues sketched out and plan the denominational envelopes.  It will be fun - it usually is.

First of Many

We attended church this morning...and with my careful, deliberate cajoling, H. attended also.  We were able to be there for B.'s last performance with the music group.

I didn't think much of it - though I had told J. I didn't think I would go and then texted him (and called him, too) confirming that this would be the last time B. would play - and when he confirmed it was, I decided to go.  I got H. to go too - it's a Christmas miracle sort of.  I think he would have preferred not to go but he did.

Somewhere in the first song, I really 'noticed' the drums.  The things they added to the music.  And then it hit me - it was B. playing....and it was his last time.  And the tears started.  So I stood and sang at the top of my lungs with tears streaming down my face.  Poor H..  Bad enough he 'had to' attend - but now his Mom was losing it standing next to him.

When the entry music ended and J. and B. joined us in the pew, I was totally emotional for a few seconds.  It passed....

I was just thinking a few days ago - before yesterday's events unfolded - that I rarely cry these days.  I accept it as a sign of age and emotional maturity.  Still, sometimes I think it's more just tamping down all the emotions I do have and just not letting them percolate up to the surface.  Crying felt kind of good this morning - and if/when it happens again in the next couple weeks, I think I'm going to give in.  Just let the tears come.

Maybe without yesterday's events, the tears today wouldn't have come....I will never know that....but I know that sitting there with one son watching the other play at church for the last time in who knows how long, I was so grateful to have my kids with me.  Both of them - safe and sound sitting in God's house.

And that feeling was most definitely part of yesterday.  All those families who are missing someone today....

We still have a lot of changes to get through in the next couple weeks.  And many more 'last times'....Christmas Eve; Christmas morning,etc. and I expect them to be hard.

I ran a few errands today and cooked cream of potato soup AND home made mac 'n cheese for dinner.  There's tons left for lunches and dinner tomorrow.  I also got supplies to make chicken fried steaks and then meatballs for spaghetti another night.  My idea of comfort food, I guess.

Tomorrow is wrapping and tidying.  And sleeping in, I hope.

Hug your family -

Tragedy and Glee

With the shootings in Connecticut yesterday, it was hard to feel too joyful about the imminent vacation just one short work day away.  Sitting at Round Table for lunch with co-workers watching the CNN news feed while Christmas music blared in the background felt wrong.  The merriment of the music making the staggering events just that much more horrific.

There is so much mis-information.  Did the shooter kill both his parents?  I know the mom died - but I read another article this morning that said the mom and dad were both killed.  Is that true?  The confusion over the age and name of the shooter (explained by the shooter apparently using his brother's  identification and having that ID on his body).  It's just a confusing series of news feeds and I keep thinking 'can't they do better?  They are just so anxious to get info out - but isn't there still a 'standard' of some kind that should require some fact checking before they publish or push 'post'?  It bothers me because the mis-information muddles up the facts - and in the end, the main thing to focus on is the grief of those who lost people they loved beyond words.

This morning, the political crap is in full force.  'Too soon' to talk about gun control and folks getting 'outraged' that someone says 'it's too soon'.  Think of that statement in the context of 20 young children dead along with adults (I won't post a number 'cuz I don't know which number is right).  It is too damn soon to be bringing up gun control at this point - grief doesn't allow for caring about any of that.  Can't we just let the tragedy be the focus?  Actually - correct that - the people affected by the tragedy... can't that be the focus for now?  The gun control issues will be addressed - but what do people think anyone can do in just 24 hours?  I mean really - no one has been willing to do much before this event and as we are all sadly aware, this isn't the first mass murder committed by someone who had easy access to weapons.  (His mom bought the guns - they were hers - if that's true).  I think the 'too soon' is said in terms of the affected people - not that it's ever too soon to prevent people from acquiring weapons they have no need of except to do something like this.

What the fuck are we becoming these days....where every single thing is cause to blast the other party and point fingers?  Really?  What in the hell is happening to us?  (Sorry for the strong language but I can't help it - I really can't.  I want to rage against all the assholes spouting off about stuff that is so not what we should be focusing on 24 hours after).  Seriously.  It feels so wrong -

It is incredibly tragic and I spent the day yesterday working on things that didn't require too much brain bandwidth - 'cuz I didn't have much.  So many thoughts running through my head - thinking about those teachers and school administrators and children lost.  Feeling so incredibly sad for their families and the community.

And yes, feeling sad for the family of the shooter because whatever happened with him - and we may never really know what happened with him that made him do this - is a sad reality of a mental health system that makes it hard for families to find meaningful help for a child (regardless of the 'child's' age) needing mental health care.

The story will unfold over the next week or so and hopefully, we will start to see some accurate info that will tie up the gajillions of loose ends created by bad reporting.  I hope so.

We are working on holiday decor and some general household chores.  I am joyful at being off - but it's tempered joy at the moment.  I think everyone feels tempered and subdued about everything at the moment.  It's hard to wrap brains around events and make any sense of anything right now.

