Monday, June 30, 2008

Week 2, Day 1

The 'during the day' starter didn't work, either. Which totally bums me out 'cuz I did try to watch it as much as possible. I'm going to email Susan again and ask this question: what's the 'high temp' that will kill the bacteria that creates the fermentation reaction? Yesterday's batch might have ended up getting too hot at one point - but how long of 'too hot' will kill the reaction? That remains a mystery. And then, in my effort to cool it down, I think I ended up getting the temp too low - and every article/recipe clearly states that too cool will not work. Too cool is doomed. 10 degrees makes a huge, HUGE difference in this bread, and that limited permissible variance is what makes it so hard.

I didn't factor in, though, that it's not just the water that has to be at 110 degrees. I accomplished that - had the skillet at a setting that was keeping the water at 110 consistently. But THAT outside water temp wasn't enough to keep the inner contents of the batter bowl consistently at 110. Perhaps the glass bowl absorbed heat? Perhaps it's the quantity and shape of the contents - parts get to 110 and parts don't? I thought once I'd figured out a way to keep the water bath at 110, I'd be 'done'. I was wrong - I always sucked at physics and that's what this feels like, really. A week long physics lab where every factor must be accommodated and calculated. It's really bumming me out that I've tried so many times with no success.

I'm going to send an email to my 'expert' and get some input from her and give it more tries this week. I didn't start a batch last night to leave overnight - just couldn't do it. But I'll try again tonight, hopefully with some input from Susan to help me. It's just so discouraging!

I've already been to church to drop off food for the memorial service. Apparently, when H. returned home at 10PM, he raided the unopened boxes of cookies from Costco! So I had to transfer the cookies to plates, and wrap them with Saran Wrap to make it 'less' obvious that there were fewer cookies than their should be. Actually, there were the same number - I supplemented from the one box of Oatmeal Raisin cookies I bought for us to consume - but it added 10 minutes to my prep time that I hadn't planned on. Darn kids. I KNEW I should have put a sticky on them that said 'DO NOT EAT - FOR CHURCH' or something like that.

I'm heading to Manteca shortly for lunch. Probably stopping at Kohl's and/or Mervyn's because I rarely go to Manteca - maybe I can find some bras there that don't cost $60 each? I'm going to try 'cuz I've started to order two bras from Dillard's online and just can't bring myself to do it. I don't know why - the bra is totally, TOTALLY worth $60 and just like swimsuits, when you find one that works - that's comfortable and supportive and not hideous looking (all bra requirements), you stick with what works, no matter what the cost. But perhaps there are other bras out there that will suffice and save us some $$. So I'll look.

Sunday, June 29, 2008

Day 7.b

Returned from church to find the 2nd starter of the day looking like a cornmeal hockey puck. It was removed from it's bowl in one piece - with a fork. You get the picture.

I have another starter going - back to Susan's recipe in the electric skillet which is most definitely the best, most consistent heat retention method so far. Since it's going all day, I've been able to better check the temp and think it's closer to being at a consistent 110 degrees. I hope, anyway. I still don't see any bubbles or anything remotely resembling fermentation - but it's only been 2 1/2 hours. If I end up being at sponge stage around 9 tonight, that's fine. I'll stay up and bake into the night and sleep in tomorrow. And wake up to wonderful toast!

B. did a couple of the big chores - cleaned the wheels of the van, power washed the garage doors (all of them). We've also fertilized both lawns, taken Chloe to the groomer and surprised the kids with an IHOP brunch after church. They whined a lot expressed concern that we didn't go out for dinner once this week - except Taco Bell - so we did brunch instead of dinner. Our June expenses included $335 for B.'s car A/C repair and $335 to replace B.'s broken cell phone. We'll get $100 back in a rebate - but that's a chunk of change for things we weren't expecting. My answer to this is to try to lower all our other expenses as much as we can. It's always amazing to me how little we can spend when we put our minds to it. It's just hard to convince the two teenage consumers in the house that a month or two without multiple dinners out (go out once every other week instead of weekly, for example) and a moratorium on unnecessary purchases (like clothes, hats, belts, etc.) is survivable. Back to school shopping will commence soon enough - we need a couple months to recover from cars, phones, etc. before we shell out the hundreds of dollars required for updated clothing. Thankfully, though, their growth is slowing a bit so things they've been wearing still fit. At least for now. We're pretty sure H. is still heading upward - but we'll see. He is already at least 4 inches taller than his older brother...and that is not a popular subject in the house. So we're hoping for a 'catch-up' phase for B. and a 'slow-down' phase for H.
The air quality is improved. Saw blue sky today for the first time in a week.

Tomorrow, I'm meeting a friend in Manteca for an early lunch. And I have to drop off permission slips at church for the boys to attend 'Wake Board Wednesday' - the pastor and other church parents and teachers will take kids out on the Delta for skiing, wake boarding, tubing, swimming, etc. I will also drop off 4 dozen cookies we were asked to contribute for a memorial service of a parishioner who was killed in an auto accident. We don't know this person but were happy to help when they called and asked if we could bring finger foods of some kind. When she said 'I really need cookies', I said 'of course'. And added them to our Costco list. No other plans besides those trips. Will try to work around the house some. Culling closets, helping the boys tidy up their rooms a bit - school is only seven weeks away and their desks need serious work before we restart into another hectic year. B. will be a senior....wow, that's hard to grasp. And H. will turn 16 at the end of his sophomore year! And be driving. YIKES.

Day 7.a

This morning's starter was a bust, also. While I took the time to ensure the water in the electric skillet was holding steady at 110 degrees, I failed to factor in that more heat would be required to keep the contents of the batter bowl at that temp. It was a steady 100 degrees. A 10 degree difference has a significant impact on the fermentation process. So, it was a 'no'. I've started another one already - but it's not going to work either, I fear. It's recipe called for 1 cup scalded milk with 1/2 cup corn meal - and it's basically a congealed, solid mass already. So how is it supposed to 'bubble'? I don't get that. Still, I'm leaving it to warm while we're at church. Can't hurt, I guess.

I've corresponded with Susan Brown, one of the foremost experts on SRB. Her website shows a lot of the history of this bread - made when yeast was not as readily available so women learned to create bread without yeast. She is one of the 'stars' of the Expert Village video series (her blog has link to that as well) and she graciously (and quickly!) responded to my plea for info from an expert. She has reassured me that my 'methods' sound OK - so it's just a matter of getting to a successful starter - and that requires patience. Tons of it, as this week has demonstrated. She encouraged me to keep trying and thinks it's great that I'm so determined, I'm using my VACATION to attempt to conquer this bread's mysteries. I am determined ....but it is hard to have failure after failure after failure.

I only tried one starter last night - I was so confident that the skillet would work - and it is (so far) the most consistent method of retaining heat on the starter. So I'm still confident it will work - I just have to do some 'hit and miss' attempts. And I'm going to return to the starter recipe Susan gives on her videos...there are so many different starters out there, but she's had success with the one she provides on the videos and I'm going to stick with that, for now. It seems 'easier' - and makes sense because it results in a more 'liquid' starter - thinner consistency - vs. the ones I've been doing that end up looking like polenta. How in the world will a polenta-like substance ever 'ferment', which is what needs to happen for the starter to take off.

Her website is here: http://home.comcast.net/~petsonk/ Check it out! And Susan, thank you so much for writing back and for taking the time to reassure me that my methods sound OK. It's so great to have the videos to refer to - and now, to have a real, live person who successfully makes this bread on a regular basis is also just terrific! I appreciate the encouragement and certainly hope to be added to the list of people on the planet who can make this delicious bread.

We are heading to church shortly. If the starter that's going actually 'works', I'll be baking into the night - and I have absolutely no problem with that. I'll do whatever it takes!

Saturday, June 28, 2008

Day 6.b

It was a busy day at Casa M. J. worked a lot in the yard - cut down another shrub on the 'remove' list. Wow...he and I need to go to lunch more often 'cuz he came back here and 'got right to it'! Our yard trimming bin is jammed full and there are various other empty pots and containers with trimmings in them, too. I'm going to work tomorrow on measuring the 'space' we'll have so I can seek advice from my sister about putting in raised beds. The spots we have available are certainly not the best for gardening - but it's all we have. The only other option is to convert the small remaining patch of lawn to raised beds - and I'm considering it. But we'll start small with a couple raised beds and see how we do. They won't be easy to get to or work in but I'll figure it out. And we're going to start very simply.

We also took J's car in for service (all prepaid or under warranty); went to Petsmart for the final days of the best pet food sale EVER - in fact, will go back tomorrow 'cuz now Chloe's out of kibble and since we only have one dog now, I don't want to buy the huge bag at Costco; went to Costco for gas and our weekly food. The kids cleaned out all the PS2 games that they don't play much anymore and J. took them to Game Stop to try to sell them. They were offered measly amounts and declined. We'd do better at a garage sale so we're going to pick a future Saturday in the fall (when it cools off a bit) and have a sale to end all sales and cull, cull, cull. H. got a haircut. B. went to a jazz rehearsal at Main Street Music. Busy, busy.

