Sunday, November 30, 2008

Creativity

Here are pics of our Color Me Mine efforts - they turned out GREAT and the pictures don't do them justice! They are colorful and bright and look 'professionally done'. We had a terrific time doing them and plan to return there again over the winter break for another round. I love them all - and want J. to make another bowl for a candy dish for my desk at work.

First, H's gecko. The picture really doesn't show it adequately - the colors are superb - and our lighting for pictures is not - I wish you could see it in person. It's brilliant! I'm not a big fan of lizards, but I've commissioned him to make another one to hang in my office at work. I have a few 'empty' spots on the wall and his ceramic art would be perfect.


Here is J's bowl:




Two shots - one from the side and one of the inside. He printed a picture from the computer images they had to select from - but he free handed the entire thing. No tracing, nothing but his paintbrush and palette. He's pretty artistic, I think. This is the second ceramic bowl he's done and I think we're going to be making a bunch more. A set of dishes, perhaps?


And B's guitar pencil holder:





And finally, last but not least, my spoon rest and ring holder. I don't think they are great - but they turned out fine. It's amazing how different they look after the glazing process - the paint was all 'flat' and dull when it was done and it certainly didn't look 'pretty'. But after glazing, they look pretty good - and even I, the least artistic of the bunch, can't wait to try again.



The 'weird' look surrounding the spoon rest is the work of my trusty assistant who took the picture on his desk and had a bunch of stuff on the side of the pics - the edge of papers, pencils, etc. So instead of retaking the picture and re uploading (which he says requires him to reboot his computer every time - seems like a tech wizard like him ought to be able to figure it out) - but since I'm at his mercy when it comes to uploading pictures, I just have to believe him. So he used Photoshop to sort of 'mask out' the peripheral junk in the picture. I told him I most definitely would be adding a note about it, lest the readers think there was something gross all over the desk. There is not. Just my husband practicing his Photoshop cloning skills. They need work, I think. [Thanks, my sweet, for always helping me when I add photos to the blog. I think we need to get some better lighting - it's hard to get the true colors using the light we have in the study. Perhaps we should try taking the photos during daylight? Yeah, that would probably help, too - but I always seem to blog in the wee hours of the morning or the evening hours before retiring for the evening.

We are adding ceramics to our list of 'fun things to do together'. It was great and I can't wait to do some other stuff. When we were in the shop, there was a young lady there who had been making project after project with her mom - she was there by herself this time, making her mom a huge clock for the wall. It was so cool. The shop owner's dad (who is J's friend) said they can special order just about anything you can think of. I'm going to ask if the ceramics will hold up outside and maybe do some pots for the patio? Or have H. make a frog for Frog Corner or a hippo for Hippo Corner in the yard. That would be a lot of fun!

PS - we didn't really want text to be up in between the two last pics - but we can't figure out what to do to fix that. Oh well.

Inspired

Steven Curtis Chapman has been nominated for Most Inspiring Person of '08. Please check out the nominees here and vote for the one that inspires you the most - there are some really amazing people nominated this year, including Randy Pausch and Christina Applegate.

Having seen Steven in concert this year - and witnessed 'first hand' the level of his faith and his ability to touch people with that faith - he is my first choice. But Randy and Christina are also incredibly inspiring people. All the nominees are.

Check it out :

http://www.beliefnet.com/Inspiration/Most-Inspiring-2008/vote.aspx

I will need all the inspiration I can muster to get up at 4 tomorrow and start a busy week. It's been great waking up at 4 or 5, making a quick trip to the bathroom and heading back to bed for 3 or 4 more hours of sleep. Not going back to sleep will be a hard thing - but do-able. Only two weeks and then I'll have THREE WEEKS OFF!! That's a pretty good incentive for getting my butt in gear early to get what I need to get done, DONE.

Have an inspiring week. There is much to be inspired about -

Friday, November 28, 2008

Cold

The thermostat says it's 69 in here. It feels far colder - but I won't turn on the heat since the temp says it's above 68. Made myself a chai tea instead...extra hot and with whip cream! Don't usually have that in the house but post-Thanksgiving feast, we still have a bit in the fridge.

Just me and Chloe this afternoon. J. and boys went to Hayward for their second Thanksgiving feast. Took the Wii and the poker set with them - won't be returning until late this evening. I'm watching my DVD's of McMillan and Wife.

Last night was an 'old movie' wonder night - Yours, Mine & Ours, With Six You Get Eggrolls and Please Don't Eat the Daisies - three of my favorites! Taped them all so I can watch them over and over again. It was a nice evening of movies and leftovers.

J. helped clean up this morning - reloaded the dishwasher for the second (or possibly third?) time - and in the process, sliced his thumb open. I'm pretty sure we should have considered having it stitched - it was still bleeding a couple hours after the initial cut. But we had company coming - so he just kept pressure on it and used a band aid to keep it clean. I think he'll live.

The company we were expecting around 10ish didn't arrive until after 11. No problem. However, they arrived hungry - and we were not prepared to serve lunch. Most of the leftovers were all packed up to transport to Hayward for their dinner - and we didn't have enough bread to make sandwiches for everyone. So they ended up stopping for fast food on the way out of town - not money I really wanted to spend but not realizing we would be serving lunch led to not having anything really available to eat. Sort of bugs me - I try really hard to be a good hostess - but in this case, I offered some chips to stave off the kids hunger pangs and figured they'd eat on their way out of town. That's the thing about my husband's family - the communication isn't great. They arrive early. Or they arrive late. We never really know what to expect, nor what the plan is. And they sort of assume that we will end up feeding them regardless of when they get here - which I wouldn't mind if my husband would let me know that's the plan. Had we known what the plan was, we could have prepared brunch - or lunch. But not knowing means there wasn't anything ready to fix. We could have cooked pizzas but that would have taken 30 minutes or more. Again - do-able, had we known lunch was expected. It's all in the planning - and there's none of that with these folks. Makes me crazy. 19 years of crazy.

The weather is dreary. I'm not shopping today - none of the 'early-bird' specials were worth getting up at the crack of dawn for. Just hanging out at home, trying to stay warm. Pulling out my work laptop momentarily to start working on my report. Procrastination is the hardest thing to shake - trying so hard to do a little each day vs. pulling off some incredibly long, marathon days this coming week to get it done.

Hope your Thanksgiving was a good one - and I hope you are enjoying leftovers today! Especially pie! Pie for breakfast, lunch and dinner!

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Pipes

The plumber arrived. Had me running up and down the stairs multiple times, flushing both of the upstairs toilets. Perhaps I should have requested the plumber on-call today with the best hearing? 'Cuz this guy didn't have good hearing. He heard what I heard - once. Then wasn't sure what to do. Changed out the innards of the toilet tank. Took the connector off and ran the water out from the wall to confirm the noise wasn't from there. It appears it's the pipes in the wall, that have (we hope) just loosened from their 'brace' and are now rattling a bit every time the toilet is flushed. Seems logical. But I still worry. This house has had plumbing problems and so I constantly look for issues: noises, signs of leaking water, etc. So far, it's just a sound. We are taking a wait and see approach. It was $85 less the $10 coupon from the last time they were here. Oh well. We'll get another $10 coupon in the mail shortly. When the office called to be sure he'd arrived, I said yes - and she said 'was everything satisfactory?' I said 'yes, though I'm not sure he knows what the issue is - so we're sort of waiting to see if anything else happens. Hopefully, nothing will.