One other moment I will share from yesterday that was joyful.  A co-worker is fighting breast cancer. She's finished with chemo and radiation.  I went by her office yesterday (at the school my kids attended) and found her without a hat for the first time in close to a year.  Her hair is growing back and it's an absolutely beautiful salt-and-pepper black and grey and it's stunningly beautiful.  I exclaimed  'oh L. your hair looks so beautiful !' and she got up with tears in her eyes and gave me the biggest hug and said 'it's my first day revealing it and I 'm so glad you think it looks OK.  I've been nervous about revealing it''.  I said 'it's really cute and you look amazing!'

That was the best part of the day - giving her proof that she looked amazing with the new 'do'.  And knowing that she saw my very real, very heartfelt and true look of awe when I first saw her.  She has been amazing through her treatment - working full time and never complaining.  I admire her so, so much....

Ugly Sweater

Today is Ugly Holiday Sweater day at the office.  A 'new' addition to our annual celebration.  Have to hand it to our social committee - where do they come up with these things?  Anyway, it's a great excuse to wear a holiday themed Pooh sweatshirt to work...and I added an absolutely horrific Santa hat that plays the song "Shout!" when you push a button.  Oh, and the top of the hat (with the bell) moves back and forth.  50% off at Rite Aid and too ridiculous to resist.  Thankfully, we were able to redefine that any 'ugly' holiday attire would be OK - lest folks either not participate for lack of a sweater or spend a fortune acquiring one.  Did you know there are websites devoted to selling ugly sweaters?  There are.  Proof that the Internet has created so many opportunities and is truly connecting us all....

I considered wearing my pretty Christmas Tree blouse - but then someone suggested I could 'hot glue' ornaments on it.  I said 'I don't want to destroy it - I like that blouse'...thus making it too 'nice' to be even in the category of today's event.

And it's a board meeting day and showing up in a sweatshirt would be hugely not OK - so I have nice clothes on a hanger that I will change into this afternoon - in time for dinner.

I am reminding myself constantly that there is still much to do - still things to wedge in this week.  I'm on the downhill slope and the urge to slide into it by just putting stuff aside and letting some things wait until we're back after the break is ill-advised.  So I keep plowing through.  Begrudgingly but still getting a lot done.  Meetings throughout the week break up the tasks and social, fun things will help.  Holiday party on Thursday evening and I have no idea what to give as a White Elephant gift...

It's 40 degrees outside and sadly, my car is parked in the driveway 'cuz there is Christmas stuff and a mattress taking up my parking space IN the garage.  H. loves his new bed (yes, we gave it to him early 'cuz it's pretty dang hard to hide a California King mattress and because B. got to open his 'big' present early, too).

Time to defrost.....

Iko and Repeat

It's a beautiful day!  Sunny, clear....chilly but no rain!  The yard is a swampy mess and our pool is a wreck - never really noticed how many things we have surrounding the pool that lose their foliage in the cold - but wow, what a mess.  We are sweeping, raking, etc. as much as possible but I pity the people that come after us 'cuz as the trees mature, it's going to be a nightmare.  I'm sure the next owners will just rip everything out and put in boring palms. Now I know why people use palms so much....boring?  Yes.  But they don't shed and there's a lot to be said for that when you have a cement pond that you cannot keep clean.

And no, we are not moving anytime soon.  Maybe someday...but for now we will stay put.  Though we just got a letter from the City of Tracy to let us know they are planning two large apartment complexes just across the street from our neighborhood.  Requesting rezoning and several other changes to the city general plan to accommodate those planned buildings.  Not sure how I feel about that - I don't really see a huge need for more apartments - but maybe they figure with the Amazon distribution center opening they need to have more affordable housing available?  Maybe.

This is also a day where I torture my poor husband by listening to the same songs over and over and over.  My newest obsession is Iko - a two man duo from Exeter who have a song on the new Twilight Breaking Dawn 2 soundtrack AND just had another of their songs play on Grey's Anatomy.  I was shocked to realize the group is two men because the vocals could be a woman - just higher pitch than you expect from a guy - lovely, lovely voice and now that I know he is a guy, it is no less lovely.  Love them and bought every album they have off iTunes.  An 'early' gift to myself.

We gave B. his 'big' gift early - a very nice watch.  And now we await H. arriving home to see his 'big' gift - we found him a new Cal King mattress!  Can't wait to see if he is OK with it - it was on clearance at Costco but it seems great and I think it's going to work fine.  Hope so, anyway....if he doesn't like it, we can always return it -

I am going to head to the kitchen to whip up scones for a morning full of meetings tomorrow....

It's been a lovely weekend with no work - yesterday was spent running errands and ended with Chinese from Dave Wong's - a nice family favorite surprise!

J. is doing his homework which he put off until the day it's due.  Spent all morning listening to lectures and 'complains' about how long the lectures are for this class.  I resist the urge to say 'you don't have to do this class, right?'  and also resist 'why do you leave your essays until the bitter end?'.  He always does....

We still have massive amounts of Christmas to put up.....dear.

