Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Long Distance

Here's a funny story to add to the archive of funny stories.....

We don't have long distance service on our phone. With cell phones, we weren't using it - so about a year ago, we discontinued the 'unlimited long distance' service for our home land-line phone. Saved us about $14 a month and we've never missed it. We make occasional calls to Stockton or Manteca that cost us a few cents - no big deal. It's been a win-win.

Until tonight.

I opened our monthly phone bill, expecting the usual $65/month (it's also high speed internet, voicemail box, etc.) to see a STUNNING $321 bill staring me in the face. Holy Crap!

It was easy to see it was long distance charges - but who in the world is making calls for that much money? And to where? And when?

Answers? It was H. Calling his new 'friend' (a young lady) in Livermore - a city 26 miles west, with a different area code. One of the calls was 255 minutes - starting at 10PM and ending over 4 hours later - it was $77. There were lots of other late night calls - hundreds and hundreds of minutes. Seems when we confiscated his cell phone, he used the land line and didn't realize those calls were long distance. We gave him a quick lesson in what those first three digits of a phone number mean - and how even within the same area code, it's still 'long distance' - calling another city is going to cost us $.

Thankfully, AT&T was more than accommodating. We went back to having 'long distance' coverage - and they reversed all the charges - and reassured us that the next bill will be reversed, too.

Thank goodness.....

J. is traveling to Oregon this weekend for a(nother) family funeral - and the sad part is, there have been others that he hasn't attended because it's so expensive. So imagine the shock and 'jolt' of that phone bill - and budgeting for round trip airfare to Oregon....all unexpected. Thankfully, he will be picked up by family and have a place to stay - so he won't need to spend money on lodging or meals or a car. Just airfare and parking at the airport. And being away for a weekend - which sucks 'cuz I absolutely, positively have to work this weekend - and I'm meeting a friend for breakfast in Livermore (ironic!!) on Saturday - so that's more time for H. to be home alone, unattended, racking up some other kind of 'surprise! Just keeping you on your toes, Mom!' item.

I'm heading out to the 2nd of 3 night time commitments this week. This one is social and 'fun', relatively speaking...but I had another social evening last night. Thursday is a special board meeting that will be long....

PS - and the worst part is (for H., anyway) - that he finally met this young lady in person (they were friends of friends and connected via My Space) last weekend - and it did not go well. So they're not seeing each other anymore - or never started actually seeing each other. There will most definitely be no additional calls subsequent to that meeting.

H. has angels on his shoulder.....for sure. Another 'miracle' to report in my next post.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Social Media

In this day and age of lightening-speed communication via social media sites like Facebook, we've taken it to a new level this morning by finding out a cousin of J.'s died at midnight last night. Took me a minute when I read the Facebook update to think through (waking up from the lingering sleep-haze after 10 hours of sleep - needed it, but wow, the hangover from that amount of sleep is hard to shake off) which relative it was. J.'s been on the phone with the brother-in-law and the son of the person and we await info on the plans for services. J. might be traveling to Oregon - we'll see. We have a court date on Tuesday with H. and are on 'stand-by' for an interview for the alternative school. All valid reasons to stick close to home. And still....

He'd like to go. I'd like him to go. We'll see.

We just synchronized our schedules and plans for the weekend. J. said 'do you have to work this weekend?'. My reply: 'I always have to work'. End of story. We also need to procure a button down shirt, tie and nice slacks for H.'s appearance in court on Tuesday. That ticket is going to be expensive in more ways than just the fine. Oh well - it's an excuse to go to Manteca and shop and have lunch at the new Red Robin that opened recently. We love Red Robin!!

Friday, April 16, 2010

Schedules

Leaving for work momentarily 'cuz I booked a 7AM meeting with one of my direct reports. Pretty jammed schedule when you start booking meetings that early in the day...but it is what it is and it's what is required today. My thoughts (momentary and fleeting) of taking today off quickly evaporated around 9AM yesterday when the meetings started rolling onto my Outlook calendar like.....[looking for some awesome verbal metaphor - but forget it]...like meetings do.

We received H.'s class schedule for next year and I cracked up! Welding, Home Economics (yes, really!) and auto shop. Plus Human Physiology, English and Econ. I cracked up partly because it's obvious the kid is looking for the 'easiest' Senior year ever. And I mostly cracked up because it's clear that no counselor ever compared this proposed schedule to the reality of H.'s grades this year. He has many classes he will need to retake in order to graduate....so it was amusing in a not-so-amusing way.