So, I've been incredibly productive, since I was basically trapped in the house. So far, I've:

Caught up on correspondence. Including sending in the $4 winning Power Ball ticket from our trip to Arizona. This is actually (confessing now) the 2nd time I've sent it in - 'cuz apparently, the first time I sent it in, I sent the non-winning ticket. Got a nice letter on really nice stationary to thank me for playing the Arizona Lottery and to advise my ticket was not a winner. THIS ticket most definitely is.

Also advised the pool guy that December will be the last month we pay for our pastor's pool service - something we did when he and his family first moved here. But we're cutting back....

Sent a notice to the music store that December will be B.'s last month of lessons. It's getting harder and harder for him to wedge in lessons with work, school and social life. And he hasn't had his drums out for ages. It's $120 a month we can use elsewhere - like our savings account.

Put our Netflix membership on hold for three months. Will either cancel all together or go to the $5/month option - we currently pay $18/month, which means we can have three movies out at a time. But I have a very hard time keeping track of all those movies - especially the ones the kids want me to get. They'd rather just go to Blockbuster anyway - and it's torture for them to order a movie from Netflix and have to wait to get it. So we'll probably stop that expense also.

Cleaned out the three 'desk' drawers in the kitchen. Basically three junk drawers. One is sort of 'hardware' stuff and keys - we call it the key drawer. The other two are an assortment of stuff - take out menus, pens, pencils, pictures. Oh, and dozens of the 'Box Tops for Education', which I carefully sorted out. Some were expired. Those that aren't are sitting here next to me waiting to be neatly trimmed. Then those that are expiring at the end of December will go into a special envelope. I'll take all of them to school with me on Monday and dole them out among the schools that collect them. At 10 cents each, it really does add up - and the kids could use the money for anything. I've been saving them for years. Time to start taking them in more often so they don't expire.

Also, we will not bring another colored pencil into this house! There must be three boxes of pencils in one of the drawers. I sorted them out, put them in a pencil tray and will insist that we do not need more pencils. Or erasers. Regular pencils. Pens. Rubber bands. Staples. Etc. I also found some cute pics that I'll try to scan and post shortly. Memories....

Cleaned out the catalog cupboard - more and more arrive daily (it's the shopping season, you know) so I try to eliminate duplicates.

Tidied up outside a teeny bit. Tossed some old dog toys and various other items that were just lingering around. It's starting to look like rain is imminent so I wanted to pick things up a bit before we get the wet weather starting. Also watered the indoor plants. They needed it. I tend to forget once the weather gets cooler.

I haven't had the TV on all day -

Since I was trapped here all day, I have a gazillion errands to run tomorrow - which means J. will be running them. I have to work a bit tomorrow - it's too big of a report to leave to the last minute and I don't want to end up working all weekend. Though as I type that, I think 'well maybe working Fri, Sat & Sun would be better.' But friends are also working tomorrow (at other districts) and it's nice to have help for questions, etc. So I'll have to think about that. I know this: it will get done. It's always time consuming and frantic but it's get done.

Just had my dinner - made a big pot of pinto beans for burritos, etc. I couldn't wait - they are en route but stuck in traffic. So I ate without them. Time to feed Chloe who is frantic with hunger. She's been wanting to eat earlier and earlier lately - she starts whining for food at around 3. Getting her to wait until between 4 and 5 takes nerves of steel. Silly puppy. She's most definitely NOT starving, as evidenced by her sausage like proportions.

Think I might bake some ginger cookies. Hungry for something sweet.

500th

This is my 500th post! And because of that auspicious occasion, I will be focusing on things that are hugely, monumentally important. ......

Plumbing. Yes, plumbing.

I should be in my office around this time, working away. But instead, I am sticking close to home, awaiting the arrival of a plumber.

Remember the story about the van? How I was sure it 'felt' different and 'sounded' different - and J. sort of said 'I don't hear anything'. Not sort of, really. That's exactly what he said - shortly before my transmission failed miserably, leaving me stranded in French Camp and requiring a tow.

This is sort of like that. The downstairs toilet has been 'sounding' funny for a couple days when it's flushed. It's still flushing fine - no issue. No issue with any other toilet in the house, either. But today - as we prepare for Thanksgiving and the cleaning crew who are arriving any minute - the noise is unmistakeably BAD. No other word is appropriate - there is something majorly wrong in the pipes in the wall. Sounds really bad in there. And because a friend at work just told me how her sewer has backed up into her home FOUR TIMES since they've lived there, I'm a bit nervous....so I've summoned a plumber. Which means instead of heading into my office, I'm piddling around the house - resisting the urge to clean frantically - because I am paying someone to do that for me in about an hour.

500th post....wow, it's a doozy. I should be all profound and sentimental, but you get what you get - plumbing.

Here's to another 500 - and to not having the bill be more than I can manage from our checking account...still 3 days from payday.

Thanks for reading, whoever you are (and you know I know who you are). I love writing. I love being able to look back and remember things as I've memorialized them. I love having a place to say what I think and feel - to work out things as I'm typing away. I love that this blog will outlive me. I love that I'm going to get to write all the funny things my grand kids do and say, which will help soften the reality that I didn't do much of that for my own kids. And I wish I had been blogging when they were little 'cuz they did and said some hysterical stuff. Though it's all just a dim memory these days.

Come back soon! Love having you stop by! Thanks for being my sounding board!

Monday, November 24, 2008

Color

We spent this afternoon visiting Color Me Mine in Tracy. We went primarily because a long time friend of J's daughter is the owner of the franchise and the friend (one of J's band mates from long ago) was helping his daughter out by working there this afternoon. The place was very crowded and busy - not really conducive to visiting. But we all selected items and sat down and started painting. We had a fun time. B. did a guitar shaped pencil holder. H. painted a Gecko. I did a spoon rest ('cuz you can never have too many especially in a house with boys where more spoon rests have lost their lives than I can count) and a ring holder (I've been baking and need a safe place to put my rings so I don't get dough in them). J. did a fantastic deep bowl - it's going to be so pretty. They were all really cool looking and will be even better once they're put in the kiln. Can't wait to pick them up. I will try to post pics of our creations later this week. It was the first relatively pleasant time we've had as a family in a long time.

I worked a bit today and will return to work tomorrow. J. is taking the boys and one friend each to the big auto show in San Francisco tomorrow. The cleaning crew is here tomorrow also, so that's a great reason for me to vacate the premises. I'll continue working on the big report that's due to the Board on the 9th and also work on culling out some files, etc. I've made significant progress on getting rid of old stuff, tidying up desk drawers, etc.

We still have a bit of grocery shopping to finish - J. will help me with that on Wednesday. We'll try to get up and get there early before the place gets totally mobbed.

The location of my former company where I worked for a decade (before I took the college job) is closing. 1,200 people are losing their jobs - some of whom are good friends. I feel sad for them - change is never easy and certainly, losing your job in this economy, and during the holiday season SUCKS. I feel kind of 'glad' that I left when I did - I'm seven years ahead of where they are now. And I've moved into a more stable industry - the budget for education is unstable - but there are always kids who need education and there is always a need for a business person to manage the money, do the reports, etc. So I feel good about being 'safe'. Though we will not receive any raise for the foreseeable future, it could be worse. Much worse. I'm thankful for the stability a 'public' job offers.

My friend J. sent me an email last week about a concert in Modesto - Michael W. Smith! And we actually got two tickets - so Dec. 17th, she and I will be sharing a(nother) faith-filled evening. Can't wait. We were so lucky - she heard about the concert on the radio that morning and we quickly went to the website and got two balcony seats! (We don't like being on the floor 'cuz people tend to stand up the entire time and we don't want to do that).