B. was offered a list of things to do this morning for 'compensation'. An hourly rate for lawn work (there's tons of weeding, trimming, sweeping, power washing, etc. to do both front and back) and a couple 'fixed fee' items (like washing the wheels of the van). He seemed interested. Did he ever take any initiative today to actually DO any of those things? No, he did not. His definitions of motivation and initiative appears to be getting out of bed and doing HIS things. And then he needs money, so he decides to sell all the games for a quick buck. Which ended up not working out 'cuz even HE had to admit what they were offering was a joke. Which I knew it would be and kept telling them - but I'm just the mom. What do I know. They kept saying 'the radio ad said they pay $15 per game'. Yeah, right. So I'm a bit peeved at B. for the moment - there's plenty of work to do - work that I could call 'chores' which would be a part of his allowance work - but I'm willing to HELP HIM earn some pocket money - and he doesn't make any effort to do any of it. I'm pretty darn close to telling him that I'm thinking his dad and I don't have the funds anymore to pay for the third car - insurance, gas, upkeep ($335 last month for work on the A/C). He needs to get a job - but with his grades, I'm fearful he wouldn't be able to pass school at all.

Boys. Is it boys? By the time I was B.'s age, I had already been working a part time weekend and evening job for a year. I was paying for all my own clothes, gas, car insurance, etc. And I've continued to do that ever since. Where does motivation come from, I wonder? He has two fairly motivated, successful parents. Does it kick in soon for him? I hope so. I worry about that a lot.

I'm going to head into the kitchen shortly and test some 'warming methods' for a night of SRB starters. Crock pot, warming tray, electric skillet. Three batches. And I'm going to try different containers - that are 'flatter' - I've been using my Pampered Chef batter bowls - which are narrow on the bottom and then widen up - maybe it makes it too hard to keep the heat consistently through the batch? Hope it works. I'm sort of thinking it WILL work tonight 'cuz we have church tomorrow, so if it ends up working, I'm going to have a heck of a time trying to get all the sponges ready and timed just right, factoring in 2+ hours for church in the middle of the morning/early afternoon! But I'm up for the challenge! Bring it on. Come on, starter. WORK! Please!

Day 6.a

I took a break from starters last night - just couldn't get into the kitchen for the nightly 'routine' - but tonight, I will. I had correspondence (via email) with one of the foremost experts on SRB and I'll write more about that exchange in a later post. Waiting for her permission to link her site here. Just felt it was courteous to ask before I did it - and I was so honored and thankful she wrote me back so quickly. She offered advice and this: be patient. This bread is a challenge and it takes awhile to get it right. But she and I both know it's so worth it. So I will work on my patience.

I was going to post before and after pictures of the yard work - but I went outside last night to find my hubby had already completely chopped a huge 'bush' down to just the trunk in the ground. WOW. And the funny thing was: he hadn't even read my blog post about working on that this weekend. He just took our lunch conversation and put it into action just like THAT. So we're making progress. There's a lot of digging still to do...but he's removed one of the biggest shrubs already and is outside right now, in the cool of morning working on others.

We've decided we're getting old when neither of us can sleep much past 7 on weekends. Next, we'll be drinking day old coffee (miss you, Dad).

I'm going to get to work on tidying up in here - filing a claim to get money out of our Flexible Spending accounts to supplement the balance in our check book. The annual car insurance premium is coming due shortly and we need all the cash flow we can get! I'm hoping for some kind of lowering for B. since he's now been driving for a year and nothing bad has happened (yet). We can always hope, right? (for a rate reduction - not for something bad to happen - realized I'd better clarify that point mid-sentence).

Sky is still hazy with smoke but it's calm so the balloons were out today. I was going to take pics of that, too, but it's just to grossly hazy to even bother. Balloons aren't pretty against a grey/brownish/whitish smoke filled sky.

Friday, June 27, 2008

Day 5.b

I'm heading into one of the best parts of this vacation - it's Friday late afternoon, a weekend stretching out before me...and then another ENTIRE week of NO WORK. YIPPPEEEE! It feels great! And this feeling will repeat itself on Sunday evening when I realize Monday is approaching and I'll still have SEVEN glorious days of NO WORK. It's great. The only commitment we have this weekend is church on Sunday - B. and J. are both playing and H. is doing the A/V slides at the 11AM service - so I'll attend that service as well, to bring H. for his service. We may even surprise the kids with 'brunch' out, but we'll see about that. Oh, and we are taking J's car in tomorrow for some service thing and dropping off Chloe for a 'full service grooming' - teeth, nails, hair trim, bath, etc. She's spend 1/2 day at the puppy spa! and come home looking (and smelling) better!

Purchased an inexpensive electric skillet at Target. Wanted the super-duper triple wide with removable pan (for easier clean up and serving) but since I'll be storing this thing in the rafters of the garage (where we store our big roasting pan and other not-often-used appliances), I opted for the small, square version vs. the rectangular huge version. The smaller version was also 1/2 the price of the larger version. I'm going to test it out by filling it with water and trying the lowest settings, testing the temp with my (now I can't live without it) Pampered Chef digital thermometer. The BEST investment EVER in the bread making game - though it hasn't helped with success yet. But, oh, I know it will.

J. and I enjoyed a sushi lunch - opted out of my 'work' potluck - and we enjoyed some time discussing the state of the various plants in our back yard; plans for removal of those plants and my vision of raised beds where vegetables will grow. He suggested 'pots' or 'wooden containers'. Yes, for the patio. No, for the beds. We will start the removal process this weekend, hopefully, though the air quality is so bad, it's better to not be doing a lot of manual labor and breathing in the hazy gunk in the air. So we'll see. Perhaps mother nature just issued a reprieve to the men in my life re: their weekend chore list. Ah, but there's always so much to do inside as well. Bwaa-haa-haa. They can run, but they can't hide!

I've discovered some more great blogs over this past week- how I will find the time to read them all, I do not know - but it's been fun finding them and getting to 'know' these new people via their blogs. You feel like you get to 'know' them and you want to 'tune in again' to find out what's new, what's happening. Sort of like the 4 of you who regularly read THIS blog - and I thank you for it! I love writing and I love that there are a handful of actual READERS reading what I'm writing.

Day 5.a

At 9:30 last night, I realized I hadn't gotten started with my starters...so I head into the kitchen. I slice potatoes, boil water, scald milk, heat the oven to 250 and turn it off. Get a potato starter in the oven and a corn meal starter (different recipe than the prior two) on the crock pot. Look at the warming tray still in the box near the breakfast bar but can't bring myself to get another one going. It is 10 by this time. I go to bed with high hopes. I don't sleep well - have no idea why. Possibly the large diet Pepsi I drank with our dinner (resorted to Taco Bell, as did half the town. The line was hugely long and it took forever so I ordered a beverage while I waited). I don't drink soda much these days and possibly that led to a night of wakefullness. That and the kids trying not to laugh too loudly downstairs watching George Carlin on TV.

I bound downstairs this morning around 7ish - and see what I think is 'white foam' on the top of the cornmeal starter. My heart skips a beat as I think 'success!'. I was wrong. It was just the milk layer having separated from the sludgy cornmeal layer which lay sadly on the bottom of the bowl. The potato starter fared no better - the flour was a gross, congealed mess on top of gross looking potatoes. Maybe not enough liquid? though they were covered with boiling water per the instructions. Oh well. Possibly three more tries tonight - but I am getting discouraged and grow weary of the highs and lows of this bread making game. My kitchen is covered with bread making paraphernalia. Flour, corn meal, thermometers, heating units, pot holders, towels, etc. all scattered everywhere. It's made me realize that this kitchen is most definitely NOT a good kitchen for baking. It's just set up wrongly for baking. Oh well. Maybe we'll redo it someday in retirement when we have nothing better to do. And only if I ever get a loaf of bread actually made - which seems doubtful at this point.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Day 4.d

(OK, I really hate these numerical titles but I started it as a chronology of my vacation so I sort of feel 'stuck'. I'll figure something out...later).

Our electric bill arrived - and for the SECOND month in a row, we have a credit balance!! Which means that me, running around this house being the electric police is WORKING. We used 12 Kwh LESS per day this year than last. That's PER DAY. That adds up to a $150/month reduction! Yeah!

We have warm days but no direct sun, largely because there are so many wild fires burning all over the state, we have a thick, smoky white haze everywhere. The air is full of 'smoke'. It's gross. It looks like there's fires in our city - but there aren't. On a good note, it's keeping the sun from being 'direct'. There's no sun shining 'cuz there's too much smoke in the air. But on a bad note, the air quality is horrible - and it's staying low 'cuz there's absolutely no wind. Where is the wind when you need it? We need a good, stiff breeze followed by a rinsing rain. Hopefully, it will blow away soon.

The thermostats are set for 80 when we're home. 84 when we're not. We don't run the air at night much - all the bedrooms have fans, all pointed at the beds. It helps. The upstairs is getting pretty warm and we do run the A/C when we're up there, but if the kids come downstairs, I remind them repeatedly to turn it back up to 82 so it shuts off if possible. At the same time, though, we've learned to not keep it much higher than that - too high, and it's just sweltering hot up there and never cools off.

On J's chore list this weekend is changing the unit's filters, which also helps. Our PGE rep (from work) says that changing the filters monthly can save up to 10% on cooling costs - not sure I believe that, but we haven't changed them in awhile so it's worth doing again.

Hoping we continue with the trend. And hoping we're due for a 'balanced payment review' soon - our monthly payment should be going down a bit soon - we have a current credit balance of $59 - which is $25 higher than last month's credit balance. YEAH! I'm typing this in the dark with only the TV on - and it's so worth it!!