We've applied for H. to attend a different high school next year - and actually hope he will be admitted in time for summer school. I am not sure this is 'best' but I am sure it's a change and that is what is absolutely required. AND it's a change H. is looking forward to - and so we are hopeful all the planets will align and he will be in a school that's better for him next year. Yet another reason the schedule we received is comical.

Our weekend plans include working on our bikes so we can take some bike rides now that Spring is here. Also yard work, errands, various other 'home' projects and attempting to catch up on work stuff as well. I've been carting around my 'office in a box' for some time and it's time to really get to it. Taxes are done...so there should be time to plow through the next round of tortuous paperwork on the horizon.

Must jet out the door. At least I will be able to leave around 3:30ish today with a clear conscience - though it's not likely to happen. But it's nice to dream.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Colorful

On my trip to Target last weekend, I purchased a set of very brightly colored, floral patterned place mats and napkins for the dining room table. I also purchased two big toss pillows, perfect for adding color and comfort to our aging family room couch. Sadly, they totally clashed with the geometric print chair in the same room - so I quickly realized the pillows would be returned. But I thought I'd keep the items for the table. We recently culled out a lot of mis-matched, old place mats, napkins, table cloths, etc. - and I was looking to perk the room up a bit.

Upon inquiring if J. liked them, his reply said it all - 'they're ok'. That's husband-wife code for 'I hate them but if I tell you I hate them, you might be pissed, so I'm just going to go for the middle-of-the-road response of 'they're ok'.

If J. decorated our home, the walls would be a 'Navajo White' with muted beige, brown, maybe a little terracotta. Nothing brighter than that. He's on the conservative side of decorating - he likes things not-too-bright and not-too-colorful. Just one of the many differences in our tastes that makes marriage such an enriching relationship.

Last spring, I added some patio flower pots out back - and I bought the really brightly colored ones. Teal blue, bright orange, yellow, deep bright marooon-ish red. Not a single terracotta item in site. Boring clay? No way. Brown? Absolutely not. They add interest and pops of color to the patio - and contrast nicely to all the colors in the garden. I love them - and feel like they were 'made for me' - they are exactly what I love and the polar opposite of what J. would prefer to go with. I'm lucky he humors me.

The walls of our home are painted a very 'subdued' yellow. I didn't realize it was 'yellow' until we'd lived here a few years - but they are yellow. We had the interior walls painted to match the model - with a darker brownish-yellow accent walls in the living room and front entry way. It works - but had we not done that, I'm reasonably sure the walls would have been some off-white. That's what we had in our old house. And before this house, I probably tended toward 'less' bold. Light yellow is 'bold' in terms of wall cover - for us.

I am pondering doing some pretty 'bright' accent painting in the kitchen. We also have a HUGE wall in the living room - 18 feet high - that I'd love to paint a deep aubergine purple - and then 'polish' it somehow to make it 'shiny'. It's the 'Doug' plaster method on Trading Spaces that I would really love to do - but it would involve huge manual labor AND building a scaffold in our living room that would likely be there for weeks - if not months. So we stick with yellow walls and attempt to add the 'pop' on that wall via art work. It suffices - but I still would love my aubergine wall - and someday, when we are 'double income, no dependent children', I'm going to do it!

The place mats and napkins were returned yesterday - not because of J.'s lukewarm reaction - but because we didn't really need them. But this morning, I'm having cognitive dissonance about returning them - and just might have to go to Target this morning and buy them back. Maybe. Probably not. But maybe. I'm heading into the dining room to 'work' (on work stuff) and those pops of color on the table would sure be cheerful.....

Friday, April 09, 2010

High School

J. is amused by the fact that several of his high school friends (ladies!) are now Facebook friends of mine. I don't really know them - might have met some of them at a reunion way back when - but as so many Facebook friends are, I'm not seeing them regularly nor having any kind of meaningful dialog or interaction with them. We just encourage each other in our farming - we now co-op farm together on occasion - and as any co-op farmer on Farmville will tell you, you can never have too many neighbors. The more, the merrier. Makes the tasks go more quickly and ensures you'll have a steady supply of puppy chow, building materials and fuel for your tractors, harvesters and seeders now and then when needed. It's amusing - and relaxing - to farm in a virtual way.