I have a sleeping dog on my lap - she's all wrapped up in a blankie 'cuz it's chilly and her human mommy is too thrifty to turn the furnace on! She's liking being cuddly, I think. I'll be having a hot flash any minute and consequently, will likely be wishing she would take her hot, blanket-wrapped body somewhere else.

I'm getting old....getting old. So obviously getting old.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Remembering

Happy Birthday, Mom. Hoping the party in heaven was a blast and the cake was the best! You would have been 84 today - and I wonder what age you are now? Do you stay the age you were when you left this earth? Or do you get to pick any age you'd like? Or are you starting over and you age much slower? I wonder how it works. Or perhaps, age is completely irrelevant in heaven - I suspect it doesn't much matter what age you are. Jesus is 2,008 years old, after all - and I'm sure he still looks the same as he did when he was on this earth.

We are thinking of you today. And someday, I'll see you again.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Blah

So, my Tuesday continued to be just pissy. Literally...

Board meeting went great. It also went long, as expected. We actually took a break - which we never do. I had been feeling 'uncomfortable' - bladder wise. And was pretty sure I was feeling symptoms of a bladder infection. And when we took a break - I knew. Totally knew. Wow. The pain was excruciating. It came on so fast - literally feeling absolutely fine at our 5:30 dinner and by 7PM, I was a mess.

I honestly considered driving straight to the emergency room after the meeting - I was THAT miserable. But I headed home and J. quickly offered to do anything he could to help. So he headed out to find Azo-Standard (which I couldn't remember the name of for the life of me - but the Internet and Google found the info). Isn't it just great that those magic teeny pills that make you pee bright orange are now available over the counter? Thank goodness. Took two and headed to bed - and miraculously, slept pretty well. Next morning, I headed to Safeway to get cranberry juice. Drank that and water all day yesterday - and greatly improved. I still felt not great in the evening (Weds.) and I headed to bed at 5:40 - AND slept until 5AM this morning. Woke up feeling great. Symptoms completely gone...at least so far. I also had a sore throat and headache all day yesterday - but I feel great today and I'm so glad 'cuz I was reallly worried I was getting the bug B. had (he's recovered now, thank goodness. The kid can't afford to miss any school at this point - he just missed one day).

Have had a busy but very productive week. Knocking off one thing after another on the massive 'to do' list. Trying to be off as much as possible next week - though I will definitely be working part of M-T-W. The schools are closed all week but I have a big report due and if I don't work next week, I will leave myself very little time to get it done. So I'd rather work a bit during a very quiet week and get a lot done with no interruptions. I can come in late (sleep in a bit) and leave whenever I want - allowing time for turkey shopping, etc. So I'm good with that.

One more work day this week - hopefully, it will also be significantly productive and I might even get a head start on all my M-T-W stuff. Might bring my laptop home and try to work in some work time at home this weekend as well. Every little bit will help.

We are planning a quiet Thanksgiving at home - just the four of us. I'm really looking forward to it just being us. It's the same amount of cooking, cleanup, etc. - but it's not 'company'. No feeling like there has to be constant conversation. Etc. I'm just looking forward to quiet time, good food, without all the hoopla. We're making extra food and on Friday, J. will join his brothers in Hayward for leftovers and football. And the kids will go with him - so I will enjoy a quiet afternoon alone.

And, because it's just us, I might get brave enough to try some new recipes. Nothing too non-traditional - we won't have salmon for dinner. But some different sides might be good - I'm in the mood to cook some new recipes to go with all the old favorites. Just for fun.

That's it for now. I had dinner with a friend in Manteca and I'm stuffed and sleepy. I'm heading to bed shortly.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Pissy

I am home for a 'break'. It's a Board night - and likely a late Board night. So having arrived in my office just after 7, I'm taking a 2 hour break to give myself some R&R time....only that isn't exactly how it's worked out.

J. is working from home today and advised me - just now - that B. is failing his math class. FAILING as in "F". Which is problematic on so many levels....where do I begin? Should I mention that this is the 2nd time he's taken this class, hoping to improve on the "D" that's currently on his transcript? Or that he spent last year in a math class specifically designed to help him improve his math grade in the class he got a "D" in. So obviously, that's not working out too well. Or should I mention that he's partly failing because he's not doing the homework - he told J. 'it's only 5% of my grade' (apparently forgetting that doing homework is what helps you master the material, which means his test/quiz grades suck also). And as if that's not bad enough - just choosing to not do homework 'cuz you think it's not that big of a deal - he's been lying to us for weeks. Every time he leaves the house for the gym, or band, or a date - and we inquire 'have you done all your homework?' He's been answering 'yes' to that question, which is a lie. A plain old, ordinary lie. And he's been going out, having fun - band gigs, recording studios, dates, gym....etc. All while asserting that he's keeping up with his school work. Lies. All lies. To say he's restricted doesn't even begin to cover it.

On a good note, I currently consider it a $20K savings 'cuz at this moment, three months into the school year (he couldn't hold it together for even three full months before deceit and lack of effort re-enter his academic career), I have no intention of sending him to a four year school next year. I don't give a crap what his AVID coordinator says. Not going to happen. If he wants it to happen, he'll have to do it on his own dime - burn through all of his personal $$ - for one year on his own. Let him spend HIS money experiencing what it's like to NOT work hard at college. He thinks high school is 'tough'? Just wait.

And then, I discover that my other son has messed with a possession of mine - and rendered it 'ruined'. Not really, but to me, it is. And I'm so frickin' pissed about it - how he can't just keep his hands off my stuff. How he assumes that he has free reign over any object that is in this house. And at the moment, I'm up to HERE with living in a house with three 'men'. I have no bathroom space 'of my own'. No space EVER where my stuff STAYS MY STUFF. It's all fair game. Free for all. And messed with regularly. I also, just last week, discovered my ENTIRE PACK of disposable razors IN THE SHOWER. SIX OF THEM. And it's most definitely NOT ME that put SIX CLEARLY GIRL RAZORS in the shower. It's THEM. Those kids. Those MALE kids. What in God's name are they shaving, anyway? I don't want to know. I can't even keep a decent razor in the house before it's messed with. And of course, neither of them 'did it'. No, 'not me'...not them. Some phantom shaving junkie who's quite possibly hairless apparently did it - 'cuz it's sure not them.

I know it's irrational. I know it - but honest to Pete, it's pissed me off something fierce. I just want him/them to leave my stuff alone. Is that too much to ask?

Then, J. left to pick up H. (who had to be picked up so that he could retrieve his phone from the school office, because it was TAKEN from him by school personnel for the 2nd time in three weeks. In fact, he JUST GOT IT BACK with a new improved set of 'restrictions' and lost it AGAIN yesterday) and tells me via a quick phone call 'oh, and don't forget the electrician's coming around 4. I should be back by then, but if I'm not, you know what to tell him.' Uh, no, I have no idea why we've hired an electrician. And I reminded him that we are on a BUDGET and we have $xxx.xx left until next payday and holy heck - how much is this little project going to cost us??? Thankfully, he made it back in time. There was a knock on the door around 3:20, though, and I was ready to freak out at the arrival of the electrician 40 minutes early - having just discovered H's messing with my 'possession' debacle'. Luckily, it was a carpet cleaning sales person...I said 'no, thank you' and quickly closed the door.