Day 4.c

Stockton is regarded as the Central Valley's 'Oakland'. True, there are many not-so-great parts of Stockton. But there are plenty of not-so-great parts of any town. In fact, an article in our local paper referred to a neighborhood in our town as 'little Oakland' - guess that means high crime, heavy gang activity, etc. Every town has some 'little Oakland'.

But Stockton is really working hard on upgrading that image - and today, I visited a truly upscale shopping center right in the heart of Stockton. Across from their one mall...near their community college (which I keep watching for job opportunities just in case). There was a jjill, Coldwater Creek, Talbots, R.E.I., and other soon to be open high end retailers. I saw a lot of Mercedes, a Jaguar and tons of high end SUV's. And women with a lot of bling and time on their hands. I made my return and then succumbed to the clearance sale - returned $47. Spent $88. Oh well.

Went to Dillard's and bought makeup - my DHC powder foundation is almost out - I bought as many as I could when they discontinued it 18 months ago and sadly, they still have not come out with a powder foundation alternative. I've tried their 'water based' foundation and it feels like an oil slick on my face within an hour of application. So I went back to Lancome, which is the powder foundation I always used before DHC and had a lovely young lady help me find a foundation that is better suited for my coloring. I showed her the one I used to wear - Lancome was it for me before I discovered DHC - and she said 'wow, that's really light - it's what I'm wearing'. She had skin like a porcelain doll - beautiful and very, very light. I'm ruddier now, I guess. So we think we found one that will work - it's not 'perfect' in terms of comparing it to what I have now - I showed her my last DHC refill and said 'this is it. The last one. I'm approaching panic 'cuz I don't know what I'm going to do when I use this one up'. She said 'don't worry, we'll find something.' And we did. Bless her heart.

Headed to the 'foundations' department, ready to put down a chunk of change for several bras. Found only one in the size and style I needed. Asked if there was back stock - no. I think there was - she just didn't want to take the time to look. Oh well. I order a couple more via the Internet momentarily.

Had lunch at the Mr. Pickles sandwich shop near the mall. It was pretty good. A Mr. Pickles just opened up here and we keep saying we should go there, but we never do.

On the way home, I noticed a blue Highlander. He passed me. I passed him. He was changing lanes, going in and out of traffic. Seemed a bit 'erratic' to me. He was in front of me, and I noticed the license plate - and then REALLY noticed it - and pulled up along side and then in front of him - and sure enough, it was my boss! He ended up behind me and I waved into my rear view mirror and he waved back and held up his hands like 'finally!'. He exited at an exit several ahead of where I exit - so I figured he was heading home to the hills - or grabbing a bite to eat. Next thing I know, he's behind me again. So as we turned onto the street heading into our part of town, I called his cell. I said 'you did realize it was me waving to you on the freeway back there, right?'. He said 'yes, and you did realize it was me acting like a maniac trying to get your attention back there on the freeway, right?' We got a good laugh when I said 'no, I just thought you were a crazy driver - and THEN I realized it was YOU.' We had a brief conversation, got caught up on work things and he isn't sure if he's working tomorrow or not - so I probably won't see him until the 14th. (There's a potluck tomorrow and we're all attending). He had spent a whirlwind few days in Cleveland with his brother - they went to a Giant's game and the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and somewhere else I can't recall. He had a great time. And he's off for another two weeks - he's back on the 14th. I'm back on the 7th. It was good to talk to him 'cuz he left sort of abruptly and at first, I was worried something was wrong. But it was just a great opportunity to spend some time with his brother and he jumped at the chance.

It was a fun afternoon. The kids are watching some war movie. I have a post in mind about the military careers they are both considering but I'm not sure how to phrase it, exactly. Anyway, they are watching a movie and B. has agreed to take H. to his ortho appointment which is at 3. I might - MIGHT - attempt to wedge in nap. Chloe jumped off the couch (which she is NOT supposed to do 'cuz it will hurt her back eventually, like it did Dani) and is now curled up on the floor next to me - where I am, so is she.

I'm going to go get potatoes and start getting ready for tonight's starter activities. I didn't buy an electric skillet so we'll just try two methods. Maybe 3 - I found some hints about using an electric oven - set it for 250 degrees for 20 minutes, then shut it off and leave the light on. We'll see if that works.

OK, sounds of machine guns and screaming are NOT pleasant. I'm heading upstairs for a bit while they watch people killing each other. Now that's entertainment.

Day 4.b

Have decided to make this a 'shopping day'. Heading to Dillard's in Stockton - I need new bras and almost ordered them last night - but waited - and now think 'well, I can save 13.95 in shipping and just go get them. Also will finally (FINALLY) visit the new jjill store (also in Stockton) and make a return. Possibly stop by Trader Joe's (in Stockton!) and pick up Te Java to have handy...might skip TJ's 'cuz we're pretty well stocked up - but they have a lot of 'natural' snacks - soy crisps, etc. - and I do love those. Will probably find a Target and get an electric skillet.

My sister emailed me to remind me that there are lots of recipes for SR bread that call for the starter to have potatoes in it - yes, it's true. POTATOES. I've been avoiding those, on the theory that peeling, rinsing and thinly slicing potatoes is just TOO much work - but then again, this entire bread making process is a lot of work - so I should try every starter possible. I will also stop at the grocery and get some white potatoes and try that starter method as well tonight. The recipe she sent me shows promise - because it doesn't mention anything about 'foam' or 'bubbling'. So possibly, whatever the potatoes do in the starter is 'enough'. We'll see. I'm going to give it a try tonight. Which will make tomorrow really hectic if one or more of the starters work right.

She also reminded me of another taste from our childhood - poppy seed kughen. I'm going to start researching that next. It's another really complicated baked treat - and I do remember it! and can't wait to give it a try.

I will be spending money today but hopefully, will 'spend' less than I would have lost on the slots. And then hope the starter works so I won't feel tempted to head to Jackson tomorrow. The only day 'open' I could go next week is Thursday - have lunches planned on Monday and Tuesday, the bakery trip with J. on Wednesday. Holiday on Friday. The lunches will be great fun with two people I rarely get to see these days. So I'm happy to 'commit' chunks of those days to drive to Manteca (Monday) and Pleasanton (Tuesday) to visit good friends! And Wednesday will be spent with my best friend, who I happen to have the joy of being married to!

Day 4.a

Up at 7 this morning, just in time to see my hubby off to his day in the trenches of San Francisco. B. is on the golf course and H. spent the night down the street. All's quiet here. Even the birds are finally sleeping, it appears.

I have to look up something for work - which means disconnecting this computer, connecting my work computer and logging in remotely to the finance system...something I am loath to do 'cuz 'hey, I'm on vacation'. But that's the downside of a small district - you are it. The lone, solo keeper of all information that must be kept....it's a pain sometimes, and this is certainly one of them. Hopefully, I can get it done expediently and then just put the laptop away. Remember my post a few days ago about spending an hour a day tidying up folders, emails, etc.? Well, forget about that 'cuz I'm on VACATION and I don't want to. Wow, that felt GOOD!

Am toying with the idea of a trip to Jackson - but I will probably lose and hey, I'm at that point in our future finances when I think I shouldn't be throwing money down the toilet, essentially. So I think I'll just hang out at home and play the slots on pogo.com. In between cleaning out the desk here, etc.

Maybe Jackson will beckon more strongly tomorrow. We will see.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Day 3.b

I'm taking a night off from the starter. Have so many 'recipes' to try - not sure which one to give a shot next? I went to the Linens and Things store again to buy an electric skillet (another method for warming the starter) and ended up buying a warming tray instead. The only skillet they had was really pricey (even on clearance) and the warming tray should do the trick? and if not, it will be used at Thanksgiving and Christmas for keeping the sweet potatoes and green bean casserole warm. If it doesn't work, then I'll go to Target to buy a skillet and try that, too. Heck, maybe I'll go get one tomorrow and then I can try THREE starters tomorrow night - one with the crock pot method; one with the warming tray and a third with the skillet? Maybe multiple recipes at a time is the right approach? Otherwise, it feels like I'm running out of time.

I keep reminding myself I still have 11 days left of vacation - though it's going by quickly. And I'm not being quite as 'productive' as I'd hoped, but I'm not being too hard on myself about that 'cuz I am on vacation and trying to 'relax' a bit is the idea. I have 'cooked' every night this week so far - made easier by our stock up trip to Costco this past Sunday - and my motivation to clear out the freezer in preparation for next Wednesday's trip to the bakery in Berkeley for real, ready-made salt rising bread!

I haven't napped the past couple days and it's now just approaching 9 and I'm pooped. We're watching The Mole which we taped on Monday. I don't like the new host as much as Anderson Cooper - and it's not just the appearance part. This guy just isn't 'real' enough for me - he just doesn't have a 'likable' personality? Hard to describe...but I don't really like him and that's made it hard for me to get 'into' the show this season.

H. and I drove to Foster's Freeze for some ice cream - he had an Oreo Blizzard and I had a chocolate dipped vanilla cone. Yummy! Probably cost us an extra 2 bucks for gas but oh well! We were craving soft serve and it was closer than the mall. B. was at band practice or he would have come with us! Summer time is the best time for soft serve!