As much as I resisted Facebook (and boy, did I ever!), I am enjoying it. I've reconnected with people that I've missed. Still missing some I can't find. Such is life. But those I've reconnected with have been fun and lovely and it feels 'enriching'. I 'chat' more with family and friends on IM than I do on the phone - and that works for me 'cuz I'm not a big phone person. Sure, I'll answer when it rings and I'll converse with whomever is on the other end of the phone line - but I 'chat' so much easier when it's an IM conversation. I have no idea why - maybe because I spend huge chunks of my day conversing with dozens of people; because I have to make presentations in public.....whatever the reasons, writing is always my preferred method - and IM'ing on Facebook is fun. I chat with co-workers, cousins, my sister. Even sometimes J. - who will send me a 'poke' on Facebook when he's sitting 2 feet from me. As always, we have some of our best 'conversations' when we're not conversing verbally at all.

Chatting on Facebook is something that just happens all the time - a steady string of 'discussions'. Some private; some not. It's fun and entertaining and has really connected me to some wonderful people that I'm happy to get to know - and reconnected me to some that I have missed and feel so blessed to have been in touch with. It's been so much fun 'catching up' across the miles.

Life can be isolating sometimes. Facebook helps bridge that gap for me. And if any of J.'s high school friends will be attending his next reunion, I might be inclined to go - since I've 'met' them online and would like to meet them in person.

It is 5:45AM and I am heading out the door to work. It's Friday!! I should be more excited about that than I am - but at the moment, there's a wee bit of 'overwhelmed' brewing in my head and things feel a bit like they are caving in on top of me. It will pass....but at the moment, the weekend is just two more days of a never-ending list of things I must do, should do, need to do.....

It will pass..........

Thursday, April 08, 2010

Wicked!

Was as wonderful the 2nd time (for me and J.) as it was the first just 10 days ago. And I think the boys enjoyed it, too....we kept to our 'plan'. Lunched at Lori's Diner - our usual eating place when we visit San Francisco. It's good food with a good selection and a reasonable price - and we knew if we ate there, the kids would be happy with the choice. We only visited a couple stores, made a couple nominal (all things considered) purchases and headed to the theater - and just as it had the first time, the show just flew by. For two hours and 45 minutes (including intermission), we were all mesmerized and enchanted by what was happening on stage. It was so, so, SO great - it makes me want to win the lottery so I could fly every relative I have out here to see it - I just think it's not to be missed and if they don't find a way to share it with the masses, it will be a shame. It's awesome fun entertainment and a great story.

I am up early and heading into work shortly....wishing I wasn't but I am. Must do what I must do. J. is off today and tomorrow and I think there was golf possibly on the agenda.

Yesterday was Chloe's 5th birthday and we celebrated by taking her to the puppy prison (kennel) for the night - we weren't sure if we would stay in San Fran for dinner (we didn't - opting to eat Chinese leftovers at home instead) and we didn't want to worry about her being in her kennel at home for too long. So she spent the night at the kennel and J. will pick her up this morning and we'll celebrate her 5th birthday with some sort of special treat for her....

It was a great Spring Break that zoomed by so quickly. Hoping for two productive days at work and then another nice weekend. We're making progress on the yard catch up and it's starting to look pretty out there again.

That's it for now. I've been tending farms on Facebook for a bit and I really need to get moving. Hoping to be in my office early and then make progress on my 'must do' list and head home by 3ish if at all possible....not likely, but it's a goal worth shooting for. Leaving after an 8 hour day.....what a novel concept!

Monday, April 05, 2010

Marriages

What makes a marriage last? Look around at your marriage and your friends' marriages. Do you ever wonder what makes it all 'work'?

J. and I are watching from afar the implosion of a 32+ year marriage and pondering all the 'change' afoot in that relationship. Watching one person cling desperately to the hope for reconciliation while the other person makes it glaringly clear (and obvious) they are done. Sad to hear the wife prepared a great anniversary dinner complete with gift and card - and this was AFTER they'd agreed to separate officially - having finally confessed to their adult children the marriage is 'on the rocks' (to put it mildly - an example of stating the obvious). And to be shocked when her soon to be ex- spouse (by all appearances) did nothing - no gift, no card, no acknowledgment whatsoever....and was devastated all over again at the clarity which is occurring, despite their best efforts to delay or mitigate the inevitable.

This couple are not 'best friends' - but they are friends. We see them socially on occasion and I lunch with the wife frequently. I consider her a very dear friend and it's been very hard for me to listen carefully and thoughtfully while in my head, I am screaming 'you need to let go and move on'. She hasn't been ready to let go - insisting (with tears) 'I'm not ready to give up on a 32 year marriage'.

But he is - and he finally (FINALLY) said those words and made it clear that reconciliation is not what he wants or what he intends. Up until a few weeks ago, he was still stating 'I want to be married. I want marriage'. I think the unspoken part of that was 'but to someone else - not to you anymore'.