Happy Wednesday

It is the end of hump day - and the end of a very, very long week.  I wish more than I can say that I could write here about some of the stuff happening this week - but I can't.  Our district is in the news these days and it's incredibly hard....and horrible.  That's all I can say about it but you can Google to your heart's content and figure it out.  It's been a very hard week and the difficulties and challenges will continue....

We are watching Survivor and I just have to say that Abi is so much like a former co-worker a job or two ago that it's painful to watch.  The passive-aggressive, martyr, bitchiness is just such a reminder of days gone by - and how in the end, the co-worker ended up leaving the job and when she tried to come back (applying for various other roles at the campus), she was denied every single time.  Karma's a bitch and Abi hasn't figured that out yet.  Maybe she never will - likely she never will because narcissists often don't.  It's hard to watch and I can't believe they didn't vote her off tonight - but then taking her to Tribal would be better for the rest of them 'cuz she's not well liked.  Though this is Survivor and she may end up winning - that's what makes the game so fun to watch.

Only seven work days left until the big winter break and this weekend, it is looking like I actually may not need to work!  I am so excited about that!

I sent my youngest son a text this morning that said 'thank you for humoring me when I am being a Mama Crankypants'.  I have to give the kid credit for weathering my mercurial moods - he is far more patient than I would be if I was in his shoes.

B. and J. worked on cleaning out B.'s closet today.  I told B. 'please keep working on the room 'cuz I'm turning it into a sewing room when you leave'.  I'm not...but it was funny to hear him say 'where will I sleep'?  To which I replied 'on the couch where you often sleep now'.  Ha ha ha.  I crack myself up...

I announced to J. that this year, I want all (and I mean ALL) of the Christmas decorations out.  The nativity scene, the train around the base of the tree, the Santa that climbs up and down a ladder carrying lights, the snow globe that blows fake snow...you name it, it's going up!  And all the yard decor and lights.  Heck, we're on solar now (officially!) and even today when it rained for HOURS and HOURS we still generate electricity so I'm in the mood to splurge on electricity.

It rained so much today that I actually used an umbrella.  I borrowed from friends.  I usually just can't be bothered with them - they get caught in the wind and/or they are hard to get in and out of doors. But when it truly rained fairly heavy rain for hours and I'm running to meetings and trekking to the bathroom, it was helpful to not end up drenched.  My friends have really 'fun' umbrellas with fun, pretty, colorful designs - and mine (if I knew where it is which I don't) is a boring maroon.  So I'm going to find something fun (!) that will make avoiding getting soaked a better option than walking in with water running down my glasses from my drenched hair.  I plan a shopping trip this weekend to look for something cute.

B. is heading out all dressed up - he and a friend are going out 'with some girls'.  In addition to the million other 'regular' thoughts in my head (drive carefully; be aware of your surroundings; etc.) I think 'don't do something totally stupid 28 days before you are to ship out to basic training'.  He's pretty level headed (for the most part)...but I still worry.  I will always worry.

It's just after 8PM and I am still vertical and feel like I have a little 'oomph' left - so I am going to head upstairs to unpack boxes.  I love doing all my shopping on the Internet - it's easy, quick and fun!  Though I am looking forward to a trip to Target this weekend - maybe WalMart, too.  And possibly Trader Joe's 'cuz I'm out of my nut mixes and I am so busy at work that I pretty much eat nuts and berries day after day after day.

It's a Fair Amount

My sister relayed that the news is making it sound like Northern California will be sliding off into the bay any minute.  True, there is a fair amount of rain - it's been steady most of the night and things are pretty wet.  I heard that Napa River is at it's banks and may overflow (may already be overflowing - that's the bad thing of pretty much using Yahoo for news is you hear things pretty late)...but so far, we are all OK.

There are buildings in our schools with leaky roofs so that's not good.  Working on getting those taken care of ASAP.

Our solar panels seem fine though there were some 'new' loud, sporadic (fairly infrequent, thank goodness) pingy 'drips' (like a drop of water hitting the metal duct work in the attic) in some parts of the house last night so J. will be calling to get the solar guys to come out when it's not raining and confirm/reseal the heck out of the points where the solar panels meet the roof.  We don't think it's a huge issue - but any issue is too much for me.

I worked all day yesterday and will head in again today fairly shortly.  I got a massive amount done and need to be done with another list of stuff by end of day today.

It just started POURING!!!  Dread going out into the rain to get to work - and really, really dread the long walk from my building to the bathroom in the deluge!  I don't usually use umbrellas but may have to make an exception - and will be so grateful to the coworker who left her umbrella at work so it's available if needed.

OK - time to hit the ground running and get going.  J. and B. are at church playing music this morning.  H. is still snoozing upstairs (I think - have to see if his car is here).  It's a nice night for soup and I may make delicious cream of potato again - it was well received by most and warm soup sounds delicious on this cold ,rainy, blustery day.

Cross Seattle off the list of places for possible retirement.  I dislike rain.  It's just so....

Wet.  That's the word I'm looking for.

It's wet.......