J. is cleaning off the DVR recorder on the satellite box and we're 'arguing' over what stays vs. what goes. He has a zillion 'talking head' programs. I have a zillion Datelines, etc. We've cleared nine hours of time which should get us through the next week. It's likely that most of what we've taped down here, we've also taped somewhere upstairs. Still, we have this discussion weekly. What goes. What stays. We're not willing to part with the Tim Russert tributes, and this DVR unit is from the guest room upstairs and I have some David Letterman shows saved - the one the night after his son was born - which I'll never erase - seeing someone forever changed by their first child in front of millions of people is something you don't see very often and made me love his curmudgeonly self even more than I already did. And the Mad About You finale which is also a 'forever' show. I keep thinking they'll release it on DVD - but they only released Season 1 - and then a 'compilation' DVD - that's it. Of all the shows I covet, I want that entire series...and I can't for the life of me figure out why they never released it. I wish they would. It would give J. birthday and Christmas gifts for me for quite a few years.

B. just got home and is playing golf at 7 in the morning. I said 'you guys are crazy'. He said 'no, Mom, we're golfers'. Enough said. They're hooked on the game (he and his best friend) and it's nice they've played a lot this month. The pass expires on the 30th and B. is going to try to earn some money to pay for another pass for July.

OK - enough for today. The birds are chirping which means it's time for sleep!

Day 3.a

2nd starter attempt was also a bust. It's a hard, congealed mass of milk and corn meal with nary a 'bubble' nor 'pungent smell' in sight. Drat! I don't think it had enough liquid in it - though I followed the recipe.

So, I'm switching to a new recipe. And going out to look for an electric skillet because that's the most commonly recommended method of keeping it warm - an electric skillet water bath. The crockpot is definitely keeping it warm...maybe too warm. It's on just the 'warm' setting but it still gets pretty darn hot and I think it's just killing the bacteria instead of encouraging it to grow. Is bread that rises because of fermented bacteria really worth all this effort? Yes, it really is - and you'll just have to trust me on that 'cuz I can't send samples to the entire planet. If I ever get this right, I might be able to send samples, but not today. Not in the forseeable future.

I totally brain faded and forgot I had a hair appointment yesterday. I took the kids to the movies and totally forgot that because I was going to be off, I made a mid-day appointment. Thankfully, I have the most flexible hair stylist in the world and she left a message saying 'I'm sure you're doing something fun - so come at 2PM tomorrow'. So now I have a 2PM appointment. My feeble brain is getting so bad. I never even put that appointment on my calendar! Dweeb!

My wonderful hubby got Chloe to do ALL her businesses before he left for work, so she's quietly in her kennel taking her early morning snooze and giving me some quiet time before she begs me to get her up and play, play, play! Good thing she's so cute 'cuz otherwise, she'd be in constant trouble. Yesterday, while I went to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, she tore into the bag of trash I had in here [waiting for a kid to take it out], and pulled out as much as she could in the 90 seconds I was out of the room. And that was a LOT. Tissues, papers, the wrapper from a tube of Thin Mint cookies - did I panic that she was licking chocolate? No. It wasn't enough to do anything to her and I'm pretty sure she'd just found it when I re-entered the room. She was scolded and 'sent to her room' while I cleaned up. Little twit. She's a trash freak!

B. is already up and moving 'cuz he's heading to the golf course this morning. Then band practice this afternoon. He's hardly ever home - which I used to think would be great, but it's not. I rarely see him these days. He's out and about. Glad he's keeping busy - he's working out everyday, playing a lot of golf (the monthly pass was the best bargain EVER). He wants for us to get a gym membership, and while I've considered it, I'm afraid we'll never see him if we do that. He'll be living at the gym, working on his abs and his biceps.

H. is still snoozing and I won't bother him until 10. 10 is my limit. 10 is plenty of sleep. And if it isn't, it's because you stayed up all night which you shouldn't - lights out is midnight during the summer months. They frequently aren't out at midnight, which neither J. nor I can check on because we ARE asleep well before midnight.

They both have their summer reading assignments. H. swears he has started - but I don't think B. has. They are not the kind of assignments that can be put off for the week before school starts (which is only seven weeks away). There are essays and notes and observations, etc. that have to be carefully compiled. You'd think that given the severity of the abysmall disappointment we expressed in their year-end grades, they'd be all over working hard. But no, sadly, they are as unmotivated as ever. Boys.

Heading off to get showered and ready for the day. I'll try to update later....

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Day 2.b

Took the boys to the movies. The cleaning ladies were arriving any minute and we like to try to get out of their way - so we went to lunch at Sonic and then to see Get Smart. It was OK - not fantastic but passable. I looked at my watch a lot - but I do that anyway.

My friend, the wonderful Bug, got my 'old' job - officially. She's been doing it for the past 18 months so it's nice that she was actually awarded the job after extensive interviews, etc. She will do a fantastic job for the college and they are lucky to have her. I answered my cell phone with popcorn buttery hands (we were standing in line to head into the actual movie theatre room - not in the theatre yet) and then texted her further congrats. And then indulged myself with one lone tear streaking down my cheek - thankfully, in the dark theatre so no one would notice. I'm happy for her, really I am. But admittedly, just slightly sad for me. But it's OK. I made my choice and now it's done.

B. is at his music lesson and will stop to get me a carton of regular milk for the second (and possibly third try) at the bread starter. H. is at a friends house.

Time to start thinking about what to feed the troops in a couple hours. I'll update on my 'success' or lack thereof in the morning.

Day 2.a

First SR Bread starter a complete and total bust. Trying same recipe, different method of warmth containment later today. At one point last evening, I realized the temp had gone up to 120 - thus killing the bacteria that cause the reaction that raises the bread. So I was pretty sure it wasn't going to work - and I was right. It did not.

And I may have messed up the 'scalding milk' part - but I think I have that down now. Came close to ruining a pan but letting it soak with baking soda on the bottom did the trick.

Need to go to the store to get another carton of whole milk - perhaps fat free would work but the recipes all just say 'milk' so I'm trying not to take any chances with that. May try two starters and two methods of warmth later.

Also considering trying our wok since it has a temperature guage vs. 'warm/low/medium/high'. Might work. I'll keep you posted.

Work email is down which I think is God's way of saying 'let it go'. Though oddly enough, I do have one thing I must email today....but I'm sure it will be up and running at some point today.

Monday, June 23, 2008

Day 1

Day 1 of vacation unfolded slowly. Woke up at 4:30, 5:30, 6:15 and finally up for good at 7. Tomorrow, I'm just going to get up when I wake up to avoid the groggy feeling that going back to sleep that many times creates. Today, I:

Took the van for a much needed car wash. The sky is hazy brown from the smoke of the various wildfires burning around the state. Napa, the coast. I washed the car anyway 'cuz it was absolutely filthy. Just ran it through the Chevron drive through - does a decent job for a decent price.

Took the car to Costco to fill up. Lines not too bad on a Monday morning. Thought about going in just to cruise - didn't take much time to look yesterday. But knew if I did that, I'd spend money so I headed out to:

Drove through Starbucks for iced tea.

Went to Linens and Things Store Closing sale - bought 6 throw rugs for $3.50 each (we use them in the kitchen and at some point, they aren't washable anymore - so we give those older ones to Goodwill or the animal shelter - and replace as needed ), two shower mats, and a 'Handy Cart' thing - a milk crate like box on a handled cart. All on clearance. Saw a zillion other things I would have loved to buy - but tried hard to temper my want with reminding myself I don't need them.

Went to Home Depot to look for 'screens' to use around the pool equipment. The existing fence with 'lattice' on it is falling apart - and we saw these cool screens in a Target ad a few weeks ago, and of course have not been able to find them. So I keep looking. Luckily for J., I didn't grab a cart on my way in - so I didn't buy a bunch of plants he would have needed to plant.

Cleaned out my purse. Can't believe all the crap that was in that thing. It's so light now!

Played with Chloe who never gets tired of 'fetching' her toys. Over and over and over.

Took a nap! A glorious nap!

Tried to keep up with the comings and goings of the kids. Not easy. B. had a band practice, H. hung out at a friends. They get up late, eat, hang out briefly, shower, get dressed and then head out. At some point mid-morning, H. said 'hey, Mom, why are you home?' And I said 'because I'm on vacation for two weeks'. He said 'really? Cool'.

Got my first attempt at the salt rising bread starter going. Not too sure. The amazing thing is: when I first tried to make this bread in the Spring of 2002, there were very few items on the Internet about it. I remember one method only - that involved potatoes in the starter. Fast forward six years and there are zillions of articles on the Internet, and zillions of starter options. So at least I feel like if this one doesn't work, I have some other methods to try. They all say that the starter is VERY challenging to make - but if I'm successful, I can save 1/8th of it and dry it and use it in my next batch which will help 'jump start' the next batch. It's a good thing I have two weeks off 'cuz I could be at this awhile.

Did a load of laundry. Well, I really just put a load of whites in the washer and got it running. They aren't dried or folded or put away yet, but that's why I have two kids. And a husband. :-)

More of the same tomorrow, most likely.

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Unwind

I'm having a really hard time 'winding down'. I still think about work constantly. Ruminate about it all night....like every work night. Only these AREN'T work nights. Supposedly.

I don't have a job that allows for true 'time off'. I don't have a job where you can walk away and 'forget' about what's there...what you're responsible for. There's really no true, real 'vacation'. And it hit me today - THAT is the real, true meaning of retirement. When you actually are for SURE not required to think about it anymore. Will that day ever come? It feels so incredibly unlikely and far away today. Will I ever learn to relax?

I have nailed down as much as I could. And I have my laptop with me and plan to spend a wee bit of time cleaning up emails, working on setting up my files into folders that will hopefully save me time. Just an hour a day will make a big difference down the road.