It's all being sorted and worked out and I feel badly for both of them - 32 years is a long, long time. I can't imagine my life without J. - and the thought of either one of us choosing to not be married to the other is painful, even just to think about. And yet.....I suppose it's possible. We've made it two decades - and have no intention of not making it another four decades - but we never really know, do we?

I'd like to think that in the (I hope) unlikely event J. ever decided this marriage wasn't what he wanted, I'd handle it gracefully and let go as kindly and humanely as possible. I think the thing that's been absolutely hardest for me about watching these friends marriage disintegrate has been one person's total and complete disregard for the feelings of the other. Isn't love about sacrificing what's 'easy' for what's best for the other person? If J. found someone else who made his eyes light up and quickened his step at the mere thought of her, I think I'd wish for him to be happy. I will always want him to be happy - even if it means that I am unhappy.

Now, I admit: this friend's husband has been having (at the very least) an affair of the heart with someone else....and this is not the first time he's 'strayed' in this marriage. She's already forgiven him once - and they moved on from his 'fling'. But this isn't a fling - he's re-connected with his high school love and he's disconnected from his wife - and he's terribly, deeply sad and sorry but at the same time, he wants what he wants. If my husband were (by all appearances) as ready for change as our friend is, I think I'd have to let him go - because I'd want him to be happy, ultimately. Keeping him in a relationship he doesn't want to be in with someone he doesn't want to be with anymore seems wrong.

I think of my sister - the first statement she made to me when she moved out of her home was 'he's not happy. And I want him to be happy'. I've been thinking about that the past couple months - about how she put him first - even after he trampled and smashed her heart to bits, she loved him enough (still) to want him to be happy. So she did what he couldn't do: she moved forward and moved out.

I am not in the shoes of my friend. I am not the wronged wife. I have not forgiven an affair ever (and sure hope I never have to). So I can't really put myself in her shoes and I know I shouldn't judge. It sounds like I am - but I truly don't mean for it to. I just think that when faced with the obvious, clinging to the past isn't healthy. And I want my friend to be happy again. She thinks staying married will make her happy - but it won't. And in a few years, she'll look back and realize she wasn't really all that happy at this point, anyway. Change is always hard....and letting go is so much harder.

They will find happiness again in their lives - but not with each other. And that's what I wish for them both: happiness. I want them to be happy. And at the moment, that happiness appears to be more likely apart vs. together. That's the hard part - the gut-wrenching, heart breaking hard part.

Sunday, April 04, 2010

Eggs, Candy and Ham, Oh My!

Happy Easter!

Plans to attend church fell through when both kids slept until well past noon. Of course, we didn't wake them. We could have...but the idea of a lazy, slow-paced morning was more appealing than grumpy kids accompanying us to church. And neither J. nor I seemed even remotely motivated to go to church either. I was in my PJs until after noon - but I was productive. Got ahead of the curve by preparing side dishes in advance, ready to pop in the oven. Also made carrot cake cupcakes with cream cheese and Easter candy sprinkles. Tidied up a bit. Put away the massive amount of groceries I purchased yesterday. OH, good news! Target is remodeling to include more groceries - including produce!! Can't wait!

We splurged and purchased 4 tickets to the Wednesday matinee of Wicked! Yes, we're seeing it again - the boys for the first time. We snagged discounted orchestra seats again - and will make a day of it. Can't wait! It will so fun and the boys are looking forward to it. Going to San Fran for the day is always a 'treat' and something we all look forward to. I don't know if they're humoring me by pretending to be excited about seeing Wicked? But I'll take whatever enthusiasm I can get!

The dining room table is decorated with an Easter-themed table cloth. I've got pastel colored 'Sixlets' scattered on the table and malted milk robin eggs in a dish on the table. I visited Kandi's bakery yesterday and bought a delicious lemon meringue pie - and I made carrot cake cupcakes with cream cheese frosting and pretty spring themed sprinkles on top for dessert. Though many of them were consumed for breakfast 'cuz when the kids came downstairs FINALLY, I was just finishing up frosting them and they ate them with huge glasses of milk for their 'breakfast'. There are still plenty left for 'dessert'. Personally, I'm looking forward to the pie!

I'm off M-W. J. is off W-F. It will work out well - I will probably go to Jackson for a morning/afternoon one day and he will take the boys to play golf one day. Weds. will be our 'big day'. I have plenty to do at work and there was no way to get it done without just going in. Oh well. It's ok. I'll enjoy the time I do have.

Time to get the final touches going on dinner and get it on the table. I'm starving!!

March

I'm starting to think maybe I will just do a monthly post and call it what it is - whatever month we're in.  Here we are winding dow...