Oh great! J. just informed me that the reason B. just went upstairs to bed is because he's sick. He thinks he has the flu. Great. I assumed he didn't talk to me much when he got home 'cuz he knew I was less than thrilled with the realization that he's been lying ....and is (once again, third year in a row) failing his math class. Tylenol is being rendered. We can't find it, though, 'cuz H. took some last night for a headache and DIDN'T PUT IT BACK IN THE MEDICINE CABINET WHERE IT BELONGS. B. said 'I didn't tell you 'cuz I thought you'd be mad'. I replied 'I'm not mad about you being sick [resisting the urge to lecture him on how he's not getting near enough sleep - what with his heavy social life and everything] - but I am mad at you about your math grade. But we can talk about that another time. Take your Tylenol and go to sleep.'

Life is good. I'm going back to work. It's becoming more fun there, than here. Never thought I'd say THAT.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

I Didn't Know

I didn't know that the last time I saw you......

would be the last time I saw you.


I didn't know that my urge to call you in recent months....

was for a reason. I didn't. I'm sorry.


I didn't know that your death would leave a hole in my heart....

but it has...and while I'm moving forward with less visible signs of grief, it is still there. That feeling that the entire world should KNOW that something in my life is not right is with me all the time - but they don't know. And they won't. I have a good poker face.


I didn't know how easy it would be to let go....

and yet, as hard as it is, it is OK. As predicted, my day to day life has not changed. Other than the frequent thoughts of you, which I apparently always had and didn't realize were as often as they are - only now, they are so prevalent - because they are met with 'oh, he's not here anymore. He's gone.' A tear in my eyes still arrives on a regular basis - but then it's gone, and life goes on.


I didn't know that faith takes on an entirely different meaning....

but it has. Your death is the first death I've experienced since my relationship with God became my most important relationship. And there is huge comfort in that faith - in knowing that you are not gone. You are just not on this earth. And I know I will see you someday. And I'm happy about that. And happy for you....because you are with Him and there's no better place to be, for a Christian. You said the Lord's prayer every night before dinner - and now, whenever I say it, I think of you. Still. Forever. Always.

I love you and I still miss you. And I always will.

Veto

I've been watching the new TLC show '17 and Counting' about the Duggar family. I have seen all the TLC shows on this family and now they have a regular series. While I personally think 17 (soon to be 18) kids is ridiculous, this family makes it look easy. They lead a very simple life - the kids watch very little TV, are only allowed Internet access on a computer that has many 'screening' programs on it. One son married - and he and his bride 'courted'. They did not share their first kiss until their wedding kiss. Their engagement was interesting. He proposed. She said yes. He asked her permission to give her a hug. No kiss. It was odd...but I give them credit for holding to their values and making the decision that's right for them.

They also shop exclusively at thrift shops for clothing and shoes. The kids are home schooled, which makes the peer pressure to 'fit in' non-existent. They don't care what they wear.

They also live completely debt free - even their home (which they built) is paid for. I'm not sure we'll ever be to that point - but they are a good model to keep in mind. It helps that they have some real estate investments that provide income. And the father was also a State Representative and I think he receives a pension of some kind from that. They pay cash for everything - using only cash or their debit cards for every purchase. I like that idea, too.

On last night's episode, they made home-made laundry soap. It involves grating a bar of soap, adding washing soda and hot water, and then adding more water after letting the initial mix sit overnight. They save a lot of money making their own detergent.

Today, we did our monthly Target shop - a bit more pricey since I started to procure things we need for Thanksgiving. AND I have to bring refreshments for a meeting tomorrow so that added a bit to the expense, also. AND I bought a couple small Christmas gifts for the boys - trying to do what I do every year: spread the expense over a couple months. I suggested to J. on the way to the store that we should consider making our own laundry soap. He said (and I quote): 'No. We're not that destitute'. I replied 'it has nothing to do with being destitute. It has to do with being frugal. Your dad would do it in a heartbeat'. We won't. We also won't be making homemade fabric dryer sheets, either. He doesn't veto many things - but he draws the line at keeping a 5 gallon bucket filled with soapy, gel like substance that has to be diluted again before you put it in the washer. He's right, I know. We pay more for convenience - and our laundry soap purchases usually last about 3 months anyway. So it's not like we're going through a ton of soap. The front loading washer helps with that. It's pretty efficient and doesn't use much soap at all.

He did, though, decide that purchasing the Target brand of Citrus Listerine (for $2.79) was a better deal than the name brand, same size for $7.69. Though I do think he will pour the Tar-jay brand into the brand name bottle. Oh well. Little by little. We would normally by Listerine at Costco - but I'm starting to realize that we spend a lot more there then we need to. The sizes are so huge - and while they might be a good deal 'per ounce', sometimes, they really aren't. I don't want to buy close to a gallon (in two bottles) of mouthwash. I just want to buy a small bottle for the bathroom counter - that doesn't look like moonshine. We're really starting to limit our Costco shop to food items, laundry products and paper towels. Most everything else is better priced at Target or Wal-Mart, especially if I have coupons - which I frequently do.

He also agreed to use up some hair products that I have from my long hair days- just various gels, etc. that will get him the slight control he likes. Once those are gone, he'll go back to his Aussie gel.

It was a nice weekend. Weather was absolutely beautiful. Cool but not freezing. Warm but not hot. Clear as a bell.

I worked for a couple hours this afternoon - got one 'to do' off the list which felt good. I feel more motivated lately - just plugging along. Hope that holds true for the next couple weeks, as there is much to do. I've been spending a little time each week organizing some files. Culling out things that I now realize (after two years) I don't need to keep - or don't need to keep multiple copies of. It's helped me feel more 'controlled' and I like that feeling. So there's a lot to be said for attempting to organize and stay that way. I keep a 'work in progress' section of my desk - off to my right - and as I complete things, they get moved to my 'distribute' pile on the other side of the desk. It's helping - things are moving forward and I'm spending less time looking for things. Not perfectly - I still have to look for some things - and most of that appears to be related to just my usually scatter-brained-ness. But in general, it's helping a lot - and I'm hoping that it will soon become a habit.

We awoke this morning to the typical 'winter is coming' invasion of the ants. It was astounding! THOUSANDS OF THEM - yes, really. Making their way into the kitchen sink. Totally attacked the roots of an African Violet I had on the kitchen counter. Sadly, the plant did not survive. There was no way to get all the ants out of the plant - but I saved the pot and will get a new violet soon. It was a mess. I hope they don't come back. It didn't help that a kid (one of two, though no one will own up) left something sweet sitting in the sink overnight. THAT is what attracted them. Ugh. I hate ants. I can still feel them crawling on me. Thankfully, they didn't bite. Human flesh doesn't interest them and they don't sting. They just seek and find - hopefully, not here anymore.

And I had to laugh because three hours after the initial discovery of the invasion - when J. and I had already cleaned them up, gotten rid of most, etc. - B. finally got up and had a fit about the 4 or so ants he saw crawling on the counter. I said 'heck, that's nothing! You should have seen the sink and counter three hours ago'. He wasn't amused - he does not like bugs of any kind. He was freaking out a bit...over just a few. He probably would have passed out had he seen how many were there only hours before. We'll have to be vigilant...I reminded him to NOT leave ANYTHING in the sink that hasn't been rinsed. And to be absolutely sure all food is in the disposer and ground up and rinsed down the drain. That's 1/2 the battle - but there are two teens in this house and they frequently don't do what they need to do. Shocking, I know.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Temptation

I received my annual Indigo Wild (www.indigowild.com) catalog today - torture. Pure torture. I received a bar of their goat's milk soap last year for Christmas and that soap was such an acute pleasure. The smell, the feel of it. My skin started feeling like butter - and I have a really hard time keeping my skin non-leather like. That soap was awesome.