My only real plans tomorrow are to get gas at Costco (the lines were hugely long today when we did our bi-weekly shop) and possibly (finally) get to the new jjill store in Stockton. And work around the house. I worked on the study a lot yesterday and did make some progress, though there's still a lot to do. And the cleaning crew comes on Tuesday so I'll work on being sure things are picked up so they can clean.

I'm hoping by Wednesday, I'll be able to relax a bit more. I need to sleep. I am still waking up at 4 or 5 - I was up at 6 this morning - just couldn't sleep anymore. It's not that I want to sleep in until mid-morning or anything - but I'd sure like to try to sleep until 7ish, hopefully.

We'll hopefully get in some pool time tomorrow. The weather's turned very warm. Yesterday was 102 - and yet it was overcast with thunder and some rain mid-afternoon. Didn't do a thing to cool things off - but it was a 'change' which was nice.

And if anyone out there knows what kinds of birds sing all night long, please leave a comment with the info. There is a 'family' of birds making their home in our neighbors trees - and they sing all night long. They never stop. 3 AM and they're going like crazy. I don't think they ever sleep - they're still at it when I get up. And start up again around 9PM. It makes me crazy. And curious. I've never noticed birds singing at night...maybe I just never paid attention? But I wonder what they are? and why they're up all night. I don't know how knowing what they are will help - it won't - and I'm certainly not proposing nor planning to do anything to stop their activities. I just feel like if I know what they are, and read a logical explanation of why, oh why, they are singing all night, it will help me just roll over and go back to sleep. I hope.
Between birds, hot flashes and general nerves, I'm not sleeping that great.

I'm enjoying a cold Corona (no limes, darn it) to ease into my first week of time off. Wish me luck on the unwinding. I'll keep you posted via the blog. Which I'll hopefully have a lot of time to work on.

Saturday, June 21, 2008

Lotion

So, finally - vacation. Ahhhh! I am having to 'pop in' this weekend 'cuz I left for the day before I was able to undock my laptop and I need to tidy my desk. But, I am 'off' for two weeks officially. It almost didn't happen since a co-worker (who reports to me) was in the hospital this week - but she was discharged yesterday and called to say she's feeling like she will be able to work at least a few hours to handle the three absolutely critical deadlines she has in her world next week - so that's a good thing. And I'll be on standby should help be required. I also will go in on Friday for our monthly potluck - couldn't really miss it since it's for June birthdays and I'm one of those. Tried to say 'oh, no big deal, just go ahead without me' - but they would have none of that. So I'll go enjoy a nice lunch....as I head into my 2nd week off!

Here are things that have happened this past week that amused me:

I get home yesterday afternoon and head to my computer. J. is working behind me. He takes one of the kids to run an errand and when he returns, he comes over to give me a nuzzle. I like nuzzles. I especially like them from my hubby. However, I was in the middle of a hot flash and suffering mightily from it being over 100 degrees outside, 83 inside (we are getting so chincy on A/C, it's impressive, really), and I was hot. HOT. So he comes over to give me a 'love nuzzle' and I say 'oh, honey, why do you always get lovey dovey when I'm hot'??? And he says 'because you're HOT'. I thought that was sweet. I can still get his motor running, even after all these years. That's love, folks.

This morning, I found hand lotion in the shower again. I'd say two kids have too much time on their hands. Enough said. I just shake my head, mumble under my breath about 'I'm no prude but can't they hide the evidence?' and put it back in the cabinet where it belongs.

B. has been helping with some backyard cleanup - and he was outside yesterday sweeping the patio and cleaning out trimmings from the shrubs, etc. with his shirt off. It just really hit me that he's a 'man', really. I don't know why that simple thing - him doing yard work with his shirt off - hit me so strongly, but it did. My little boy's all grown up. Time goes so quickly, which I try to remember 'cuz while 7 more years of work seems like a long time, I know it really isn't.

This isn't amusing, but I'll share it anyway. As with so many of us, our retirement savings is far, far less than it was a year ago. It's shocking. And I try not to stress over it - or worry too much. We're buying low - that's what I tell myself. And it's true. But wow, is it hard to fathom what's happening with our economy lately. And it's pretty darn scary. J. has a few stock options - not a gazillion - we don't have gold plated faucets or anything like that. But we have some that we've held onto for years - held and held because we didn't need the $$ and why not hold them. But now, those options are basically worthless. And it's likely they will rebound within the next 5 months before they expire. Bummer. I know that's a 'nice' problem to have - but it irks me that we gambled too long and lost $$. Who would have thought?? I never would have imagined this time a year ago those options would be underwater in terms of value. But they are.

I shopped at Safeway twice this week trying to buy the $50 of groceries needed to get 10 cents off per gallon - didn't quite make it on my first trip but figured 'well, we'll need a few more things in a few days and I'll reach it then'. So I spend another $35 there on Thursday only to find out that no, it isn't a cumulative offer - it's $50 per transaction that gets the 10 cents. So I've spend close to $80 on groceries and no discount. Bummer. I had to put gas in anyway 'cuz I was on fumes - $50 I put in on my birthday lasted 2 weeks, thanks to no trips to anywhere but work and home - and $30 was just over 6 gallons. Holy Crap! It's insane. And there's no end in sight. What scares me the most is we'll all get 'used' to it. I mean, gas prices have been increasing for years - and we all moan and groan about it, but we keep buying gas. And we keep driving cars that use a lot of gas. So what I'm most fearful of is that $5 or higher per gallon gas prices will become the norm. We'll just accept it. Won't change our habits, or our vehicles. That's what's historically happened.

So my vacation goals include: cleaning out closets, working on the yards, culling out stuff in the office, baking bread, going to Berkeley to buy bread that's only made on Wednesdays in case my attempt doesn't turn out well, hanging out by the pool a lot, taking more than a few naps, etc.

Our superintendent announced his retirement this past week - he'll be here another 14 months and I'm glad about that. He's a great asset to the district and will be missed. And change is always hard. So it will be an interesting time at work - even more so than usual 'cuz it's never dull and 'interesting' is a good word to describe things that happen there.

Time to head outside into the blistering heat to soak the flower beds so Brooks can pull weeds more easily when it cools off this evening. H. just returned from a sleepover. He heads back there in a couple hours for the continuation of the birthday party at John's Incredible Pizza. B. should be home from an overnight shortly also. J. plays at church tomorrow so that will take up our morning. But hey, that's fine with me 'cuz I have nothing but open time for the next couple of weeks. Can't wait. Plan to wedge in a few lunches with friends as well! And take the boys to the 'big' mall. And possibly San Francisco, too.

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Hunky

H. is home. He had a fantastic time. Was home for about 2 hours and then headed out for a surprise birthday party of a friend who lives down the street. Had to iron his shirt, took a shower, use his ''Bod" spray to smell wonderful and headed out for a night with friends. The same friends who likely TP'd our house BADLY on Thursday night. Great thing to wake up to - thankfully, J. worked at home and neither of us were in a hurry that morning. They used a lot of TP and wrapped it in and out of our wheel wells, etc. Tore tiny pieces and left them on the grass - covered the grass with them. And the trees, shrubs, etc. Great....just great.

We had a pleasant Father's Day. Church at 11 (H. was on slide duty) and then brunch at iHOP. A few errands and I even wedged in a quick nap. Dinner is BBQ pork sandwiches. H. and I have been dueling on Mario GoKart.

I had chicken soup for dinner 'cuz my stomach is a mess. I won't go into details...but something is not 'right'. Time for a trip to the doctor.

We also set up the Wii Fitness and I've had two days of yoga, hula hoop, etc. Yes, it's a 'gimmick' - but for someone like me, who's admittedly pretty 'sedentary', it's a game that gets me up and moving. My legs hurt. So it's doing some good. Will do more tomorrow morning first thing - it's quiet and won't wake anyone up (unlike the treadmill or exercise bike). I'm not too great at the step aerobics - so uncoordinated. But there's no one else watching me do it badly - and I can keep doing it over and over until I get it. So in that respect, it's definitely better than the gym. I'm too embarrassed to go to a step aerobics class at a gym and look stupid. I just won't do it. So this, in the privacy of my own home, works.

Heading into another long week. Still on track for two weeks off starting the 23rd. I hope so. I need it!

PS - the title today is H's nickname. We've called him that since he was a baby - 'cuz he is! He's a cutie bug, and now he's a fine looking young man. Who's pretty attractive to the posse of ladies that pursue him.

Friday, June 13, 2008

Prayer

You know how in the classified ads you'll sometimes see the thank you notes to St. Jude? He's the Patron Saint of Lost Causes and prayers to him are when you are the most desperate.

I've been praying a lot this week - not to St. Jude specifically - I don't pray to saints. But I do talk and pray to Jesus.

H. took his iPod to camp - he insisted. And I was really pissed at him for taking it because I didn't think it was safe - and since he's lost an iPod before doing something stupid (stolen out of his backpack at an amusement park), I thought he was just asking to lose another one. He did buy this one enitrely with his money - saved from allowances and Christmas money. So it's his to do with what he wants.

He phoned on Wednesday night after I'd gone to bed to tell us that his iPod had been taken from his luggage. J. told me the next morning. I was so pissed off, I left for work with tears stinging my eyes. Why are these kids so damn stubborn? Why do they not LISTEN TO US when we tell them things are not a good idea? How much longer will I feel frustrated that he WILL NOT LISTEN and DOES NOT LEARN from his mistakes.