I so want to buy soap. Lots of soap. And I want to buy enough to qualify for the 'get a pound free' offer - but I am not doing it. I want to...but I'm not.

Maybe I'll curb my desire for a 'deal' and just order a couple bars? That would be probably OK, if I deduct that amount from our 'household' budget for the month. I mean, it's soap, right? I will use it (consume it) so it's sort of 'ok' (in terms of my self imposed spending moratorium). The only bad thing is: the shipping for a couple bars is darn expensive. But this stuff is worth it. Oh my gosh - this is GREAT soap. I know, I know...it's just soap. But this is all handmade, hand packed goat's milk soap and there's nothing like it - I've found no substitute for this amazing soap.

Our Costco AmEx bill was 1/2 what it was last month. The actual bill was the same BUT 1/2 of those expenses were 'trip to Phoenix' expenses that's coming out of savings. So our effort at limiting our purchases and spending carefully worked. At least so far.

And we had a surprise groom's shower for a coworker today. I stuck to my budget - wanted to pitch in more and buy more, but didn't. And when my coworkers paid me back for the group gift that I shopped for last week, I tucked the money in a separate section of my wallet so I can deposit it to cover the bill when it arrives. Vs. just putting the cash in my wallet and then spending it.

Tomorrow is the last football game of the season. It's been tremendous fun but I am so glad it's over for another year. Never one to embrace commitments of my time, it's been a hard transition to commit many Friday evenings (and it's FRIDAY - always FRIDAY - when I most want to come home and just crash after what are always long, busy weeks) but I've done it. Tomorrow, I will show up at 4 and stay until J. gets there - and then I'm heading home. At least that's the plan. B. wants to have a lot of friends over for an evening of hot tub and movies - and adult supervision is a required element for that get together to happen. (B. doesn't really see why that's necessary - but it's a 'co-ed' get together - and a hot tub. No way that's happening without an adult around). So I'll come home. Granted, I should work at the snack bar. But J. will be there (thanks, my sweet! The group LOVES you and are begging me to get you to join officially) and I have been very 'involved' - and last week, we had so much help, there were often times I stood around not knowing what to do. It's a fairly small space - and once you leave your post to take a break, you often have nothing to do when you return...so I don't feel bad about it.

The weekend plan includes a little work and hopefully church. We need to drop off our Operation Christmas Child boxes no later than Sunday - so we'll attend church and drop them off. And I hope to get at least one nap in.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Ouch!

We have all received our flu shots. Living with someone who is now considered 'high risk' (diabetic) makes getting it fairly easy. I relaxed my arm, took a deep breath, didn't feel a thing - only now, 3 hours later, I can barely move my left arm. Thankfully, I don't use my left arm much and it should be much improved by tomorrow.

J. and H. got their shots on Tuesday when J. took H. for his annual physical. The doctor rattled off all the other vaccinations the kids could/should get: Hepatitis A and Hepatitis B, the meningitis vaccine. J. said with every shot listed, he could just see H's face get more and more 'concerned'. The kid will jump from the 5th step on our stairs down to the bottom in a running leap - everyday, multiple times a day - but mention getting a shot, and he turns into mush. Acute fear of needles. He had his first 'arm' draw of blood on Tuesday and told J. 'I thought I was going to pass out'. Wanny. Sweet wanny, but still - a lightweight on the needle fear scale.

B. and I went today - a quick stop after work/school. We didn't want to put it off - and we saved $$ by going to our doctor's office instead of getting it at Rite Aid or Safeway Pharmacy. We probably won't even have to pay anything since we're in the group of those who are strongly encouraged to get a shot. Good. Saved some $$.

Of course, I now (think) I feel horrible. Which I actually might - but hard to tell what that's caused by. I am tired. The long weekend was very restful and really helped - but within minutes of entering my office today, the stress and workload quickly overwhelmed me. The State budget is in a free fall (again/still/always - along with the rest of America) and our district budget will be seriously impacted if the Governor's current thoughts on how to 'fix' the issues go through. It will be a long couple months...I sure picked a great time to decide to enter this field as a CBO. Wow. It's challenging.

Are any of you asking what I've been asking myself for days: what exactly did that 'we must do it NOW' bail out package DO, exactly? There has been no stabilization of ANY kind. It is a very scary time. Do I go to the bank and withdraw buckets of cash and stash them in a closet somewhere? We are watching every single penny - and it's not because we 'have to'. But it's been an interesting shift in my thoughts regarding our budget and money in general. These scary times make me calculate things like how much will we make over the next x number of years before y happens? It's become apparent that what we DO have going for us - which may not be true for those who have lost theirs - we both have terrific jobs. Good money, good benefits. And we will (God willing) have these jobs, with this earning power for x number of years. And that capital is what I'm now focusing on keeping. On maximizing. So while I could buy a new purse which I saw and wanted, I'm not buying it. That $$ will come in handy someday and I'll be glad that I limited our purchases to 'need' as much as possible in the next 10-20 years.

Yes, I'm resigned to working another 20 years. I hope I won't have to. But I think I might. And that will be OK. To lower that 'x' factor, I need to be as strictly frugal as possible. And that's the biggest shift in how I think about money I could ever imagine. It's subtle - but it is factoring in to everything we do. And that's not a bad thing. It's been really helping - we are managing well and it feels strangely good to be so careful. Looking for opportunities to save on things we can. I did an online survey and saved $3 on Chloe's shampoo and nail trim this weekend. I did another survey online at Starbucks and was able to treat B. to a totally free frapucinno after we got our shots. Sent in rebates this weekend for $15 off dog and cat food that we bought. Those little things add up - and taking the time to do those small things feels good - small differences can add up and most certainly help.

There are still opportunities for treats. Treating a family member to something that is a nice treat for ALL of us (example: airfare ticket to allow them to be at a family event they otherwise might miss) are things that we are still completely, totally able to do. And will do. Life is too short to not do things that create memories that you'll have forever. All the blessings I've always blogged about are still true - and I have far fewer money issues in my life than many Americans. My blessings continue. The net worth has significantly declined - but my blessings quota continues to incline. So it's all good.

But new purses? Those can wait. Someday, I'll not only buy any purse I want, but also treat myself to a trip to Tiffany's for some bauble that I've always wanted. Someday. Not soon. Not anytime soon. We are in for long recovery time. There's still plenty to pray about - it won't be an easy thing.

I believe we have someone in office who will figure out where all that recovery money is going/went. And will do something about it.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Brownies

I baked brownies this evening - a rare treat. I had planned to use the overly ripe bananas and bake banana bread, but the bananas mysteriously disappeared when I left the house to go to work for a bit. SO, my urge to bake led me to brownies - a 100% guaranteed 'get a hug from your kids' treat.

I asked J. if we had any chocolate sauce - and he said 'are you pregnant'? No....of course not. Holy crap - what a thought! But I am craving gooey chocolaty stuff lately - especially when I know brownies are served soon.

He created the most delicious dessert - and I'm sort of feeling bad that I didn't take a picture of it before I demolished it. It was a warm, but chewy brownie, with chocolate sauce AND marshmallow sauce on top. The chocolate sauce had been used to write my monogram on the top - a big capital "M".

I oooh'd and aaah'd appropriately (and sincerely - Thanks, Sweets) and then devoured it! With a 1/2 glass of non-fat milk.

Great way to end a 4 day weekend. Got 'prepared' for a very busy week today and will be super swamped this week. The short week adds too much to already full days - especially with deadlines looming and a Board meeting next week. Oh well - it was worth it - the long weekend was a good one and I feel ready to conquer the world. Sleep is a wonderful thing. Multiple good nights of sleep and no alarm clock are just what I needed.

I also enjoyed lunch with my friend J. yesterday - at Black Angus. Always great to spend time with her!

Cooler weather is definitely here and we're loving it. We've pulled out our long sleeve t-shirts and sweaters; put duvets and comforters on the beds. It's nice to be all snugly. Fires in the fireplaces soon!

Only 8 work days until I have a week off at Thanksgiving. I will likely be working a day or two of that 9 day break - but that's OK. After we're back from Thanksgiving, I only have 10 work days before being off for THREE WEEKS!!! YIPPEEE!!

Sunday, November 09, 2008

Sunday Night Dog


This is Chloe after a long day of running around like a maniac. That's how we know she's both really, REALLY tired AND really, really sacked out - she's on her side. Not curled up in a ball. Just crashed on her side. Recovering for the next round of 'Torpedo dog' or 'let's play fetch FOREVER' or 'please, can I snuggle on your lap; please, can I, huh? Please,please please', etc. It's tough being a dog in this house...
And yes, those are laundry hampers...one empty; one not. If I'd moved them, I would have missed the picture. Weekends are laundry days and the hampers are out in full force this weekend. J. has made amazing progress, and since I have a 4 day weekend, I will hopefully finish up tomorrow and Tuesday.
As I approach my 500th post (sometime this month probably), I just feel like we finally know each other well enough for me to leave my laundry hampers in the picture. Take it as a compliment.

Barack

This email was in my 'in' box on Tuesday evening. The subject line read: How This Happened:


'Majah' --

I'm about to head to Grant Park to talk to everyone gathered there, but I wanted to write to you first.

We just made history.

And I don't want you to forget how we did it.

You made history every single day during this campaign -- every day you knocked on doors, made a donation, or talked to your family, friends, and neighbors about why you believe it's time for change.

I want to thank all of you who gave your time, talent, and passion to this campaign.

We have a lot of work to do to get our country back on track, and I'll be in touch soon about what comes next.

But I want to be very clear about one thing...

All of this happened because of you.

Thank you,

Barack


I don't know for sure when he wrote this - or even if he actually wrote it. But I sure feel like he did. We're one of the millions of people and families who made donations to his campaign - $50-$100 as many times as we could manage that amount in the monthly budget. Little by little, we all helped him raise millions of dollars. And we all supported him and believed in him. And he won. I am so incredibly happy about that.

I am thrilled with the outcome of the election. The next morning, the comments in my office (all Republicans and most definitely not Obama supporters) reminded me just how divided this country still is. The comments shocked me - the bordered on racism and fanaticism. I was shocked. Seriously taken aback. I can't believe that educated people still think the way these people think. I just can't get over it - and I shared some of the comments with a coworker who was equally stunned. No matter what you think about the party the President-elect is affiliated with, it was a monumentally historic event. And yes, people of all races are feeling the joy of that moment. NOT because they expect to 'get' anything as a result....but because it wasn't all that long ago in our country when what happened Tuesday night would NEVER have happened. That is surely something to celebrate.

We are a country divided, still. But we have to move forward. Those of us who just 'won' in this election are the same people who have lost for the last eight years. We have bitten our tongues, made the best of things and done all we can do to support our current President - not because we wanted to, but because we have to. We live in this country and while the majority of the country doesn't think our current President has done a terrific job, we waited it out.

Now, it's your turn. And I can promise you - this President will do a far better job than our current President. He is incredibly smart - thinks on his feet - and loves this country more than any President I've ever voted for. I believe he will make a tremendous impact on moving this country forward. And I pray he will do that for the next EIGHT years.

I'm so glad he won 'cuz I really didn't think I'd be a very good Canadian. And if the other guy had won, I was pretty sure moving was my only option. I couldn't do another 8 years of the current President's alter-ego. Now, I won't have to!

Thursday, November 06, 2008

Shoe Boxes

I took a 'non-work' day today. Not something I do very often - it's not calling in sick...it's just calling in to say 'I'm not working today'. One of the few 'benefits' of being paid by the day. Lord knows I will work plenty of days this year - and as long as I work my contracted number of days, it's all good. Had given my boss a heads up yesterday that I was thinking I needed a day - a day to just let everything sink in and feel without the eyes of my team on me all day. He said for me to do whatever I wanted/needed to do - which is nice of him. And is exactly what I expected - he's very kind and flexible about stuff.

I promised myself that if I was staying home, I would try to be productive. I'm sad...but I'm trying to work through it. So, I unloaded the dishwasher three times - and loaded and ran it twice. There was the cake pan, some big mixing bowls, vases, etc. that needed a good washing - so they got it, along with the 'regular' loads of dishes. The 'we're eating what's here' is obvious by the volume of dishes we have to wash. Also washed every area rug in the downstairs; swept the family room and worked on cleaning the carpet in the study. Also a tad bit of organizing, putting stuff away, etc. I kept pretty busy all day.

I also made a trip to the new Target in Lathrop - just felt like taking a little drive and I love 'new' Targets. I needed to shop for a wedding gift for a coworker and also buy the items we are sending in our 'Christmas Boxes' - the Christmas Child program through Samaritan's Purse. Our church is a collection center.

I realized something about myself in this process. I didn't want to just do ONE box. I wanted to do dozens. And in the past, I probably would have. But instead, this time, I was really thoughtful about what I wanted to do and I only did two boxes - one for a boy and one for a girl. 5-7 age range. A couple small toys, lots of writing pads, paints, pencils, colored pencils, small pencil sharpener, a good eraser, hairbrush and comb set, toothbrush and toothpaste. Some candy, gum. Matchbox cars for the little boy. A Polly Pocket doll for the little girl - she also got some hair ties and some hair clips. They both got small plastic Slinky's. It was a lot of fun putting the boxes together. I did the well-thought out thing of taking not only my list of possible contents but also an empty box - to be sure the things I chose would fit. I enjoyed doing it and am excited for the kids that will receive them. I know they will enjoy their items. And I enjoyed doing it - enjoyed being so careful and slow about the things I chose to include. It felt nice to shop deliberately, instead of just rushing through, grabbing stuff. Maybe this trying to be on a budget thing won't be too bad after all?

My wonderful Aunt M. called yesterday - she read my blog and realized that I would need someone to talk to. She, who shared so much of my high school drama with me, was the perfect person to talk to. She knows all about him - how much I loved him. How much he meant to me. How hard it is to know he's gone. And talking to her really helped me. So thank, Aunt M. For knowing that hearing your voice would set it all on the path of being 'OK' again.

And I talked to my sister K. She was who I called as soon as J. told me. She knows how much he means to me...and was hugely helpful in that initial 'oh my God, my life is crumbling' moment. Just back from her honeymoon - I sure have great timing, huh?