This episode was on top of a far from less than stellar report card for this young man. If the camp trip hadn't been basically 1/2 price (a bargain, really) and completly unplanned and spur of the moment, he wouldn't have been allowed to go. His entire schedule next year will be changed - totally and completely revamped to allow absolutely no visits from or with friends after school; no time to 'hang with friends' after dinner, etc. He will be hitting the books every spare minute M-F and good portions of the weekend, too. I won't tell you the grades because he will read this someday and I don't want to remind him that it was THAT BAD. But trust me, it was.

I am so disappointed in him. In his priorities which seem all turned around. And I feel most of the time lately, as J. and I work ourselves to death, trudging through long days and stress filled times slugging away at jobs we enjoy sometimes but for the most part wish we could give up, that we have done it all wrong. We should have raised them on a farm somewhere - made them get up at 4AM to milk cows and feed cattle and clean the pig pens. Lived in a smaller house in a state that isn't California where two incomes are pretty much mandated if you want a nice home. I know, that's not technically true - but you know I do love our home and am proud of it and blessed to be here. But it just feels wrong lately.

And then the iPod incident. Which just threw me into a 'geez, will he ever LEARN'? And I was weathering that fine, but it has been a really difficult week - more difficult than you'd think, since many ARE difficult so it's becoming hard to tell how to 'gauge' difficult. But this one was. And I'm just so worn out and tired and frustrated ...and for all my wanting to not care so much about some things, I still do. I was beside myself....just fed up, disjointed, angry. Failing. Feeling failure....as a parent; as a boss. As a wife, mother, housekeeper, dog owner, cat owner, bird owner, gardner...you see I was being rather hard on myself.

So I prayed. Gave all my fears and thoughts and angst to Jesus. Told Him I trusted Him to help me figure it all out and I knew that He knew the plan and I trusted it would be what He wanted and I was fine with that. And thanked Him for loving me and being there for me and my family and friends and thanked Him even more for affecting me so much - for giving me such a relationship with him - I'd always heard that word spoken about people's feelings toward Jesus and I never got it. How can you have a relationship with someone you can't see? Or touch? I remember all those thoughts - and yet, now, I get it. I don't know HOW I get it, or why - but I do. And I DO have a deep, love-filled relationship with Him and getting to that place has revolutionized my life. Do my kids still lose things and make bad choices? Yes. Is work still a hard place to spend 50 hours a week? Yes. But I can do it - and it's OK. I'm OK. I prayed and prayed everynight as I fell asleep. And I'd wake up the next morning and do it all again. And at the end of every prayer, I'd say 'and Jesus, if you could, would you please help the kid at camp that took H's iPod decide to give it back? Decide that stealing from another camper at a camp that is all about YOU and their relationship with You isn't the best idea? I know it's just a 'thing' and things can be replaced. But this disappointment I feel towards my son is hurting my heart and I'd really appreciate Your help, if You would, please....please.'

I know you know where this is going. We got home from dinner tonight - we've eaten out every night this week 'cuz we figure H. got a week at camp and we deserve a 'vacation' too - and shortly after we got home, the phone rang. It was H. He got the iPod back. It was in another kid's duffle bag - apparently put there by another camper trying to frame the kid. We'll get the entire story tomorrow when H. gets home. I told H. 'you go right now, with your phone and your iPod and you take them to the office and you ask them to lock them up and you'll get them back tomorrow when you come home. I'm really glad you got it back, H. and I've been praying about it so you need to thank God for listening and hearing my prayers and helping this bad situation all work out. And he said 'I know, I know - and I will, I will thank Him. I promise'.

He will be home tomorrow, with iPod intact, we hope. I love that young man, even when he's trying my patience and making me question every single parenting skill I've ever thought I possessed.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Chinese

Dinner was fantastic. We went to the 'nicest' Chinese place in town - and found it mobbed on a Wednesday night. A bit surprising mid-week. We ordered all our favorites - way too much food. Or it would have been way too much food, but we had B. with us. B., who up until the past month or so doesn't even LIKE Chinese food. He devoured everything in sight - the only thing he didn't try (which was great 'cuz there was more for me and J.) was the Sizzling Rice Soup. He ate fried asparagus, orange chicken - oh, we had honey walnut prawns, too, and he wouldn't try those. Again, fine with us. It was a great dinner and we have leftovers for lunches, which is a good thing. Boys are home now (well, just B. at the moment) and they eat a lot!

J. is working at home tomorrow and I'm glad 'cuz tomorrow will be another incredibly long day - but I'm done with budget (shout for joy!) and just working on stuff for our Board meeting. I am actually thinking I might be able to NOT work on Saturday - the first day off I've had in 4 weeks. Literally. I've worked most of the past 40 days straight - which is not good. Still planning to take a couple weeks off starting the week of the 23rd. Though already, there are mentions of 'oh, if Majah were here...'. I usually leave the conversation at that point. I need a break. Badly. Though a part of me kind of fears being away that long - my troops are restless enough without me present. So I'll probably pop in now and then and surprise them. Oh, they'll love that. Just love it!

There's a new jjill store in Stockton now and I think I'll drive there to return an item. It's not 'close' but not as far as the next nearest jjill in Pleasanton.

I know this is a boring post. I have nothing profound to say except this: trust your instincts. It's not easy to do and it's downright hard when you're faced daily with challenges that make you want to hurl yourself away from a situation as quickly as possible. But in the end, you know when you're in the right place. I didn't feel 'good' about where I'm at for a long time - and there are many days I still don't. But for the first time in my life - and I'm 48 so that's a long time to have taken to 'get' here - I am learning to not worry about what other people think. I can't control them. I can only control me. My reactions. My fears. Just me. I am still not really all that good at doing that - but I am infinitely better than I've ever been in my life. In my role, it's not about popularity. I am starting to 'get' that, though it's hard. I have a huge fan base - and then a huge non-fan base and I can't really spend time worrying about the 'non-fan base' 'cuz it's their issue(s), not mine. I just have to keep plugging away at doing what I need to do - doing what I'm good at doing - and hope the rest of it sorts itself out. And that simple mind-set change has helped me be more confident, more focused and infinitely happier - though still not 'blissful' - but happier is exponentially better than where I was 6 months ago.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Pool

I was home just after 4 today - a rare and wonderful 'treat'. It wasn't like I was 'done' or anything like that - but I had already put in 10 straight hours - no breaks, no lunch - just eating Medifast at my desk - and I needed a break. My eyes hurt, my head hurts, my neck hurts. So I headed home.

I took Chloe out and the pool looked inviting. It's not a particularly hot day - it would be but there's a bit of a breeze which helps dissipate the heat a bit. I changed into my suit and stepped into the pool on the first step and went 'yikes, that's cold'. It's 79. I know it would feel great within a few seconds of immersion - but I just couldn't do it. So I'm in my bathing suit, completely dry and blogging instead. When it's scorching outside (which it's supposed to be the next few days), I'll take the plunge. Just not hot enough for me to want to be that cold.

Another long day in the trenches. Can't say much about it at this point. It was a day like many other days. Same stuff, different day.

B. is taking a nap. There's been no word from H. but I'm not surprised about that. I will write him an email tonight that he'll get at dinner tomorrow. I know he's having a blast and embracing the 'no news is good news' approach. He must be fine - no broken bones, etc. - or they would have called.

H. will be home in about an hour. Dinner is TBD. May actually cook. Maybe. It's a long shot but it could happen. Chinese sounds good - maybe we'll splurge and go out mid-week. Some good Honey Walnut Prawns sound delicious. Maybe I'll get takeout.

I'd better throw some clothes on if we're going somewhere. Later, peeps.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Camp

Son #2 is at camp this week - a sort of unexpected, short notice opportunity to go to a great Christian camp with friends for 1/2 price. Church had already paid for the slots and then kids backed out (I think I probably already mentioned that but I'm too lazy to go out of 'writing mode' and into 'reading mode' to see if I told you that already. It's getting harder and harder to remember things I might have already said so if I'm repeating myself, sorry. I'm getting older and my brain is mush). I digress.....

OK, so son #1 is home, not that we'd know it. Haven't seen much of him the past few days. He DID bring me a Subway sandwich at lunch, probably because I sort of hinted (strongly, as only a mother can do) that 'I haven't seen you in DAYS and gee, I'm really hungry and hey, you're not really doing anything right now so how about you get a $20 out of the drawer and I'll buy you lunch, too' - so he did. We didn't eat together ('cuz eating with your mom in her office isn't cool, apparently, especially when you used to attend the schools she is now working for and you might actually run into a former teacher or something) but I did get to see him for a few minutes. I arrived home to find him gone again - music lesson and band practice. If tonight is like last night, I'll be heading to bed before he gets home and might see him in the bathroom on my way to get water or something.

Chloe is holding down the fort. I'm trying to run her ragged a bit so she'll be tuckered out. She's been 'fetching' her toys for me to toss for the past 20 minutes - but her tongue isn't hanging out yet so she's not tired enough. Must keep tossing.

J. is getting gas at Costco on the way home so it will be a chicken Caesar salad for dinner.

I have been in my office by 6:30AM everyday the past week or so. It sounds hard and yet, it's surprisingly easy. I was thinking on my way in this morning 'wow, if I could have gotten out of bed as easily back in the days of commuting to Livermore, I never would have minded the commute'. But I couldn't ever be out the door by 6 like I am most mornings now (driving to the closest Starbucks takes 1/2 hour round trip. I know - it's insane. But it's a 'treat' that makes a difference for me so I do it - 'cuz I'm worth it). I have worked 22 of the last 23 days and am not done yet...so if good, strong iced tea makes it easier for me, that's what I'm doing. I head up to bed around 9ish. Do my evening routine - feed cats, feed bird, clean face, moisturize face, de-wrinkle face and watch a little TV and then sleep for 6 hours. Up around 4. I wake up on my own and just get up. Good thing since it's a really busy time at work and I'm swamped.

We haven't heard from H. and don't expect to. Cell phones don't work there and email is limited. I sent him an email to the camp office so he'd at least hear from us. But his communication is limited at best, anyway. On Sunday, a couple of hours after J. dropped him off, J's phone beeped with a text from H. I was so glad - thinking 'oh, he needs something or wants to ask something'. No. The message was 'hey'. That's it. Just 'hey'. And J. wrote back and said 'where are you'? Answer: 'on the bus'. NO KIDDING. To say he's a kid of 'few words' is an understatement. That's the last communication we've had. A friend at work sends her kids to this camp every year and says they have an absolute BLAST. Paint ball, ropes course, etc. I'm sure he's having a great time. The house is quiet and so much easier to keep relatively picked up. Turns out B. is fairly good about picking up after himself - while H. is just a cyclone. So without him here, things are 'neater'.

I do miss him - it's quiet around here without him. It's giving us a slight preview of what life will be like in 3 years when they're both out of the house. J. and I will sit around and stare at each other a lot wondering what to talk about. It will be an adjustment. All the quiet. And also buying dinner for two for under 10 bucks and having leftovers to boot! I think we'll get used to that.

Sunday, June 08, 2008

Terror

in Tracy. Something terrible has happened here. Something we never thought we'd see. It creates a level of intense dread, an acknowledgment that we are doomed. There is no alternative. It exists, it has happened. We must now band together and move forward with our resistance. We must resist. We are too old to partake of this madness on a daily or weekly or even monthly basis. We have to avoid it like the plague. It's that serious.

They've opened a Cinnabon in our mall. Heaven help us all.

Thursday, June 05, 2008

Wild

I think we are at the start of some kind of major transformation in our world's transportation.

Airlines can't survive with fuel prices what they are. Heck, the average American family is struggling with fuel prices as they are. I put $50 in the van this morning and that was only 3/4 of a tank. It was 4.349 per gallon - I got a 3 cent per gallon discount (Safeway) so it was 4.319. It will hopefully last a couple weeks, now, since I don't drive much other than to/from work and Starbucks. No CBO classes - just work. So that will help.

We haven't really noticed much 'savings' since I started commuting just 1.7 miles each way 18 months ago - but that's largely due to adding a new driver to our household. We are most definitely saving TONS - I was filling up the van every 4-5 days when I was commuting to Livermore - so we're saving a lot. It just doesn't feel that way since we are filling up 3 cars now, instead of 2. And B. is known for his 'lead foot' - he starts fast. Too fast. But that's another post for another time. He's a great driver except for taking off from dead stops like a jack rabbit.

We have ordered a Hybrid Mercury Mariner. I really just wanted to look at one - but one of my fellow Lion's owns the Ford/Mercury dealership in town and my inquiry on 'do you have any hybrids on the lot I could look at' led to 'we can't keep them in stock - let me order what you want - I'll sell it to someone else if you don't want it'. But he knows, and I know, and J. knows that when I see that new car, with the new car smell and leather seats and nav and moon roof and Sirius satellite radio and an Mp3 hookup, I'm going to buy the car. Rather, we're going to buy the car. We need to - the van is 5 years old and it's approaching 100K. It's still running great but I'm done with being a minivan mom. It's time. I am getting a nice increase in July - my last 'step' combined with a stipend for finishing the CBO program - and I want the car. So it will most likely be in our driveway within the next 6-8 weeks.

So here's the thing - airlines are going under. People won't be able to afford to fly anywhere because the ticket prices will be too outrageous for people to go anywhere. Flying will become what it was when I was a little kid - something you did on very rare, special occasions. I remember my first flight - to Oklahoma City for Christmas when I was 10. We dressed up - in dresses - for that flight. It was really a BIG DEAL - it was hugely expensive (to my widowed mother with three kids to get 1/2 way across the country) and it was 'special'. It wasn't something you did often in those days.

I think we're headed to that kind of time again - flying will be unnecessary for the most part. Unaffordable, too. Business travelers don't really need to travel anywhere - they can have meetings and transact all they need to via instant emails or video conferences. Technology can bring people together in ways never imagined 40 years ago. So things will be wildly changing in the next decade, to the point where flying for any reason other than to visit family, or the occasional vacation, will not be 'as necessary'. I'm not saying people won't fly - but it will be a 'treat'. Not an everyday thing. People will think of flying as 'special' - like they did back 'when I was a kid'.

Wow. Turning a year older has suddenly made me refer to something IN MY LIFE with the 'back when I was a kid' statement. I'm becoming my mother.

Eeeee gads.

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

Niceties

Here are nice things that happened today:

My oldest son brought me ibuprofen (upon my request) because all my joints ached today and I needed relief. He also arrived with a sweet birthday card AND a Starbucks gift card, which I used at lunch to get (another) iced tea and a small vanilla coffee frappucino. No whip. Light version. A big treat since I'm on day 4 of 'healthy' eating - meaning limited sugar and carbs.

My other son also gave me a sweet card and a Starbucks gift card - and honestly, I'm thrilled. It's been my motiviation for getting up at 3:30ish every morning this week - 'I will treat myself to Starbucks even if it means driving across town to get it'. Still praying the new shopping center (not opening for a year) has a drive-thru Starbucks. THAT would be the best next year birthday present EVER.

My aunt sent me a beautiful yellow rose plant with the sweetest teddy bear and a balloon greeting. And a card that reads: ...."I celebrate your life and invite you to surrender to each moment just AS IT IS and peace will follow as you move through these busy days of heavy responsibility". It is the perfect greeting for today - and for the next few weeks. And I will do well to remember it and embrace it. And I shall.

A coworker sang Happy Birthday to me with her very best 'Marilyn Monroe' imitation. Sounded a lot like her. I could picture the dress blowing and everything. It was fun.

We are ordering Mountain Mike's pizza for dinner and will have a nice dinner out this weekend sometime. Or maybe a Sunday lunch - we'll see. Possibly Casa Orozco in Livermore 'cuz the flan is to die for.

A dear friend sent me a nice e-card - haven't heard from her in awhile and it was nice to read her note. I sent a reply and profusely apologized 'cuz I'm reasonably sure I missed her birthday. Bad, Majah. Bad.

Another very, VERY dear friend called me which was terrific. We are trying to get to lunch but scheduling conflicts are preventing our rendezvous. It's just a bad couple weeks for me work wise but the couple weeks off I have coming up will allow us to get together SOON, I hope.

My husband got a tattoo in my honor. Here's a picture. Ok, scratch the picture 'cuz he got it with my 'real' name and I'm not going to post it. He had a company picnic today and he got a 'henna' tattoo with my name and a seahorse. Sweet. His workmates were suitably impressed that he'd honor me on my special day.

OK - enough for now. Stuff to do before bed, which is in just a couple of hours.

Thanks to all my family and friends for making the day so special!

48

I am 48 years old today. Yikes. Or ugh. Not sure which is more appropriate. Maybe 'yeah' is good. OK, so 'yeah' it is!

My 40's have been my best decade ever. I have been happier in this past decade than ever in my life, largely due to leaving condo hell and having a real home. My favorite place on earth, which I know you know 'cuz I say it here all the time.

I awoke at 3:30 this morning to find a lovely card from hubby on my computer - the card had a retirement theme to it. 'Picture this: You and I, years and years from now, cruising along some coastal highway with the top down, stereo blasting, the wind whipping our hair. Whatever we want to do, we do it. No agenda. No schedule, nobody else to worry about. We travel the country, buying silly T-shirts and sending postcards, stopping at tiny roadside cafes in search of the world's best blueberry pie. No hurry. No rush. Relaxing in the comfort of a lifetime of companionship. You and I....lovers, friends, partners on this road of life. Happy Birthday'.

Isn't that the best card EVER? And I'd only edit it to just say 'years from now' since it's not really 'years and years' away...and that's a nice thing to think. And probably change the word stereo to 'iPod blasting' 'cuz that's what we'll be playing. Setting up 'trip lists' of road tunes before we depart.

I can't wait for the next 48 years. Truly cannot wait.

But, work beckons so I need to get a move on. Thank goodness the card also included a Starbucks gift card. I have been trekking across town this week to get my daily iced tea ration. Need it with 12 hour workdays over and over and over.

Monday, June 02, 2008

Salt Rising

As a kid, we spent weekends at our grandmother's mountain cabin in Prescott, AZ a fair amount of time. After June was over, our beach cabin was far too hot so we'd spend weekends away from the scorching city heat and head up to the mountains.

One of the things I most remember about those times (and there are plenty of great memories associated with the cabin and the summer weekends we spent there) was Salt Rising Bread. A little bakery in town made the bread every Saturday and we'd head into town and hoard it. Bring loaves home to eat that weekend; put a bunch in my grandmother's freezer for later; and take some home to our Phoenix home. There is nothing on this earth as delectable as fresh Salt Rising Bread. I love it toasted. It is just delicious.