Perspective changes so quickly. Like with my mother's death, my day to day life is not changing much. Will not change much. He wasn't a part of my daily living. Daily thought of? Yes, most definitely. But daily interaction? No. Not at all. So I have to realize that everything is as it was - it's just that he's not on this earth anymore. And yes, that fact takes some getting used to....just knowing that I can't EVER see him again or EVER talk to him again is so sad. Yet, I have the same faith he had - and we will see each other again. In heaven. I believe that. His life with God just started - how cool is that? I am hugely comforted by my faith - and I'm glad for that. The peace I feel about where he is - as certain as I'm breathing, I know it's true - is a huge, huge help. I'm so grateful for that - for that certainty. I haven't always felt that - it's a comfort.

Tomorrow will be a work day - and it's a Lions football night also. THREE GAMES back to back. Thankfully, my lovely hubby is going with me to assist. Thank goodness. We need all hands on deck to make it through that many games.

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

Grief

So this is what grief feels like. You'd think after losing a father and a mother, and grandparents and uncles and cousins - you'd think I'd know what grief feels like. But I didn't, until now. THIS is grief. The feeling that you want to curl up in a ball and sleep for a long time - sleep being the easiest escape you can think of. Only you can't sleep. You just relive every single moment over and over and over....and wish you could go back in time and live it all over again.

Grief is feeling like you should be wearing a sign that says 'Fragile: Handle with Care'. Or 'This Side Up'. Or 'Contents Under Pressure'. Like everyone around you should really KNOW 'hey, I just lost someone who I love more than I can begin to explain'. But they don't. And when you try to explain, they look at you like 'um, OK, I'm sorry your friend died'. They were sweet and kind and thoughtful and considerate - but I know they just plain don't get it. At all.

I think they started to get it when I reminded them that my oldest son is named after this person. That I am living proof that teachers do have PROFOUND, LONG LASTING, LIFE CHANGING impact on their students. We work in education so that was something people could hang onto. As they tried to navigate with me through a day of 'things I have to do and I'm the only one who can do them' while I wiped tears from my eyes every few minutes.

I feel like I lost my dad....that's what he was to me. And I'm grieving - for him; for my relationship with him. And for my real dad, who I don't remember and didn't grieve for at all 'cuz I was too small to realize grief was the appropriate reaction.

So I lost my dad...only there's no services to go to. Those already happened - and I wasn't there. And I DO TRULY UNDERSTAND why that happened the way it happened, but it doesn't make my heart stop feeling broken - into a gazillion tiny pieces. Shattered.

I will try to call his wife soon. I don't know what to say, really. Her loss and her family's loss is so much more hard than mine...and there's never anything really to say at these times. But the phone is the only way I have to reach out and tell her 'thank you for calling to let me know' and that I am thinking of all of them. And will be for the rest of my life.

I miss him, too. More than words can express.

Tuesday, November 04, 2008

Tribute

I have been preparing for this day since June 1st, 1978 - the day I graduated from high school. I mourned that day. And I am mourning today.

I want to tell you a story. It's a simple story - of a teacher who profoundly influences a student, resulting in life changing consequences.

Before I start the story let me remind you of my history. I lost my father suddenly, with no warning at the age of six. It changes a person - even a little person - forever. My life after that point was never, ever the same. And I don't think I realized just how 'different' it was until my high school years....when everyone all around me had 'two parent' homes and I had a 'one parent' home. And a one parent home where the surviving parent was shattered and broken and (some days) hanging on by a fingernail, even after more than a decade since the death. I was lost in so many ways - seeking something. Not sure what. Looking.

And this: my entire life, I have always known when someone was 'important' to me, even before they WERE important to me. This has been true for my entire life - a 'feeling' I have that leads me to the people I need to be with.

Mr. B. was my high school band director. Every year, during elementary school, he would visit our band and recruit the 8th graders to join the high school band. I knew the minute I first saw him, in 5th grade, that getting to know him was going to be very important to me.

My freshman year of high school was miserable. I was a little fish in a big pond, after having been a big fish in a little pond - an honor student, outstanding band award, outstanding girl citizen of my 8th grade class and moving into a huge high school where I was no one. Nothing. I didn't adjust well to that change and suffice it to say that my freshman year sucked. I hated school. I threatened to drop out on many occasions. My mom was frantic - (I now realize she hid it very well - I am far less obvious with my own children so I now know just how worried she felt). I was encouraged by my high school counselor to 'get involved. Find something you love to do and do it'. So, I loved band - the one fun class. And when Mr. B. asked for a volunteer to be his student assistant and band librarian at the end of my freshman year, I jumped at the chance.

He became one of my best friends. And my life changed. And I loved him. And I know he knew that. And he accepted it.

This is going to be a long post - but I want to tell the story - to try to share with you just how much he meant to me and why. Because he died last week. And I just found out. I can't even type those words without crying again. I just can't fathom this earth still rotating on it's axis without him - and yet, the earth is. And I am still breathing. So I know I have grown up 'cuz if this had happened 30 years ago (the year I graduated from high school), I'm pretty sure I would have stopped breathing by now. But I'm still here.

There are so many stories to tell. So many things I could share with you that would illustrate how wonderful a person he was....and how blessed I was to have him in my life. I will share this one story - the story I would have probably shared at his memorial service...if I'd been there. I wasn't. And I am grieving about that - though I completely understand. The family loses a loved one and there is a list of people to call - and you get through some parts of the list and not others. I know that happens 'cuz we did the same thing when our mom died. You just get to where you can't call anyone else. You have to stop calling, make it through the services and then you start calling again when you can. And today, his wife called our home and talked to J. And J. told me when I got home - he didn't want to tell me at work. Mr. B. (Reg, as I called him as an adult) died on October 27th. His services were last Thursday.

So - the one story.

Mr. B.'s youngest daughter was a gymnast. And one year (I think this was my Junior year - but I'm not sure...time is fuzzy)...anyway - one year, she was supposed to go to a big gymnastic meet and she wasn't able to go. She got really sick - rare for her - and she was devastated that she wasn't able to attend. And I was in Mr. B's office when he called home to check on her - he talked to his wife....and was doing all the usual things a 'dad' does - how is she? Has she eaten anything? Should I bring her anything? Does she still have a fever? All those typical 'dad' things. And I was sitting there, in his office, waiting for him to finish so I could talk to him about some music I was getting ready for the band - and I suddenly had to get up and leave. I didn't want him to see me tearing up. Crying, actually. I left and went across the hall into the choral room next door and started playing on the piano. A little time went by - and he came in and said 'you OK?'. I said 'yes'. Silence for a few minutes. One of the songs the choral group was singing was 'It's Not Easy Being Green' - the Kermit the Frog song....and I said 'it's not easy being green. Different'. I was so overwhelmed with those feelings of loss - for what I didn't have. No dad to call and check on me. No dad to bring me things or ask how I was doing. I had none of that. Just me...muddling through. And - in one of the rare moments when he would risk what might be seen as 'inappropriate' - he touched me on the shoulder. Just for a second. And said 'it will get easier. I promise. I PROMISE'.

He was right. I grew up. College was challenging and full of changes and adjustments. After a year at a community college in Phoenix, I moved to California. I visited Mr. B. at school every time I was in town - never missed the chance to visit him. And I missed him - missed seeing him everyday. Leaving high school had been the hardest thing I'd ever done - I was so incredibly sad to be leaving him. I would have happily stayed forever if I'd been able to. I could have graduated as a junior and didn't - because I didn't want to give up that last year of seeing him everyday.

Three years after I graduated, he suffered a devastating stroke. And I sought out my elementary school band teacher during a visit to my home town and he marched me into an office, gave me a phone number and said 'CALL NOW'. So I called Mr. B's home and spoke to his wife - and she immediately invited me over to visit. And that visit was the start of getting to know him as an adult....sharing my life with him AND his lovely wife. Becoming friends...being able to tell him, in person, how much I love him. Which I did every time I visited him.

I have been his friend for 30 years. He has been my mentor and role model for 30 years. I love him more than I can even describe.

I named a son after Reg. A fitting tribute to the person who most influenced my life. Who taught me to work hard, be responsible. Be yourself. Trust your gut. Love deeply. Let go of being afraid of losing someone and just enjoy the time you have with them. Life is short.

I am so sad .....stunned into a quiet crying. There are mountains of Kleenex next to my laptop. J. has offered dinner...water....hugs. Nothing can stop the fountain of tears. I have dreaded this day for 30+ years...and as prepared as I thought I was, I am not. I did not prepare for this sadness. I am lost.....

But it will get better. I know it will. He promised. And I know he's right.

Thank you, Reg - for choosing to love a student. For letting that student love you back. For sharing your life with me. For allowing me in. For being there. For letting me honor you by naming my son after you. I'm reminded of a line from a movie 'how lucky I am to have loved someone that saying goodbye to is so damned awful'. Thank you for being that person to me...for letting me love you as a father all these years. For letting me get to know you and your wife as an adult. For being there for me all during high school - all the little things you did that made me feel so special - made me feel so cared for at a time when I desperately needed that. Taking the keys from you as we marched off the field in marching band - the privilege of unlocking the band room door ahead of everyone else. Putting your baton on the podium for you at every concert. Picking up your paycheck every payday from the school office and telling the office person (who called EVERY SINGLE TIME I picked up the check, payday after payday) 'yes, I trust her. Please give her my check. She'll bring it right to me'. So many little, special things - that took a painfully shy, sad teenage girl and helped her become a poised, confident young lady. Everything I am today can be tied back to those small, little things. I can never thank you enough for that. Never. You will never know how much you meant to me. And how, especially now - as I raise my own two teen sons - I realize how lucky I was to have met such an amazing educator and person at such a young age.


In Memory
Reginald E. Brooks
May 14, 1935 - October 27, 2008

Monday, November 03, 2008

Schedules

It was getting 'dark' at 4PM today - partly because it is rainy here and the clouds took a turn for the dark around that time. And partly because that WAS 5PM last week - but now it's not. Now, it's 4PM. It seemed so strange - made me feel like I'd worked incredibly late - though it was early.

When B. was a baby/toddler, he was (still is, of course) very bright - and he noticed everything. EVERYTHING. It was only until he started showing visible signs of 'stress' that we were advised that this kid needed information. LOTS of information. We had to tell him EVERYTHING - think ahead about things. Share information. The more he knew - about schedule, activities, plans - the easier he was to parent. And the happier he was as a toddler.

The first time the clocks were set back and he was in preschool, we arrived at pickup time to find a despondent, panicked 3 year old - convinced his parents had forgotten him, were never coming to get him and had moved - possibly to a different country - without him. We had neglected to explain that, due to the wonder known as Daylight Savings Time, we would be arriving at the same clock time; however, it would look like it was a lot darker outside. Poor kid was frantic. FRANTIC. Every day of that week...and the next, we reminded him 'remember - it's getting dark earlier but we'll still pick you up by 5PM. Promise.' He started to believe us. And the year after, we remembered to tell him the FIRST morning of the time change. And he was fine - [Note: we also explained the time change to H. when he was little but being H., he just looked at us like 'sure, whatever - gotta go play now, bye!. THAT is H. in a nutshell. Isn't it amazing how kids can be so different though they have the same genetic material? Fascinates me.]

Today was like that. I had to keep reminding myself : it looks like it's really late, but it's not. Keep working. Keep working. Hard to do on a rainy Monday.

I have plenty of stories to tell but they'll have to wait for now. I've got 'home' stuff to take care of and need to get to work REALLY early tomorrow - we're hosting a voting site and we need to park offsite tomorrow to ensure voters have adequate parking. Which would be no problem - except that I'm also hosting a staff meeting and am bringing in 'Le Cube' for lattes. So I want to get there as early as I can to unload stuff and then move the car. OR have J. drive me there early. We'll see which option looks most feasible in the cold dark morning.

Sunday, November 02, 2008

Daylight

Making good use of the extra hour....we are getting ready to go to church. B. and J. are already there - playing at both contemporary services this morning. And H. will be the AV guy at the 11AM service - so he and I are getting ready to go - allowing plenty of time for our traditional Sunday stop at you-know-where.

Enjoyed lunch with my friend N. yesterday in Livermore. The restaurant we were meeting at didn't open until noon - so we headed to Pete's Coffee (I've never been in a Pete's before) to wait until it opened. Enjoyed iced tea and coffee (thanks, N!). It was sprinkling a little. Then it stopped. And wouldn't you know, just as we headed the two blocks back to the restaurant, the skies opened up and drenched us! We were soaked. I had to use napkins to dry my hair enough to stop the dripping! I looked like I'd just gotten out of the shower. We were cracking up - especially because N. had worn FLIP FLOPS! She was getting a pedicure later so she wore the most 'open' shoes she owns. It was too funny - I'm sure the folks in cars and in the restaurant got a good laugh at our expense.

Lunch was great and fun and a real treat! We don't get together nearly as much as we'd like to - but we're going to try to commit to a once-a-month Saturday lunch.

I resisted the urge to stop at the Mervyn's in Livermore - knowing that I would likely buy things at the drastically reduced prices - but realizing that we really don't need anything. We may head out later today to Brentwood/Antioch and if we do, we'll stop at that store - it's more 'open' and less chaotic. But we honestly can live without anything we might find on sale...so I'm trying to avoid shopping. The only reason for going to Brentwood is to return a couple things at the new jjill store.

We've had rain here over the weekend - love the air feeling so fresh and clean. Dislike the state of my car - covered in 'mud'. It desperately needs a wash but I abstain from running it through when more rain is expected. It hasn't been washed in a month and the trip to Phoenix has left it's mark. It's in need of a good cleaning - but I'll wait for this storm to pass before running it through the Chevron wash. I can hopefully persuade J. to do it for me, since I really don't like sitting in the car while the machine does it's thing. I feel 'dizzy' with the sense that I'm moving, when I'm not. And I have an unnatural fear that I'm going to end up 'stuck' in there. Can I get my cell phone to work? Who do I call? The police? My family? The Chevron station? I just don't like the experience at all and would rather skip it.

Christmas is looming. I am lost on what to get for the kids. Cash is looking like the best option. We MUST stick to a budget this year...and that's going to really be hard...since everything they want is hugely expensive. I have a couple little things in mind for each of them - and will hopefully come up with a few more between now and Thanksgiving.

Our turkey plans are sort of up in the air at this point. We found out last night that J's younger brother and his wife are splitting up. It's sad - not all that surprising...it's been coming for a long time. But it's still sad that it's now reality. So we're not sure what we're doing...the kids and I are off the entire week this year - SO COOL - and I'm reluctant to spend my week's 'vacation' hosting out of town visitors. We're negotiating options....and everything changed - yet again - last night. Damn - I wish we could afford to get out of town for the week. Eliminates the entire discussion.

I have a sleeping dog on my lap....it's cold and she wants warmth. She curves her long body against my stomach; trying to eke out as much warmth as she possibly can. She'll be in her kennel soon, burrowing in her cave...missing us while we're at church. She had an exhausting night on Friday, barking at the trick-or-treaters at the door. Wore her out!

Happy November. VOTE! Change is in the air!!

March

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