When I was 'in between jobs' in the fall/winter of 2001, I attempted to make this bread. The starter is made with either cornmeal or sliced potatoes, scalded milk and flour. The trick is: it MUST be maintained at 100-105 degrees Fahrenheit for 8-10 hours for it to appropriately 'react' and double in size. The bread has no yeast in it - it rises basically via 'fermenting' and it needs heat to do that. Finding a way to keep that temperature constant in my grandmother's day was easy - gas stoves had pilot lights and stayed warm. Or you could heat the oven for a bit, let it cool a tad and stick the starter in there.

Nowadays, ovens don't have pilot lights. I tried leaving the oven light on after having the oven on - but the lowest the digital control oven can heat to is above 200 - so it falls below 100 long before the 10 hours is up. I tried a lot of things. None worked.

King Arthur Flour company was selling a salt rising yeast - basically the 'starter' in dried form. So I always thought that when I retire, I'll order some and make the bread. But, I found out this week that they no longer make it and so I'm stuck.

'Lo and behold, the Internet.

First, I found a bakery in Berkeley that makes the bread every Wednesday. So one of the Wednesday's of my upcoming vacation will be spent schlepping to Berkeley and hoarding a ton of the bread. I'm resisting the urge to buy a freezer to store 'extra'.

And then, tonight, I did a Google search on 'salt rising starter' - and there it was - an entire video library of all the methods of making the starter; different options for keeping it warm; hints for the 'sponge' - which is like a continuation of the complex starter process but for a shorter time. And finally, the actual bread. So I'm going to try to make it again when I'm on vacation. IF I can do this, I will be able to make my own. And someday, maybe spread the goodness of SR Bread across the land. It is so great.

I know my sister is reading this and yes, if I'm successful, I will make extra and overnight ship it to you. I promise.

Mole

The Mole returns to ABC tonight - we love this show and have really missed it. Of course, part of my adoration of the show was the eye candy effect the previous host had on me - Anderson Cooper is just so .....um.....well....HOT. Don't know how else to describe it. He's just so incredibly intriguing and handsome. No offense to my sweet hubby who is also just fab. But AC is just eye candy to the max. Anyway, the show is back and we are looking forward to it's return. Sadly, it is on at 10PM which is waaaaaaay past my bed time so we will PVR it instead and watch it together tomorrow evening. If you've never watched it, do. It's like Amazing Race only with the twist that someone is an 'insider' trying to trip the other contestants up - and trying not to be discovered as The Mole. It's a lot of fun and a mystery, to boot.

I was up at 4 this morning. Was awake every hour or so all night long so I really should have just gotten up - but it would have been around 2 and that seemed insanely early, even for me. I guess I might have been hot - I turned off the air and opened windows instead. The family would live hermetically sealed if I let them, but I'm on a campaign to lower our electric bill as much as possible so we're trying to get by with no A/C. It's working - our last bill had a credit balance and that was BEFORE I send in this month's payment. [You are probably asking 'why is she sending in a payment when there's a credit balance?' We're on a balanced payment plan and we pay the same every month. They will review our usage shortly and lower our payment if that's what's appropriate. So I pay what they bill requires and we'll build up a 'prepayment' and eventually, our monthly payment will go down]. So I do think we're using fewer KwH though not without some effort on my part. I run around the house turning things off. Watch for lights left on. And when it's cooler outside, I try to open windows and let fresh air cool the place down. It works. But then I have to run around in the morning and close everything back up because the kids will forget and run the AC in the afternoon, thus wasting $$. It's complicated. For me. For everyone else, they remain oblivious.

Anyway, so I was awake a lot - and while I may have been warm from no A/C, I'm reasonably sure it's just my ovaries throwing off one more salvo across the bow as they limp into full time retirement. I had not had a hot flash for a really long time, but they appear to be back with a vengeance. Waking me up with the urgent need to hop in a cool shower or jump in the pool. Thankfully, I now just say (sometimes over and over) 'it will pass in just a little bit'. They last less than a minute, though it feels like a lot longer. Anyway, they were probably the reason I slept poorly. That, and the 10,000 things running through my brain demanding my attention. And my hips are killing me - just so sore and stiff. I haven't been taking my anti-inflammatory med and it's starting to 'show'. It's time to get cortisone shots into my hip joints again - yes, it hurts as much as you'd think it would. But the relief is instantaneous and it lasts a long time.

The kids were home for their first day of summer vacation. Which involved calling frequently, all phones, (home and their cells) and getting no answer. One was playing drums. The other slept until noon. And was 'pissy' that I suggested 12 hours of sleep was ENOUGH and perhaps he should get moving. Arrived home to find 'stuff' everywhere. So we will be having a discussion when they return. One is spending the night elsewhere. The other, we're expecting home though who knows? Have no idea when.

I'm retiring for the evening shortly having decided that attempting to do work when I'm falling asleep is pointless. I'll sleep and get up early and get on it.

Sunday, June 01, 2008

Delegates

I am completely lost in this presidential race. On the one hand, I am learning a lot. I am learning how ignorant I am about how our country actually elects the president. I didn't realize some states have a 'caucus' to decide who to nominate. And I also didn't know or have any understanding of (still, now that I DO know) what in the heck the 'super delegates' are. It's really got me lost. What happened to the good old days when people voted, and within a reasonable amount of time, it was obvious who was the delegate? It was just obvious.

Now, it's mired in controversy and angst and is splitting our party. For a Democrat, like me, it really is about having a Democrat in office. At this point, I don't particularly care which one - as long as it's not a Republican (no offense, my conservative friends and family). But we still seem so far away from even knowing who will go up against the Republican candidate - and it's JUNE today. Shouldn't we know by now? Seems like we should.

I know Hilary wants to win - but honestly, I think it would be far better for the party for her to just step aside. And as I write that, I recall hearing that she does have the most 'votes'. Which then leads me back to 'so why isn't the voting process 'enough' '. And I'm back to being totally lost again.

Yesterday, I got a call on my cell around 10AM from the lovely Bug - who was heading to Tracy to have some work done on the new car they bought out here a week or so ago. I left work for a 'break' and picked them up at the dealer and we headed to Starbucks. I was going to take them to lunch but they'd just eaten a huge breakfast - so we sat at Starbucks and chatted. It was great fun and so good for me to get to spend time with her hubby. The few times I've met him, he's been involved in other stuff - but he was pleasant company and we had a nice time chatting. It was great to see her - and great to take a break. I picked up a Subway sandwich on the way back to the office and worked the rest of the afternoon.

I also worked today - though I did return home for a brief 'nap'. One hour, fifteen minutes. Not as 'cat nap' short as I'd hoped but I am really tired and once I hit the pillow, I was out like a light.

I will do some more 'work' when I finish this post. And when I wake up early in the AM. And all day tomorrow and the days that follow, including bringing stuff home every evening. Still tons to do. I was talking to another fellow CBO who was also completely panicked - and she's at the same 'place' I am. Only then she revealed that her Board meeting is a week later than mine - so that sent me into an even deeper panic. But it's OK. It will all get done.

The boys have started summer break with sleepovers (both of them) and naps (B.). H. used some of his birthday money to order an air soft gun for the battles that will rage with his friends shortly. It came with extra 'ammo' (small, plastic balls) and protective eye wear. Good investment.

The pool is considerably cooler (low 70s) thanks to some coolish, windy weather. It's a great thing since we haven't had to turn on the air much - just open some doors and windows and keep fans on. It's a pleasant 78 degrees in here and that's manageable. Wouldn't feel comfortable if I were mopping floors or stuff like that - but I'm not, so it's fine.

We gave out allowances this afternoon and gave B. a raise. He does more chores than H. and most certainly does them more cheerily (which doesn't mean he smiles or anything - but in comparison to the responses of his angst filled brother, he's s gem) and more quickly with less constant reminding than his brother. He was very surprised and I said 'if you take on even more responsibility and do that as well, you'll be eligible for another increase in 6 months'. Kind of like a merit pay system. We'll see how it goes.

We await the 'final' report cards and already know it is not good for either. I won't go into it here - I mean, what is there to say? It saddens me that they are not more focused and driven -BOTH their parents certainly were. But they are slogging through. Always promising to do better. And yet, I know they won't. B. said he can read his entire summer project book (they both have required reading and project assignments from school during the summer) in a weekend - a clear indication that he has no intention of 'turning over a new leaf' over the summer. He'll do what he always does - as little effort as humanly possible while hoping for straight A's. Which of course, never happen. No surprise there.

H. came in this morning scolding J. for not telling him the TOP of the waffle iron was HOT - and he put his hand on it and burned it (slightly - very slightly. Hasn't uttered another word about it since it happened). THAT is reflective of how they think - they DON'T. No logic. No 'hey, it's two hot plates of metal with a hinge - I wonder if the top is hot, too'. DUH. I said 'oh, come on, H., use your head!'. That is a complete indication of what it's like around here. They are just helpless. I am seriously doubting my parenting abilities.

When I took Bug and her hubby to Starbucks, he had a quad mocha. I'm not a big fan of mocha's - but a quad skinny vanilla latte is something I can totally picture - and I see many of those in my future this week. Including the one I might go get around 4PM to get me to stay vertical until 11ish. And be able to wake up at 4:30AM again the next day.

Dinner is in the oven - roasted potatoes and a Costco roasted chicken. With salad. Yummy.

Have a great week!

March

I'm starting to think maybe I will just do a monthly post and call it what it is - whatever month we're in.  Here we are winding dow...